GOATS ON FIRE!

Kooks are like stray cats: give them a little bit of attention, and they end up following you everywhere, making annoying squalling noises and clawing at your door. A perfect example is David Mabus aka Dennis Markuze aka That Insane Prat, who, now that registration is a barrier to posting his little kook-droppings here, has taken to trying to flood my mailbox. Ha ha, the laugh is on him, my mailbox is already flooded! Also, I've got filters up the wazoo there, anyway.

There a whole lot of skeptics (and the entire faculty of the University of Minnesota Morris, too, who have marveled and laughed at is output) who have been getting these lunatic emails, but I just filter them and delete them. However, Rebecca Watson has pointed out one felicitous random phrase from his recent eruption: GOATS ON FIRE! It's just sitting there. I have no idea what he's talking about. But it does seem to me to be a useful term for flagging weird stuff, so I've added it to my email filters to highlight any comments that use the phrase. It'll be handy for bringing the crazy to my attention…as long as you don't abuse it.

And again, the stray cat effect: crazy David Cumming, author of the God Equation, really wants my attention, and sent me a four page summary of his reasoning. It was too long and too stupid, so I only skimmed it, but in case anyone else wants to add it to their cracked pot collection, I've scanned it in. No, don't thank me. I'm just hoping one of you will shred it apart so that Cumming will follow you home.

It's very GOATS ON FIRE! There is a section that asks, "Where is the science?", but when I looked, there isn't any there.

More like this

Hey! One of my former blogging personas was GoatOnFire. I even had a burning goat logo.

I'm not sure how I feel about someone snaking it for nefarious purposes. I was very attached to GoatOnFire.

IT’S TIME TO END THIS LITTLE BLASPHEMY CALLED PHARYNGULA!!!!one hundred one!!!

BWAHAHAHA

What? Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy.

By Gyeong Hwa Pak… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Wow, just looked at the scan.

Irresistibly reminds me of numerological pyramidology.

By John Morales (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Did the Montreal police ever pay him a visit for those death threats he sent you?

By Feynmaniac (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Is that a religious thing, like burning sheep or burning witches (what a waste of sheep and witches)? Burnt goat is no good, but a well-made goat stew - yummy! I just don't know why the gardener can't understand why I lick my lips when his pet goat trundles by.

By MadScientist (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

If your mem'ry serves you well
We were goin' to meet again and wait
So I'm goin' to unpack all my things And sit before it gets too late

No man alive will come to you
With another tale to tell
And you know that we shall meet again
If your mem'ry serves you well

This goat's on fire
Rolling down the road
Best notify my next of kin
This goat shall explode!

If your mem'ry serves you well
I was goin' to confiscate your face
And wrap it up in a sailor's knot
And hide it in your case

If I knew for sure that it was yours ...
But it was oh so hard to tell
And you knew that we would meet again
If your mem'ry serves you well

This goat's on fire
Rolling down the road
Best notify my next of kin
This goat shall explode!

If your mem'ry serves you well
You'll remember you're the one
That called on me to call on them
To get you your favors done

And after ev'ry plan had failed
And there was nothing more to tell
You knew that we would meet again
If your mem'ry serves you well

This goat's on fire
Rolling down the road
Best notify my next of kin
This goat shall explode!

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

GOATS ON FIRE.....awesome band name.

By Feynmaniac (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

The goats, the goats, the goats are on fire...

Probably a devil reference using outdated iconography, originally, but it's your catchphrase now. Go with it.

Goats on fire would make a great expression - "Goats on fire, did I ever have a fucked up day!" It's too good to waste. Besides, that will piss on Markuze's prophecy parade lunacy a bit.

Hmm... Goats on Fire! Poor goats - their coats are not asbestos.

Cummings Sloppy formula: It is poor evidence for a creator when Cummings insists on using an accuracy of 10 decimal places in the equation, and it only agrees to three or four decimal places. So the Earth, Moon and Sun (and the rest of the universe) were created with a fudge factor of +/- 0.001%?

Heh: The transit of Venus is used to measure the Thom - doesn't Venus occasionally stop and go backwards?

Caprifraglantiae?

By John Morales (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

It seems like every Squidmas Cthulhu blesses us with a new phrase. Last year it was Happy Monkey. This year it's GOATS ON FIRE.

By Feynmaniac (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

I love it. It can be this year's holiday phrase:

"Goats on fire, sir!"
"And a very Happy Monkey to you, lad."

By ~Pharyngulette~ (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Even if there is a pattern, it doesn't imply design. Why is this so hard to understand? Let the equation be accurate. All it means is that there's a pattern. Any other conclusions remain speculative until positive evidence can be adduced to support it. Appearance does not necessarily imply truth.

/mini-rant

By Pyrrhonic (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Perhaps it's an anagram. Eg:

ROASTING FOE

FEASTING ROO

FIRST ONE AGO

GO, FAIR STONE

etc

Take you high and higher to the world you belong
GOATS ON FIRE creates love desire
High and higher to your place on the throne

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Please note, I was clearly 4 minutes slow in typing my comment - not merely aping the fine mind of Feynmaniac.

By ~Pharyngulette~ (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

The Cumming "God Equation" was deconstructed on the God Equation thread and again on the David Cumming replies thread.

Essentially he's taken arbitrary numbers, mashed them together, and determined that frequency × wavelength = C. Therefore God.

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

*Sigh* Is that short sighted sociopath in the sky smiting random animals again? I swear, if it's not setting up snakes as fall guys, causing amphibians to fall to a messy death from the clouds or killing off millions of fish with red algal blooms in the Nile, it's burning ruminants alive.

What is that bloke's problem? PETA are going to be pissed.

By Gregory Greenwood (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
GOATS ON FIRE

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

The speed of light is calculated using the equation is: 1420,405,750 cycles per second (frequency(Hz)) multiplied by 0.2544690072 Thoms (wavelength). this works out at 361,437,469.8 Thoms/sec.

Speed = distance x time. Frequency != time.

Mr. Cumming seems to have confused the relationship of T = 1/f as meaning that frequency and time are the same, missing that the relationship indicates the period of an individual waveform versus the number of waves per second.

Whoever his "scientists working in Edinburgh and Yorkshire" happen to be... they're rubbish.

I was born in this town
Live here my whole life
Probably come to die in this town
Live here my whole life
Never anything to do in this town
Live here my whole life
Never anything to do in this town
Live here my whole life
Probably learn to die in this town
Live here my whole life
Nothing to do, sit around at home
Sit around at home, stare at the walls
Stare at each other and wait till we die
Stare at each other and wait till we die
Probably come to die in this town
Live here my whole life
There's Kerosene around, something to do
There's Kerosene around, she's something to do
There's Kerosene around, she's something to do
There's Kerosene around, we'll find something to do
Kerosene around, she's something to do
Kerosene around, set GOATS ON FIRE
Set GOATS ON FIRE, Kerosene
Set GOATS ON FIRE, Kerosene
Set GOATS ON FIRE, Kerosene
Set GOATS ON FIRE, Kerosene
Set GOATS ON FIRE

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

#22: Emotional blackmail.

"Ok, I have had it with you guys - I've tried to get you to get along using snakes, frogs and fish - if you guys are not going to play nice I'll... I'll set fire to the goat! Really, I will! I know how much you like goats (being omnipotent and all that) so don't pretend it won't hurt you."

Mabus/Markuze has been spamming my blag, too, along with a few others I read (he's showed up at EvolutionBlog and Respectful Insolence, for example). The fact that I delete his comments before they get out of moderation never seems to discourage the fellow.

It seems like every Squidmas Cthulhu blesses us with a new phrase. Last year it was Happy Monkey. This year it's GOATS ON FIRE.

We also have a new crop of Cthulhu carols.

Janine for OM. Oh, wait.

As I noted earlier on The Thread Everlasting, Cr*zy M*bus left one of his li'l comment-turds over at Michael B

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

There is a section that asks, "Where is the science?", but when I looked, there isn't any there.

Oh sorry, my bad. I found the science lying around on the floor, so I put it away. If you need it, it's over there, just behind that burning goat.

It's happened too many times.
Next time I find one on tippy-toes atop the car, reaching for pecan leaves it'll be...
GOATS ON FIRE!

By vitreosity (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

I have a new catchphrase. I still like "keep fucking that chicken" but "goats on fire" certainly looks useful.

Heh: The transit of Venus is used to measure the Thom - doesn't Venus occasionally stop and go backwards?

It does. But that's not the difficult part. The difficult part is when Venus gets vomited out of Jupiter.

Goats on Fire but that PZ Myers is a poopey head!

"Goats on fire, dogs and cats living together....mass hysteria!"

Oh, won't someone please think of the Caprinae!

Enough is ENOUGH!

I've had it with these motherfucking goats on motherfucking fire!

(also bonus points to Janine for the Dylan)

If you check out the last section, he seems to think 366 degrees make up a full circle.

By Don Smith (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

motherfumotherfucking goats on motherfucking firecking fire

Oh boy what type of p0rn do you watch?

By Gyeong Hwa Pak… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Personally. i'm "boggled" this retard (Cummings, too close to my nic for comfort) can even breathe without the aid of an iron lung !

By CunningLingus (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

What is the temperature of a burning goat expressed in centiThoms per megahurts?

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Oops. Sorry.

Everywhere I look I see exclusive huddled uninviting
Shelter is a privilege of the sane and competent

GOATS ON FIRE keep me warm
I'm alone to watch them burn
GOATS ON FIRE

Exposure is a pitiful
and pointless way of dying
Before it gets me,
I'll build a funeral pyre

GOATS ON FIRE keep me warm
I'm alone to watch them burn
GOATS ON FIRE

I'm a man and my dignity won't wave
Tonight buildings rage!

GOATS ON FIRE keep me warm
Feels so good to watch them burn
GOATS ON FIRE

GOATS ON FIRE keep me warm
I'm alone to watch them burn
GOATS ON FIRE

GOATS ON FIRE keep me warm
Feels so good to watch them burn
GOATS ON FIRE

I am reminded of the Ira Levin anagram riddle about ROAST MULES.

Does anyone else recall this?

What single ten letter word can you get from ROAST MULES that any child might use?

I'm still waiting for my FINISHED

By Rev. BigDumbChimp (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Janine with the Big Black entry.

/hat tip

By Rev. BigDumbChimp (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

calladus @24:
Actually that's speed = distance / time. His equation of speed = frequency * wavelength is correct. But unfortunately there are several other errors:

* 1/81 does not equal 0.0123456789 as claimed, but rather 0.012345679012345679... This doesn't really get better if one instead directly takes the quotient of the moon's and the earth's mass. I could find their masses only up to five digits, but the quotient seems to be 0.012300... rather than 0.0123456789. The difference is greater than rounding can account for.

* His hydrogen-alpha frequency is off a little: He claims 1,420,405,750 Hz, where Wikipedia gives 1,420,405,751.77 Hz.

* Whether I take his numbers or the precise ones, I arrive at a "speed of light" of 361,449,241 Thoms/sec (plus/minus one, depending on whose numbers I use) for the speed of light, not at his claimed value of 361,437,469.8. Multiplication fail? Also note that he claimed on page 1 that the result would be 361,448.

* Thus, using the correct multiplication and his factor of 0.82945 m/Thom, the speed of light becomes 299,804,073 +- 1 m/s instead of his value of 299,794,309.8 m/s - c equals 299,792,458 m/s. That's a precision of about 99,996%. Things will only get worse if we use the "second, completely independent" value for a Thom (that apparently even he doesn't know what a Thom really is makes all this rather pointless - but apparently we're supposed to take this equation as the definition of the Thom anyway. He does note that then reasoning becomes circular, but that doesn't dissuade him).

That's about the first three pages. Then it truly goes off the deep end, with numbers pulled form thin air despite his claims that they're somehow significant.

Seems to have been a rather incompetent designer. Human engineering is more precise than that.

(sung to the tune of Girls on Film by Duran Duran)

Goats on Fire, Goats on Fire, Goats on Fire, Goats on Fire

Lipstick on a pig and hisreasoning is falling
In miles of stupidity where Cummings Fails
...

By RagingBullwinkle (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Randy nanny flips her tail in his face as billy anoints himself. If only the fence weren't there. The young kids are curious but don't really understand... Goats on Fire!

By vitreosity (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

It's been several hours. Is there not a T-shirt design yet? You people are slackers.

By Ben in Texas (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Dammit Janine.

First thing I thought of, and you were there.
(You rock.)

No friggin way! Dylan and Big Black?
You're killin' me.

Janine nailed what I was thinking of, with Dylan. But, I actually know it as the theme for Absolutely Fabulous. In a way, the goats make more sense in the AbFab context.

By MAJeff, OM (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

LOL. AbFab!
I'd forgotten that was used as the theme.

Maaa-aaaa-aaaa.

Maa-aaaa-aaaa.

That is all.

P.S. - Oops, forgot - I have your FINISHED, Rev. Please come pick it up; my back porch is too cluttered.

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Oh, hell yes. The best sitcom. Ever.

"If the models get any younger, Pats, they'll be chucking fetuses down the catwalk."

"It's all cracks and flaps dangling under the crepe de chine."

- Magda

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

OORT GEAS FIN?

Patsy is my role model for life.

By MAJeff, OM (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Well, the village idiot showed up at my photography gallery and left me the standard nonsense, including this little line:

you little shits even talk about me....

I had copied and pasted the whole mess, but it's rightly hung up in moderation now. Looks like he plans on hitting everyone who has a link attached to their name.

Apparently, the Swedes are very into setting goats on fire this time of year.

By Midnight Rambler (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Patsy is my role model for life.

Oh, yes, oh yes.

"Abort Eddie, abort!"

"Mum, she burned me with her cigarette!"

"Accident."

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Skimmming Kent Hovind's doctoral dissertation, dangerous though that is, I think I have a pretty good summary:

1. The Bible is morally right.
2. Atheists are "morally wicked".
3. The two ways to look at the universe are (a) a some big, aimless, pointless machine or (b) construction from God.
4. ID concurrs with 3b.
5. Therefore, ID is correct.

Who gave him his PhD, again?

By nixscripter (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Men Who Stare at GOATS ON FIRE.

Shub-Niggurath, The Black GOAT ON FIRE of the Woods with a Thousand Young GOATS ON FIRE.

GOATSE.cx ON FIRE

But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. Before him all the nations will be gathered, and he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the GOATS ON FIRE.

Respectively, 1d8 SAN LOSS, 1d10 SAN LOSS, 2d20 SAN LOSS, and 1d30 SAN LOSS

By Owlmirror (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

No save?

What?

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

I'm through with illusions just delusions for now
I've took a step to the edge but I've been walking for miles
It was a very temporary waste of time
Is there really sucha thing as a waste of time?
Can't let myself be restrained
Let perceptions be so torn
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
Can't keep running from the rain
Can't live my life on the edge of the storm
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm.
I'm sick of emotions always tearing the inside
Watching things crumble,letting all things slide,
very temporary waste of time,
is there really such a thing as a waste of time?
Can't let myself be restrained
Can't live my life on the edge of the storm
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
Can't keep running from the rain,
let perceptions be so torn,
kill confusion by killing options,
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
Can't let myself be restrained
I can't live my life on the edge of the storm
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
Can't let myself be restrained
Can't live my life on the edge of the storm
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
I'm through with illusions delusions for now
I've stepped to the edge
I've been walking for miles
It was a very temporary waste of time
Is this really such a thing as a waste of time?
Can't let myself be restrained
I can't live my life on the edge of the storm
Kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE to stay warm
Can't let myself be restrained
I can't live my life on the edge of the storm
kill confusion by killing options
GOATS ON FIRE TO STAY WARM!

No saving throw against SAN LOSS. This is SRS BIZNESS.

By Owlmirror (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Eddy- "You can drop the attitude, you only work in a shop."

Respectively, 1d8 SAN LOSS, 1d10 SAN LOSS, 2d20 SAN LOSS, and 1d30 SAN LOSS

Owlmirror is not having any luck with saving throws.

1d8 SAN LOSS = Roll 1 8-sided die to determine loss of sanity damage taken from a Men Who Stare at GOATS ON FIRE attack.

RPG stuff. (No, not rocket-propelled grenades.)
;)

New Age Lady: The flow from my essential oils are passing into you! Yes - they're flowing. Can you feel them?

Eddie: No, but I can smell them.

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Er, that was for Josh, Official SpokesGay.

And I stand corrected. There are no saving throws for this. Automatic damage!

Now I just need to know what the critical hit chart looks like for this SRS BIZNESS, assuming this isn't just an automatic hit. (I sure hope the latter damage rolls are for criticals, or GOATS ON FIRE!

Er, that was for Josh, Official SpokesGay.

And I stand corrected. There are no saving throws for this. Automatic damage!

I confess - I'm totally lost. No idea what anyone's talking about. The SpokesGay is silenced.

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

I'm not so sure the New Age Lady can tell the difference between essential oils and GOATS ON FIRE.

Eddy: "Soon I'll be bendy like Madonna, darling. Then I'll be able to kiss my own ass from both directions."

Patsy: "Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life, you're better off downing a bottle of whiskey. At least that way, you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously."

Oi, Josh. I don't intend to be obtuse.

Thing is, if you've never played Role Playing Games (think: Dungeons and Dragons), then you'll not have a point of reference.

Most actions are determined to have varying degrees of success or failure by rolling dice. There are a variety of geometric solids used for these dice. d20 is a 20-sided die.

Characters have attributes with associated numerical values, like DEX, INT, WIS (dexterity, intelligence, wisdom), and this is where we get SAN (sanity).

Please forgive geek-out.

Oi, Josh. I don't intend to be obtuse.

No, it's I who's obtuse:) I suspected it was about RP. The only RP language I speak is WoW.

/hangs head in shame

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Rick and F, please. . .you're instigating me to keep going!

Sapphie: "MP in drug-crazed sex romp with fash mag slag."

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Who's Patsy ? She sounds wise...:)

By Rorschach (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Oh, crap. Now what was that one from Hospital?

F:

Jamaican nurse: "Oh hello, dear, I thought I recognized you!"

White nurse whispering to Jamaican nurse: "It's that slag from the newspapers!"

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

"LOCAL Anaesthetic?! LOCAL Anaesthetic?! What is this, Eastern Europe?! I want total sensory deprivation and BACK-up drugs!"

Fa, LOL!!

Nurse, wheeling cart: "Benson and Hedges or Marlboro?"

Pats: "Both! And bring me a wine list."

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Josh, tease us not with faux links! (No URL in page source, either.)

GOATS Is A Burning Thing
And It Makes A Fiery Ring
Bound By Wild Desire
I Fell Into GOATS ON FIRE

I Fell Into A Burning GOATS ON FIRE
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The GOATS ON FIRE
The GOATS ON FIRE

I Fell Into A Burning GOATS ON FIRE
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The GOATS ON FIRE
The GOATS ON FIRE

The Taste Of Love Is Sweet
When Hearts Like Ours Meet
I Fell For You Like A Child
Oh, But The Fire Went Wild

I Fell Into A Burning GOATS ON FIRE
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The GOATS ON FIRE
The GOATS ON FIRE

I Fell Into A Burning GOATS OF FIRE
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The GOATS ON FIRE
The GOATS ON FIRE

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The GOATS ON FIRE
The GOATS ON FIRE

Years ago, on an other forun, I used Patsy Stone as my icon. Sadly, not many knew who she was.

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

NO GOATS, NO GLORY

By jsplegge.myope… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Loved the flashback scene in Morocco. Patsy was wearing a Sargent Pepper's era suit and a cheesy mustache. Saffie says that she did not know that Patsy was a man. Eddie said that it fell off.

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Janine, yes! "Nothing's certain Eddie, not for any of us."

By Josh, Official… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

OMG Janine, loved the remake of the ring of fire!

By Gyeong Hwa Pak… (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

OK. I've got more mathematical proof...
1 + 2 = 3 The exact number of entities in the Holy Trinity. God exists. Jesus is the Son of God. The Holy Ghost is the is the shiznit. It's right there in the maths. Why bother with such confusing maths when there are much simpler equations that can be conjured to support your delusion and many that most Christians can understand easily? How about any number divided by the number of true Gods equals that very same number? It's so obvious.

The Men Who Stare At Goats.....

Because their on fire.

By Policy Merchant (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

Feel my heat takin' you higher, burn with me, GOATS ON FIRE
Paint the sky with desire, angel fly, GOATS ON FIRE

He's over on Atheists Nexus too.

Screaming about how Atheism is dead because of Nostrodamus or something.

By Richard Healy (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

I can't find it on YouTube, but I think the goats on fire is a Ken "Piglet Fucker" Ham thing.

Jo Brand used to do a routine about the internet, observing how noöne was ever alone in their kinks anymore: "Google 'I want to have sex with goats on fire' and the search will reply with 'specify breed and gender of goat'."

Copyright David Cumming©2009

OMG, he copyrighted that shit? Wouldn't want anybody stealing away with that pile while it is still steaming.

OT
The Wait is OVAR !!!11!
War on XMASS '09 !!!11!
Let the Carnage BEGIN !!!11!
PLAY

ScooterMix: Liberals Lie, Chipmunks Die
Patton Oswald critiques Christmas Shoes by New Song
Theological Lingo by Bible Launch
Beginning to blah blah blah by Dean Martin
Christma-Hanu-Rama-Ka-Dana-Kwanza by Roy Zimmerman
Patton Oswald demystifies Sky Cake
Inspirational thoughts, feeling the Love with Pat Condell
Pouring Poison by Bible Launch

New Hit Single: Liberals Lie, Chipmunks DIE

By scooterKPFT (not verified) on 11 Dec 2009 #permalink

... because of Nostrodamus or something.

This is my new explanation for everything from here on out.

(except for GOATS ON FIRE which need no explanation)

Goats on fire?

Cabrito all around!

Woo-hoo!

Matthew Chapter 25. The blessed ones are traditionally sheep. The accursed ones are traditionally goats.

At first I thought it might be a reference to the Trinity. You know, the Farter, Song and Holy Goat.

By Dave Dell (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

My favorite AbFab:

Eddie: Thank God for Grozny. Honestly. Well, darling, if it wasn't for that lovely little Russian army advancing, thrashing out all those gorgeous little heirlooms in my direction, I don't know what I'd do. Oh, you should see, darling, in the shop I've got at the moment this fabulous little samovar with a little old woman still attached to it, sweetie. Clinging on for dear life. Having to lure her off with dry bread crumbs so that I could get a decent price.

Low men in Yellow Coats
come with GOATS ON FIRE..
Ia Shub Nigrath,
but the fire is Azathoth's.

(Actually a save negates half the SAN loss,
and we all know about Elder Sign, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWT07iRvI9M)

By dannystevens.m… (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the goat but the goat was on fire
Them good ole goats were drinking whiskey and rye
Singing "This'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die."

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

This burning goat business reminds me that I am still convinced that Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire is really just describing particularly itchy and sore haemorrhoids.
Yeah, talking from experience!

Reminds me of a Bruce Springsteen song:

"Hey little kid is your daddy home
did he go away and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire
Ooh Ooh Ooh goats on fire"

Well done, Leland!

By Ben in Texas (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

WTF? Those GOF really made me say OMG.

By Ben in Texas (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Come on baby, goats on fire.
Come on baby, goats on fire.
Try to set the goat on fire.
Try to set the goat on fiyyyyyyeeeeeerrrrrrrr.

By Ben in Texas (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Whose goat's on fire I think I know
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his goat fill up with flame.

(With apologies to Robert Frost)

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

This is my favorite quote from David Cumming's nonsense: "As a side note, the values 100 and 40,000 used above in calculations of circumference, are not arbitrary numbers, but are very significant values in the large volume of
research about the message embedded in the characteristcs of the Solar system. The larger body of research does not feature in this short review and explanation of the Equation of Creation."

Thanks... that totally convinces me those aren't totally arbitrary numbers pulled from your ass. What makes them significant values in research about the "message embedded in the Solar System" (obviously a very important and active field of research)? Why are they applicable here? I'm not even going to give the vaguest of explanations in this four page paper intended to convince scientists of my credibility.

10 point if you guess the artist/title/album

1000000000002 points if you own it on vinyl :)

I look at you and my blood boils hot,
I feel my temperature rise
I want it all, give me what you got,
there's hunger in your eyes
I'm getting closer, baby hear me breathe
You know the way to give me what I need
Just let me love you and you'll never leave

Chorus:
Feel my heat takin' you higher,
burn with me, goats are on fire
Paint the sky with desire,
angel fly, goats are on fire

I got a fever ragin' in my heart,
you make me shiver and shake
Baby don't stop,
take it to the top, eat it like a piece of cake
You're comin' closer, I can hear you breathe
You drive me crazy when you start to tease
You could bring the devil to his knees

chorus
Oho goats are on fire, oho goats are on fire, oho

I'm getting closer, baby hear me breathe
You know the way to give me what I need
Just let me love you and you'll never leave
chorus repeats out

By devnull73.myop… (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

I have a tip for David Cumming:

Start your paper with:

"Hello, my name is David Cumming"

.. and send it to Patriot University.

They will give you a PhD for it!

Video of Goat on fire in Sweden :

Gävlebocken

(caution... AbbA soundtrack may not be everybody's taste)

By negentropyeater (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

ooh, it does it by itself.

much smarter than I...

By creating trons (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

GOATS ON FIRE = FEARING SOOT!

Regarding David Cumming's "God Equation":

For people who can read Dutch: here's a link to a humorous parody on deriving the weirdest formula's and 'proofs' from some simple measurements in ones own house, by astronomer and former chairman of the Dutch Skeptic Society "Skepsis", Kees de Jager:

http://www.skepsis.nl/schemerlamp.html

(Wish someone would translate this: it's hilarious!)

The only "goats on fire" reference that I remember was a comment made by my SO that there are discussion groups for everything you can think of, e.g. if you're interested in sex with goats on fire, you can find a discussion group for like-minded people.

Jo Brand used to do a routine about the internet, observing how noöne was ever alone in their kinks anymore: "Google 'I want to have sex with goats on fire' and the search will reply with 'specify breed and gender of goat'."

Also known as Rule 34.

By OurDeadSelves (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

@Dave Dell

the Trinity. You know, the Farter, Song and Holy Goat

Raaaaa-men!

I am the Goat hell fire and I bring you...
Fire, I'll take you to burn.
Fire, I'll take you to learn.
I'll see you burn!
You fought hard and you saved and learned,
But all of it's gonna burn.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
You know you've really been so blind.
Now's your time burn your mind.
You're falling far too far behind.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, you gonna burn!
Fire, to destroy all you've done.
Fire, to end all you've become.
I'll feel you burn!

devnull73

That can only be the ragin sounds of teh Kiss.

And even though this was already covered, I am compelled to post my version of the chorus:

This GOATS ON FIRE
Strollin' down the road
Best notify my nest of kids
This goat shall explode

My goatee's on fire.

Janine, She Wolf Of Pharyngula, OM @ #93, that's the one I was waiting for.

Who's Big Black?

By Bone Oboe (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Multiple burning goats just made the shirt too busy.)

But Leland, multiple burning goats could create a new internet meme. Think "three wolf moon" (Google for giggles).

On a side note, I think I remember my grandfather exclaiming "GOATSAFIRE!" on occasion.

By Acronym Jim (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Easily the most disjointed and puzzling comment thread for some time.
I do recognize Arthur Brown (and his Crazy World) there @#132, though.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Big Black was a hard core band from the eighties. With the use of a drum machine and guitars pushed into the extreme treble edge, Steve Albini maded some of the most off putting music of that time . Needless to say, I loved it. They released only two proper albums, Atomizer and Songs About Fucking.

Kerosene

You can find more of their stuff on YouTube. Look up Jordan, Minnesota.

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Ah, so he went there from this thread and the Molly page, and then proceeded to click on all of my links. Ay. What will Amy Goodman make of him, I wonder?

A connectivity diagram of the pattern of his commenting activity would be fascinating. There's probably a doctoral dissertation in Internet Psychology in it for somebody.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

The goat stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled;
The flame that lit his hairy neck
Shone round him o'er the dead.

Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
As born to blaze in flame;
A ruminant of the Capra blood,
A proud, though goat-like name.

yes, I'm ashamed of myself.

By curiosity (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

I'm not a filker, I fear, but I'll ask anyway. 'Tis the Season, so has anyone done this one yet?

Thanks, OurDeadSelves, I know rule 34 well enough. This just struck me as subtly different. ::goes to check OneManga::

Started reading the Cumming document. I love how the bylined author refers to himself throughout in the third person, even quoting himself.
But here's the part I wanted to share:

Omega represents all the characters of the base 10 number system. This is the number system we use. An omniscient Creator knows to use this number system to make us pay attention to this message. On the other hand, for those who believe that God is an ETI but nevertheless God, this is a very likely number system for any life form to use.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Yoooooouuuu, your goats are on fi-re.

RichVR

ROAST MULES ~~ SOMERSAULT

nice one.

"Goats on fire" is a bit too agragrian for my tastes. Not something a pirate is likely to say. I can see Homer Simpson doing a food dream about the, though... "Mmmm, goats on fire."

Goats on fire
My love for you brought only misery
Goats on fire
Put out the flames and set this cold goat free.

By ktesibios (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Too bad, Joffan. GOATS ON FIRE is something that an obsessive and insane man has to say. It has nothing to do with your tastes.

By Janine, She Wo… (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

The distance between my subwoofer and my TV stand is 235 mm. If you multiply that by the first 3 digits of e (2.72, to keep consistent significant figures), then add 28 (the length of a lunar month), you get 667, which is the value of the gravitational constant in nm^3/(dg*microsec^2) using the same number of significant figures.

By TheBlackCat (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Flaming Goat
Ingredients:

* 1/4 oz Vodka
* 1/4 oz Gin
* 1/4 oz Rum
* 1/4 oz Tequila
* 1/4 oz Triple sec
* 1/4 oz Blue Curacao
* 1 splash Sour mix
* Cranberry juice
* Ice cubes
* Bacardi 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Mix vodka, gin, rum, tequila, triple sec and curacao. Add sour mix. Add Curacao until it's dark purple. Fill glass with ice cubes and fload Bacardi 151 rum on top. Have the flame blown out before drinking add a straw.

On the other hand, for those who believe that God is an ETI but nevertheless God, this is a very likely number system for any life form to use.

12 is a more convenient number base than ten. For that matter, so is 60.

Tom Lehrer had some thoughts about different number bases:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8Vb8CWJ-Ho

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

(Sorry, Bruce...)

I'm down on the farm
I turn on the Internet
I didn't notice
My burning cigarette
I thought it wouldn't matter
But it's looking dire
'Cause my goats... on... Fire
(da-du-du-duh)

"Holy sacrificial animals, Batman!"

"Want some whisky in your water?
Sugar in your tea?
What's all these crazy questions they keep askin' me?
This is the strangest party I ever did see,
Don't set GOATS ALIGHT, I don't wanna see."

Sorry, it is a stretch, but Acronym Jim's Three Wolf Moon led me inexorably to Three Dog Night.

Another obscure but cool reference in in You Little Shits.

Also, thanks, Joffan @154. I was teh stumped.

My pleasure Leland . . .

I can't rhyme as well as Cuttlefish
or reason well like Sastra
so a shirt's my contribution
though my Latin's a disastra.

(I told you)

By Pareidolius (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Yeah, I can sympathize about being bothered by kooks when you make the mistake of giving them any attention whatsoever. I myself have picked one up, a physics*/UFO/ESP crank named Jack Sarfatti, despite the fact I don't really have a blog, readership, or even a background in science**. Apparently I'm the ringleader of a conspiracy to keep his groundbreaking and revolutionary ideas out of the public eye, and he and few of his nutty friend have been bombarding me with incoherent e-mails. Short of putting up e-mail filters, I can't think of what else can be done, since the Dunning-Kruger Effect pretty much guarantees that arguing with these sorts is useless.

*He seems to have actually managed to get a Ph.d from Cornell, though for all the use he's made of it he might just as well have gotten it out of a Crackerjack box.

**I started out in college as a chemistry major, but I switched.

Oh, man, I remember Sarfatti. He's a usenet legend, and is completely bonkers.

So he has an equation to prove God, eh? Well, ppsstt, lots of other nuts, crackpots and zealots ad nauseum have their own equtions to prove God. So what, but where, oh where, is the One. True. Equation. that proves GOATS ON FIRE?

Ha! Some so called mathematicians....

All these burning goats and no-one has suggested frying bacon?

By Peter McKellar (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet
I fell for you like a child
Oh, Goats on Fire went wild

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher

And it burns, burns, burns
The Goats on Fire
The Goats on Fire

BTW, can't believe someone hasn't done this one yet:

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher
Come on baby, Goats on Fire
Come on baby, Goats on Fire
Try to see the Goats on Fire

The time to hesitate is through
No time to wallow in the mire
Try now we can only lose
And our love become a funeral pyre
Come on baby, Goats on Fire
Come on baby, Goats on Fire
Try to see the Goats on Fire, yeah

My posts are disappearing!
TEST

By Sauceress (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

OK...
Interesting. Whilst wandering aimlessly off on a winding tangent, spiked off by a global warming denialist conspiracy post somewhere in the ether, I came across this post imediately prior to reading PZ's post.

http://www.conspiracycafe.net/forum/index.php?/topic/25104-atheist-apoc…;

Atheist Apocalypse
Posted 04 December 2009 - 05:53 AM

Kicking in the heads of atheists one at a time...

PZ, I thought the Morris Police Department was going to save you from the wrath of God...

...feeling bravely masochistic and following the link provided, in amongst the rest (towards the end) of his many, many disturbed incoherent mental masturbations on that page, I found...

The word TRAGEDY literally means “GOAT SONG”. tragis oide: “goat
song”; perhaps the derivation of the word “tragedy” (were goats
awarded as prizes? does this refer to the ritualistic slaughter of
the sacrificial animal? the scream that the goat makes when slaughtered?)
also:
Now what does the WORD “TRAGEDY” mean......."GOAT SONG” .......STRANGE…

and now notice BUSH is reading about a GOAT ****EXACTLY**** as the WTC burns. This is a question of *SECONDS*.
DOUBLE!

Which is of no help whatsoeva!

By Sauceress (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

FFS! Checks blockquote tags in original...they're fine!

Grrrr..

By Sauceress (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

Sauceress, it's the blank line and SB's excellent system at work. Use a break tag <br> on empty lines to continue the quote span.

By John Morales (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

John Morales
Noted. Thanks for the heads up. :) My HTML tag skills are rather rusty.

By Sauceress (not verified) on 12 Dec 2009 #permalink

I recommend stuffing the goat with babies before setting it fire. The trick is to extinguish the flames at just that moment when the meats are lightly cooked, still juicy, and the skin lightly charred, before it begins to burn and leaves a bad charcoal taste. It takes a bit of practice, but once learnt it's a skill you'll never forget, and one which comes in very handy at weekend BBQs and festive parties. Rice pilaf and a selection of fresh seasonal vegetables are good side dishes.

I recommend stuffing the goat with babies before setting it fire.

This only works with slaughtered, gutted goats. The true connoisseur starts with a live goat. Put the goat into a 55 gallon/200 litre drum and fill the drum with 190 proof/95% alcohol Everclear. Toss a lighted match into the drum. When the flames die down remove the goat, skin it and gut it. Then it's ready for stuffing.

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 13 Dec 2009 #permalink

Cuttlefish is a true gentleman. Fortunately the works of ee are open to his craft; that was one of my very least favorite poems by William Carlos Williams.

Seriously, I once parodied the original poem itself with something approaching, "I peed in your bed, in the sheets you keep for company. Forgive me, I was too comfortable to get up."

And "that" in the first stanza and "which" in the second? I suppose I could make up some malarkey about Williams personifying the plums and thus transferring a feeling of guilt to them as well as to his wife, but honestly, even I can't sustain that level of bullshit. :)

By badgersdaughter (not verified) on 13 Dec 2009 #permalink

And as for gourmet recipes, there's the adaptation of the ancient Hungarian wedding feast; take your eviscerated goat, stuff it with a vulture previously marinated in cognac and rosemary (DON'T skip the marinade), stuff that with a buttered baby that you've previously stuffed with a well-seasoned squab stuffed with a hardboiled egg in pastry. Ram a stout stake through the goat's accursed arse and rotisserie the whole thing over an open bonfire, basting frequently with the rendered fat of Christian martyrs.

Serve with braised Belgian endives and mesclun salad with a bleu cheese dressing, for thirteen.

By badgersdaughter (not verified) on 13 Dec 2009 #permalink

This light, this flame that devours.
This brόmos that surrounds me.
This torment from a single idea.
This anguish of heaven, goats on fire.

This lament of blood that adorns
Capra with no pulse, slippery torch.
The weight of Gävle Goat strikes me.
This satyr that lives inside my heart.

It is love's garland, a bed of pain,
where without sleep, I dream of goats on fire
amid the ruins of my sundered breast.

And though I seek the summit of prudence
give me your heart, a spread out valley
of hemlock and desire for goats on fire

Esta luz, este fuego que devora.
Este brόmos que me rodea.
Este dolor por una sola idea.
Esta angustia de cielo, cabras en fuego.

Este llanto de sangre que decora
Capra sin pulso ya, lúbrica tea.
Este peso del Gävle Goat que me golpea.
Este sátiro que por mi pecho mora.

Son guirnaldas de amor, cama de herido,
donde sin sueño, sueño cabras en fuego
entre las ruinas de mi pecho hundido.

Y aunque busco la cumbre de prudencia
me da tu corazón valle tendido
con cicuta y pasión de cabras en fuego

You know, y'all are reminding me that I never made the chance to sample the barbequed goat at Doug's BBQ in Emeryville, California when I lived in the area. Is it too late?

Wman, where's a little barbequed goat when you need it?

Janine, She Wolf etc.
Thanks, I now dimly recall seeing a "Songs About Fucking" cassette in a friends tape collection, way back. I foresee some Googling, down-loading and head phones time.

Aquaria @175:
Ben in Texas hit that one on the noggin up at #118 otherwise I'd have given it a go.
I was thinking of using "Liar" by Henry Rollins, owing to the easy rhyme with "Fire."

By Bone Oboe (not verified) on 14 Dec 2009 #permalink

e to the i times pi equals -1, therefore god exists!

Did I do it right?

By Doug Little (not verified) on 14 Dec 2009 #permalink

The lie is my expense,
The scope of my desire,
The party blessed me with it's future,
And I protect it with GOATS ON FIRE.

Rage Against The Machine -Sleep Now Goats In Teh Fire

Please, if you are in UKland, help out our campaign to get RATM - Killing In The Name to xmas number 1. See the facebook groups dedicated to this worthy cause which, as a side-effect of breaking syco's stranglehold on our culture, has so-far raised over £20,000 for the homeless charity Shelter.

skptc.z.rg/gnrl-skptcsm/thsm-s-dd!/

y'r FNSHD, pz...