The Failed Suicide Bomber

I've been thinking about this woman in Jordan who was supposed to be part of the suicide bombing of the hotel there last week, but whose vest of explosives failed to detonate. Her husband was apparently one of the others whose bombs did detonate, causing so much destruction. But I'm guessing that the husband was the one who prepared her explosive vest and that its failure to detonate wasn't entirely accidental. He may have left her behind on purpose. After all, if he's about to get 72 virgins in heaven, the last thing he wants is his wife hanging around.

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Or she may have deactivated it herself. After all, the 72 virgins are for him (the Koran itself only specifies that an undetermined number of big-busted women and lots of wine will be available in Paradise, the number 72 comes from traditional sayings).

Maybe for the ladies they get one man who massages their feet and stays up late cuddling and talking about the relationship. I don't think she bought it. :)

Some questions come to mind ....

Once they are deflowered, does that virgin get replaced by another or is she 'born again' so to speak?

If the bomber blows his ass up while making the bomb, does he get credit?

Can they trade virgins with other martyrs?

What if the bomber prefers girls who know the ropes?

If a (non-practicing) gay, does he get male virgins or is he converted in Paradise?

Can the bomber place virgins on hold or is it first come, first serve?

What if one terrorist knew he was on a suicide mission but the others didn't, would they get virgins too?

Wow, looks like someone is in for a big dissapointment when he gets a handfull of raisins instead of the hot dark-eyed houri action he was aiming for.

Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

Read all bout it: http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,2763,631357,00.html

Cheers,

Naked Ape

By Naked Ape (not verified) on 17 Nov 2005 #permalink