Jesus is bornd

A reading from Luke. (LOL Cat Translation)

Oh hai, Jesus iz bornd

'Roun dis tiyem, Caesar Augustus wuz like, "I can has cenzus?" ... And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I is heer!" So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz bornededed, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie, An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she was preggerz. When wuz time for teh baybee, it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish, cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kthxbye!

...

Jesus brung to teh templlez

When Jesus' mom an dad wer dun gettin cleen by lickin themslvs, they took teh baybee to Jerusalem to bee presenteded to Ceiling Cat ('coz hiz law sed so) an to sacrimifice two birdeez ('coz he sed thats teh roolz). So der wuz dis dood calld Simeon, an he wuz a gud dood and teh Ceiling Cat thot he wuz kewl. It had been reveald to him by Hover Cat dat he wud not dye before he had seen teh lordz Christ wrappeded lk burito. He wuz hangin out in da temple and when he saw da baybee burito, Simeon did not eated baybee but insteads hugged him an sed, "Spiffy Ceiling Cat, I can to be dying nao, 'coz I saw teh salvation and teh coolness that u maded for all teh peoplez an stuffs, for teh Gentiles and for teh gloree uv Israel." His Mom an Dad were lyke, "sweet, are baybee iz teh kewlness!" Simeon sed, "yer baybee iz destined to make teh rizing and falling of lotz of doodz in Israel, an doodz will say he iz not kewl, but all teh heartz will be revealed. O ya, and yer sole will be peerced, too, but nvm that wan, iz gonna be ok." So der waz also an old proffit ladee named Anna (I meen REALLY old), an her daddy wuz Phanuel, an hiz famlee wuz Asher,37 an she wuz a widder. Sadness! She wuz in teh temple all teh time for teh praying an stuffs and sumetimes she maded cookies.38 She saw da baybee an sed, "thx, Ceiling Cat! U rokk!" an told all teh doodz about how Jerusalem waz gonna be a kewl place agen sumdai.