An open letter to my circadian rhythm and my brain

Dear Circadian Rhythm and Brain,

Cut it out, both of you.

I don't know if this is your idea of a sick practical joke or what, Circadian Rhythm, but I really, really, really do not appreciate being jolted wide awake at 4am. The first time it was regrettable, but now that it's been happening for several days running....well, I am not amused. It's not like I'm going to bed super-early lately---no, bedtime has been our same old, normal time. So what gives? Are you bored? In a bad mood? Did I piss you off somehow? It's not funny. Stop it.

And you, Brain....you know, I expected better from you. I don't like this new bad influence that Circy has on you. Just because physically I'm awake at a certain hour doesn't mean that you can just start going full-tilt on me. Really, I'd rather not have you fill me in on all of those things I was worrying about yesterday, or about the zillions of unfinished items on my to-do list, or rehash all the regrettable things I've done in my life, the second that Circy wakes up.

Look, both of you, I understand that things come up: toddlers wake up momentarily, spouses steal the covers, body functions call, etc etc. But really, is it too much to ask that if you do have to wake me up at 4am, you then let me go immediately back to sleep? I don't think that's an unreasonable request.

So, if you two don't settle down and let me get my damn sleep, you leave me no choice....I will have to separate you, maybe even put you in time out, maybe start taking away privileges if those things don't work. Don't make me stop this car.

Love and warm milk,
Jane