Given the extent and urgency of my current grading responsibilities, the sprogs and I have not had occasion this week for any extended conversations about matters strictly scientific, but there has been some chatter about Santa Claus:
Younger offspring: What happens if I stay awake on Christmas eve and see Santa?
Dr. Free-Ride: I don't know. I've always heard that he's really shy, and he doesn't like to be observed while he works.
Younger offspring: But is he really?
Dr. Free-Ride: I can just tell you what I've been told. I have no firsthand information about Santa's personality and preferences.
Elder offspring: On Christmas eve, I'd like to have some more of that cake like we had at [younger offspring]'s soccer party.
Younger offspring: Why?
Elder offspring: Do you remember how it kept me up all night?
Younger offspring: But if you stay awake, you might see Santa, and then maybe he'll be mad or embarrassed and just leave and stop bringing Christmas presents!
Elder offspring: I don't want to see Santa. I want to pet the reindeer.
Dr. Free-Ride: I have a strong suspicion that the reindeer might be just as shy of people as Santa is.
Younger offspring: Does Santa really like cookies?
Dr. Free-Ride: What I know is that the cookies we leave out on Christmas eve have usually been eaten by morning.
Elder offspring: Maybe he's just being polite.
Younger offspring: People say he's fat, but maybe he's not. He does drink a lot of milk.
Dr. Free-Ride: I've never put him on a scale.
Younger offspring: This year, when we leave out carrots for the reindeer, I want to leave out ranch dressing, too.
Dr. Free-Ride: I'm pretty sure that ranch dressing would not be good for a reindeer to eat. It might even cause diarrhea.
Elder offspring: It would be very bad for flying reindeer to have diarrhea.
Younger offspring: OK, we won't leave out ranch dressing for the reindeer.
* * * * *
When the grading is done and the youngsters are busy with other things, I will have a grown-ups only post on a couple of Santa-related issues with ethical dimensions that have been raised elsewhere in the internets. Stay tuned!
Well that conversation took an interesting turn at the end, hahaha.
My kid came home from school with "reindeer poop," and claims it was delicious. (I didn't try any.) I doubt it would have been as good with ranch dressing involved, however.
My sense is that Santa and his reindeer are Total Quantum Nutz, acting outside the normal space-time continua. It is the only way possible for them to accomplish their task within their severe time and space constraints. Sorry, I can't do the math, but I think Chad Orzel or Mark Chu-Carrol can.
And the Grinch says... Bah!