I can quote scripture too, you know

I've said it before: these people had better hope that the god they claim to worship does not exist, because if it does, they are going to be in big trouble.

How ridiculous. I bet the silly douchbag had never HEARD the word 'tsunami' before December 26, 2004.

One day I'll have to blog about my encounter with Pat Robertson, the secret service and a letter I wrote during the 1988 pres campain but...

On Pat, check out what Johnanthan Rowe has uncovered.

eek, typos. Sorry Johnathan for butchering your name.

Way to go PZ - Taking the Big Tub O'Lard down with his own book's words is very cool, and appropriate.

Storms on the coasts? Wow. Way to go out on a limb Pat... Maybe you could build up the old credibility even more and predict that the sun will come up in the East!

I took a look at my divene book, and quiote the follwing passage: Verily I say unto thee - The Fat One is going down. I will suffer him to regurgitate fecal matter until I puttest him into hellfire and brimstone for eternity. And taking a look at the fat bloated hog that is a Pat Robinson, I say to you that the cholesteral will takest him down sooner rather than later.

Thou shallst count on it dawg.

Love the qualifier: "If I heard the Lord right." Maybe the Lord was just singing his favorite song aloud and didn't know that anybody was listening?

I guess Pat Robertson's god is not the same as George Puppy Bush's, because apparently the NWS predicts calmer weather for 2006 (thus explaining Bush's cynical exhortation for us to "pray that there are no hurricanes" so that he can say "Georgedidit!").

And I can't believe that this hasn't occurred to Dembski et al: "'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test'" (Matthew 4:7) although IDiots certainly practice that, while not preaching it!

Take note of the "live vote" feature attached to this story, which asks "Do you believe Pat Robertson received warnings from God about storms and tsunamis?"

With about 9,000 responses as of the time I looked, 77 percent said No, only 11 percent said Yes. (12 percent said Not Sure.)

By a margin of about 7 to 1, Pat Robertson appears to be a lying idiot.

(Of course, there's the filter effect of all those Robertson supporters who don't or can't read.)

Going along with j-dawg above, Pat has left plenty of wiggle room in his "prediction," just like any good psychic scammer. Maybe he just heard the Lord wrong.

Oh, and how could he have missed this in his pre-emptive apologies?

Being a preacher is a very cushy job. You can say just about anything you want, as long as it is in BibleSpeak. A four-year-old can do it (e.g., Marjoe). You don't have to know very much (in fact, the less you know the better). You take advantage of the suffering of others to advance your career. You need only possess a talent for spouting B.S. Those who can't do, preach.

Hmm. He makes prophecy seem so easy. Let's see if I can do it.

On a Sunday afternoon this summer, it wil rain in Seattle, Washington.

Now praise me and send me your money and I'll tell god to back off on the rain thing.

"You need only possess a talent for spouting B.S. Those who can't do, preach."

Bingo. I learned from a mod at GifS that her nephew got a "calling from god" after he failed the bar exam. Now, he gets his house paid for, an allowance for car payments and life insurance, because he's a preacher.

It's pretty much just the same ol', same ol', isn't it?

"Nice little country ya got here. It'd be a pity if something bad happened to it."

Nice twist here, though. "When I left the bar this morning, I THOUGHT I heard the boss mention he's lookin' for a... And then I couldn't quite hear the last couple words. Mighta said tsunami; mighta said spumoni."

Someone wrote a great letter to the Bee today:

From http://www.sacbee.com/content/opinion/story/14256633p-15071556c.html

Placating angry gods

Re "Villagers offer gifts, but volcano angrier," May 15: One does not know whether to feel pity or amusement at the spectacle of Indonesians lighting incense and setting food floating down a river in a ceremony they believe will appease the spirits and prevent an eruption of "angry" Mount Merapi. Such efforts in this modern day are quaint, but they are also pathetic and, of course, completely ineffective.

Let us hope that there are some educated Christian folk on scene who will be able to set right the villagers' ignorant ways and show them what really works -- fasting and prayer. Only through not eating their food (floating it is just silly) and praying to the God of Abraham can an eruption be averted. For good measure, it wouldn't hurt for them also to abjure any sympathy for the homosexual agenda.

If such enlightened supplications are undertaken but still do not propitiate Jehovah, then it was simply His inscrutable will that the volcano blow and the sinful villagers be punished.

"Villagers offer gifts, but volcano angrier."

Everyone knows the most effective way to propitiate an angry god is human sacrifice.

Pat has left plenty of wiggle room in his "prediction," just like any good psychic scammer.

Yeah. And he made such a startling prediction. 'If I heard the Lord right'. Right, Pat. Storms on the coast, he says? No. Really?

Wait... wait... I'm hearing something too... What's that, you say, oh sonorous, solemn voice from the heavens... Hold that thought, a moment, dude... I need to get my pen:

Okay. The magical sky daddy would like me to pass the following on to you: Apparently, (i) It will rain in Louisiana, (ii) it will be very cold in Antarctica, (iii) Bush or members of his administration will use the phrase 'turning the corner' with reference to Iraq, (iv) people will laugh grimly at (iii), and (v) Pat Roberston will continue with every public utterance he makes to reach new lows in demagoguery.

(Apologies to Lya. I was still taking down my prophecies when your oracle spoke, apparently.)

I would have thought God would know the difference between a storm and a tsunami...

Personally, I use the same Old Testament passage to describe anyone dumb enough to listen to Pat Robertson as I use to describe the Cat Piss Men who wet themselves every time George Lucas announces the latest blue-sky Star Wars project: Proverbs 26:11. It's worked remarkably well over the years, and I manage to get disowned by my viciously Catholic grandmother every time I bring it up in casual conversation. Everyone wins.

"Villagers offer gifts, but volcano angrier."

I thought that volcanoes were pimples on the face of Gaia.

I thought that volcanoes were pimples on the face of Gaia.

And this one is a bit sore, apparently. Maybe some lotion would help.

Wow, Mr. Robertson says it looks like the Pacific plates are tearing apart. As the greatest entertainer of all time, Mr. Ed McMahon, might say: I.Did.Not.Know.That!

Why hasn't he been deported already?

One day the Liberals will look around and wonder why the churches are empty and the country clubs are abandoned. They will marvel at how the devout seem to have vanished into thin air seemingly "in the twinkling of an eye". They won't have heard the trumpets of Revelation, the Pearly Gates that will have opened for the faithful and for Jesus Christ's flock will be invisible to them. The Demoncrats and the Jews and the Muslims will have the entire planet to themselves. I say let them have at it. Let them destroy themselves and kill everybody in ignorant quests to further their own false doctrines.

We the righteous will be in Heaven enjoying Gods splendor! Worshipping at Christ's annointed feet, singing His praises for eternity! Glory! The planet will destroy itself without us to reign it into control. Secularism is Satan's feeble attempt to stop this inevitability. He will fail miserably. Christ is a warrior and will protect and shield us from this Rapture. We will be risen. We will ascent bodily into the sky to meet Almighty Father.

I can't wait. I can't wait for us all to be looking in glorious wonder at Gods Holy visage. I can't wait to fall to the ground in praise at the feet of our Lord and Saviour. I can't wait till we are watching the damned writhe in agony in Hell. I can't wait to join Jesus in triumph over those who would rather live faithless existances than just follow the Holy Bibles teachings.

So when you unsaved heathens and Satanists and Wiccans and Catholics and everyone else who doesn't tithe here look around one day soon and see the Mercedes are absent from the roads you'll know why. You'll notice the banks are empty and the private beaches are barren and there are far fewer private jets flying overhead. Do not mock Jesus by wondering about it because you'll know what happened. You've all been warned and told repeatedly to repent and JOIN US. You failed to do it and by the time you notice us gone, it will be too late. Enjoy Hell sinners!

Bless the good True Christians⢠who dedicate their time and their money to Landover Baptist Church. We are truely Jesus' favorite church and our congregation is the finest this side of Heaven.

by Chaplain Marshall as told to Pastor Al E Pistle
Landover Baptist(TM)"Guaranteeing Salvation(r) since 1612."

I guess Pat Robertson's god is not the same as George Puppy Bush's, because apparently the NWS predicts calmer weather for 2006 (thus explaining Bush's cynical exhortation for us to "pray that there are no hurricanes" so that he can say "Georgedidit!").

I think the exhortation in question was step one of his two-step hurricane preparedness plan:

It's going to be interesting -- let's pray -- first of all, pray there's no hurricanes. That would be, like, step one. Step two, if one is coming, I suspect people are going to take hurricane warnings very seriously and that evacuation orders will be heeded very seriously. And so it's going to be a -- and, therefore, there's a need to make sure that the forecasting is accurate -- and this is pretty much the way it is these days, been very accurate forecasting -- and that the response by all of us is in a timely fashion to give people time to prepare.

I'm not sure if I can quite make out what step two is, but I think it has something to do with forgetting about all the prayer stuff if it ever gets beyond step one because that's when it's time to take things very seriously.

"(Apologies to Lya. I was still taking down my prophecies when your oracle spoke, apparently.)"

Now you've angered me and my god and it will rain on your house all summer. And when it doesn't actually happen, I'll pretend I meant NEXT summer.