Jokes that go, "What do you get when cross a such and such with a such and such" are legion. Jehovah's Witnesses seem to come in for more than their share of these jokes ("What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no particular reason."), although it's hard to say what any particular religion's fair share should be. Anyway, here's another one. What do you get when you cross a goombah with a Jehovah's Witness? (No outraged comments, please; I'm married to a southern Italian).
This:
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Thank you for a good Sunday morning laugh. So, you're married to a southern Italian and you're an atheist? How did you get away with that! May the FSM have mercy on you.
what better place to spend sunday morning than right here - thanks (and thanks for being shorter than a church sermon)
Years ago when I had a Doberman, we would always answer the door together, with my face at head level and his face at crotch level. Hucksters of every stripe immediately backed away and left in a hurry.
I miss him.
At least these guys would be entertaining!
Ken Shabby: a large and/or loud dog is a treasure when the proselytizers are in the neighborhood. I just wish the dog wouldn't scare off the purveyors of Girl Scout cookies.
The following will provide THE BEST and MOST ACCURATE info about Jehovah's Witnesses, their beliefs, and how they actually practice such day to day.
SUMMARIES OF 1000 JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES LAWSUITS & COURT CASES
The following website summarizes over 500 U.S. court cases and lawsuits affecting children of Jehovah's Witness Parents, including 350 cases where the JW Parents refused to consent to life-saving blood transfusions for their dying children:
DIVORCE, BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AND OTHER LEGAL ISSUES AFFECTING CHILDREN OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES
http://jwdivorces.bravehost.com
The following website summarizes over 500 lawsuits filed by Jehovah's Witnesses against their Employers, incidents involving problem JW Employees, and other secret JW "history" court cases:
EMPLOYMENT ISSUES UNIQUE TO JEHOVAH'S WITNESS EMPLOYEES
http://jwemployees.bravehost.com
It seems to me that anyone who presumes to tell you how it all is must be either extremely naive or arrogant.
I'd rather not have either Dawkins or Hagee presume to give me the answer to life the universe and everything. I already know it's 42.
Michael: If memory serves (and a my age it is more often on strike), if you check The Book you'll find out it is 47.
Revere I think your memory is wrong. 42 is the answer
The question is unknown to this day although there is specuation (see the link at the end)
Adams and the choice of the number 42
Douglas Adams was asked many times during his career why he chose the number forty two. Many theories were proposed,[10] but he rejected them all. On November 3, 1993, he gave an answer[11] on alt.fan.douglas-adams:
The answer to this is very simple. It was a joke. It had to be a number, an ordinary, smallish number, and I chose that one. Binary representations, base thirteen, Tibetan monks are all complete nonsense. I sat at my desk, stared into the garden and thought '42 will do.' I typed it out. End of story.
Adams described his choice as "A completely ordinary number, a number not just divisible by two but also six and seven. In fact it's the sort of number that you could, without any fear, introduce to your parents."[1]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Answer_to_Life,_the_Universe,_and_Ever…
OMG. All these years I have been living my life as if it was 47. This is a disillusionment. Maybe I'll turn to anumerism.
If Douglas Adams did in fact answer the question of where 42 came from he probably should have answered it in about 7 different and mutually exclusive ways. Just to be consistent, of course.
Watchtower Gospel of gobbledygook
Jehovahs Witnesses in a nutshell.
INVENTED in 1878 as a spin-off of second Adventism (7th day adventist today)
PRIMARY core doctrine that Jesus came on October 1914 had his second coming and the Watchtower followers at that time were the only ones who were ready so Jesus handed them the keys to the kingdom.
BAIT what made them so attractive was their (false) promise in God Jehovahs name that those who were alive in 1914 would not all die off from old age before Armageddon came and went.
{Now those WW1 veterans are all gone}
The wealthy Watchtower real estate holding company gets free labor provided by the Jehovah's Witnesses followers to donate more tax free property to their corporation.
Think all you readers who have Kingdom Halls in your town,have you ever seen any charity from them? Billions $$ in Watchtower corporation worldwide real estate assets.
When the devil comes knocking on your door he won't have the dark goth look,they will be smartly dressed nerdy Jehovah's Witnesses wielding the Bible and flapping watchtowers
If you would like more REAL and accurate info about Jehovah's Witnesses on the web be sure to check out the official web site at www.Watchtower.org
JW = LDS = any cult. Same stuff different worship day.
JW, LDS, Christianity, Islam, Judiasm, Buddhism, all cults, some just seem weird to us because we were raised in a Mainline religion, but when you move out of your religion it all seems cultish. Woman impregnated by 1/3 of God in the form of the Holy spirit, gives birth to another 1/3 of God in the flesh of Jesus. Jehovah can't figure out any way to save his creation, man, but by killing a part of himself. How lacking in imagination. He could just do like Bush and issue a pardon (excuse me commutation of sentence) While this accomplished the saving one must still be dunked, sprinkled, etc to really be saved. How weird and cultish can you get. Give me the cargo cult - at least based on an actual historical event that is hoped to happen again.
When a cult extracts enough wealth from its members, it becomes a religion. When it is able to extract a HUGE amount of wealth and property from its same deluded followers, or, as in the case of islam, accumulate a billion or so fanatic followere in lieu of material wealth, it becomes one of the "great religions" as referred to by politicians and the mainstream media...judaism, christianity, islam, hinduism, etc.
The JW and mormon cults are particularly successful spinoffs of christianity in wealth and property holdings, and each seems to be well on track to become one of the "great" ones...merely a few hundred million more bucks extracted, and you'll see them right up there finanically with the other top extortionists, even though each will likely not officially separate itself from the original scam, and still refer to itself as essentially "christian" in belief.
tony says: "So, you're married to a southern Italian and you're an atheist? How did you get away with that! May the FSM have mercy on you."
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In Phuket, we attend Catholic mass. The priest is an Italian, and he has to manage English and Italian mass every Sunday.
My fiance and I of course attend the English mass, she understands a bit French, from time to time she can tell me which words the priest's pronunciations are not English. She likes this priest, because she always feels encouraged by his sermon, especially for a woman in Asia.
And I like his sense of humor.
Last Sunday, he preached that Jesus went to Jerusalem by riding a donkey as a symbol of king for governing human inner world. He used the analog of the donkey as Mercedes' car, and everyone laughed. Perhaps, in the U. S., the analog shall be Rolls Royce.
I could not imagine that the ministers of Mega Churches now every day drive lucrative vehicles; their Lord Jesus Christ only rode one time that was before he was crucified as the 'king'. Having said that, to be rich and socially high rank is nothing wrong to be good believers.
I was impressed with his sermon especially two parts when Jesus was on the cross: 1. He cried to God why He had abandoned him; 2. Even he had physical agony; he still consoled the thief who had right attitude.
The most famous atheist- Nietzsche never said the points negative about Jesus, nevertheless affirm the quality of his spontaneity and self-determining, or use our words-staunch independence.
Nietzsche had been ill in his late years, but he continued to write; Apostle Paul had un-comfort and pain physically, yet he never stopped healing others people. So, we witness that in our community there are people who care for others even they have shortcomings. They are sorts of living Christ to us.
During the week of Good Friday, I wish to share the meaning of suffering through Christ event and witness the many living examples around us and affirm this important value.