University Of Metaphysical Sciences…right nearby!

I thought I knew of all the institutions of higher learning in my neighborhood, but I seem to have missed one: The University Of Metaphysical Sciences, located in the small town of Kandiyohi, Minnesota. I even know exactly where that is — it's just outside of Willmar, where my wife works every day.

You might be wondering what, exactly, you would learn at a University Of Metaphysical Sciences. Well, that isn't clear. You get to learn about Colors and Symbols, and Chakras, and how to connect with Angels (if I were younger, I'd be tempted to get a degree in that, just so I could use it as a pick-up line), and Miracles, and the Energy of Money.

How much does it cost? Tuition is a low, low $2000. It's even cheaper than it sounds, because they assure us that most students can complete a full Ph.D. program in only a year — it's so quick and easy, they even recommend that you get two doctoral degrees! I'm feeling slow and inadequate now…it took me five years to get just one.

What about accreditation? Well, accreditation, they assure us, is entirely optional and not necessary, but just in case, they do have accreditation from the American Alternative Medical Association and the American Association Of Drugless Practitioners. That really should count as just one, though: their webpages look identical, only the names, fonts and backgrounds have been changed, and they all trace back to the same small town outfit in Gilmer, Texas. They seem to be in the business of selling certificates to hang on a wall (only $285, they accept both Visa and MasterCard), so at least they seem to be UMS's peer institutions!

And just what can you do with a Ph.D. in Metaphysics? I wish I could say you learn how to fly, negate energy fields, and speak dolphin, but this is all you can do:

A degree from University Of Metaphysical Sciences qualifies a graduate to perform official ceremonies such as ministerial work, weddings, spiritual counseling, teaching, lecturing on the international circuit, credentialed book writing, setting up a spiritual center, and a variety of other services.

Isn't that just…fluffy? Makes me want to run down to Kandiyohi and, I don't know, piss in their mail slot or something. Or maybe explain to their students that their accrediting institutions are mail drops in Texas, that their degrees are completely worthless, that none of their credits will ever transfer to a legitimate college, and that no, a mail-order diploma from a joke like UMS does not give you any credibility on the international lecture circuit.

More like this

In continuation of the tradition begun at Jordan Barabâs Confined Space blog, Tammy has posted another edition of the Weekly Toll: Death in the American Workplace at her Weekly Toll blog. (It was posted on April 1; my apologies for not linking to it sooner.) It gives short writeups on 59 workplace…
A new daily alternative medicine show is about to be launched on the Healthy Living Channel. The Healthy Living Channel announced today it is adding to its line-up the widely popular "Nutritional Living with Dr. Ward Bond," a half-hour daily television series dedicated to nutrition, herbal medicine…
The Texas Based Institute for Creation Research would offer an online degree in Science Education. Approved by a State Advisory Board yesterday, the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board will consider the degree in January. Could this be why there has been a shakeup at the Texas Higher…
I believe in libraries and librarians. I think it was Dana Roth who posted this quote to a listserv: "To ask why we need libraries at all, when there is so much information available elsewhere, is about as sensible as asking if roadmaps are necessary now that there are so very many roads." ~Jon…

Ignorance isn't always bliss.

Reading all the crap above is showing how ignorant and stone aged many are with their lack of knowledge of alternative possibilities.

How about we let the pharmaceutical corporations and insurance companies control EVERYTHING! yeah... lets keep letting them tell us what we can and cannot do to heal ourselves. My gosh, buy this $100 pill, to heal one thing, but in the process we kill about three organs. That is science for ya. Mind you, it's got it's positive points, but it's a trillion dollar industry, meant for profit. You all seem want to take away our less expensive possibilities like healing ourselves with positive thoughts and herbal supplements that are natural. What about those who simply cannot afford the big time colleges and get denied loans. Should they just listen to you and never educate because their interests aren't good enough for you? I think not.

For the record: I am educated in many "government qualified" degrees(Psychology/Physics/Electrical Engineering). Whoopdee friggin do... but I know what I am talking about and nearly everyone else here is completely off the chart ignorant in most the above comments.

YEP, I EARNED my non-accredited education with UMS (PhD- Philosophy of Metaphysical Sciences) at which I worked very hard for. I actually completed exams, as well as wrote a thesis and dissertation. It isn't even close to a diploma mill (no study, degree by mail). There are a lot of classes to choose from at which students have to pass exams to move forward. They also write papers and oh my gosh....REAL learning... no shit.

I personally was very impressed with my classes, even after all my government approved accredited degrees and cost me a fortune.

I also knew perfectly well before studying metaphysics that it wasn't going to make me a medical doctor. DUH! I didn't want to go to med school, or I would have. I don't go around trying to diagnose people either, but I do help heal people with issues pertaining to spiritual, vocational or avocational issues. If you have a problem with that, then it's your problem, not the metaphysical community. Matter of fact, while you hurt yourselves and stress out, we would be the one's to help you, when the others fail.

For the record, The Cleveland Clinic has a Reiki Healing unit. Hey....UMS teaches Reiki. Science has already proven that energy exists that we cannot see. YEP... check into it. Try some simple Internet searches for Reiki.

UMS teaches extreme amounts of different topics, so if one isn't interested in Breatherism, as I wasn't, then don't pick that elective. It really is that easy. If you are not a believer in life after death or God, then don't sign up.

As I recall, freedom of choice is a good thing. Nobody is forcing anyone to sign up.

Metaphysics- Nobody seems to understand what it is... So here... ~Metaphysics is the study of ultimate reality. As I see it, studying about anything is better then never learning a damn thing.

However; basically, the study of God and how we can harness that energy for healing is a positive step in the right direction. This IS a science.

Examples: The study of healing with life force energy is called Reiki. Then we have many foreign belief studies that use and harness Chi (many times used in martial arts), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is another technique widely used, google it. Then there is: Hypnosis and NLP - used for countless reasons. Meditation- clears the mind, lowers stress. Dreams- it's fun... oh my gosh, fun? How dare anything be fun. Astrology, Astral Traveling or Remote Viewing (which the government uses in military), Channeling and/or Divination including Dousing (which is used to this day by workers looking for under ground pipes, water flow, burials, etc.) Herbs... Very important, it's what kick started the billion dollar pharmaceutical corporations.
This is only the tip of the ice burg.

So by trying to deny the rights to learn about such metaphysical studies, you might as well take away everyone's right to healing alternatives, and/or their religious rights. Get the facts before shooting off the mouth, it is making many of you look very uneducated and immature.

Oh yeah, Science IS connected to God, so they are finding out. Science, physics and metaphysics do very much go hand in hand. Google Ben Stein's documentary about the Darwin theory and watch it. It's about how scientists are not allowed to be smart. That one is a great eye opener, because the real hardcore scientists prove that it's impossible to create a human life by the big boom. WAKE UP! Something of higher intelligence did create us. Or...wait....could it be a higher power? Either way, it's far more complex than our human minds can comprehend, but hey.. gotta hand it to us, we sure do try.

Oh yeah, Another point made in that documentary is that Darwinism is what Hitler based his belief system on. Look what he ended up doing. YIKES!

Lets move forward in this lifetime, instead of taking three steps back and sticking to stone age of thinking that metaphysics is a cult. What a hoot.

Sorry for the book, but hey... to each his own.

Respectfully,
T

Oh, a live one !! And different too...

Oh yeah, Another point made in that documentary is that Darwinism is what Hitler based his belief system on. Look what he ended up doing. YIKES!

yes, that'll really make all those practioners of Hitlerist Darwinism dog breeders feel awful, Im sure.

Google Ben Stein's documentary about the Darwin theory and watch it. It's about how scientists are not allowed to be smart. That one is a great eye opener

Ehm no thanks.It's an eye opener only for folks with closed eyes, if you know what I mean...

By Rorschach (not verified) on 27 Dec 2009 #permalink

someone seems confused. last I checked, going forward means discarding superstitions, not returning to them... and it was in the stone age that people had "healers" who shook their magic stick over you to "heal" you, and we moved away from that to real, actually functioning medicine.

also: in civilized countries, no one gets bankrupted by medical bills, there are no "$100 pills", and no one doesn't have the money to go to college. maybe you should focus on fixing that, rather than selling people snake oil when they can't have the real thing.

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 27 Dec 2009 #permalink

oh yeah... wtf is "the big boom"?

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 27 Dec 2009 #permalink

What a word salad! My favourite bit:

[T]he real hardcore scientists prove that it's impossible to create a human life by the big boom.

WTF? (I assume for “big boom” it means “Big Bang”.) Who has ever claimed life, of any form at all, was created by or in the Big Bang? Well, Ok, I suppose a certain type of, ahem, “Big Bang”, perhaps with the Triple Breasted Whore, did conceive some individuals, but I rather doubt that's what it meant… though what it does mean is lost in the salad dressing.

Smells like Poe.

By John Morales (not verified) on 27 Dec 2009 #permalink

You all seem want to take away our less expensive possibilities like healing ourselves with positive thoughts and herbal supplements that are natural.

Less expensive or not, they.do.not.work. That's the problem. They don't work. Do you have any evidence showing otherwise? Why didn't you include it in your long rant?

What about those who simply cannot afford the big time colleges and get denied loans.

What about focusing on making it possible for everyone to get college education, like in civilized countries?

Science has already proven that energy exists that we cannot see.

Uh... what?

This IS a pseudoscience.

Fixed.

So by trying to deny the rights to learn about such metaphysical studies, you might as well take away everyone's right to healing alternativesmake money out of teaching bullshit to students.

Fixed, again.

Oh yeah, Science IS connected to God, so they are finding out.

They who?

Science, physics and metaphysics do very much go hand in hand.

Physics is part of science. Metaphysics is... "something else".

Google Ben Stein's documentary about the Darwin theory and watch it. It's about how scientists are not allowed to be smart dishonest cdesign proponentsists can be.

More fixed.

because the real hardcore scientists prove that it's impossible to create a human life by the big boom.

*headdesk*

Whatever that means... You want us to believe you have a «"government qualified" degree» in Physics? Really?

Oh yeah, Another point made in that documentary is that Darwinism is what Hitler based his belief system on. Look what he ended up doing.

That was predictable. Such a long rant had to include a Godwin at the end. And it's also a(nother) lie, a lie you were told by the dishonest cdesign proponentsists who made that "documentary". Look here.

Tandi,

Lets move forward in this lifetime, instead of taking three steps back and sticking to stone age of thinking that metaphysics is a cult. What a hoot.

Who fried your brain and ate it? Not only do you have no choice but to move forward it time (that's how it works), but the real hooter is coming from your direction. People during the Stone Age would have not had any concept of physics as a scientific discipline or any conception of a religious cult, so telling us that we are stuck thinking of your woo through such an ancient lens makes no sense.

For the record: I am educated in many "government qualified" degrees(Psychology/Physics/Electrical Engineering). Whoopdee friggin do... but I know what I am talking about and nearly everyone else here is completely off the chart ignorant in most the above comments.

By "educated" do you mean that you took remedial psychology, physics, and electrical engineering classes, or was your education in those subjects even less than that?

YEP, I EARNED my non-accredited education with UMS (PhD- Philosophy of Metaphysical Sciences) at which I worked very hard for. I actually completed exams, as well as wrote a thesis and dissertation. It isn't even close to a diploma mill (no study, degree by mail). There are a lot of classes to choose from at which students have to pass exams to move forward. They also write papers and oh my gosh....REAL learning... no shit.

Strange. Who would have guessed you were a doctor of woo who had spent years learning about woo if you hadn't bragged about your woo-soaked education and your Real™ learning and all that shit.

By aratina cage (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

Tandi, start here.

It is an incredible scandal that there's no public-owned health insurance and no free access to universities in the USA – all this stuff is free in all other halfway rich countries. At long last, something is being done about the tens of millions of Americans who have no health insurance at all, even though it's not much – even though it doesn't even get them to where the country I live in was 100 years ago!

It's revolting, sickening, gut-wrenching how you simply accept this scandal as some kind of fact of nature, and it's even more so how you propose in all seriousness to squeeze the last drop of money out of these people by selling them snake oil (or positive thoughts about snake oil) and pretend-education.

By David Marjanović (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

Besides, I noticed you used the word "energy". I don't think it means what you think it means.

And if you had actually learned any physics, the kind I was taught in the sixth year of (public) school, you'd know that, you hypocrite – you're lying to yourself.

By David Marjanović (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

People, that was no Poe.
Tandi is is a real, live representative of "the metaphysical community."

A True B'liever.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

so watch yer wallet

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

A True B'liever.

Yep, a True Idjit™, who is indistinguishable from the TB. I have never understood why they have to come here to show their ignorance to the world. They should know that their idjitcy will be exposed very easily.

By Nerd of Redhead, OM (not verified) on 28 Dec 2009 #permalink

"A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest" ~Paul Simon

I hear nothing of love and support of anything here. Only negative jib jab that you know nothing about, but attack. You want to pick apart and rip down anything you don't understand. Perhaps it's not your time to understand anything. So be it.

A ghost hunter can NEVER prove that a ghost is real to someone who wasn't there and didn't experience it for them self. So yes, one must experience it for them self to be able to make an accurate decision as to the validity of the experience.

We know your scared... I mean, how empty life must be with no God. What if we are right, there is a God and you denied the only thing that will help you... that would make you lost right? or even in hell? -Not my problem.

However....Naaaa, I don't believe in a physical hell either. I believe everything is a frame of thought and we have much more control that we think. -It's what you put into it that makes or breaks the experience. My next adventure is to learn about quantum physics. That intrigues me very much. I like to constantly learn. As I am not the one who didn't educate. I just know plenty of people who want to and can't, or don't.

So c'mon really... I am not saying that it is supposed to be ONLY metaphysics, I am talking the combination of everything being here for a reason. It's not always so black and white... step into the gray area.

If it were easy, it wouldn't be beyond physics. That is why you all don't understand it.

Coming from both sides myself, I know there is plenty of truth in both sides. I am not talking about the snake oil crap. That is ridiculous. But, staying on totally one side is also ridiculous, as you would never experience anything but a blind spot. Move around a bit... see more than your own jaded area.

That is all I have to say, sorry I posted in your Atheist's blog party. I won't be back.

G'day