And you thought Jesse Ventura was wild

An exploding aardvark whispered in my ear that we have a new candidate for governor here in Minnesota: Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey.

Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially from a politician. So, I am not going to break from political tradition. My name is Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

The first two sentences taken together are a little amusing, but I'm sill not planning to vote for the guy. He's a former Republican (surprise!), but has now founded his own party, VWP. The Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party.

Are you wondering how he got his nickname?

As previously stated by me, any Terrorist who commits
an act of Terrorism in Minnesota while I am governor,
will be Impaled by me in front of the State Capital.

He's also planning to run for president in 2008. I could see him stepping into GW Bush's shoes easily. The Religious Right might not care much for him, but otherwise, he's the perfect representative of Republican sentiments.

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So, in the last election, we Minnesotans briefly enjoyed the company of a vampire running for governor. Unfortunately, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey was arrested before the election and we missed out on the potentially amusing spectacle. Somehow, though, he is now free (damn those cunning vampires…
Jonathon The Impaler (our Minnesota vampire running for governor) is interviewed on the City Pages Blotter. I'm still not voting for him. It's interesting that his source of income is selling cloaks to covens. It's also distressing that he needs that income because his wife got fired from her job…
Our vampire candidate for governor, "the Impaler", has been arrested for "escape" and "stalking". I just have to say…Duh. What do you expect from a vampire? (via MNSpeak)

Yow.

"In August 1988, while visiting a relative, I met a girl who was totally taken by me and who I was. She was hott [sic] and sexy, so I drove her home that night on my bike, and slept with her. Though I do not regret sleeping with her, in 1996 I found that she was my half-sister who I hadn't seen since 1970. Talk about letting your ego get the best of you."

You don't think the Christian right will like him?

Hmm. HTML tags are different here.

By Anonymous (not verified) on 12 Jan 2006 #permalink

I would vote for Lord Ares just on his name.

Maybe he should run on Chthulu's ticket...

"Why settle for the lesser of two evils?"

By David Harmon (not verified) on 12 Jan 2006 #permalink

Incredible. What an engrossing site. Don't miss his companion sites, for the two covens that he co-owns. A person could spend an entire day mining them for golden quotes (and pics).

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He
is my mortal enemy.

That would make a catchy slogan for his campaign.

I forgot to mention that I sent him an email (from a dummy addy) asking about his purported Ph.D, which is mentioned on the home page, but not in his bio. If I get a response, I'll let you guys know.

I'm betting it's a Ph.D in Physics from MIT. Probably.

Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays,
especially from a politician. So, I am
not going to break from political tradition.
My name is Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey,
Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest,
Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My
Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

The first two sentences taken together are a little amusing, but I'm sill not planning to vote for the guy. He's a former Republican (surprise!), but has now founded his own party, VWP. The Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party.

Pffft! A mere beginner compared to the British Official Monster Raving Loony Party

http://www.omrlp.com/

By Ian H Spedding (not verified) on 12 Jan 2006 #permalink

You seriously underestimate the importance of the witches and pagan vote; here in California it's huge. As for the vampire vote, its size depends largely on how late the polls stay open.

My I'm betting it's a Ph.D in Physics from MIT. Probably.

Yeah, the Magikal Instructinomicon of Terrifikation, I'd say.

Remember, we're in the North...days can be pretty short here in the Fall and Winter. This could be a factor in his campaign.

When visiting a relative he met a chick and took here home? Found out later that she was his half sister?

That relative didn't happen to be his mother and step-father did it?

On the other hand, he's a biker. That goes a long way in my book.

By Ick of the East (not verified) on 12 Jan 2006 #permalink

After being totally engrossed by this guy's website, I've discovered that , in adddition to his impressive academic career:
He's a professional wrestler, a boxer with a record of 58-1-1 with 49 KO's, trained The Rock, a personal friend of Jeb Bush, was "wrongly" imprisoned by his wife for three months, a model, he's planning to the be the future-governor, future president, future NASCAR driver, and I'm just sure he's written a line of fantasy novels that he's currently shopping to publishers.

The response:

>Political Science. SCU.
>
> Bright Blessings to you and yours.
>
> Nel Sangue,
>
> Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey
>
>David Roberts wrote:
> Where did you get your Ph.D and what is it in?

"SCU" Could be Santa Clara U or Southern Christian U--from what I could tell on their websites, neither offers a Ph.D in PolySci. I'll send another email.

By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 Jan 2006 #permalink

The evidence of his friendships with the Bushes is pretty amusing, too; scanned copies of email responses from staffers. Hell, by that measure I'm a close personal friend of Bush.

Now that he made BoingBoing, I think he'll be too inundated with emails to respond to my follow-up about what school he got his Ph.D (phake.doctorate) from.

OK... 1st ammendment freedoms... but who let him breed? Jr. is going to have issues.

Bah!

Satanists are just Christians who get off on playing the bad guys. LeVay is a putz, and so is this clown.

-jcr

By John C. Randolph (not verified) on 13 Jan 2006 #permalink

You may have noticed that "The Impaler", in addition to a Ph.D. in PoliSci, holds a L.D.D.D.

Googling it, the most probable answer is LDDD stands for loco dato decreto decurionum, which I translate as "Certified Crazy by Decree of the Decurions (a kind of Roman official)".

Racist! How dare you mock vampires/vampyres! I mean sure a good portion of them aren't exactly sane, but most of them are just kids who never fit in and as a result think they're not human.

That being said, part of me wants to vote for him for the sheer chaos factor that a satanic sanguinarian (that means blood drinking apparently) vampyric witch would bring to the government.

But, most of me is still hoping Edwards will get past the primaries (he's the only democrat with promise, Obama and Hillery are too good at kissing ass for my tastes).

Satanists are just Christians who get off on playing the bad guys.

funny cause it's true.