Quick hit

They "get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

They, in this case, are not worthless socialites and Hollywood starlets, but elephants in northeastern India, and the speaker is none other than Paris Hilton, who went on to comment that "It is just so sad."

That sound you just heard? My irony meter exploding.

In any case, between the rampaging monkeys and the elephants, India sounds like a madhouse!

Update: Apparently not.

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Having traveled to India and fought off monkeys with a stick (yes, they do sell "monkey sticks" which are, no surprise, little more than glorified tree branches) I can say they do run rampant. It's both exciting and terrifying sharing your space with the creatures. Many Macaque mulatta inhabit the temples of northern India and like any bad roommate they are noisy, messy, and like to steal things. Even the cute, furry little ones are long on teeth and short on manners. After one jumped on my head and stole my sunglasses I wisely chose not to demand their return. I decided to be thankful I didn't get any presents of a herpes nature in return.