This Guy Wrote a Book???

Via Jason Kuznicki, via Alas, A Blog, and via Teresa Nielsen Hayden, comes this story of an aspiring writer who is attempting to sell a book manuscript on E-bay, but only to famous authors. He believes that it's good enough that if it just had a famous author's name on it, it would be a bestseller. One hopes that his manuscript is written more competently than his horrible sales pitch:

I am a first time writer and have two more chapters to go, to complete my story. It's fiction, a coming of age story that would be most enjoyed by adults. It's a fascinating read that I had a couple of english teachers read themselves, telling me that they could not put my book down after the first chapter. It's filled with suspense, along with fear and anxiety.

The story focuses on three 10 year old children, two girls and one boy. The story also focuses in on one of the father's dealing with nightmares, which are somehow linked to his childhood, past. Everything comes to an end with a absolution and a twist, making sense in a reality way. I had a english teacher tell me that this story would be a great one to watch, in a movie format.

So what is this all about? Well here is the deal. I am putting my manuscript up for auction only to real popular writers and authors, which names are already known. Of course if just the ordinary joe wants to buy my script well, that's ok too. My manuscript may seem expensive to ordinary people like me, but to a real author like John Grisham>The Client, The Firm, and A Time to Kill well if he bought my manuscript for 150,000 dollars and put his own title on it and copyrighted it, putting his name on the book as the writer, how much do you think he would profit from it? Well over 150,000 dollars I assure you, seeing that most of his books go right to the theaters immediately.

So that is why I am selling my manuscript mostly to well known authors and whether Oprah Winfrey reads this or Stephen King or the ever so popular J.K. Rawlings, if they bought my book for my price and put there name on it as the author, everyone will pick up the book and read it, because these authors have already earned a reputation.

Now I have actual pictures of my manuscript and a legit publshing Co. that will put my book in print for 695.00 dollars. The book will then be advertise to over 25,000 different book stores through the internet only. That sounds great right? But having a new author's name on my book, ... how many people will actually buy it? 3 mabe 100 mabe and if I'm lucky, a 1000. However I heard John Grisham self published his first book and the movie Legally Blonde, was also a self published book. So it also may sky rocket and people may buy over a million of my books, but it's a long shot and I don't want to take the route for now.

I also know this is a long shot, but I am throwing out there anyway, to any well known writer that can profit from this! For J.K. Rawlings or Stephen King to buy my manuscript and put there name on it, they can't lose and neither can I. 150,000 dollars can sure help my family get me out of this apartment we have been living in for 9 years and finally get a house for my three children. A well known author can put my book in print and make over 2 million dollars with ease! We both win this way!

I have pictures and let me assure you that my manuscript is not yet copyrighted or even titled yet. Let me also assure you that this is a story that is fully typed and formatted for print and will probably add up to 450 pages, or so. I also had my family and a couple of english professors read my manuscript, all of them giving me thumbs up on the fascinating thought processing fiction, I put into this. I literally wrote over a 1000 pages and thrown it away, because I want to get this one story, right.

I have now spent about one year on this manuscript and have about two more chapters to go to complete, for publication. This is a serious book, one to be reconcile with. It's emotional and heartfelt story that entertains from beginning, to end. If interested in buying my manuscript and of course if you are, you probably want to read it first, I will give you my address so you can come over and read it for yourself, or I can come to you with the manuscript, so you can read it. I will never give my writing out over an email address. That will only put me in danger of someone stealing my story and putting there name on it. I will do everything possible to come to you if it's easier, so you can read my story. I will give you my email address so you can tell me if you are interested. Then we can set up a time to meet.

Warner brothers Co. and Paramount Pictures payed John Grisham 600,000 dollars for the rights to his writing of The Firm, so they could make a movie out of it. Paramount pictures if you are reading this, I believe my story is strong and willful just like all of John Grisham's films. You can have my script for 150,000 dollars, that's a bargain for your company. Serious inquires only please! Pictures are shown at the bottom and the last pic is an actual paragraph written by me, on chapter 6. So if you can excuse me, I have a story now to finish! Good day and good bidding!

The worst part is that Nielsen Hayden actually had to provide the paragraphing for that tortured mishmash of fractured syntax, misplaced punctuation, limited vocabulary and just plain bad writing. If the author really did have several English professors review the manuscript and tell him how good it was, one must fear for the state of education wherever he lives. This guy shouldn't be writing a money order, much less a novel.

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I've got to admire his guts. It's a rather clever, albeit poorly written, attempt to get published and/or make some cash. It probably would have worked if he'd gone for $150 and the movie rights, not the $150,000.

I remember reading several years ago that some English graduate students submitted a manuscript of one of William Faulkner's lesser-known novels (under a fake name) to a number of publishers. It was rejected by each, and two or three publishers commented unflatteringly on the writing style. Maybe the e-bay author should try the reverse: submit his crappy manuscript but put William Shakespeare as author. Yeah, that'll work.

Hell, if Ann Coulter can get published, I figure damn near anybody can....

By flatlander100 (not verified) on 10 Oct 2004 #permalink

Ouch, harsh. I don't think pointing out fractured syntax is going to help the poor guy. One step at a time.

By Matthew Phillips (not verified) on 10 Oct 2004 #permalink

That's gotta be a satire.

Maybe he had it printed on contact paper. That would explain why they 'couldn't put it down'.