Prayer is too scientific!

Look, this page on prayer has numbers on it! You can't argue with that.

i-d08d1afe984d347f7b0728cfe07b73bb-prayer.gif

I wonder if you can pick up a "Divine Consciousness meter" at Radio Shack, and what the units it is measured in are.

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Surely the "Devine Conciousness Meter" would measure in OMs (or AUMs if you prefer)

A forged dollar bill has numbers on it ...

What the hell... Is this for real?

"I wonder if you can pick up a "Divine Consciousness meter" at Radio Shack, and what the units it is measured in are"

I messures MT, or MegaTheos!

Of course 'lesser' faiths can only manage MicroTheos!

I...uh...the methodology was...data was collected by...uh...seriously, what the fuck? Someone wrote this and was, like, serious about it? And I thought CSM was bad. Dizzam.

By Richard Wolford (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I've argued against Christians before that since they assert that the "soul" "and spirit" is a form of "energy" that we should be able to identify on the electro-magnetic spectrum.somewhere.

I got blinks and crickets over that.

Seems like somebody left the portal to the alternate universe where gods are real open again.

By Sclerophanax (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

What could the "protective sheath" be for?
And whats bhaav??
So many questions.....

By Rorschach (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Chaitanaya?

They're serious?

Is this Creationist Electronics?

From the link:
"Paradoxically the people who can really effect change through a single prayer are Saints but They see the futility of praying as they are totally in alignment with God’s will and don’t see it separate from Theirs. Lastly the posture of prayer also contributes in the prayer being answered."

So saints get all their prayers answered because they pray for things to happen as they were going to anyway?
'Oh lord, I pray to you that all bodies obey the laws of mechanics, that chemical reactions continue to take place and that biological processes happen in such a way as to keep your children living (or dying) in the manner that you had clearly laid out for them. Amen.'

Tapaloka?

Isn't that some kind of pudding with little dots inside?

Not impressed! Back when I was a believer, I used to access at least 30% of the Divine Consciousness whenever I prayed and get infused with at least 20%!

I scoff at a mere 15%!

I thought this might be a spoof or something at first... man, that site gave me some laughs this morning!

By Brett McCoy (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

We apparently are a pretty poor receiver, picking up only 20% of God's will. What's our transmit efficiency? And what about interference? Is that why Christians need a moment of silence to pray?

Is phase cancellation an issue? Are Muslim prayers on a frequency that might phase cancel Christian prayers, and that's why fundagelicals don't want any immigrants in the country?

Hmm, apparently only 65% of the events in our lives happen according to destiny...and even then praying with more intensity than the destined event can make it change. Sigh, in my day, destiny worked close to 100% of the time...damn inflation.

By muffinman (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

what's his spiritual level?
OVAR NINE THOUUUUUUUUUUUUSAND!

Also, can you calculate the spiritual flux density of a specific deity?

20% of Divine Consciousness frequency access for each prayer? Then what happens if there are six prayers? God overload?

"Error: The God you are trying to access takes excessive time to answer. Please contact the Administrator or check your URL"

I thought prayers were supposed to go up?

This shows them coming down.

¿Where all those numbers came from?? ¿From god?

What could the "protective sheath" be for?

Always practice safe prayer...

More practically, stay away from gods altogether. It's just good sense. Considering how many of those birth/death/rebirth types were 'virgin births'...

Yes, these are the deities your mother warned you about.

20% of Divine Consciousness frequency access for each prayer? Then what happens if there are six prayers? God overload?

Ah .... but you see, this is because your God is using the old central distribution model, one temple or just a few priests. My God is a bittorrent God, where every user simultaneously becomes a node of distribution.

So who wants into my new religion? Cheap if you get in on the ground floor.

That drawing looks like it has a latino mustache.

Its unfortunate that this is real. Its at least as loony as Richard Currants prayer amplifier, but at least he is a parody. Poe at work again.

By Revyloution (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Those numbers aren't even consistent. 15% of the accessed Divine Consciousness spreads into the body? That should be 15% of all Divine Consciousness, shouldn't it?

Another illustration on the page shows how critical proper position is. If your bowing angle is off by 5 degrees, it's no good. No wonder most prayers don't work.

Divine Consciousness frequencies are measured in Woonits.

By GilbertNSullivan (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Alright, now I've spend 15 minutes trying to find the fine print that says "* this is satire"... in vain.

It's bullshit to the power of 4 (God exists -> He's loving -> prayer works -> it works with x% probability due to y mechanic).

They can't be serious, can they! Even to a believer this must be the most ridiculous thing they've ever seen!

It's like asserting with a serious face that Big Foot's youngest son brushes his teeth with exactly 50 up-strokes and 71 down-strokes every evening, except on Thursdays.

By Wildflower (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Is this still analog, or have they switched over to digital already. Surely we need to know in case the reception coverage is different ?

By Conan the Librarian (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Always use a protective sheath; you don't want to be impregnated with a holy ghost baby. Who's going to take care of it? What if there are priests in heaven, ready to abuse spirit-children in the afterlife?

I wonder if you can pick up a "Divine Consciousness meter" at Radio Shack, and what the units it is measured in are.

Well, if you're using it while meditating, obviously it's measuring ohms.

Thank you, I'll be here all week, and table 35, your order is ready.

I hear if you wrap tin foil on your ears and suck on a power cord that you can bypass god's answering machine and get a direct line

By The Petey (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Mumbo-gumbo...mumbo-gumbo...mumbo-gumbo, etc...

WTF kind of journal article is that?

-LOL-

Delusional crap; pure and simple.

By Ranger_Rick (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

*Sigh*
You know, I actually did read scotth's comment way up there, but read it as "Oh-Ems". Because I'm an idiot.

I have a bong that looks just like that. It is far more effective than 15%.

Well, if you're using it while meditating, obviously it's measuring ohms.

Except that the mention of the protective sheath suggests their inverse ;o)
Try the veal.

By Emmet, OM (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I think the "protective sheath" is supposed to mitigate the problem of "negative energies" getting at you while you're praying. It's part of the "don't pray naked" thesis associated with the "science of spiritual energies."

Then there are all those "inferior deities," let alone the negative energies from hell, who may be hanging around just waiting to see you naked. You need protective clothing, with long sleeves and all.

If you don't pray with the right attitude and wear the right clothing, you will attract the wrong energies. Which makes me think that more than electrical currents are involved. Magnetism. We need to be thinking about magnetism.

Check out the 'methodology' section, in particular this telling illustration.

Translation: If my gut tells me so or if I can pull it out of my arse it must be true.

By Wildflower (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

"% of frequencies"?

They are obviously putting the 'God Principle' through a Fourier transform. I think we can assume that this happens just beyond the fingertips where the time-domain yellow 'Conciousness' turns to frequency-domain blue.

If you look at the definition of the Fourier transform then you see that the integrand is unitless and dt has units of time, so it would seem that if "Divine Conciousness" has units of woo then the frequency domain result must have units of woo-seconds.

If you take the squared modulus of the Fourier transform result, you get woo-power per Hertz.

By Major Tom (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

GilbertNSullivan, at #34: You've just won the thread! Now, don't yank, or the whole thing'll unravel.

Perhaps that's why prayer never worked for me, I never put my thumbs to my head like that. Probably cut myself out of at least 40% of God transfer. And I wonder if that sort of thing is affected by clouds and trees.

"Also, can you calculate the spiritual flux density of a specific deity?"

1.21 JIGAWATTS!

I love these bullets on the background pages of the link

Where is spiritual research mainly conducted?
Basically spiritual research means acquiring knowledge from God. It is conducted with the help of one’s advanced sixth sense (ESP). Hence unlike modern scientific research, spiritual research is conducted in the spiritual dimension in a state of deep meditation. Seekers with highly advanced sixth sense do not have to especially sit in a state of meditation either. In their routine state, they can acquire the knowledge by just praying to God.
It is not conducted outside the self i.e. in a laboratory or field trials in society. For example, to ascertain as to whether a house is haunted, a seeker doing spiritual research does not have to go to the house to verify the haunting. From right where the seeker is, he or she can give precise details about the ghost that is haunting the premise or details about the reason for the haunting.

4. How can you apply percentages to spiritual phenomena/attributes?

The study of the spiritual dimension is just as systematic and logical as that of the physical world. It can thus be quantified in percentages etc. These percentages are obtained in a ready-made format from the Universal Mind and Intellect through the sixth sense in a state of deep meditation. They are not obtained through conventional research methodologies.

By rhbourdeau (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Those calling Poe on this one are forgetting the Law of the Con.

The more details you provide, the more the mark will be suckered.

What every Christian retard must never be allowed to forget: both Christians and Muslim terrorists are stupid enough to believe their magic fairy listens to prayers.

Do I have to get a converter box when this goes digital?

By Lewis Thomason (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Let me see if I get this straight?

Seeker is able to access 20% of frequencies of Divine Consciousness.
15 % of those frequencies spread into the body of the seeker and 5% are then transmitted outside body. So 80 % of the Divine Consciousness frequency spectrum is not currently accessible?

Hmm,I smell a biz op here!

So besides getting that "Divine Consciousness Meter" from Radio Shack, I think the seeker also needs my newly patented, (well patent pending actually) multi divine frequency signal receiver with updated ultrawide range doppler antenae array, (optional at extra cost). Entire system is guaranteed to bring in up to an additional 10 to 15 percent of additional divine consciousness frequencies. Note: Actual frequency utilization may vary due to local conditions and the current mood of your divinity.

Disclaimer: Apparatus may make seeker more susceptibl to receiving concentrated doses of high frequency radiation in the form of powerful static discharges. Note: the manufacturer accepts no liability for unforeseen consequences of random acts of god.

By Fred the Hun (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

There are graphs and charts too- this has to be very very scientific...

If this is not a parody, it's as fine an exemple of cargo cult science as I've seen.

Are there any anthropologists studying these things out there ? If I was in that field, it would be my pet project.

What the /fuck/ ?

By beanjavert (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Prayer is too scientific!

We've finally discovered our host's threshold for sciencey-ness - turn down the bhaav gain before the oscillations overload his Chaitanya circuits!

By Pierce R. Butler (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

You can get 99% better reception holding an evolved antenna. Call now and we'll include a free grounding lead.

By SplendidMonkey (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

The next time a theist talks to me about the importance and efficacy of religion, I'm going to ask them to explain absurdities such as that page.

And is it just me or are the words "foundation" and "institute" the two most favorite words for religious apologetic groups to abuse?

By BlueIndependent (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

If 20% is received, and 15% is absorbed and 5% is spread to the air, that means there's no attenuation due to friction, which would be amazing. By that I mean it would be amazing if there were frictional output of prayer, so periodically someone who was praying a little too hard would get cooked from the inside.

It would be a revolutionary new microwave oven! Prayer dogs; plump when you cook 'em!

Posted by: Lewis Thomason | May 13, 2009 10:14 AM

Do I have to get a converter box when this goes digital?

ROTFLMAO

By Ranger_Rick (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

So 80 % of the Divine Consciousness frequency spectrum is not currently accessible?

Hmm,I smell a biz op here!

Good idea, but maybe the problem is on the transmission end. Now, if you could design an apparatus that would allow the Divine Consciousness to blast in a full 99.9% of frequencies, you've really got something!

True, it's a small customer base. But the unit price could be set... well, the sky's the limit, literally.

By Donnie B. (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Here are its goals:

The aim of the Spiritual Science Research Foundation (SSRF) and the objectives of this website
1.)To educate humanity on the spiritual dimension and how it affects our lives.
2.) To provide people with tools for:
Knowledge: Understanding the spiritual dimension.
Experience: Experiencing the spiritual dimension.
Problem Solving: Understanding and overcoming problems where the root cause is spiritual in nature.
Happiness: Achieving everlasting happiness.

The primary aim of SSRF is to guide seekers with intense desire for God-realisation and help them achieve their goal.

The Templeton Foundation better watch its back! Science and Religion are not only compatible, but you can use science to find out about spiritual realities, too! Look at how science-y this is! It's aimed at "Every human being with a curious mind to explore the spiritual dimension." Sounds like Templeton to me. Spiritual Science Research Foundation is kicking Templeton's butt!

Clearly, mainstream scientists need to expand their ways of doing science, so they can include this new knowledge in their models. It's called being "holistic." And open-minded.

First Scientology, now this. Look, it has science and math, so there should be no objection from the reality based community. You now have our guarantee of divine protection, that'll be a hundred dollars or ten percent, whichever is greater...

This website also provides a good answer to the question "what would it take to persuade you that science and religion are compatible?"

Imagine, hypothetically, that all this stuff was replicable, and confirmed across multiple disciplines in labs around the world. I'd change my mind, and accept that there is, indeed, a 'spiritual dimension.' So would PZ and Dawkins and other scientists, as well. This would be strong confirmation.

The fact that it's all bullshit shouldn't mean that the Spiritual Science Research Foundation is going about reconciling science and religion the wrong way. It should count against religion, as one of many failed predictions.

The "God Principle" looks suspiciously like a beer bong...just sayin'.

it's measured in OM's, d'uh.

By faux mulder (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Y'know, the more I think about it, the more I think this could work for us: If you read the thread title, rather than "prayer is too scientific," instead as "prayer is too scientific," you can see how this might actually drive the woo-addicted to prayerlessness. After all, they wouldn't want to be caught doing anything too scientific, right?

OK, this email forward is going around (thanks a lot mom), linking to a video about muslims taking over the world in 17 years or some such fantasy numbers, specifically, christian culture is at stake. The punchline? Have more babies, it's your bible-thumping duty!!

Clearly this is being played at those techno-savvy-powerpoint-projector-screening churches across the country. What do y'all think of this tripe? I think Ehrlich, Wilson, (and Malthus) would have a meltdown upon seeing this (or roll over in said grave).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-3X5hIFXYU

I sure wish they hadn't disabled the comments. cowards.

By nillacake (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Although this is very similar to The Argument Regarding Design, The Access Religious Divinity machine has more bells and whistles. Same old TARD however.

By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Skeptic newspaper column: Justin Trottier, the head of the Ontario Center for Inquiry, has an article in the National Post's religion blog, Holy Post: "Why we must teach religion in schools." I'm sure that the Post would like to see him draw in lots of traffic. If you register, you can comment, too. This one is about a proposed law that would require teachers to inform parents before they teach lessons about sex or religion, in case the parent want to yank their children out of class. People are taking that to mean evolution, too. Maybe you _are_ entitled to your own facts!

Sorry for the off-topic post, but this is an opportunity to encourage more skeptical articles to be published.

The funny thing is that I will have students bring something like this in and say......"see religion can be scientific, therefore I should also teach I.D." (I'm a high school biology teacher). Malarkey! As Carl Sagan would have said: Bologna Alert!

For example, as shown in the diagram below, a person who prays for the death of another person will be helped by a negative subtle entity from the 4th Region of Hell.

Can I haz contract killer plz?
He comes with 10% spirituality attached! Call today and recieve your free bullshit-o-meter(tm)!

PRAY-ON: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!

Wow, I think PZ missed that best (aka most ridiculous) claim on the site.

"As shown in the diagram above, when we undertake research in modern sciences, we follow generic steps to reach a conclusion or to accept or reject the null hypothesis. As the conclusion depends on the hypothesis, it does not necessarily reflect the truth. Considering that most people are unaware that a spiritual dimension exists, it is inevitable that most hypotheses will not consider the actual spiritual root causes. In spiritual research, seekers of God with advanced sixth sense obtain the answers from the Universal Mind and Intellect just by posing the question i.e. the multiple steps needed in modern sciences are not required. Hence when obtaining answers, the physical, psychological and spiritual realm is included. The level of ‘Truth’ in the answer however is directly proportional to the level of sixth sense of the researching seeker."

You can't buy a Divine Consciousness Meter at Radio Shack because DC is not in the electromagnetic spectrum but a form of gravitational wave, relayed through the god particle. Which explains why the LHC keeps breaking down, God is averse to have his mechanics shown to the unbelievers, and no god particle will be allowed to be proven. It is also the reason the Grand Unifying Theory of EM and gravity has so much problems; since the scientists deny the existence of the DC component of gravity the numbers never work out.

Now I understand why praying tickles my forearms. It's the woo rays.

By littlejohn (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Look, this page on prayer has numbers on it! You can't argue with that.

That's the counter to Charles Pierce's ideas, or anyway, it's the complicating factor.

Gossip in the book trade says that one equation cuts book sales in half.

Yes and no. Dembski wouldn't be selling any books if he didn't have mathematics in them. Sure, very few of his readers understand the equations, let alone the fact that they're not modeling evolution. But, Jebus be praised, it's all mathy and sciency, so it must be true, so take that uppity scientists.

Where the saying is true, of course, is that people don't like to read books with math in them. ID books aren't to be read, though. They're like the Bible, they have incontrovertible Truth in them, and you buy it to put on the shelf, while you read other stuff that gives you the "proof texts" in your Dembski book. The numbers give you a Reliable Reference, the hard stuff that they don't have to read.

The math in this post, though, is pagan math, and it will be dismissed without bothering at all. They do know that figures can lie, yet not when they're "proving god." Or, even though eventually they might concede that certain figures don't "prove god," other ones do, or will.

Math is like religion, then, seeing that no one understands it (not the faithful, at least), however it tells the absolute truth. You just have to know the truth in order to understand which equations are true, while it remains to the god-fearing experts on your side to actually understand the math. They say they do, and that's quite good enough.

No, contra Pierce, experts are essential to the American idiot's belief in idiocy. There'd be no ID or other pseudosciences without experts. Honest confusion sets in for the ignorant, though, in that they have no ability to evaluate experts, and they'll never gain that ability as long as they listen to the "experts" who tell them the lies that they like.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592

I'm surprised no one has noted that this appears to be an illustration of God's golden showers. No wonder the person needs a protective sheath.

By ABradford (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

That just caused my BSometer to explode.

A little Google turned up this: http://www.hindujagruti.org/news/4191.html

Where they're giving out "hell demerits" over Mike Myer's "The Love Guru."

That's gotta be a Poe (even if the makers of the film *do* deserve a 1,000 years in hell for that movie).

You can measure the numinous aura in lumens, I believe.

If you wear Kunoki footpads while praying, does that drag down the "energy" to the soles of your feet, rendering your prayer ineffective?

I love the chart on which type of deities or energies answer which type of prayer. I could have saved them all that work if they just would have asked.

Don't stand too close! I hear it can cook your insides.

It must be proper science- it's got an abstract and everything.

By Last Hussar (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I have to point out - all these numbers are, in fact, REAL.

0.05 x 0 = 0
0.15 x 0 = 0
0.20 x 0 = 0

The math works out! You cannot argue with the math.

Amazing. They truly have a complete understanding of the Math of God. (or is that the Mrath of God? I can never tell)

BTW: I have been working on a good way to put forth my postulate that "God = 0" for the past few months. These people are muscling in on my territory. I think I need to copyright my idea.

JC

Looks like it could use a couple of improvements for efficiency. He should get the parabolic cuffs to focus greater Divine Consciousness on his hands, and a lead skullcap to prevent excess loss of Divine Consciousness.

this!
"2. The principles of spiritual research

2.1 Cannot use conventional measurement and analysis tools

2.2 Conducted through the sixth sense or extrasensory perception (ESP)

2.3 Spiritual dimension is just as systematic and logical as that of the physical world

2.4 Knowledge obtained in a ready-made format from the Universal Mind and Intellect

2.5 Spiritual research is not dependent on time or place

2.6 Needs to be under the guidance of a spiritually evolved guide"

is how you say that it is completely subjective and anecdotal.
This is not fake these people are serious. What ever it is they think is happening they really have no idea what it is and are just chasing smoke rings.
This all sounds very quasi western "Hindu" to me. The "intellectualizing" of "spiritual" experience is so daft. Those people I have met who follow this kind of thinking are "calm and cool" and weirdly strange and passionless. Some what different from the average feverish fundi-christian.

By uncle frogy (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

This reminds me of the saying that 60% of statistics are made up.

By Harknights (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Obviously we need to get funding for the investigation of prayer polarity. Going with the old Aristotle notions, I would guess that Divine Consciousness radiation would be circularly polarized, whereas radiation from evil spirits would be linear. Perhaps a more effective shield would be a simple polarization filter.

I am also curious as to the multipole characteristics of these signals. Does the position allow one to oscillate as dipole, quadrupole, or...? Perhaps the Templeton Foundation should be funding this critical research.

You know those surveys/polls that show some increasing percent of the population is "not religious" that PZ likes to hold up as evidence of atheism's increase? About 20% of those "non-religious" people believe in this stuff (and another 20% are in a personal relationship with Jesus).

But you gotta love how the Hindus can really bring the wacky techno-theology. Much more entertaining than all that Abrahamic doom and gloom. Anyone remember Yogic flying? Even their creationism is more exciting... ancient Indians flying around in UFOs (Vimanas) billions of years ago!

@Harknights (#103)

"This reminds me of the saying that 60% of statistics are made up."

You obviously made that up since in reality 73.4% of all statistics are made up.

By Wildflower (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I'm confused: are long sleeves a good thing, or bad? It looks like praying in short sleeves could cost you up to 15% of the DC radiation, but it's not clear whether God-irradiated elbows are beneficial.

"Efficacy of various types of prayer positions"?

I could spend a fun few months testing this if I got the funding.

My main research instrument would be a nice collection of dice. (Well, don't have that many sick relatives; better to pray for a natural twenty instead.)

I'd start the positions with sitting, kneeling, standing on one leg, standing on my head, being suspended from the ceiling, half hanging off the couch head down --- all with the various hand gestures. (Say, waving two raised middle fingers all around while angrily muttering the mantra "Eh what? Eh what? Eh what?")

That's the posture I adopt at 3am when the kids don't let me sleep, without avail. I guess their cries interfere with the frequency of divine consciousness. Does anyone have a noise-canceling divine-consciousness transmitter?

By Denis Alexander (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

but there's a disclaimer at the end of the page... "... results can vary"... who knew?

I really wanted to ask them how an amputee recieves the God Principle, but wouldn't you know it, you need to be a member to contact them.

They state that a 'higher' individual can receieve the transmission in their finger-tips, so clearly, not having fingers would be a huge impediment to being a 'higher' individual.

Usually you can tell a spoof site by their FAQ, and this:

6.4 I am an atheist, how can I gain from this website?

- You can gain from the sections about the basic purpose of life, universal concepts in Spiritual science, why we do the things we do, even when sometimes they are contrary to our nature, the root causes of difficulties in life, etc.

- You could learn about the vast unseen subtle world of ghosts, angels, heaven, hell etc. from people who can see it and how it affects our lives

...is way too dry to be from a spoof site.

By Ryan F Stello (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

#26:

I thought prayers were supposed to go up?

This shows them coming down.

Prayer going up is equivalent to time-reversed anti-prayer coming down. I'm sure there's a Feynman diagram which explains it.

The site has a prayer efficiency chart....
My god, now I understand! I used to use the 2% efficiency method, no wonder my prayers weren't being answered!

Even better then their 30% example, I'll go around with my thumbs in my eyeballs.

It's well known that the SI units for Divine Consciousness are "metric tonnes of bullshit".

By Turing E. (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Okay, so... 20% of DCFs are absorbed... of those 15% (or 3% of the total) spread into the body of the seeker, while 5% (of the total) are lost to the surroundings. From this, we observe that DCFs are not conserved. Intriguing. As "god is eternal and unchanging," it must follow that the remaining frequencies are converted into some other form of divine energy, while simultaneously equivalent amounts of that energy are elsewhere converted into DCFs.

Gawd, do they ever fail at making up statistics, though! Even Freshmen know that when you make up data, you shouldn't make up nice round numbers. 20% should become 19.78%, 5% should become 5.19%, and so on. Duh!

Lynna (#56)

Those calling Poe on this one are forgetting the Law of the Con.

The more details you provide, the more the mark will be suckered.

So, in order to better judge whether a particular message is for real or not, we have to learn to weigh both the Poes and the Cons.

By Richard Smith (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I've been following the rules for the last 2 hours by praying correctly but my secretary hasn't budged an inch, dammit.

By FishNChimps (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

To leave a comment, you have to register first. How cowardish. How… fittingly ridiculous.

By David Marjanović, OM (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Is this an Austin Powers thing? "Oh, bhaav ..."

#26 & #113
Obviously prayer uses a secure communication protocol. You get into position and send a request packet, God responds by sending his Divine Consciousness down to envelop you, and you communicate directly to this Consciousness. Once the communication is complete and you send the EoP or end of prayer signal, the Divine Consciousness is returned to God for processing. Much more secure a protocol than our measly encryption protocols.

So, in order to better judge whether a particular message is for real or not, we have to learn to weigh both the Poes and the Cons.

Oh, no you di'int!!

It's well known that the SI units for Divine Consciousness are "metric tonnes of bullshit".

1 metric tonne of bullshit = 2.37 Imperial pantloads

Ohm =/= Om.

By whitebird (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

This brings up SO many questions (aside from the math)

What is the near-field intensity?

Is the transmission method cross-polarised? Is it Digital?

Is the radiation pattern omni-radiant, or focused?

What is the cause of that sudden radiation "focus" (ducting?) just above the fingers? (Aha! it MUST be digital then!)

Never mind the aforementioned conservation of Energy principles.

Oh wait - I forgot the math. Everything by zero. NEVERMIND.

JC

Several posters have noted that the God Principle looks suspiciously like a beer bong. This interpretation looks suspiciously like a confirmation of the priorities of some Pharyngula readers. I think it is statistically significant.

Richard @117:

So, in order to better judge whether a particular message is for real or not, we have to learn to weigh both the Poes and the Cons.

Splutter! cough. Warn me next time. I'm having coffee here.

So you have to check out their "Spiritual scientific method"
compared to "modern scientific method" ...
Spiritual science:
"1) spiritual evolved person askes a question. 2) difinitive and absolute answers are precieved immdediately".
...hmmm... This so beats the work involved with years of research trying to prove or disprove a hypothesis. IM SOLD!

Guess you don't have to be a fuckwit to write crap like that, but no doubt it would help. Tremendously.

Maybe the catlickers could ad that it works even better while the bishop is sodomizing you.

But....what about the other 60%? Aaaargh, that makes me crazy!

Also: "protective sheath"?

More techno-prayer: Al Zimuth Christian Meter With Formula, And Tables (a patent application):

Abstract: This invention is a Mathematical Formula, T=d/p, and corresponding tables, that are meant to initiate a manual Method of Process. This process is intended to meter the time differential between the LORDS 360 degree Day, vs. Mans 360 degree Day. Sort of like a shot clock in basketball, vs the basketball game clock. The method is used to acquire exact information concerning ones inquiries concerning the time differential between these two 'Days'.

...

These calculations become useful to the Christian who desires to meter the time differential between the LORDS dimension vs our own. The benefit comes mostly in prayer and supplication. The Christian using these calculations would realize that 1 minute of the LORDS day or 0.25 degrees of movement of the LORDS DAY HAND equals 0.694444 years on Earth, or approximately 8 months Earth time, and so on, with these calculations. The result would be more diligent prayer by the Christian, increasing the believers presence in this other dimension. This also would instill a sense of GOD the Father of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christs' longsuffering in the believer. This giving the believer a(n) understanding of why things take so long, the believer now having access to a clear display of The LORDS DAY vs Mans Day.

Considering how much work went into it, I do not think this is a Poe. Who would go to such lengths without being possibly credited for it from the relevant peer group? Which leads me to my initial statement when I first saw the graphic: WTF?

So you have to check out their "Spiritual scientific method"
compared to "modern scientific method" ...
Spiritual science:
"1) spiritual evolved person askes a question. 2) difinitive and absolute answers are precieved immdediately".
...hmmm... This so beats the work involved with years of research trying to prove or disprove a hypothesis. IM SOLD!

Is it bad, when you read a website...

...and your head catches on fire from sheet WUT?

I'm thinking that's not good.
Happened on the linked site.

Twice.

So 25% of the intercepted woo just leaks out of the head? That seems like such a waste. People who pray should wear some sort of head-piece which stops the rays from escaping. Something made of aluminium, perhaps?

By Prof. Henry Armitage (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Ah, that's why my prayers are never answered: I must have been mis-bhaav-ing.

Isn't science wonderful: it can answer all questions!! :P

By lordshipmayhem (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

They seem to be obsessed with percentages... 50% black energy, 5% sattva predominance able to receive 20% Divine Consciousness... what is this? And I always love the fine understatement of being described as "His Holiness"...

BTW, is there a correlation of sattva to Thetan level?

#73 Sastra:

This website also provides a good answer to the question "what would it take to persuade you that science and religion are compatible?"

Imagine, hypothetically, that all this stuff was replicable, and confirmed across multiple disciplines in labs around the world. I'd change my mind, and accept that there is, indeed, a 'spiritual dimension.'

But it is replicable! Your experiment is asking one spiritually evolved person the same question several times. If he gives the same answer, your experiment is successfully replicated! I saved a bit of time and just read the chart several times. No matter how often I look, the chart shows consistently that you get 20% of divine frequencies. I can't think of a single scientific experiment that produced results with such amazing consistency!

I just looked at the chart again. It is STILL 20%. How you can remain atheists in the face of such stunning replicability is quite beyond me.

By Michael Suttkus, II (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Divine Consciousness is measured by the flow of particles known as morons.

While the moron's existence has been firmly established, it has yet to be safely isolated.

More from Spiritual Science Research Foundation: An Introduction to the Various Types of Ghosts:

The Spiritual Science Research Foundation (SSRF) has been studying various types of ghosts and their manifestations since the year 2000. At that time due to the intense spiritual practice of seekers in the SSRF hermitages (aashrams) across India and the mission of the organisation to spread Spirituality in order to herald in the era of spiritual renewal after 2025, we found that seekers of SSRF began to be increasingly targeted by ghosts. Initially the lower order ghosts began to attack the aashram and seekers. SSRF seekers fought this onslaught of subtle attacks by increasing their spiritual level, spiritual healing remedies and most importantly the grace of their spiritual guide His Holiness Dr. Athavale. However as the years progressed, various types of ghosts of increasing spiritual strength attacked seekers in an attempt to stop the spiritual research that was taking place in the SSRF aashrams.

Check out their "comparative chart of relative spiritual strength across various genres of ghosts" that gives actual numbers for the relative strength of ghosts and the spiritual level of Saints of equivalent strength. I now know that the worst ghost is the Subtle Sorcerer, which has a strength of 100,000 to infinity, is aligned with the terrorists, and would require a level 90 or greater Saint to counteract!

Their religion is like a JRPG.

It seems to me that you could increase the odds of your prayer being heard by wearing some sort of parabolic sleeves and placing your hands at the focal point.

LULZ!!
Silly Hindus believing in dumb superstitious woo.
They even set up a "research foundation" to make it seem as if it is science.

By Ineffable (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Anyone remember Yogic flying?

I not only remember it, I went through the course. I have to say that it was good exercise. Memorable moment: when a guy in the men's dome (meditation hall) in Fairfield, Iowa broke his leg "flying" and wailing ambulances interrupted the afternoon session.

David Lynch believes. He, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Donovan, Jerry Seinfeld and others recently performed in NYC to raise money to teach TM to children (not the flying bit, though). See http://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/

The relaxation and quiet time has proven to be beneficial for kids, prisoners, etc. But in the time-honored manner of religions, the TM organization has complicated the picture to the nth degree. Not just yogic flying, but also declaring a Sovereign Ruler of the Global Country of World Peace, etc.. See http://www.mou.org/mou/overview/raja_nader_ram/index.html. Of course, TM claims that it is not a religion, and for many practitioners it isn't one.

Most of the stuff like the coronation of Raja Ram is no longer the public face of TM, especially not for first time meditators, especially not for contributors to the David Lynch Foundation. Maybe the "Vedic Tradition" aspect will fade away with time?

I must emphasize on the perfection of the sequential elaboration of this Vedic Literature, which expresses the Constitution of the Universe from its point value to its unbounded value in the ever-expanding universe. ... This theme of evolution is available in the structure of the Veda. Total Natural Law, concentrated in the first syllable of Rk Veda, sequentially expands into 40 values of the Veda and Vedic Literature and their divisions and subdivisions. Totality is available at every level of evolution... Excerpt from "Proclamation of Vishwa Prashasak Raja Ram First Sovereign Ruler of the Global Country of World Peace

Two comments on this foolishness:
The volume of manna raining down on this poorly misled individual only equals 40 percent, and 5 percent of that misses him altogether, even though he is sitting in perfect position. You just can't win.
By the way, where did the other 60 percent of the manna go?
My sheath must be torn becuse that divine energy keeps leaking out the sides and missing me alogether.

This reminds me of how Divine Magic ('Channeling') worked in the old Rolemaster RPG. You had a Channeling skill, and needed to exceed 100 for it to go off.

Then, your god answered your prayer by giving you 1-100 spell points, multiplied by your channeling score (often below 100, so this actually reduced it).

However, if you got more Channeling points than you could normally have, you took damage, lost stats, or, in one particularly memorable case involving my Cleric, got fatally inverted (turned inside-out).

By Marc Mielke (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

More on His Majesty Maharaja Adhiraj Raja Raam
Professor Tony Nader M.D., Ph.D.
Source: http://www.maharishitm.org/en/tonynaderen.htm

Professor Tony Nader M.D., Ph.D. obtained his MD degree from the American University of Beirut, where he also studied internal medicine and psychiatry. His Ph.D. was in brain and Cognitive Science from Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) where he was also a visiting physician at the Clinical Research Center. He did his post-doctoral work as a Clinical and Research Fellow in Neurology at the Massachusetts General Hospital, the Harvard Medical School.

Professor Tony Nader M.D., Ph.D. conducted various research projects on neurochemistry, neuroendocrinology, and the relationship between diet, age, behavior, mood, seasonal influences, and neurotransmitter and hormonal activity, and on the role of neurotransmitter precursors in medicine.

His interest in natural health care led him, while at MIT, to conduct research on Maharishi Ayurveda herbal and mineral preparations for their safety, their effects on memory and behavior, and their ability to prevent aging and disease, including cancer. He also conducted original research on the effects of Maharishi's Transcendental Meditation and TM-Sidhi programs in solving social and international problems.

I love the illustration, it looks like Zorro is low on transmission fluid.

From the linked page:

In our life, 65% of events happen as per destiny. Destined events are those events that we have no control over. Please refer to the article on destiny and wilful action.

I am solely responsible for only 35% of this comment. No, I don't know which 35%.

Perhaps I'll pray about it.

Nah.

By Crudely Wrott (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

@Marc (#147), wasn't Rolemaster that completely overorganized RPG? Lots of charts for everything? Rings a bell... or was it Harnmaster?

I now know that the worst ghost is the Subtle Sorcerer, which has a strength of 100,000 to infinity, is aligned with the terrorists, and would require a level 90 or greater Saint to counteract!

Feh. My party could take one. The half-ogre fighter has 18/78 strength and a two-handed Sword of Wounding, which he wields like a bastard sword due to his size.

Don't get me started on the elven mage.

From the linked page:

5.1 Explanation Stage 1 of prayer posture (mudraa) is a diagram showing the influx of "divine subtle (intangible) frequencies."

Good thing they added the intangible qualifier. That means they cannot be felt. Which explains a lot.

By Crudely Wrott (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

LULZ!!
Silly Hindus believing in dumb superstitious woo.
They even set up a "research foundation" to make it seem as if it is science

Ineffable,

Here's a rag, please wipe up your mess. You dripped sarcasm all over the floor.

Guess you don't have to be a fuckwit to write crap like that, but no doubt it would help. Tremendously.

Maybe the catlickers could ad that it works even better while the bishop is sodomizing you.

And you get magnetic pick-up amplifiers. These were earlier used with more sophisticated turntables, so the technology is well proven. Deliver your prayers in surround sound! God is a bit hard of hearing, so don't be afraid to turn up the volume.
Also, what they don't tell you is that it works best @ 130 dBA about 2.30 in the morning while everybody else are sound asleep.

But....what about the other 60%? Aaaargh, that makes me crazy!

Wasted as heat. Hence, global warming. QED.

Michael Suttkus II #140 wrote:

But it is replicable! Your experiment is asking one spiritually evolved person the same question several times. If he gives the same answer, your experiment is successfully replicated!

Heh, good point. But of course my criteria for making this stuff genuinely scientific would change their "principles of spiritual research" and allow the energies to be measured by instruments, or, perhaps, require that "spiritually evolved people" from all religions, isolated from each other, come up with the same results, unprompted. You'd have to tweak it around to make it more objective, but it could be done.

The more I read from this site, though, the more parallels I see between this sort of New-Agey Western-Eastern hybrid, and mainstream religions. When you get right down to it, at some point they all claim that their beliefs are trustworthy and reliable because they are "spiritually evolved" enough to either ask/experience God directly, or know with certainty which people are able to do so, or were able to do so in the past. "You just know through faith." Or you have hope, which translates into knowledge, because you're really right to hope the way you do. It's so humbling.

They're resting on knowledge "obtained in a ready-made format," and confirmed by satisfying personal experiences judged through a friendly, I-want-to-be-satisfied attitude (which attitude is itself a sign of spiritual maturity.)

My previous comment is in too-many-links-limbo since I included videos from SSRF's youtube channel (www.youtube.com/user/SSRFINC) showing ghost-possessed people being annoyed with holy water (which you can make yourself from Holy ash... which you can make yourself from SSRF incense sticks), but I had to make sure this wacky article about their incese sticks gets seen. It has a great diagram showing the Bliss Particles and Divine Consciousness spirals that are emitted by burning the sticks, done in the style of a particle physics illustration.

Good stuff, jpf.
Here is the illustration mentioned.
And here is the effect of those particles 'n' frequencies of bliss.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I think this explains the attempts by the religious right to fill the military with evangelical Christians: they needed a source of spiritual energy, to focus and concentrate into a devastating new weapon.

This "Hymndrogen Bomb" could in theory have the power of 40-50 MegaGospels, unleashing in a single instant more prayers than were uttered during the entirety of the dark ages.

I love what passes for proof at the spiritual research foundation:

In the Live an aware life video, the only "proof" offered of the effectiveness of spiritual therapy is a number of unconvincing, hand-selected case studies. But who's conducting this research, and in what journals?

Why, its His Holiness, Dr. J.B. Athavale, who is of course a credible source, because his "research has been published in journals." I did a little digging and found a sample of his research publications. It looks as if he has only managed to publish in a single, obscure journal, known as The Indian Journal of clinical hypnosis and research. A quick Google search for the title returns zilch.

The video goes on to say:

People who have been educated in the modern sciences and the so-called skeptics will probably fight tooth and nail to negate the fact that these cures are actually due to spiritual healing remedies; because, if they accept the fact that ghosts and the spiritual dimension actually exist, then every book of modern science would need to be re-written and its very foundations changed.

There's good reason "spiritual healing" has been met with resistance from scientists and skeptics. It's not because we're afraid of new ideas (science is constantly challenging itself), it's because of a lack of evidence and good science and because of the conscious dishonesty with which these not entirely benign lies are being perpetuated.

Lynna #148:

Wow, that's some link. This guy was (presumably) educated at Harvard, has a PhD, and yet

Professor Tony Nader M.D., Ph.D., has demonstrated scientifically that the human physiology is made of the 40 aspects of Veda and Vedic Literature, and that all the infinite organizing powers of all kinds and the whole cosmos, are seated in the physiology of every human being.
Therefore every individual -- whether Christian or Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist, Sikh or Jain or Parsee -- has been scientifically proven to be cosmic, and to have unlimited cosmic potentiality. Higher Intelligence is located in the very physiological structure of every man, woman and child in the nation, and only needs to be awakened for everyone to enjoy the support of Higher Intelligence.

Demonstrated it "scientifically," huh? Using his Harvard-type science, or his Vedic-type "science?" There are many kinds of science! Right.

I am so tempted to think the man has gone mad (the picture of him wearing his "First Sovereign Ruler of the Global Country of World Peace" crown is a suggestive clue), except that there are evidently many people who support him, and he apparently didn't just crown himself. That doesn't actually preclude insanity, of course, but it does add in the possibility that, through various twists and turns in his life, he fell in with an insane belief system, and is otherwise psychologically normal. Or at least, was when he started.

Though I do wonder if his neurology research at some point included heavy personal use of psychoactive drugs.

Looking at these illustrations, I was reminded of Justin Green's "Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary." Probably no one else remembers that. I feel old.

By Not that Louis (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Ah, that's why my prayers are never answered: I must have been mis-bhaav-ing.

I was eating Jelly Bellies and damn near needed a Heimlich maneuver.

By Lee Picton (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I suspect the unit of measure is the Gul which is a measure of how little bullshit is required to make someone believe utter bollocks.

On the plus side, maybe it's because I didn't touch the thumb to the head which explains why prayer didn't work back when I were a fundie?

By DavidWaldock (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Sastra @162: Yep, Professor Tony Nader was probably close to normal at one time. It is, of course, close-minded of us to assume that he is now off on a tangent. Right. Anyway, his education credential are for real, which just deepens the mystery of Why-and-How.
http://www.maharishi.org/books/tonybook.html

Here is one of Nader/Raja Raam's close associates and also co-author of some published papers: http://hagelin.org/ Also, see quote below from Dr. Hagelin's website. Hagelin also has good education credentials. I blame quantum mechanics.

The conference series features Dr. John Hagelin, world-renowned quantum physicist and Director of the Institute of Science, Technology and Public Policy. Dr. Hagelin, who conducted pioneering research at the European Center for Particle Physics and the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center, will present the scientific discovery of the Unified Field and its practical applications in every area of society as a proven means to eradicate intractable problems such as violence, disease, and poverty.
“The Unified Field, according to modern physics, is the deepest, most powerful level of Nature’s functioning—and the source of the infinite creativity and intelligence within every individual and displayed throughout the universe,” Dr. Hagelin said.

Now do you believe?

73.4% of all statistics are made up.

95.389% of the time made up statistics have lots of decimal places - to show how precisely made up they are.

If you people don't stop mocking my beliefs, I am going to have to do something drastic.

Expect an angry, blue-skinned, elephant-headed, multi-armed deity at your door in the near future, as soon as I get your address from my sixth sense. You think mocking Islam is dangerous, just you wait.

By JohnnieCanuck (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Ray comfort is giving away copies of his books for free.

Great! I'm almost out of toilet paper.

Meditation is more scientific than prayer. Meditation boasts more Ph.D's in the fields of physics of neurology. That's how you can tell.

Expect an angry, blue-skinned, elephant-headed, multi-armed deity at your door in the near future …

Sorry, I don't give just anyone some bacon. You'll go away with many empty hands. Sorry!

can't Stop LAUGHING!!!

Dr. John Hagelin was the 1992, 1996, and 2000 US presidential candidate for the now-defunct Natural Law Party, which proposed to create a new branch of the military composed of transcendental meditators, who would ward off evil on a national level by creating an alternative to a missile defense shield -- the "Vedic defense shield".

Ray Comfort is also displaying on that page, to the nearest tenth of a person, the number of people that have died since you started viewing the page.

Would that be to account for amputations, or what?

That's a parody site, I think, that you sent us to, Rev. BDC. But I'm not sure...

By JohnnieCanuck (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Can you put the image below the fold, looking at it makes me nauseous.

After a close examination of the site I noticed that the "proper" way to pray only results in improving "positive" types of prayer and negating interference from "negative" energies. What if we really want someone to lose their job or die? What's the posture for that?

Lynna #167 wrote:

Now do you believe?

At one of the Randi conventions, a speaker said something to the effect that "You cannot find a belief so bizarre, so silly, so 'out there' -- that there isn't a PhD scientist around somewhere, who endorses it."

I'm inclined to believe that.

From the Golden Dome of Pure Knowledge in Iowa, a squadron of Yogic Fliers are keeping America safe:

1800 Sidhas generate twice daily global "telecasts", creating coherence, neutralizing stress, and
building support of Natural Law from the largest TM-Sidhis Group Program facility in the USA.
The Sidhis include mentally altering the local gravitational curvature of space time geometry.

They are an integral part of the Invincible Defense Technology, as promoted by Dr John Hagelin's International Center for Invincible Defense (which has even more scientifical charts an graphs.)

This is a neverending font of technobabble insanity.

What if we really want someone to lose their job or die? What's the posture for that?

Hunch over and rub your hands together. Alternately, you can tent your fingers like Mister Burns.

Sinister cackling is not required, but it does add to the overall effect.

And if you don't believe that the Yogic Fliers are securing our Invincible Defense, I invite you to examine the hard data: over three years worth of daily "Superradiance Tallies":

The immediate urgent priority for national invincibility and world peace is to join the Invincible America Course at MUM. Only 2000 Flyers, rising to 2500, in Fairfield/Maharishi Vedic City will bring security to America and defuse the precarious escalation of conflict in the world.

Superradiance Tally by Date and Location
12 May Fairfield/MVC 1767 1917
11 May Fairfield/MVC 1763 1938
10 May Fairfield/MVC 1697 1794
09 May Fairfield/MVC 1711 1814
08 May Fairfield/MVC 1742 1899
07 May Fairfield/MVC 1770 1939
06 May Fairfield/MVC 1786 1964
05 May Fairfield/MVC 1752 1938

...and so on.

Does it come with a radio. Christian on 1010am, mormons 1260am and zuess 89.9fm.

By Phillip A Jones (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

jpf @182: So how many kids who get started on TM through the David Lynch Foundation will end up in the Golden Dome of Pure Knowledge?

Sastra@180: yep, somewhere you can find a Ph.D. to back you up no matter what, but I think top prize might go to the TM organization and to MUM (Maharishi University of Management). I've met Hagelin. In person he seems healthy, bright, a thoroughly admirable individual. Then there's the Center for Invincible Defense and mucho discussion of quarks in the context of the Vedas. Sam Harris says he meditates without believing any of the bullshit.

Based on sheer destructiveness of "Divine Consciousness," I would guess that the meter measures in rads or rems

By Thomas Allen (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

A "Divine Consciousness" meter would almost certainly measure rads or rems

By Thomas Allen (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

whoops. My last sentence in #187 did not come out right. "Sam Harris says he meditates without believing any of the bullshit." Didn't mean to imply that Sam Harris thinks Hagelin meditates without believing any of the bullshit, but that Sam Harris himself claims to meditate without getting sucked into surrounding bullshit.

Does it come with a radio. Christian on 1010am, mormons 1260am and zuess 89.9fm.

By Phillip A Jones (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

jpf @188: Yes, money is all-powerful. So, Mararishi Vedic City has its own currency. Surely they can exchange my dollars for Raam when I send my donation to fix the leak in the Invincible Dome.

Vedic Economy: The ideal currency of the City is the Raam-the development currency of the Global Country of World Peace. (You can still use dollars or your credit card.) The City is also planning to be the future home of Raam Bank.

See http://vediccity.net

I read the Bhagavad Gita when I was in high school because I figured "I like Emerson and Emerson liked the Bhagavad Gita. How bad can it be." It was really crazy and gave me a big fat headache.

I asked a nice (I thought) Hindu lady about it and she said that western children were too steeped in an environment of "materialism and promiscuity" for any part of the Mahabharata to be accessible to us.

I wanted to argue the point but was a little to busy thinking, "Did she just call my mom a greedy whore?"

By Prometheus (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

You people are truly missing the point here.

Assuming that God made us, and whatever network necessary for prayers to be transmitted and received, and that we are only accessing 20% of the Divine Consciousness even though there's been 6009 years for Him to improve the signal to noise ratio - I think it's safe to say that He hires some really shitty sub-contractors.

By Chili Pepper (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Lynna #187 wrote:

Sam Harris says he meditates without believing any of the bullshit.

Yes -- though Harris is also a bit ambiguous on exactly what he means by, and what value he gives, to the "mystical" understanding one gains through meditation. In his End of Faith book he gives a sort of lukewarm endorsement to Dean Radin's bogus Conscious Universe, and he can be vague on the topic. I once watched an argument between Daniel Dennett and Harris on meditation. Dennett objected to Harris' earlier claim that Dennett thought there was nothing important to be learned from meditation. On the contrary, Dennett said, he himself meditated and agreed that it both gave valuable information on how the brain puts together our understanding of reality, and useful personal skills in focusing, appreciating, and relaxing. He just didn't think that it gives insight into how the universe works.

I wish I remember Harris' response more accurately. My recollection is that he agreed, but said there was still something else that Dennett was missing. Damned if I could figure out his point at the time, and I suspect Dennett couldn't either. Murky.

He did tell me that he didn't agree with Ken Wilber, though, which at least suggests he hasn't gone too far down a rabbit hole.

Can you put the image below the fold, looking at it makes me nauseous.

No one else thinks those chaltanya look suspiciously noodly and appendage-like? I believe there may be a hidden message in that illustration.

No, no, no.
The Divine Consciousness is actually Psycho-Kinetic Energy which is measured in GeV, or giga-electronvolts. Anyone can measure that energy using a PKE Meter. However, make sure that you only purchase Venkman brand meters. They're the best.

By ThirdMonkey (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

The "Invincible Dome" is leaking. Please send money (which is apparently more powerful than meditation.)

--jpf @188

Gee. You'd think with all the power of bouncing butts and vedic shields that such a consecrated roof (the only one dedicated by the Maharishi himself, you know) would never leak. At least not enough to make the trampolines soggy.

By Crudely Wrott (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

This reminds me of how Divine Magic ('Channeling') worked in the old Rolemaster RPG.

Sounds overly complex. But at least it's not FATAL.

Sastra @198: Yes, Sam Harris comes off as not having gone down the rabbit hole. And he's capable of industrial-grade sarcasm. Maybe he's immune to woo. I hope so, because now that he's getting his Ph.D. in neuroscience he's at risk. See Raja Raam (a.k.a. Tony Nader).

Crudely Wrott @202: No trampolines in the Invincible Dome. That's wall-to-wall high-density foam. Problems with mold and dust -- both begetting allergies -- have proven invincible.

Is the "protective sheath" akin to a spiritual condom (but with holes, as it appears 5% of the woo leaves the body)?

Prayer is measured in Woo Units. Woo Units are a complex formula that include Batsh*t insanity times illogic times wishful thinking times magical thinking divided by the cubed root of common sense times the fourth root of the scientific method. As you can see Woo Units tend to be very high numbers.

The Second Region of Hell is in charge of harming people financially and the Fourth Region of Hell goes about harming people physically. So what are those slackers in the First and Third Regions of Hell doing?

By 'Tis Himself (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

'Tis Himself @#207: The first and third regions of hell are fully occupied with getting people to have sex instead of praying. The first circle is encouraging Mormon guys to masturbate and the third circle is taking care of the rest of us.

The first circle is encouraging Mormon guys to masturbate

Of course. It takes an entire Region of Hell to overcome the power of the Magic Underwear™.

By 'Tis Himself (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Is the "protective sheath" akin to a spiritual condom (but with holes, as it appears 5% of the woo leaves the body)?

@#34

#34 has it almost right. The amazing Randi proclaims the units are WWN's or "Woo-Woo-Nits". After a Catholic receives Holy Communion, an average of 50,000 micromicro WNN's are common.

I didn't think Christians were allowed to wear protective sheaths...

This looks like an unholy combination of Hindi and Judeo-Christian rhetoric and marketed towards crystal waving gulli-tards.

My dog, there's an absolute turd mine of gem quality flaming stupid on that site. Best laugh I've had in a while. The videos and “subtle pictures” are absolutely priceless!

By Anonymous (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

GENIOUS!!!111!!

We need to put this information to a double blind study, but the question is: Where will I find a nation where it's legal to lobotomize the faithful?

#215 was me.

By Emmet, OM (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

What if a person used the prayermaster 2000?

I followed the link (shudder).

I notice that in order to post a comment on the site you have to be a member (log in required).

I guess the question I have is: Is there peer review, and if so . . . aw, forget it, I got nothin' else. I'm kind of stunned.

Finished with finals, though, and have officially opened the Shiner Bock celebratory libation. Cheers, Pharyngula!

No kings,

Robert

By Desert Son (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

On behalf of rational Indians everywhere, I apologize. I wonder if this site can be India's answer to the Templeton Foundation, both vying for the topmost Woo-peddler position?

By Kausik Datta (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Divine consciousness is measured in units of Aums.

Tis Himself #207 wrote:

The Second Region of Hell is in charge of harming people financially and the Fourth Region of Hell goes about harming people physically. So what are those slackers in the First and Third Regions of Hell doing?

The First Region of Hell is in charge of harming people's houseplants and television reception, and the Third Region of Hell -- well, you're in it. Welcome to Pharyngula.

And we're not slacking; we've a job to do.

This site is great. I'm no longer bored on airplanes, I just download threads like this to my iphone and I have hours of entertainment to while away the hours.

Thanks to all for the comments, and especially PZ for providing the links and articles. With RD.net and Pharyngula I'm glad to know that there are many others in the world who don't believe all the religious nonsense and like to have fun dissecting their bogus claims. This one is a classic.

As an electronics engineer I now know the true meaning of Ohm.

LULZ!!
Silly Hindus christians believing in dumb superstitious woo.
They even set up a "research foundation" [named the Discovery Institute] to make it seem as if it is science.

All credulous suckers commonly share the religion delusion itself; doesn't matter what flavor of snake oil.

"Do I have to get a converter box when this goes digital?"

ROFL !!!!!

ITS SCIENCE! YOU CANT ARGUE WITH SCIENCE!

PZ succeeded in killing another entire day with this one... Thank you so much! May I pray to get my day back?

By Denis Alexander (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

So prayer is the source of stink lines?

By Eric Paulsen (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Funniest thing i,ve seen since granny got her tits caught in the washing wringer.

The "Divine Consciousness Meter" already exists and is known to scientologists as an 'E-meter'. These religious delusions get funnier by the day - so why am I terrified?

By MadScientist (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Hilarious, thought this might be an "Onion" piece until i saw the link. Might print this and hand it out to the fundies and Jehovas when they call round, all serious like "Hope your doing this right, yake this with you and practice harder."

By Warren Beare (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

I'm adopting this immediately as a substitute logo for
"teh stupid it burns!"

It is well 'fit for purpose'.

By Michael Gray (not verified) on 13 May 2009 #permalink

Branwen,

George Carlin explained the situation quite succinctly: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

By 'Tis Himself (not verified) on 14 May 2009 #permalink

The current SI unit for the strength of prayer is the Dingbat...

Posted by: ragarth | May 13, 2009 6:18 PM #216
GENIOUS!!!111!!
We need to put this information to a double blind study, but the question is: Where will I find a nation where it's legal to lobotomize the faithful?

Why lobotomize the faithful?
Just puncture blown light bulbs of particularly low voltage, - the findings will be the same.

LivingWithMormons @165: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!

Several years ago, a friend was experiencing problems as her firstborn hit puberty and changed from the loving, intelligent, wonderful human being he had been, into a monstrous total stranger. My fiend cast about for help in dealing with the behavior changes, but nothing she tried seemed to help, and she finally allowed a neighbor to persuade her to come to a church group that was specifically aimed at mothers with problem children.

After a brief period of "fellowship," the small group split into "prayer pairs." The woman partnered with my friend handed her a sheet with a form prayer printed on it -- had blanks for "insert your child's name here" and everything. My friend mistakenly thought this was a guideline, and started to ad lib her own prayer. Her spiritual mentor actually STOPPED her in the middle of her prayer and informed her that she was doing it wrong! With a tight little smirk, she admonished my friend: "I guess you don't do this very often." Well, she sure hasn't tried it since!

And her son? About 2 years later his chemistry settled down, and he is now a charming, bright, wonderful young man. Funny how she didn't get so anxious when her younger son hit puberty.

Haven't read all the comments; sorry if this has been said:

The divine consciousness looks awfully Squidly in that picture.

But it does have numbers....unlike the Republican budget

The units of measurement would obviously be kilo Pascals, for a couple of reasons. First, Pascal is the perfect example of an adherent of the scientific method being corrupted by religion, in his case, Jansenism. Also, it is the same unit used to measure the Casimir effect, and we should all feel the repulsive force of the vacuum of religiosity.

The units of measurement would obviously be kilo Pascals

Sorry, pascals are already used as a measure of pressure. Nice try, though, and we have a lovely gift for you on your way out.

By 'Tis Himself (not verified) on 14 May 2009 #permalink

You hypocrites. Do you now deny evolution???

The pictures on the side ftw: Ape, ape-man, caveman, caveman, caveman, caveman, caveman, Dubya, some guy, man plummeting into Thames, Greek gods.

The units of measurement would obviously be kilo Pascals, for a couple of reasons…

Very clever, but clearly the correct unit is the watt the fuck.

By Emmet, OM (not verified) on 14 May 2009 #permalink

The fuck? Somebody is fixing for a hit upside their heads.

#249: If I had a hat, I'd tip it to you.

Chrisinsanity, the Church of Nescientology, Mary's Christian Nescience, Ellen White's Black Magic, Smith's Fraud

By Morgan-LynnGri… (not verified) on 17 May 2009 #permalink