Freethinker Sunday Sermonette: God turns dog into mathematician

Suppose you had a dog and, mirabile dictu, you found he was able to do mathematics? What would you thnk?

Stan Tuten held up a board and scribbled down a basic algebra problem:

If a=2, and b=3, what is axb-1?

Micah, a terrier mix with penetrating eyes like black molasses, glanced at the board.

"Micah?" said Dr. Cindy Tuten, a physician and Stan Tuten's wife. "Do you understand the problem?"

She held one hand high in the air with a bowl of cut tomatoes and cooked chicken (the dog's reward) and the other out for the dog's answer. Micah tapped his paw once.

"Once means 'yes' and twice means 'no' " she said. "So he's telling us he understands the problem. Micah, what is the solution to the problem?"

The dog stared at the food, then tapped Tuten's palm five times.

"Very good, Micah," she said and fed him a treat.

Her husband decided to ask their 4-year-old dog another question, the square root of 25. Micah tapped his paw five times.

To prove this wasn't a fluke, the couple and a friend tossed out more math than teachers during exam time. Micah consistently pawed the correct answers, appearing to solve such problems as square root division, finding the numerators and denominators of fractions, multiplying and dividing, even basic algebra.

"He can calculate problems given in English, Spanish, French and German," Cindy Tuten said. One member of the small audience gathered in the Tuten's living room wondered if maybe she was unknowingly giving the dog signals or secret messages. The visitor, who'd never before seen Micah, threw out a question.

"Nueve menos tres?"

Micah stood still for a moment, and then tapped his paw six times for the correct answer.

"We were speechless," Cindy Tuten said. "We were also skeptical."(Citizen-Times, Asheville, NC)

Yes. The Tuten's are real skeptics. Hardcore:

Deeply connected by their faith and Christian beliefs, the Tutens began to pray.

"How many persons are in the God head?" Cindy Tuten asked.

Micah tapped three times.

"How many God's are there?" The dog tapped once.

Wow. The dog even got these tough questions right. Algebra is one thing. But knowing how many persons are in the God head? I don't even know what the God head is (I'll look it up in wikipedia when I get through posting this. No need to write in).

But back to my original question. What would you think if you had a dog that could do math? This?

It is the belief of this family, that beyond math and games, Micah was put on this Earth to teach people Jesus is coming soon, the Tutens said.

Both professionals, they knew coming forward with this story would be dicey.

"I believe the Bible is true and it tells us how God used ravens to feed Elijah, a whale to save Jonah and a donkey to speak to Balaam," Stan Tuten said. "Now that I see how God is using Micah, I'm all the more convinced he can use any creature to accomplish his purpose."

Me too. And why would God use a dog for this?

What's the matter? Are you dyslexic?

More like this

If God wanted to give his created children a fair chance to be believers why would he let any child be born to any parents who did not have the correct beliefs. Yet he lets children be born to people with false beliefs (whose beliefs are false of course depends on what you believe). He may never send a religious dog or missionary. The child grows up with the only beliefs he can have since that is all he has ever been taught. And then goes to hell because of false beliefs. Would any human father torture his child for eternity because he could not say he knew something he had never heard of? If God is father surely he must be fairer than human fathers, but in the Jehovah religions he is clearly meaner and more unfair than any human father except the most perverse and sick.

This immediately reminded me of Hans, the math horse.

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=384

Of course, when Micah is just shown to respond to the questioner's nonverbals, this won't be proof that God wasn't involved.
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My friend used to have a shirt that said, "There is no dog." It riled many a religious folk, even though it clearly said 'dog'. People pervert to their values, all people, some of us just have proof. =)

God gave us the fowl of the earth too.... That doesnt seem to be working out for us too hot right now either. If this holds up, then dogs are now sentients. But in the grand scheme of things are they smarter or dumber than people? I mean they get US to take care of THEM.

By M. Randolph Kruger (not verified) on 01 Jul 2007 #permalink

I don't even know what the God head is ...

The porta-potty on Mt Olympus.

Too bad the dog isn't a Shih Tzu.

llwely: LOL.

Lea: That's how I knew this couldn't be real.

Revere,

Being a part-time dog trainer, and a person of faith, I could have found reason to take umbrage at your remarks. But, I didn't. I got a real chuckle out of it.

And we think dogs are cute? I think the Tutens are kinda cute too.

And then there's the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

All in all, I'd rather the have the dog do math.
It would be much worse if he spoke in tongues.

Tuten: What's that you say Michah?
Michah: Aroooo! Meow! Cluck cluck moo! (He is speaking in tongues after all)
Tuten: What? He is Great! And He frowns on us throwing out the food scraps after supper?

bit odd. God is involved in the extraordinary (judged as such) but is not responsible for the price of gas? Where are the boundaries?

Obviously they are flexible. I had an assistant once who had angels hovering over her and taking care of her; the angels did not care for the photocopy machine.

@Ana: they don't seem to care for my religious compatriots' chances at the coffee machine, either. stupid anti-technology angels.

as revere's already pointed out, the most reasonable starting hypothesis here is the Clever Hans effect. imo it'd be a waste of time testing the mutt and owners at all, but you can't know if you don't experiment.

a tenner says the Tutens will either refuse testing on grounds of religious impropriety, or allege that experiments are cruel and harmful to the dog, or say they already know the dog is doing Yahweh's math homework and they don't need no steenkin' experiment.

*sighs*

Lepht