Let's start with a song:
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall!
When you're done with that:
Q: Why do computer geeks get candy-corn in their stockings?
A: Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because 7-8-9.
This neutron walks into a bar, orders a beer, drinks it down, and asks the bartender what he owes him. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Did you hear that electron belch as he dropped from an excited state? No? Well, he did it discretely.
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The Disgruntled Chemist was in Minnesota last week. He went out to a few local bars, and wrote about his encounters. Check out this one where met a girl who had martini olives in her beer. She claimed the olives were a substitute for the salt she normally put in her beer. Yeah, salt. SALT! In her…
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Hey you, out there in the cold
this is me
An unfortunate clash of CDs led to the following improvised mashup:
Hey you, out there in the cold
I've always been the kind of girl
Getting lonely, getting old
that hid my face
Can you feel me?
so afraid to tell the world
Hey you, standing in the aisles…
Two atoms are sitting in a bar; one suddenly says, "Hey, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
My favorite is from the bathroom wall at the physics department:
"Heisenberg was maybe here."
So there's a Nitrogen atom and a Carbon atom, and the Carbon is hassling a Neon atom, saying things like "You suck", "Yo mamma so fat", stuff like that. The Nitrogen says to the Carbon, "Don't bother, you won't get a reaction out of him."
An airplane leaving from Poland wound up in a storm over the North Atlantic.
Everyone was terrified, as the plane was pitching and yawing, and the crew feared that it would break up at any moment. But one young student stood up and called to the passengers, on the right aisle to move across the aisle. The passengers were dubious but the student insisted. "Hurry," he said. "Our lives depend upon it."
The passengers complied and the shaking stopped. The plane righted itself, and made its way safely to its destination. Why do you think the student's plan worked?
Because you need all the Poles on the left side of the plane for stability.
How 'bout:
A hydrogen ion walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I lost my electron." The bartender says, "Are you sure?" and the ion says, "I'm postive."
Q: What do you get when you add a mountain climber to a tse tse fly?
A: You can't add them because the mountain climber is a scalar (scaler?). Oh, never mind.
Q: What do you get when you add a mountain climber to a tse tse fly?
A: You can't add them because the mountain climber is a scalar (scaler?). Oh, never mind.
No no, there's more to it!
A: Don't be silly, you can't add a scalar and a vector!
So a bar walks into a physicist. Oops, wrong reference frame...
So e^x and a constant were walking down the street. Up ahead, they see a differential operator coming towards them. The constant freaks out, jumping into a bush and hiding with an exclamation of, "Oh no! A differential operator! It'll turn me to nothing!"
Meanwhile, e^x, trying to impress the constant, struts forward, thinking, "Ha! What's a differential operator to me?" He approaches the differential operator with a confident, "Hi! I'm e to the x."
The differential operator looks him up and down, and ever so sultrily, she says, "Hi. I'm dee dee why."
Why is there only one Eiffel Tower?
(wait for it...)
It eats its young.