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  2. Somebody Pissed Off The Stingrays

Somebody Pissed Off The Stingrays

By cortex on October 19, 2006.

First, they go after the beloved Steve Irwin. Now, they've begun attacking us outside of the water:

An 81-year-old boater was in critical condition Thursday after a stingray flopped onto his boat and stabbed him, leaving a foot-long barb in his chest, authorities said.

"It was a freak accident," said Lighthouse Point acting fire Chief David Donzella. "It's very odd that the thing jumped out of the water and stung him. We still can't believe it."

Personally, I've always wondered why more fish don't eat us. Why shouldn't sharks and killer whales and elephant seals make us their dinner? Sure, we've got lots of little bones, but haven't they heard about the obesity epidemic? After all, when we are swimming in the sea, we're just blobs of meat bobbing on the surface. (In other words, we're like the quail on Dick Cheney's hunting trips: totally helpless and rather delicious.) If I were a shark, I'd forget about chasing after speedy tuna; I'd just go to my local urban coastline.

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Why shouldn't sharks and killer whales and elephant seals make us their dinner? Sure, we've got lots of little bones, but haven't they heard about the obesity epidemic? After all, when we are swimming in the sea, we're just blobs of meat bobbing on the surface. (In other words, we're like the quail on Dick Cheney's hunting trips: totally helpless and rather delicious.)

Maybe they are afraid to accidentally injure a friend