Oh, but I do rankle Mark Armitage. He has taken to cc'ing me his email to others, all in this bluff, indignant, "me am too a scientist" pose, and it is hilarious. This is probably the last one I'll post here, but I do hope he keeps sending me this stuff — it provides a moment of levity.
Hello there,
How've you been lately? Things have been busy on my end. I'm enjoying my internship though.
Anyhow, I thought you might be interested to see this, if you already haven't. I've long been a reader of PZ Myers' blog (for reasons that I like to call "opponent research") and, although I'm not sure what exactly he is referring to, I'm very angry that he's insulting you. I trust you, and I don't trust him, so, honestly, I'm pretty ticked.
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/04/i_get_email_13.php#more
You have your supporters!
Spencer
Hi Spencer, Nice to hear from you. I've been busy. My book called "Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope" has been published, I had an awesome hands-on microscope workshop at the lab in AZ with 15 students who learned about microscopy in the Bible and the evidence for a young earth (complete with electron microscopes), and I have heard from another 6 schools there that want to have a workshop. Plus, the all day symposium at UC Irvine for our local microscopy society featuring several nationally known speakers attracted a good crowd.
Yeah it is awesome about Putrid Zany Myers huh?! I wonder how many times I can get that worm to mention me on his rag of a blog. Maybe he will next criticize my work on radiohalos in granites and helium in zircons - oh yes, and radiohalos in diamonds (all published in secular journals). I hope he does. If he did his homework he would see my papers in Parasitology Research, Microscopy and Microanalysis and the Southern California Academy of Sciences, plus American Laboratory.
Maybe he could organize a letter writing campaign to the editors of those journals to expunge my work and forever strike it from existence. Especially the radiohalos in diamonds since I am the only one on the planet to publish them to date...
But that is what makes him such a buffoon of a bully. He alone could win more people over to our side than we could. It is amazing - the more they spit and curse at us creationists, the more people give up on evolution. That is why pagans like Myers are so spitting mad. I love it! He doesn't even have the decency to reply to my direct email to him but he has to dump it out to his blog...how funny is that? Let's see if he posts this one too - you could be famous Spencer.
But don't be angry - Paul said to count it all joy when men (pagans?) revile you. Its all good.
So I am glad your internship is going well. Keep your head down and learn all you can about the fossil work. Soon you will begin to see the lazy thinking and assumptions they make.
With regards to you and your Dad.
Mark Armitage, M.S., Ed.S
Van Andel Creation Research Center
Creation Research Society
It's true! He actually has published a book called Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope! You just can't make this stuff up. I do like how it is categorized as religious fiction.
Microscopes, and even electron microscopes, are in the bible? Maybe he should talk about that at his meetings of the Southern California Society for Microscopy and Microanalysis. I'd like to hear about that.
I don't need to criticize his work on radiohalos, though. It's already been done, very effectively.
Oh, and Mark — I'm not "spitting mad" — I'm laughing. You are the joke that keeps on giving.
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ROTFL!
....learned about MICROSCOPY in the BIBLE.
There are no words.
Also, he can't even tell an atheist from a pagan?
Wow, just wow.
Oh, look, it's a self-published book. Color me unsurprised.
Oh man, when I first started reading that I thought you were making it up as a joke. Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope! I might put that on a t-shirt if I didn't think he'd sue me.
I think the surest sign that Armitage is horrible at science is the fact that you critiqued one of his papers and he essentially offers his CV as a defense. An actual scientist would realize that each paper is either good or bad on its own merit, not his. I don't care if he found a grand unified theory, that paper was garbage, and it deserves no respect because he may have published real research before.
That Jesus guy sure gets around. Not only is he a electron microscope, but he is also a managed care plan. He is regular Renaissance man.
So is Moses like his radio spectrometer (5.2-7.6 GHz)?
"... although I'm not sure what exactly he is referring to, I'm very angry that he's insulting you. I trust you, and I don't trust him, so, honestly, I'm pretty ticked."
Truthfully, I'd be embarassed if my supporters were like that... was Armitage just using this guy as some sort of excuse to bother PZ? "What a badly-worded email! I think I'll reply to it with a lengthy attempt of intelligence and cc-it to that dastardly PZ!"
Wow, a whole 72 pages too (I wonder what size print?) And it's a bargain, too! I demand a review! ;)
Putrid Zany Myers.
Weep, weep for the language
devalued in the mouths of these dolts.
I never cease to be amused by the number of times that these creo-drones mistake your giddy amusement with being lividly angry. I'd hate to see these people at a comedy show. "Hello 911! The man next to me is smiling from ear to ear and clutching his sides in laughter! I'm almost certain he's about to kill someone in his blind rage!"
Eh? Oh, different Paul.
I had an awesome hands-on microscope workshop at the lab in AZ with 15 students who learned about microscopy in the Bible and the evidence for a young earth (complete with electron microscopes), and I have heard from another 6 schools there that want to have a workshop...[snip] If he did his homework he would see my papers in Parasitology Research...
Must have been the special autobiographical issue of Parisitology Research.
Well, the research he used is from the late 1800's and 1930's. Heck, with research data like the, the IDiots just might make groundbreaking dicsoveries like nuclear engineering by 2390.
"It is amazing - the more they spit and curse at us creationists, the more people give up on evolution."
If that truly is one of the reasons people would 'side with' creationists, then those people are too stupid for us to want on our side.
But it is funny that he essentially gave his CV as a defense of a claim. A creationist named Richard Alexander has claimed that because he did well on the SAT and the ASVAB that he rankes among the top percent in the country in terms of scientific literacy.
hot damn, he likes his microscopes.
Here is his publication list. Winnow out the listed papers on which his name actually does not appear (he "assisted with research"), the cover photomicrographs listed as if peer-reviewed, and the creation-syunss "journals" and it looks like he a) sees things in rocks nobody else does and b) has found a fluke or two in a fish.
I quit! Evolution's a fraud! God did it!
You've just lost another one, Putrid Zany.
It's shelved next to my books "Odin is like my Powder Diffractometer" and "Zeus is like my Precession Camera".
Oh, and:
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!1!11!!
Speaking as a former creationist myself, I'd like to congratulate Spencer on doing "opponent research," and I hope he continues to do so.
He uses the word "secular" like it's a bad thing.
Really? There are "secular" science journals?
I thought they were just . . . science journals. From the perspective of science.
Damn I almost saw some JAD coming out there.
..and in case anyone is wondering? American Laboratory is an advertising rag, not a peer-reviewed journal. Though I guess it is "secular."
Putrid Zany (you KNOW we're going to call you that from now on), I didn't know you had converted to paganism! What form, if I may ask? Which of the many sets of recognized deistic pantheons do you believe in, or are you a monotheistic (with or without the dual/male-female nature)?
Apparently, if you're not Christian, it doesn't matter what you are - pagans and atheists are equally bad.
No, it was just men... because NOBODY liked Paul. On one memorable occasion, a governor (I forget of what place) kept him in prison as a favor to the Jews and the Christians. One has the impression that both appreciated it.
This is just another example of how Paul ruined Xianity. Without Paul, there would at least be a core doctrine that was moderately respectable. Without Paul, we wouldn't have to deal with a lot of the crap that we do. It was Paul that contradicted the words of Christ so as to suggest that any form of biblical literalism could be warranted. Paul is entirely responsible for the punitive attitude toward sex and contraception (along with Augustine), and for the mess with the gays.
One can almost think that Paul was thinking, "Gosh, I sure hate those Xians. How can I totally screw up their religion? I know! I'll pretend to convert!"
Ever gotten into an argument with one of those "God hates Gays/Libertines/Shellfish/Etc" street preachers? Try challenging them to quote something from the new testament that isn't Paul. They can't find anything. Nothing, bupkis. They're going on Leviticus and Corinthians.
Gawd. Paul. He's comparing himself to Paul. How... surprisingly apt.
"Also, he can't even tell an atheist from a pagan?"
Having been part of that life at one point, I know that "pagan" is the catch-all word many fundamentalist Christians use to describe people who are not "saved." Doesn't matter of they're describing an atheist, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist or what have you -- they're all "pagans." (Among the real hardcore fundies, even Catholics and Mormons are pagans.)
HumanisticJones (12)
I never cease to be amused by the number of times that these creo-drones mistake your giddy amusement with being lividly angry.
Isn't insane rage and projecting that insane rage on other people a hallmark of conservatism? Remember how it wasn't that Bush isn't a bumbling incompetent, it's that we hated him? There are plenty of other examples, although the Hillary-hate has toned down a bit. I'm not sure if the pundits are worried about feminist backlash or if there are enough post-Boomer guys out there that it seems insane to way too many people. Remember, they still hate Jane Fonda and Yoko Ono. How many twenty-somethings have any idea what happened with that? Even middle-aged me has no recollection of Hanoi Jane's antics and the Beatles breaking up. Honestly, I don't really care about either one. People use free speech and rock bands break up. So what? Oh, and John Kerry threw his medals. Oh, scandal! No scandal so far about how John McCain actively worked to prevent Arizona from having MLK's birthday as a holiday. Now that he's running for President, he's sorry. He was a youngster of 47 when he did that, he can be excused. [/sarcasm]
http://www.kutv.com/content/news/topnews/story.aspx?content_id=bf65dda1…
Jesus is like my scanning electron microscope: only useful when you see through it.
'Putrid Zany Myers' - your next Halloween costume perhaps?!?
I've got this picture in my head of this long-haired beardy guy (sorry, as a kid I was conditioned to think jebus looked like Robert Powell) saying to a group of onlookers byt the shores of the sea of galilea "Here, I will show you the wonders of god through this electron microscope" followed by a "Doh!" moment when he tries to plug the thing in.
Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be from Grand Rapids, MI - the same place as the Van Andels. Van Andels as in Van Andel Creation Research Center. Also, the same folks that brought you Amway - that's how the Van Andel's made their billions - selling shitty $6 tubes of toothpaste. I guess if they're going to make their money in shit - they might as well spend their money on shit.
Jesus is nothing at all like my isotope ratio mass spectrometer.
Damn thing is unforgiving.
You've got to love the continual presentation of his credentials like a cat dropping a dead rat at your feet.
So impressive too, an M.S. AND an Ed.S. from the prestigious Institute for Creation Research Graduate School. Worthy to be added to every email. I expect he has it embroidered on his underpants too.
But don't be angry - Paul said to count it all joy when men (pagans?) revile you. Its all good.
Well so what's the problem then? LoL.
I think Mr. Armitage may even have gotten that one screwed up. I think it was Jesus he was kind of quoting there, not Paul. I could be wrong though. But it wouldn't suprise me if he got it mixed up.
Just like how he gets his pictures mixed up, bass backwards, upside down, sideways, who knows. You never know with that guy.
I'd call him "Wrong Way" Armitage, but "Wrong Way" Corrigan actually went the right way he wanted to go. Nothing like Mr. "Bass Baskwards" Armitage.
Well, at least he spelled "Myers" correctly.
Now I don't want to make fun of you, Spencer, but "Anyhow, I thought you might be interested to see this, if you already haven't."? Is that how you speak? I must say that the more non-standard English I see, the more fascinated I get.
Oh! You're all wrong about Armitage's book. It's obviously entitled "Jesus is, like, my Scanning Electron Microscope".
Wow, Prof. Zany, you've been outed as a pagan! Welcome to the club.
Yes PZ is a Pagan. BTW, where's my monthly offering? I'm starving! This creationist will do...
Isn't that cute - PZ has a stalker!!
Please don't stop posting his emails. Reading them is one of my guilty pleasures.
"Putrid Zany Myers... worm to mention me on his rag of a blog... buffoon of a bully..."
I thought people were supposed to love their enemies, resist not evil, and "count it all joy when men (pagans?) revile you." Couldn't be that the Bible gives out bad advice, or that certain people are posers who don't really believe all the stuff in Bible could it? Nah...
The all men revile you thing is Matthew 5:11.
I've long since stopped being surprised when people who throw bible quotes around actually have only the vaguest idea of what is in the damn thing.
PZ, I can't believe you took the time to find that critique, but I'm glad you did. Friggin' hilarious.
There needs to be a stronger word than "ouch"! Holy (wholly) crap!
My hat's way off to Dr. Kurt Hollocher!
Did anyone catch the editor's comment on the book?
((gag))
WTF!
"Product Description
Electron microscopes operate in an unworldly vacuum and with an electron beam generated by many tens of thousands of volts. Similarly, when I become a Christian, I am invited to operate in an otherworldly environment, and with the energy generated by the Creator of the universe."
When I become StuPID, I be christianny
The all men revile you thing is Matthew 5:11.
I've long since stopped being surprised when people who throw bible quotes around actually have only the vaguest idea of what is in the damn thing.
Well, that's why they call him "lazy thinking and assumptions" Armitage.
They don't call him "Bass Baskwards" Armitage for nothin, you know!!
"One can almost think that Paul was thinking, "Gosh, I sure hate those Xians. How can I totally screw up their religion? I know! I'll pretend to convert!"
Paul, the Jonathan Wells of Xianity?
Microscope! Microscope! MICROSCOPE!
I want to use my microscope
I want to use my scope
I want to use my microscope
I want to look at what I like
Dammit it didn't rhyme.
"Ever gotten into an argument with one of those "God hates Gays/Libertines/Shellfish/Etc" street preachers? Try challenging them to quote something from the new testament that isn't Paul. They can't find anything. Nothing, bupkis. They're going on Leviticus and Corinthians."
Next time, ask them what they think of Bishop John Shelby Spong's observation that the Epistles make much more sense if you assume that Paul was gay.
Maybe someone already noticed this, but this guy's publisher is a vanity press called iUniverse.
http://www.iuniverse.com/
He's right tho, I'm aboutt to renounce from the insane belief in evolution and turn to the dark side and become creationist after years of reading PZ...
And then I'm going to drink margaritas all day, with a little umbrella at the top...
maybe I could even start a cult, and but the golden gate %)
I want to act like I smoke dope...
He found a microscope in the bible, what is he smoking?
I think that this phenomenon of Lying for Jesus is becoming so apparent and pervasive that it now justifies a book on the topic. I'm sure that PZ alone has enough material to create a book-length volume.
I rather like the bit in his resume
That pretty much acknowledges that a) he failed and b) he thinks failing over 5 years at a real university counts for as much as a degree from Liberty.
Mind you given Florida's push for legally protected 'Academic Freedom' to proselytise Creationism it may not qualify as a 'real university' for much longer.
I've personally concluded the best tactic to battle creationist claims is to point out the humor accompanied with a genuine laugh! ... I never expected they'd be such eager participants in that strategy ;-)
Personal favorite mistake pointed out in the critique you linked to:
2. The mention on page 25 of "electron microprobe mass spectrometry analysis" is a mistake; there is no such analytical instrument.
You just can't make guys like this up...
Rev. Chimp @#23: I was just about to make the same comment. Just add a "so" to the end of that quote and you've got JAD. His tone and style are very similar. Must be a common characteristic of the crank psychology.
Worthy to be added to every email. I expect he has it embroidered on his underpants too.
of course!
Surely, since the mormons get magic underpants, the True(tm) favored of Gawd must get an equivalent?
Keep 'em comin' Mark, MS, Ed.S . . . .
Your scholarship and writing skills are terrific examples of creationist twaddle. Plus, they're funny!
There are 5 tags associated with his book on Amazon's page; cult, fiction, pseudoscience, comic relief, and absolute lunacy. I'm guessing a few of those were applied this morning...
Jesus is nothing at all like my isotope ratio mass spectrometer.
Damn thing is unforgiving.
have you tried nailing it to a big piece of wood?
I presume that this clown is spamming Dr Hollocher as well. Hollocher's rebuttal of Armitage's "research" is even more damning (can I use that word in this family-friendly blog?) than PZ's.
What a weirdo. He should get out more.
The books about astronomy,
Like Acts and Deutoronomy,
Are but a partial list of those in which I have reliance.
Biology's dependent on
The First and Second books of John
And Genesis and Exodus? There's nothing there but science.
The physicist who never fudges
Follows Joshua and Judges;
Daniel and Ezekiel show molar calculations.
In First and Second Timothy,
Electron-scan microscopy
Completes the compound microscopic treatment in Galatians.
The Chronicles of Higher Ed--
Both First and Second, which I've read,
Confirm for me the value of an honest education.
An education such as this,
That starts, of course, in Genesis,
And doesn't give a Ph. D. 'til after Revelation.
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2008/04/bible-as-textbook.html
"Bass Backwards"(?) - I always heard/knew it as 'bass ackwards', used as a euphemistic spoonerism for 'ass backwards'.
WOW! I cannot believe these people are real. Wow.
I would say he is misinterpreting Emily Dickinson's poem.
I HAS A LECTRON MICROSCOPE!
Quidam,
I'm sure there're a lot more uses for a dead rat than a degree from Liberty. At least I doubt my cat would come near a Liberty diploma. And she's not even a Chartered Nutritionist.
Bass backwards…
The bass player's the jerk. Usually it's the drummer. ;-)
Cuttlefish never ceases to leave me in awe.
Re #64: or, maybe, spooneristic euphemism.
This gives me more encouragement to publish my book entitled "Jesus is like my imaginary friend."
"Dammit it didn't rhyme."
Hmm...
'There once was a man with a scanning electron microscope...
Who thought it better than...' Oh this will never work...
Since I saw the post about Armitage's 'paper' the other day I've been searching for the right description of it and it just occurred to me that it is like primary school 'show and tell'. Armitage has taken some pictures and says some stuff about them that he got from some old books that happened to be lying around at home. Then the teacher pats him on the head and asks the class to clap for him and and he sits down, all proud of himself.
Just as I predicted four more states are presenting versions of the Florida bill.
After this movie is out and on video as well I figure about 40 states will be filing legislation.
But I can't wait until people are routinely dunking evos in piles of goat manure for entertainment.
I think western society might recover true science and the search for truth in about a decade if we can get the hard core blasphemous evos all on devils island.
The honest truth is that I am more amazed every day that I examine these post sites at the abject stupidity of the evolander med-school dropouts.
The only upside is you didn't go to law school.
Are we sure these people aren't actually trying to help our side? This level of silliness almost seems deliberate! I really have to read about electron microscopes in the bible. I can't wait to see how sophisticated it is! Maybe we should just stop doing research and just get all our new technology from the bible. (You know, after I wrote that, it's almost scary that creationists actually think that would work!)
@Keith #75
I call parody. I know, Poe's Law makes it tricky and all, but goat manure? C'mon.
"Jesus is like my scanning electron microscope."
So, your scanning electron microscope exists only in your imagination then, right?
MICROSCOPY in the BIBLE...
Oh my...
Narc at #4
"Oh, look, it's a self-published book. Color me unsurprised."
From iUniverse's home page, "Packages start at just $399!". Sure looks like a vanity press outfit.
George
Quidam at #54
"164 undergrad hours in Biology, University of Florida, 1973-78"
Man that seems like a hell of a lot of hours. When and where I went to school, science courses were credited with 3 or 5 hours depending on how much lab there was in the course. And then there were those other mundane courses one had to take to get a degree like maybe some English, History, Math, ....
George
While I was reading that e-mail, when I got to "Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope" I figured you had to be kidding! That is fucking hilarious!
This guy is like a very dumb Robert Gentry; at least Gentry did some legit work before revealing how batshit he is.
BTW, what is it with these guys and seeing halos in fossils? Dead giveaway that these guys aren't Catholic: Catholics would see the Virgin Mary attached to the halos.
Consult the Book of Microscopy!
Microscopy Chapter 2, verses 9 through 21.
"And Saint Armitage sat before the scanning electron microscope, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy scanning electron microscope, that with it Thou mayest image tiny things, in Thy mercy...."
From the Amazon page on Jesus is Like my Scanning Electron Microscope: (I can't believe I just wrote those words...)
Tags Customers Associate with This Product
First tag: psuedoscience (Mr. Trent M. Toulouse on April 5, 2008)
Last tag: psuedoscience
psuedoscience (19)
cult (14)
fiction (14)
absolute lunacy (13)
comic relief (11)
humor (5)
#75 keith:
Louisiana, Missouri, and...? What are the other two states? Enlighten us.
More like "biotrite."
iUniverse--HAHAHAHA. My husband used to work for them, building web pages. Seriously. At this very moment, I can looksee about ten items around our home office that has the iU logo on it. Mostly, the little desk clock, since that's the one on my desk. They were always sending out little gizmos like that. And t-shirts. They were real big on t-shirts.
iU isn't the brightest bulb in the vanity press , er, universe. They stay in business thanks to another section of the company that provides massive electronic file storage for corporations, or something like that. I remember that it was the bread-and-butter side of the house, and the vanity press was a sideline, albeit one they hoped to grow into something more.
Barnes & Noble paired up with them for a while (may have even been bought out by them--not sure anymore). I remember seeing displays to "publish yourself!" in the stores when Mr. Aquaria worked for them. iUniverse had a lot of grand ideas about being the e-book company of the future, or some such nonsense. Yeah. We see how that's turned out.
I have to admit, that looks like the best book on Jesus and electron microscopy that I've ever seen.
for Cuttlefish @ 63:
hahaha! doing a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan ?
I couldn't help but think of "Modern Major General" while reading your reply.
What's disturbing to me is the idea that this guy
A) has access to a scanning electron microscope.
and
B) has access to children whose minds are more easily filled with mush.
It keeps growing! I hope theres more people doing this than just us.
Tags Customers Associate with This Product
First tag: psuedoscience (Mr. Trent M. Toulouse on April 5, 2008)
Last tag: self published
Sort by:
psuedoscience (20)
absolute lunacy (14)
cult (14)
fiction (14)
comic relief (11)
humor (5)
self published (4)
are-you-kidding (1) <--HAHAHAHA
The tags. Priceless.
Anyway, Cthulhu is like my microfiche reader (he makes the uninitiated very, very seasick).
Of course Jesus had an electron microscope. How else could he have seen that wee little man, Zaccheus?
"Especially the radiohalos in diamonds since I am the only one on the planet to publish them to date..."
He does realize that never having your research independantly verified is a bad thing, right?
Spelling pedant over here...
Um, maybe someone needs to point out that "pseudoscience" has the "eu" in that order?
I'm just saying...
The ISI record reports 0 citations for his nematode de farce from 2000. Those creationsts who wade into peer review find that Lotka's law is a double-edged sword.
#92
Ha! May you be eaten first.
Alan - #61 - you *nearly* got tea all over the screen and keyboard!
They think well of this book at Amazon.com:
Oh, wow. Just wow. Evidence for a young Earth through his Jeez-o-scope. I wonder if he'd lend his equipment to those scientists studying that supposedly 14,000 year old Oregon poop. Maybe *their* electron microscopes are faulty. I guess that's what happens when you get your degree from an actual accredited university and not through mail-order.
Mark Armitage: leading Americans into the brave new world of the 1890s.
Christian Fundamentalists do not bother to notice or even recognize any differences between atheists, scientists, pagans, satanists, liberals, and baby-eating sorcerers.
"It is amazing - the more they spit and curse at us creationists, the more people give up on evolution."
And yet for all his buffoonish ravings, he never turns this logic on himself. "Putrid Zany Myers", why the second I read that on this blog (and he knew it was going to be posted on the #1 science blog in the universe, right?), I just gave up on creationism right then and there!
The more I see this pseudo-argument tossed around, the more I see it as empty words, the creotard's equivalent to "I am rubber, you are glue."
I look at it more along the lines that Paul was particularly unstable as an individual and had a strong messianic bent and stole some of the ideas from the Essenic Jewish movement (200BC to 100AD) and other religions around the region at the time and just, pretty much, made it up as he went. Christianity, as it was practiced by Jesus surviving disciplines, was Judaism of the Essenenic school and that it pretty much died out a long-time ago with the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the diaspora.
What came of Paul was a mad-man's religion of hate, control and anger. One that rejected many of the Essenic beliefs you see encapsulated in "The Sermon on the Mount."
It, in my mind, ended up as if someone like PZ started the Church of Knitting Whatever You Wanted, died in a car wreck, and Fred Phelps took it over and spread it to where Knitting really meant killing people with knitting needles and the more needles you had, the more God loved you.
ROFL!
Also, Jesus is very much like an electron microscope. He tunnels across a vacuum to an unoccupied state in my heart.
Well, I added "batshit insane" as a tag; not sure Amazon will approve that one though...
Saviourscope(tm), $1499, available online through Biblical Science Instruments Co. Its a tad unreliable and can die on you but, don't worry, after three days its back up and running. Comes with poorly translated instruction manual that you and your colleaugues will have hours of fun misinterpreting yet quoting freely. This weeks offer, buy one and get two other invisible ones free.
Are you sure this isn't the guy behind Objective Ministries?
This is a clever ploy by Armitage to have his book sell a couple of extra copies.
Jesus is like my electron microscope: a beam that bounces harmlessly off of solid and/or properly shielded objects, but when it penetrates into soft yielding tissue causes a great deal of damage?
And Bride of Shrek just made my list for Mollyficatory nominations.
(Was anyone annointed after the last vote, by the way? Poor Master has been so terribly busy of late.)
"Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope"
Holy crap, this book really exists. I had to check Amazon to be sure. So, the guy worships his scanning electron microscope?
So everything astronomical is happening in an "unworldy" place. Most revealing of the YEC small mind.
Since I opened the floor on astronomy, how about this:
Was an electron 'searcher from Nantucket
launched his 'xperiment in a rocket
But sorry to say
he got hell to pay
he found only a hole, in his pocket.
[Technical difficulty there - substituting experiment with SEM looses the juxtaposition of semiconductor holes and black holes.]
'Course, with Cuttlefish on the thread, we won't get a comparable rhyme and reason 'til after Revelation.
That makes more sense than without the commas.
On Paul, read this. No understanding of Paul is complete without understanding of his Antichrist -- Epicurus the Godless, the one whose name means "Helper" and came to be the Hebrew word for "infidel" (apikoro), the only one except for Christ to have his followers named after him, the preacher of peace and safety, and (strangely enough) the inventor of the concept of dogma.
Saul of Tarsus? DO NOT WANT = Paul(i) Exclusion Principle.
164 undergrad hours in Biology, University of Florida, 1973-78
You wonder how many times he took the same class.
"Jesus is my electron microscope." Who replaces the filaments?
. . .and god saw that there was light in the filament and said it was good. . .never mind.
Well, I never had a supernatural microscope, but I DID once have a PCR machine that was possessed by demons.....
"rag of a blog"
Some metaphorical insults successfully make the transition to newer technologies. Not so much, this one.
Cuttlefish, if you were to compile a book of your poetry (with explanatory notes of course as to what each of them refers to), I would buy whether or not it was self-published.
That's clearly a bit of fabrication; unless course hour tallying was radically different in the 70s, he couldn't have done this. Currently, counting all the hours for a Biology major's course requirements at UF - that's including Physics and Chemistry courses - they add up to about 130-140 hours. Only about 60 are actual Biology hours.
So what this really means is that he took some Biology courses as an undergrad back in the 70s, and didn't graduate. I'm a senior who took a boatload of unrelated community college courses before I came to my University, and I only have about 130 credits. The minimum to graduate is about 120. So on his CV, he's saying that he dicked around for five years, and failed to graduate. No wonder Jesus is like his microscope. Sheesh.
"He alone could win more people over to our side than we could. It is amazing - the more they spit and curse at us creationists, the more people give up on evolution. That is why pagans like Myers are so spitting mad. I love it!"
Is this a quote from The Screwtape Letters?
Sili: no mollies since January.
Somehow that reads like correspondence between the McKenzie brothers. If they said "eh" a couple of times, they could be hosers for Jesus.
C'mon PZ, I do hope you'll keep posting these 'cause they are way too funny. Or just set up a new scienceblog titled "Dumb shit Mark Armitage says"
Oh man, when I first started reading that I thought you were making it up as a joke. Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope! I might put that on a t-shirt if I didn't think he'd sue me.
You could always create a parody t-shirt.
Something along the lines of this perhaps?
"Creationism is like my optical microscope--anybody can see through it."
I think it was St. Augustine's mother who blamed battered women for their troubles - not being submissive enough! Another one we have to thank for some seriously dysfunctional families.
Hilarious, Nullifidian!
Why so surprised about electronics in the Bible? The Ark of the Covenant is a "radio for speaking to God"!
Well, I never had a supernatural microscope, but I DID once have a PCR machine that was possessed by demons.....
And here I thought it was just HPLC columns. *shudder*
One day I decided it would be so cool to make a bowl from the divinely inspired instructions given in I Kings 7.23: 10 units across with a thirty unit circumference. I threw the clay on the table and worked and worked until I had a beautiful ceramic bowl. Unfortunately the damn circumference was a tad too much. So I pinched the clay and worked it down to be three times the diameter and, damn, now the diameter was a tad too small. OK, no problem, I worked the clay down a bit more to make the circumference again match the diameter. And again the diameter had shrunk. This went on for a while longer until finally the opening of my beautiful bowl disappeared and I had a perfect sphere! Well, at least the circumference and diameter were now the same! And that's how I came to realize that divinely inspired instructions were only good for nothing! But now maybe I can see the atomically small opening with my Jebuscope! Also we need national legislation to set the value of Pi at excatly 3.0; that messy 3.14...stuff can't be the result of intelligent design!
'My book called "Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope" has been published...'
Now I know he's a plagiarist. Isn't that the title of Pink Floyd's never released final album?
Come off it, it is not April 1st again!
No doubt the godfearing/-fucking rights are cretins, but that - ?
There are earwigs around here brighter (and more eloquent) than that!
One last comment from me on:
"164 undergrad hours in Biology, University of Florida, 1973-78"
The first time I read that and tried to figure out the number of courses he would have had to take to get that number of credit hours this thought occurred: maybe he is counting the number of hours he sat in a classroom.
George
TM dun broke dah Molly.
Apparently, he'd rather vanish off the face of the earth than be honored by they-who-imagine-they-are-his-peers-but-ain't (i.e. - us)
:-p
Seriously, I hope he's ok. He was really on a roll there, once he graduated from one-liners to multi-paragraph eviscerations of damn near just about everything.
I have a thing about friendly adversaries who challenge me to be less sloppy. Heck, I even miss Caledonian.
Here I am, late to the party as always.
HumanisticJones @ 28 posted this following link re: MLK and John McCain. The funny thing is that the link is from KUTV News in Utah. From the article:
The thing they don't mention is that Utah refused to call it MLK day clear until 2000, preferring instead to call it Human Rights Day. Utah was, in fact, the last state to call the holiday by its proper name.
Backwards desert hicks meet ... more backwoods desert hicks.
D'oh.. read both 'b' words in that last sentence as 'backward'.
Quidam #343:
"You've got to love the continual presentation of his credentials like a cat dropping a dead rat at your feet."
Thanks Quidam, that makes my day!
I'm sure "Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope" and his work on radioholes has won many people over from evolution!
ROFL!
Microscopes and the Bible
As you can see, the God of the Bible is familiar with low powered microscopes. :)
Um, 41? (with a microscopy lab, of course)
Where can I study this exciting new field of Electron Jesoscopy?
More importantly, to which form of scope do the Father and Holy Ghost correspond? Transmission or Reflection? And what does that make the Scanning Transmission Electron Microscope?
So many fertile paths for research....
I completely misunderstood this post. At first I thought the whole part written by Armitage was a spoof written by PZ. It completely fit what I expected, right down to the "putrid" bit.
Then I learned that it was real. And my opinion of him dropped even lower.
It's got everything, the bible being a guide to science, the persecution complex and paranoia, even the desperate and pathetic attempt to sound cool when talking to the kiddies.
I'm puzzled why he'd send this to PZ. Was he that desperate to show that he's really okay with all this that he took a random, illogical letter and made sure to point out how silly PZ is being, then CC'ed it to him?
Incidentally, love the tone of the original email. He doesn't understand what's being discussed, but he's already decided that he doesn't trust PZ and he does trust Armitage. And he's angry that his fixed world view isn't holding up to scrutiny.
Really, Mark, you could pick a better person to show off as being one of your fans. Although I guess blind faith is more your side's specialty.
I can't stop laughing.
I seriously thought PZ was having us on. And then it turns out to be true. My power of snark fails me. I am reduced to helpless tears of hysterical laughter.
I wish I could quote you all. The comments in this thread have been the icing on a very delicious cake. I love you guys to pieces!
We need to start a new DARE program: DARE to keep your kids off fundamentalist religion! This email can serve as one of the sobering examples of what happens when you do too much Jeebus.
Wow-e-wow.
Thomas Howard @ 141: And what does that make the Scanning Transmission Electron Microscope?
That would be the STEM of Jesse. (Which is, in fact, often taken by Christians as a prophecy of Jesus.)
From the CRS Van Andel Creation Research Center, Scanning Electron Microscope page http://www.creationresearch.org/vacrc/sem.html , talking about the first pictures taken:
Nuff said.
Nuff said?
CRS Statement of Belief
All members must subscribe to the following statement of belief:
1. The Bible is the written Word of God, and because it is inspired throughout, all its assertions are historically and scientifically true in the original autographs. To the student of nature this means that the account of origins in Genesis is a factual presentation of simple historical truths.
2. All basic types of living things, including man, were made by direct creative acts of God during the Creation Week described in Genesis. Whatever biological changes have occurred since Creation Week have accomplished only changes within the original created kinds.
3. The great flood described in Genesis, commonly referred to as the Noachian Flood, was an historic event worldwide in its extent and effect.
4. We are an organization of Christian men and women of science who accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. The account of the special creation of Adam and Eve as one man and one woman and their subsequent fall into sin is the basis for our belief in the necessity of a Savior for all mankind. Therefore, salvation can come only through accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior.
ROFL!! Nuff said!
@#146...
Interesting. Far more insulting of believers than of non-believers, actually. I mean, they want non-believers out. Non-believers, from their world view, have no fear of God to bind them to this contract, and must be trusted at their own word. Believers, on the other hand, despite the fact that they ostensibly already agree with what is said, are asked to verify those beliefs... why, exactly? To make their beliefs more salient? Because they need to be reminded? Because they can't be trusted to act on their own beliefs without a little reminder?
It always seems to me as if pledges of this sort were an appeal to literal magic. Some mysterious power of words, as if it really did matter how you pronounced "wingardum leviosa".
Creation Research Society...
Wow. Truth is way stranger than fiction. Thanks for posting their 'Statement of Belief' (which might also be described as 'Unquestioning Acceptance of Rank Superstition', but that's the modus operandi of religion in general.) Further poking around their site, one might come across a photo of their esteemed board of directors:
http://www.creationresearch.org/board.html
There's Mark, in the front with glasses (Jesus Goggles) hanging around his neck. I assume they also prevent logs from ending up in his eye. But something obvious stands out among this group. Notice the exclusive race and gender? Not exactly a good example of 'biodiversity'. No wonder they have no conception of evolution...
It just keeps getting better. Click on the 'Membership' link and you'll see this:
"Several categories of membership are available, each of which requires agreement with the CRS statement of belief."
followed immediately with these words:
"Since the CRS is a scientific society governed by scientists..."
One can only imagine they all wear lab coats with the word 'SCIENTIST' across the back in large black letters, just to make that point absolutely clear. But let's not dwell on that messy 'science' stuff', and instead click the link at the bottom to 'apply for membership online'. (Go on, you know you want to!)
Count how many times the membership page mentions 'Statement of Belief'. Five times - while the word 'science' only appears three (lab coats notwithstanding). Let's get our priorities absolutely clear here.
Also, while they magnanimously offer a subscription-only option to "individuals who cannot in good conscience agree with the statement of belief", you can't get past the first page of the form without clicking the Statement of Belief check-box at the bottom (at least I couldn't). So much for infiltrating free-thinkers!
Personally, I don't understand why anyone even needs to get their publications. For a lot less than $35 one can simply pick up a bible and clear the bookshelves of all those other temptations of the devil. What more is there to discuss?
Because they can't be trusted to act on their own beliefs without a little reminder?
More like a friendly reminder that they can't trust what the evidence says, and to let the CRS dictate what the evidence says. Otherwise statement #1 would have been plenty. Or otherwise they would have put something like, oh, the beatitudes in there somewhere.
Then on the other hand who in their right mind is going to "believe" that they are supposed to "resist not evil" and go around "anointing" their heads all the time?
"E. Figures 8 and 9 supposedly show that 'The Polonium 210 halos have been erased' by heating up to 450 degrees C. However, if you take into account the fact that Figure 9 is inverted and rotated about 30 degrees clockwise with respect to Figure 8, the fuzzy spots are still present, and so the author's statements in the caption and in the text are wrong."
They don't call him "Eagle Eye" Armitage for nothin!!
I do wonder if that Spencer guy exists or if he's Armitage's sockpuppet. "Look, everyone agrees with me that you're a doo-doo head!"
Money and total subservience to the cause, duh.
Money?
You mean I can be paid CASH MONEY for supporting the perfectly legitimate Intelligent Design Theory?
Screw you guys! I'm going Christian!
Note that one can donate money to the CRS WITHOUT accepting their Pledge Of Stupidity- I mean, Statement of Belief.
(It's a bit of an oversight that the default donation amount is a mere $1 on the form, however. I would think they'd suggest something like $100, and let people adjust from there.)
Duncan: But something obvious stands out among this group. Notice the exclusive race and gender?
And the average age - most of those guys look like they're in their 70's and 80's.
Mikewot:
Shorter version:
Here are our prefabricated conclusions. Now you "scientists" go out there and confirm them. That's why we hired you.
I thought the response from M. Armitage was a joke, written by you, and I began to think it quite rude to defame someone like that - what if someone actually thought Armitage wrote it? Still, at least it was creative and funny. Then I got to the end, and realized that he did write it. So, that's rich.
As well as wanting the "wrong" believers out. They don't want those pesky question-asking liberal Christians any more than they want unbelievers, for a lot of the same reasons.
Well, it does make a great deal of sense from a marketing segmentation point of view. After all, if you're going to run a con, who would you rather spend your efforts selling it to? The population at large (with a lot of people who are just going to laugh at you), or a self-selected group who already has a track record of being suckers for your particular con? It's pretty obvious which group gives more return on investment per capita for the same amount of effort.
I cannot understand how one can receive a PhD in a mainstream scientific discipline from a major university (as did a number of CRS boardmembers) and still believe in creationism. I mean, it must require a huge effort to willfully suppress any sense of logic and understanding of their scientific training. I guess I could understand if they were homeschooled by a zealot/ignoramus, but a real, live PhD? Actually, it's a little depressing....
Unfortunately, some creationists work their way through a legitimate science degree for the express purpose of turning the material around later in an attempt to undermine science itself. I suspect such a group is pretty small, but that may be a growing agenda among those intent on supporting ID. And they get the bonus of attaching their degree to their creationist work as if to legitimize their theories.
But in general I agree that it seems absurd that one can immerse themself in proper academia long enough to obtain a degree without either getting outed or self-imploding from the exposure to honest critical thinking.
If I have to find Jesus, does that mean that he is hiding?
I think Armitage keeps stressing his qualifications because all the rest of the BoD have their PhD. I suspect he feels a little unqualified at heart.
#48
http://www.creationresearch.org/board.html
MY CREASHUNISTS
LET ME SHOW U THEM
I couldn't even read the whole thing without my Jeeebus goggles. Being bukkaked by this much CreoStupid® without proper protection will melt eyeballs faster than Nazis staring at the Ark of the Covenant.
But it did fill the SEM-shaped hole in my heart. Bless you, fake scientists everywhere, for giving me so much laughter.
Gotta go now... My stochastic oscillator is speaking in tongues again.
"I do wonder if that Spencer guy exists or if he's Armitage's sockpuppet."
He'd be a pretty dim bulb otherwise. "and, although I'm not sure what exactly he is referring to, I'm very angry that he's insulting you." Apparently, actually reading the blog post and/or clicking back to the original one would be too much on the ol' gray matter.
I always thought "The Beatitudes" sounded like a British Invasion tribute band.
"This is probably the last one I'll post here..."
I hope not. We get comedy, spectacle and horror while showing the world what morons creationists are. Any well-deserved embarrassment for the family of an Amway founder is just gravy. Not to mention the hilarious comments. This is one of those best things in life that are free.
"One can only imagine they all wear lab coats with the word 'SCIENTIST' across the back in large black letters, just to make that point absolutely clear."
Counsellor: Do you have any qualifications?
Armitage: Yes, I've got a lab coat.
Counsellor: A lab coat?
Armitage: Yes, a lab coat. A scientist's lab coat. A lab coat with 'SCIENTIST' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'SCIENTIST' in great big neon letters, so that you can do the science after dark when the microscopes are less stroppy.
Counsellor: Yes, yes, yes, I do follow, Mr Armitage, but you see the snag is... if I now call Professor Dawkins and say to him, 'look here, I've got a creationist with me who wants to become a scientist', his first question is not going to be 'does he have his own lab coat?' He's going to ask what sort of experience you've had with science.
Neon? Does that make one a Signtist?
Since I read the words, "Jesus is like my Scanning Electron Microscope", all I can think about is "Satan Is My Motor".
Oh yeah? Well, Jesus Built My Hotrod.
Simply amazing how the germ theory of disease eluded so many generations of microscope-wielding clerics, innit?
Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell.
This is, of course, the standard opinion of the followers of the shepherd gods.
(Signtist? LOL)
#75:
If your goats produce manure suitable for dunking people in, you should contact a veterinarian.
Why is it no April 1st?
It MUST be April 1st!
ROTFL!
WTF!
"Product Description
Electron microscopes operate in an unworldly vacuum and with an electron beam generated by many tens of thousands of volts. Similarly, when I become a Christian, I am invited to operate in an otherworldly environment, and with the energy generated by the Creator of the universe."
When I become StuPID, I be christianny
So everything astronomical is happening in an "unworldy" place. Most revealing of the YEC small mind.
Since I opened the floor on astronomy, how about this:
Was an electron 'searcher from Nantucket
launched his 'xperiment in a rocket
But sorry to say
he got hell to pay
he found only a hole, in his pocket.
[Technical difficulty there - substituting experiment with SEM looses the juxtaposition of semiconductor holes and black holes.]
'Course, with Cuttlefish on the thread, we won't get a comparable rhyme and reason 'til after Revelation.
That makes more sense than without the commas.
On Paul, read this. No understanding of Paul is complete without understanding of his Antichrist -- Epicurus the Godless, the one whose name means "Helper" and came to be the Hebrew word for "infidel" (apikoro), the only one except for Christ to have his followers named after him, the preacher of peace and safety, and (strangely enough) the inventor of the concept of dogma.
I do wonder if that Spencer guy exists or if he's Armitage's sockpuppet. "Look, everyone agrees with me that you're a doo-doo head!"