I get email

This is a strange one — some kind of weird political rant. I'm pretty sure this fellow doesn't care much for Hillary Clinton.

RE: Coming witchcraft of Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON in politics, also.

Like in the witchery, at her age of 61 years old Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON is to become overnight a candidate for a change, pulling a rabbit out of her hat. This can happen only in the witchcraft that she and her husband William J. CLINTON, former President reportedly believe in and practice. This is what comes up in the Google search under words of their names, witchcraft, satanic and/or Shamanism, subject to easy verification. The proverb goes that an old dog cannot learn new tricks. The final say belongs to the American people, casting their votes in primaries.

The change is contrary to the background of Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON. This is proven by facts of her own making. Since the beginning she has been and remained the Washington, DC insider. In 1970s she worked for the U.S. House of Representatives. Then, she departed for Arkansas, but she kept her Beltway contacts. She returned to have co-run the White House with her husband William J. CLINTON as President and to have done so under the their motto "to elect one and to get two".

In fact, Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON was already the co-president during two tenures of well known scandals. If she is nominated for U.S. president, this will likely be the big red flag for GOP, majority of Independents and even some Democrats to unite and vote Republican in general elections for the White House and to U.S. House of Representatives and Senate. If she wins, she will run her administration of Democrats as during the Clinton tenures when they lost the majority in U.S. Senate and House of Representatives. Her presidential candidacy seems to be the proposition of losing the White House and/or U.S. Congress for the Democrats sooner in 2008 elections or later in 2010 and 2012 elections.

Several days before the 2008 Iowa caucuses, Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON run her campaign on the legacy of her husband William J. CLINTON. She stressed her experience in the governance. This cannot be found in her own biography on her official senatorial website at the address: http://clinton.senate.gov/about/biography/index.cfm. Whenever her campaign is in trouble, he comes to the rescue. She hardly stands on her own feet in the quest for the White House. Since her youth she has specialized and practiced the dealing and wheeling of insider in the Federal Government to go up and up in the political careers. She was in charge of Oval Office during his 8 years long tenures. Now, she wants to be there for the next 8 years.

The real political change comes with the next generation taking over the power. Each generation has its own leaders at about the same age. They share the same ideas. They fight for implementing their program, campaigning, losing and winning. Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON belongs to the old generation of outgoing leaders with the past visions. She relies upon the political oldies in developing, presenting and eventually implementing the vision which does not meet the present needs of the American people. This comes to the simple question of where is the beef of her new solutions for the USA to meet and overcome challenges that the United States faces in the next four years, at least.

The striking continuance of decisive events has taken place during the last 5 presidential tenures. Among others, President George H. W. BUSH misled the dictator Saddam HUSSEIN with U.S. response to the Iraqi war against Kuwait, but had to stop with invading militarily Iraq. Co-Presidents William J. CLINTON & Hillary CLINTON did not deal with the growing danger of terrorist attacks of al QAEDA under Osama bin LADEN against the American people. President George W. BUSH used the 9/11 terrorist attacks as the pretext for going into the war in Iraq. Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON supported it without reading reportedly the classified intelligence briefs on the misleading information on Iraqi possession of weapons of mass destructions. She is needed in the Oval Office to ensure the continuation of and the whitewash for what happened in the presidential tenures of the Bushes and the Clintons.

After that the United States needs badly the real change in the leadership not to become the United Kingdom of America with two royal families, shifting the power to each other for the last 20 years and with 8 more years to go. Recalling his own words, President George H. W. BUSH has considered President William J. CLINTON like his son and consequently Senator Hillary Rodham CLINTON as his daughter. She has hardly criticized President George W. BUSH in the effective way. She has agreed fully with his approach to Iraqi war till the beginning of her presidential campaign a few months ago. This is her politics of going hand in hand with the Bushes and up to the Oval Office.

On January 6, 2008 Senator Hillary RODHAM CLINTON said during her campaign in New Hampshire: "Russian President Vladimir Putin 'doesn't have a soul. This is the president [George W. BUSH] that looked in the soul of Putin, and I could have told him, he was a KGB agent,' ... ." This arises also the question of where is her soul, in fact. She was reportedly involved in pro-communist causes of among others quasi terrorist organization of Black Panthers in the USA at the beginning of her political career. At the time, Oxford scholar William J. CLINTON organized anti-American and pro-Soviet protests in London, England. Immediately after that he made the clandestine trip to Moscow at the expense of Soviet intelligence services - KGB and GRU. They got married while they were pursuing the pro-Bolshevik interests in the USA

As the standard procedure, KGB and GRU recruit and ensure careers for those who give their souls to the communist movements. As reported by the American media, co-presidents William & Hillary CLINTONS pursued the policy of financing KGB and GRU during the tenure of President Boris YELTSIN and facilitating their transformation into the Russian global organized crime. Therefore, KGB and GRU sold thus nuclear attache cases to terrorists for attacks against the American people and could do so without governmental traces and direct responsibilities. This is leads to another question of whether the souls of Clintons are with the Satan in witchcraft and/or Evil Empire of former Soviet Union/Russia, using the words of the late President Ronald W. REAGAN.

The Independent Voter.

PLEASE, CONSIDER FORWARDING TO THE NEXT VOTER.

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Well, if she's a witch I'm voting for her. First, it would be crazy not to; who wants to live out their years as a toad? Second, a witch could undo all the bad and make all the good happen, make our enemies love and/or fear us, make us all rich, anything really. And not through that hard work method I thought we'd need to use; magic, instead, will make it so. Thank your emailer for the heads up!

At last, sensible political punditry.

By Scrofulum (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

The Clinton's had their chance. Bill could have captured Bin Laden.

And who can forget his bombing of civilians in Servia to help the Muslims?

We don't need them back.

By 30 Second Man (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

"not to become the United Kingdom of America with two royal families"

wow, some people have really a lot of imagination !

1. does he know at all what is the role of the monarchy in the UK, compared with the role of the US president ?

2. if the US were indeed becoming a "bimonarchy", why would Hillary have to fight so hard to get, not only the nomination of her party, but the general election ?

Why doesn't he just say "I don't like Hillary because I believe she's a witch" and spare us the reading of these 9 paragraphs of fictitious rant.

By negentropyeater (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

It's even funnier once you get past the witchcraft stuff and into the KGB conspiracy theory stuff. Because obviously the Soviet Union was big on funding for witchcraft.

By Stephen Wells (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Thank your emailer for the heads up!

Posted by: QrazyQat

Excuse me, but your name here concerns me. People who use the letter "Q" without immediately following it with the letter "u" are terrahismists.

Q'razy Q'at is teh sleeper terrahismist who supports teh terrah!

No?

Oh...

"This is what comes up in the Google search under words of their names, witchcraft, satanic and/or Shamanism, subject to easy verification."

Well, I'm convinced.

By Olaf Davis (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

The scariest thing is that this guy is allowed to vote, and will.

What's really scary about this is the guy actually believes all of it wholeheartedly. This passes for political discourse in the minds of many voters.

Judging by the syntax as well as the subject of that email, I'd say you've finally made it onto Pastor Swank's personal mailing list. Congratulations!

Don't they take away your right to vote if you're batshit crazy?

Before accusing her of witchcraft, you'd think the author(s) of this e-mail would at least try to compare her weight to that of a duck, because according to the classic formula:

same weight as duck = made of wood = witch

By Brandon P. (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Perhaps Hillary turned that guy into a newt. And I'd prefer to build a bridge out of her.

Is this person a native speaker of English?

Really, I wonder. Every time I see stuff like this it's rife with grammatical errors -- but not the kind I've seen English-speakers make. Does anyone else get that sense?

I love the bit about looking into the soul. W said he did that. I didn't know he was an animologist.

well - that is pretty much out there...

Ric asked:

Don't they take away your right to vote if you're batshit crazy?

They don't even take away your right to hold office if you're insane. Dubya not only got elected, he got re-elected. Rick Santorum and James Inhofe have held office, too. Half of the debate on the Republican side in the current election seems to be about which candidate hears voices most frequently...

Worse still, I am sure I'll receive this shortly from at least one person. He votes too, and appears to have a circle of equally credulous kooks as friends.

I give him hell when I get such crap, but he's pretty immune to reason.

And I'd prefer to build a bridge out of her.

Nah, a witch could have some practical use. Like, she could help our sparrows transport large fruits across climatic zones, or make the word Ni tolerable.

By Brandon P. (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I've gotten Nigerian 419 emails with better grammar.

"If she is nominated for U.S. president, this will likely be the big red flag for GOP, majority of Independents and even some Democrats to unite and vote Republican in general elections for the White House and to U.S. House of Representatives and Senate."

So, if she runs, he predicts that she will lose? So, what are you so worked up about? Oh, wait, that witchcraft thing.

"If she wins, she will run her administration of Democrats as during the Clinton tenures when they lost the majority in U.S. Senate and House of Representatives. Her presidential candidacy seems to be the proposition of losing the White House and/or U.S. Congress for the Democrats sooner in 2008 elections or later in 2010 and 2012 elections."

So, if Hillary is elected, it will cause her and her party to implode, losing her any power she would have gotten by being elected? So, Hillary is self-defeating. She's a check and balance to herself.

Wot a Looney.

Well, on the hopeful side, it's possible this guy doesn't get to vote after all. The rant seems to have a lot of grammatical errors of the sort that shout "non-native English speaker" to me. So he may not be an American citizen.

That's not to say that there aren't a lot of registered voters who are equally bat-shit crazy, though.

By Donnie B. (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

She'll turn you into a newt!

..."non-native English speaker" to me. So he may not be an American citizen.

Cue our friends on the other side of the pond...

Bill O'Reilly, is that you sending email to PZ? Surely not...

or make the word Ni tolerable.

I live near the Ni River. And I won't go anywhere near those woods, nor their shrubberies.

"The rant seems to have a lot of grammatical errors of the sort that shout "non-native English speaker" to me"

Clearly you don't grade as many undergraduate papers as I do.
This is probably an American. As depressing as that is.

How can we know this is true? Does she way the same as a duck?

weigh...criminy, why do I attempt to write or say anything before coffee?

It has to be serious-- only the most serious political philosophers use comic sans-- and multicolored comic sans at that. The html equivalent of crayons.

By rosalindavenue (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

'Ere, I'm wondering: Is the proper term "Batshit" Insane, or "Bugfuck" Insane? I'm never sure which to use in which situation.

By Rav Winston (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Is this a copy of William Kristol's first NY Times OPED?

One must admire the use of fonts and colors with putting MIDDLE and LAST names in all CAPS. It's just graphic genius.

By GodlessHeathen (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I do like how he (she?) says that Hillary has no experience as a politician then in the next breath tells us all that she was the one in charge during Bill's presidency.

And I would have to agree with Qrazy Qat, if she were indeed a witch she should be voted for. I can't imagine being a frog is much fun, especially if she ensures you still think you are human. We would of course have to weigh her to be sure.

Ah, thanks for posting that, P; nothing takes one's mind off the failure of one's experiments like a batshit crazy email!

Russian President Vladimir Putin 'doesn't have a soul. This is the president [George W. BUSH] that looked in the soul of Putin, and I could have told him, he was a KGB agent,' ... ."

Priceless!!!

Incidentally, HUSSEIN was not the guy's surname.

The Comic Sans is PZ's way of marking the writings of kooks. The colors, capitalizations, and boldface must be in the original, however.

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

She turned me into a newt ... well, I got better.

#37: I was gonna say the same thing!!!

It's fascinating and frightening at the same time that modern societies can function at all given the average reasoning ability of its members, of which this person seems to be a rather common example.

By ShouldBeWorking (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

(oops, I meant #27)

By ShouldBeWorking (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

This letter sounds EXACTLY like a man who walks around (mainly) downtown Chicago wearing signboards that proclaim "Al Gore REPLACED by KGB RUN ANDROID" amongst other religious mixed with anti-communist ravings. During the summer tourist season, he even busts out a bullhorn to declare us all "UNWITTING AGENTS OF THE SOVIETS".

Seems that he's branched out onto the internets.

It turns out it's true:

"[W]e have written several articles reporting the fact that Bill Clinton is a Third Level Witch, and that Hillary outranks him by one level in the occult. Based upon the depiction of the Baphomet and the "True Pentagram", we may have to conclude that Bill Clinton may be a Fourth Level Witch. At the Fourth Level, the witch can see into the world of the paranormal, and communicate with the powers."

http://cuttingedge.org/news/n1344.cfm

I'm convinced.

>>One must admire the use of fonts and colors with putting MIDDLE and LAST names in all CAPS. It's just graphic genius.

Well, the LAST NAMES are obviously to indicate that we're all the property of the Federal Reserve, although how "bin LADEN" and "YELTSIN" and "al QAEDA" fit into that is a little murky.

PZ, I think you need to use different fonts sometimes; Comic Sans is not adequate for things like this. Maybe an Old German blackletter font, or Elizabethan Script, or Wingdings?

On the batshit / bugfuck distinction @31:

I'm always a little more impressed with bugfuck than batshit. I've seen fairly reasonable people described as batshit crazy; bugfuck is rarer and seems to be reserved more for the hardcore loonies.

Though that may just be me. I claim no general expertise in [animal][obscenity] designations. Though now I want to invent a bunch more. (Catass crazy? Cockcock insane? Snakepiss loony?)

30 Second Man:

The Clinton's [sic] had their chance...

...to make our country economically prosperous, to gain the respect of our allies, and to incarcerate the bombers of the World Trade Center in 1993.

And guess what? He did.

And who can forget his bombing of civilians in Servia to help the Muslims?

Oh noes! Helping da brown people!?!?

:|

Where's the part about a REPTILIAN NEW WORLD ORDER?

This guy is SUCH a hack. Ickes would be disappointed.

PZ, I've gotten several emails in the this series as well. My entreaties to the sender to stop -- both polite and extremely impolite -- have gone unheeded, not surprisingly.

Regarding #3 and #45

The name of the country in question is Serbia. And it was bombed to stop a genocide perpetrated by certain paramilitary groups under semi-official control of the then-president Milosevic. I should know. I was there.

Now, why it was necessary to bomb civilians and, indeed, render my home uninhabitable to do so is a bit of a poser. Still, could have been worse. We could have been, ah, liberated as the Iraqi people have been.

And, as a matter of interest, the Albanian people is neither completely Muslim (I believe that the dominant religion in Albania itself is Catholicism, though it's true that the portion of Albanians living on Kosovo is dominantly Muslim) nor 'brown'. They are quite European in their descent. And, for what its worth, they deserved all the help they could get. I just don't think that bombing my family, my friends and myself was a particularly just or effective way of rendering said help.

Mike @ 16:

Well said, my friend, well said.

The Clinton's had their chance. Bill could have captured Bin Laden.

Don't believe everything you see in fictionlized dramatized accounts that are produced by politically conservative corporate entities.

Closer to the truth is this: In its first nine months of existence, the Bush administration ignored warnings about al Qaeda because they were obsessively fixated on the troubling presense of a) Saddam in Iraq and b) sagebrush in Crawford.

The truck(van) bombing of the WTC some 10 days into the first Clinton administration resulted in the arrests of many people including the 'mastermind'(despicable term) of the operation who, through quiet diplomacy, is at present serving time in a New York prison. The airline crashing destruction of the WTC some 220 days into W's administration has resulted in. . . Bin Laden is still free and we are in a liars war. While I do not support Hilary for other reasons, at her worst she would be better than anything W could ever aspire to.

#21-- "So, Hillary is self-defeating. She's a check and balance to herself."

Part and parcel of American right wing thinking is the ability to believe that liberals are simultaneously weak, innefectual ninnies, and a nefarious and ruthless threat.

Without cognitive dissonance, there would be far fewer Republicans.

By povertyrich (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I've long thought that there ought to be a test that a person has to pass in order to vote. You get to the place of voting, and the first thing you have to do is take a short multiple-choice quiz in which you must demonstrate that you know at least, say, three major positions of each major candidate in order to be able to vote. If you fail, you get handed a pamphlet explaining the positions and get a retake. Heck, make it open-book, just something to ensure that everyone voting is at least knows what they're voting for.

Part and parcel of American right wing thinking is the ability to believe that liberals are simultaneously weak, innefectual ninnies, and a nefarious and ruthless threat.

Wow, is that ever familiar. A very similar viewpoint as the Nazis had of Jews.

Hilary as a witch is different from Hukcabee as a pastor how? They both believe in magic.

PZ, you can't take this guy seriously --everyone know that when citing The Google, both words receive first-letter capitalization.

By Thomas Allen (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

#27 Clearly you don't grade as many undergraduate papers as I do. This is probably an American. As depressing as that is.

Are you serious? I had the original pegged as definitely from an ESL speaker, but now you have me wondering.

Sigh...

I've long thought that there ought to be a test that a person has to pass in order to vote. You get to the place of voting, and the first thing you have to do is take a short multiple-choice quiz in which you must demonstrate that you know at least, say, three major positions of each major candidate in order to be able to vote. If you fail, you get handed a pamphlet explaining the positions and get a retake. Heck, make it open-book, just something to ensure that everyone voting is at least knows what they're voting for.

You're speaking crazy-talk, Carlie! That would decimate our precious, precious reserves of Low Information Voters! Are you saying you support a Low Information Voter Gap?

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Issue-Educated Party?

At least it didn't accuse her of being a reptilian space alien who participates in human sacrifice at Bohemian Grove.

Or of formerly being on the board of Wal-Mart.

www.villagevoice.com/news/0021,harkavy,15052,5.html

(Actually, I don't have a problem with that since I do a lot of my shopping at Wal-Mart. I'd be fine with a reptilian space alien witch too.)

Cool. She's really Hermione Granger. Why didn't I see it before? She'll be an amazing president!

I was impressed that Independent Voter actually spelled independent correctly. Must've used a dictionary.

For my money, definitely not a native speaker of English. The last-name-all-in-caps thing reminds me of French practice (do they do that elsewhere in Europe? Japan?), and the syntax is full of errors that native speakers don't often make. I've known some really bad writers, but IMHO it's almost impossible that a native speaker could have written this, for example:

Since her youth she has specialized and practiced the dealing and wheeling of insider in the Federal Government to go up and up in the political careers.

By noncarborundum (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Witch or no, Hillary is fighting back the tears to regain her front-runner status. How? She's invigorating the web generation...

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=2001

If that doesn't work, I'm sure that the real witch, James Carville, will think of something.

Why didn't she turn Newt into a newt when she had the chance?

By natural cynic (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

The phrase, as it says on my coffee cup, is Full-Blown Batshit Crazy. Now that I know she is a Witch, my opinion of her has gone up, not enough to want to vote for her, but it has gone up a notch or two.

Perhaps Hillary turned that guy into a newt.

Well.....

He got better...

By Sergeant Zim (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I wasn't sure about Hilary, but I agree with the others. I'd take the witchy-crafty mythos over the jeebus stuff---it's way more fun. Oh, and thanks #41 for the link which led me to a nice Santa/Jeebus comparison chart: http://cuttingedge.org/news/n1132.cfm

By baryogenesis (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Why didn't she turn Newt into a newt when she had the chance?

Well, because he already was one??

By Don Smith, FCD (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

It's always dangerous to be eating or drinking when reading this blog. I had to get out the screen cleaner yet again :)

Re Comment #62...there's SECRET INSIDER INFORMATION that Hillary's really Bellatrix Lestrange. Independent Voter was saving that for his next email. He Googled it and did detailed research of KGB records.

I'd LOVE to see an Atheist, Wiccan/Pagan, or Satanist run in the next presidential election. Talk about making things interesting...

By Iconoclast (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

If Hillary is a witch, she isn't a very good one. By now, she should have turned Huckabee, Romney, and Guiliani into trolls. Not that most people would have noticed any difference.

And be a front runner in the polls and in money raised and so on. By now, her supporters should be erecting pyramids or a new stonehenge for her.

My biggest quarrel with witchcraft. There is zero evidence that it works and a huge amount of evidence that it doesn't.

Same for Bill C., the alleged 4th level witch. Fourth level must not be good for much if he couldn't make his plump girlfriend be quiet.

Apparently you must attain fifth level to learn stain removal.

LOL -> TrueBob!

The problem in recent years has been that some of the more obvious witches - for example, Linda Tripp and Kathyrn Harris - turned out to be far more powerful than expected.

Quack Quack.

Steve_C beat me to it: the extra-dimensional reptillian overlords must be overjoyed that people are worried about Hillary being a *witch*

at least witches are human, right?

Re: #16

To be fair, Dubya was neither elected nor re-elected. If you're batshit or bugfuck crazy, you must be appointed by the Supreme Court.

Dubya's trying to bring democracy to the Middle East, not Florida or Ohio.

When you Arouse that need in me,
My Heart says, Yes, indeed in me,
Proceed with what you're leading me to...
Cause it's Witchcraft! Wicked Whitchcraft!

Man, if only Frank were around to campaign for Hillary.

I met a witch once! No, really! She was walking down the street and she got into my car. A couple blocks later we turned into a motel.

Stop me if you've heard that before.

A Mooser once bit my sister.

But even the nutz are right about one thing: " has agreed fully with [GW's] approach to Iraqi war till the beginning of her presidential campaign a few months ago".
And I suspect she would love to get her hands on the NSA wiretap power, if only to spy on Bill.

By the real Napol… (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Clearly you don't grade as many undergraduate papers as I do. This is probably an American. As depressing as that is.

Are you serious? I had the original pegged as definitely from an ESL speaker, but now you have me wondering.

Clearly a native speaker, or at least someone who has been living in the USA (as several allusions reveal) for many years since a young age. The only two mistakes I found (as far as I managed to read attentively...!) are article mistakes that must be expected from anyone who types fast under very high adrenalin and cortisol levels while foaming at the mouth.

I've known some really bad writers, but IMHO it's almost impossible that a native speaker could have written this, for example:

Since her youth she has specialized and practiced the dealing and wheeling of insider in the Federal Government to go up and up in the political careers.

The missing -s of insiders looks like a typo that the spellchecker didn't catch, and "the" instead of "their" is the kind of mistake native speakers make while typing too fast; nonnative speakers don't usually do that because "the" and "their" in their native languages are usually less similar.

The last NAME thing looks like a kook's attempt to be correct and emotionless. (See, he's only presenting the FACT that she's a WITCH, hngrrrr... frrrr... frrr...) Even the French don't do it in this kind of context.

Wait...

She was reportedly involved in pro-communist causes of among others quasi terrorist organization of Black Panthers in the USA at the beginning of her political career.

The missing hyphen in quasi-terrorist is a hallmark of a native speaker, but the two missing articles point strongly in the other direction...

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I have positive proof that Hillary is not a witch:

Note the lack of a carrot where her nose is.

I rest my case.

Wait...

She was reportedly involved in pro-communist causes of among others quasi terrorist organization of Black Panthers in the USA at the beginning of her political career.

The missing hyphen in quasi-terrorist is a hallmark of a native speaker, but the two missing articles point strongly in the other direction...

Yup, that's a slavic speaker all right. Explains the GRU/KGB stuff.

Yup, that's a slavic speaker all right

Ах нетзззззззззззз!!!!!!111

The scariest thing is that this guy is allowed to vote, and will.

Posted by: Carlie | January 8, 2008 7:18 AM

Actually, what scares me more is that huge swaths will believe it. And any other nut-case lie about the Clintons. Vince Foster. Osama Bin Laden. Whitewater.

Whitewater.

(While the other side advanced to Watergategate over three years ago...)

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

who wants to live out their years as a toad?

even a hypno-toad?

I might be able to live with that.

I occasionally get things like this forwarded to me by my right wing relatives. One thing I've always noticed is just how goddamn colorful these things always are. Lots of different fonts and colored text and half the text in bold or italics. Once I see all these colors I immediately think "looks like another kooky wingnut rant" and somehow I'm never disappointed.

Better a witch than a Baptist.

By Bride of Shrek (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

I keep waiting for someone to identify Barack Obama as the Antichrist. You know, the charismatic leader with a seemingly effortless, incredibly rapid rise to power from obscurity, etc. He's like that dude in "Left Behind".

#49: Sorry to hear about your home, and apologies on behalf of my nation for inflicting Ahtisaari on you.

To #40: oh my god---i thought EXACTLY the same thing when I read this. I went to law school in downtown Chicago (Northwestern) and used to see this guy every weekend on Michigan Avenue. I was reading the post and thought of him---and then read your comment.

I also love the guy on Michigan Avenue who holds big stop sign with a placard reading "FBI Agent Chris Saviano, STOp Raping My Wife." But if you ask him about what it's for or what the story is, he absolutely refuses to discuss it. What was the term? Batshit crazy?

By cureholder (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

@ mr subjunctive:

For animal insanity my favorite has to be "crazy as a tree-full of rats." Think ancient, mighty oak with angry, starving rats. Yeah, that's the ticket.

By bybelknap (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

In my former life as a road construction worker ... I met this guy in every bar in every small town in the Pacific Northwest.

By Desert Donkey (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

The syntax leads me to believe the author was quite probably Slavic.

#92, I believe one of the resident trolls at Sadly,No! was accusing Obama of being the anti-Christ just the other day. (I know I saw it somewhere, and I'm pretty sure it was there.) I'm guessing there'll be a lot more of that as the election process goes on.

The Obama=666 equation has been bandied about for at least a year here in the InteRubeTubes. Fortunately, a handful of psychotic morons aren't a demographic.

But wouldn't even "Barack Hussein Obama" resolve to 676?

In contrast, "Ronald Wilson Reagan" actually has the right number of letters.

Looks like Hillary has got her very own Procopius.

By J.G. Williams (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Excuse me, but your name here concerns me. People who use the letter "Q" without immediately following it with the letter "u" are terrahismists.

Or Scrabble players, which is pretty much as bad. :)

@48:

I keep waiting for someone to identify Barack Obama as the Antichrist.

Hell, I'm expecting chain-emails to surface that allege he's either
A. An Imam, or
B. A houngan.
Let's face it, these frickin' yoyo's believe you gotta have SOME kind of supernatural backup, right?

Was that from Chris Matthews?

I recommend that we simply wait 'till she's elected then throw her in the Reflecting Pool. If she floats, she weighs the same as a duck and is therefore made of wood and therefore...

In contrast, "Ronald Wilson Reagan" actually has the right number of letters.

As does "George Walker BushJr".

Ever wondered why Sr left the "Herbert" off when he named his son...?

Too bad, really too bad, that the Number is 616.

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 10 Jan 2008 #permalink

Russian President Vladimir Putin 'doesn't have a soul. This is the president [George W. BUSH] that looked in the soul of Putin, and I could have told him, he was a KGB agent,' ... ."

Priceless!!!

Incidentally, HUSSEIN was not the guy's surname.

The Comic Sans is PZ's way of marking the writings of kooks. The colors, capitalizations, and boldface must be in the original, however.

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Clearly you don't grade as many undergraduate papers as I do. This is probably an American. As depressing as that is.

Are you serious? I had the original pegged as definitely from an ESL speaker, but now you have me wondering.

Clearly a native speaker, or at least someone who has been living in the USA (as several allusions reveal) for many years since a young age. The only two mistakes I found (as far as I managed to read attentively...!) are article mistakes that must be expected from anyone who types fast under very high adrenalin and cortisol levels while foaming at the mouth.

I've known some really bad writers, but IMHO it's almost impossible that a native speaker could have written this, for example:

Since her youth she has specialized and practiced the dealing and wheeling of insider in the Federal Government to go up and up in the political careers.

The missing -s of insiders looks like a typo that the spellchecker didn't catch, and "the" instead of "their" is the kind of mistake native speakers make while typing too fast; nonnative speakers don't usually do that because "the" and "their" in their native languages are usually less similar.

The last NAME thing looks like a kook's attempt to be correct and emotionless. (See, he's only presenting the FACT that she's a WITCH, hngrrrr... frrrr... frrr...) Even the French don't do it in this kind of context.

Wait...

She was reportedly involved in pro-communist causes of among others quasi terrorist organization of Black Panthers in the USA at the beginning of her political career.

The missing hyphen in quasi-terrorist is a hallmark of a native speaker, but the two missing articles point strongly in the other direction...

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Whitewater.

(While the other side advanced to Watergategate over three years ago...)

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 08 Jan 2008 #permalink

Was that from Chris Matthews?

In contrast, "Ronald Wilson Reagan" actually has the right number of letters.

As does "George Walker BushJr".

Ever wondered why Sr left the "Herbert" off when he named his son...?

Too bad, really too bad, that the Number is 616.

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 10 Jan 2008 #permalink