The Catholic church has announced a few requirements for the papal visit to the UK:
The 100,000 Roman Catholics expected to attend the pope's open-air "great mass" in Glasgow have been urged by their cardinal to endure the "sacrifices" the event will involve. Tens of thousands of pilgrims in Glasgow will have to get to next Thursday's event at Bellahouston Park on public transport after their private coaches were cancelled.
Umbrellas have been banned, there will be no seating provided, and pilgrims will have to stay in the park for at least five hours on security grounds.
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"At the great mass at Bellahouston, you're there for a serious purpose, to join in the celebration of mass, to listen to the word of God, to listen to the teaching of the church being proclaimed by Pope Benedict XVI, and that is a serious business," he said.
"You're not sitting back at the beach relaxing: it's something serious and obviously there's something penitential. There is penance involved in it, just sacrifice; sacrificing of time, sacrificing of comfort, sacrificing of your energy and so on, to be involved in all that's going on. And I see great benefit from that as well."
Well, that sounds like great jolly good fun. I think they're going for the Woodstock vibe, only without the talent, the weed, and the free love.
So get this: not only do you have to be very serious when you're alive, but the Australian Catholic church wants to suck all the fun out of death, too.
Footy club songs and popular music have been banned from Catholic funerals under strict guidelines sent to priests and funeral directors.
The guidelines for Catholic funerals, sent by Archbishop of Melbourne Denis Hart, also declare that a funeral should not be a "celebration" of the deceased's life.
"Secular items are never to be sung or played at a Catholic funeral, such as romantic ballads, pop or rock music, political songs, football club songs," the guidelines say.
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The new guidelines say a Catholic funeral should never be "a celebration of the life".
Jebus, what a bunch of dour old grannies those priests are.
Oh, yeah, there's a poll:
Has the Catholic Church gone too far by banning footy club songs at funerals?
Yes 87.85%
No 12.15%
I'm surprised there are 12% of Australians who think this isn't an unreasonable ban.