I guess that giant platter of cheese called Megashark vs. Giant Octopus was not enough — now the SyFy Channel has commissioned a new project, Sharktopus. I don't want to know any more.
The worst part is…yes, I will watch it.
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If you've got cable, you'll want to tune in to the "SyFy" (yeesh, could they have made it a little dorkier?) channel for…Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!!!. Who ever said television was a great wasteland? That's quality entertainment!
That's this Saturday evening. We're all nerds together here, I know…
Whew, dodged a mistake — the movie is on RIGHT NOW! An alert reader caught me in time and let me know I live in the Central Time Zone. I haven't even touched the hooch yet.
It starts with Deborah Gibson, Submarine Pilot, dodging angry whales, and...breaking a giant octopus out of a block of ice?…
Also known as the worst movie ever made. What I'm going to discuss doesn't come even close to "the worst blog post ever made", but, well, you'll see.
So: the backstory. I've been commenting on some of JoNova's stuff. Its not the big time, but unlike WUWT, or BishopHill, or a variety of minor blogs…
Here's an interesting collection of scans from a defunct comic book called Action. It's rather grisly—most of the action seems to involve people being bloodily devoured by marine organisms—so don't look if you'd rather not see people getting pulped in a shark's jaws. This comic book was apparently…
In your face, Kirk Cameron! I guess this creature proves evilution once and for all.
Is that an actual concept painting for the show? Did somebody actually get paid for that??
Of course you'll watch. I'll watch it. Will groan through every moment, but will watch till the end.
Can't...turn...away
So when the mega-shark and giant octopus fell slowly to the bottom of the ocean at the end of the movie, they were actually getting it on and then had babies?
What kind of a retina does it have? With the light receptor facing the light or looking away from it?
Does it jump into the sky and bring down airplanes? Does it bite battleships and bridges in half? What is it's attitude towards oil rigs? These things are important to know when comparing this movie to others about sharks, octopi and shark-octopi critters.
Wait, SyFy? Sounds more like the Discovery Channel.
That is possibly the greatest thing ever.
So, this octopus was cleaning his loaded hectocotylus, when this female sand-tiger shark showed up and...
Don't octopi have mouths at the center of their tentacles? So this sharkopus has 2 mouthes, one at each end, and no way to take a shit. No wonder he's angry.
Coming soon: Sharktopus vs. Crockoduck! Two missing links swim in, only one missing link swims out! Starring Ray Comfort as "The Scientist"!
As far as I'm concerned, they never topped "Mansquito".
I am the world's worst parent.7-year old watch SyFy movies. He finds them hilarious.
Also, Sharktopus needs laser vision.
There was a Sci-Fi era episode of MST3k involving a similar creature -- "Devil Fish" -- but we never got anywhere near as good a look at the monster.
Is this like Alien Loves Predator mark II?
What I want to know is whether the sharktopi will have frickin' lasers on their heads. That would be totally sweet.
I always had my doubts about counting sharks as decent vertebrates. Cartilage? Phhht, that's for noses, and a few other odd parts.
Apparently their indiscretions and lack of religion led to the shark and octopus becoming evolutionists, so willing to fuck anything in sight.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Clearly this is what would happen if a male shark and a female octopus evolved without mates. They would get lonely and get together and this would be the end result.
We know god doesn't like this sort of thing, so therefore evolution is wrong, or something like that, because this movie is on SyFy, and the Sy stands for science, and so it's clear that scientist believe this animal is real.
Oh darn it, I know I just sound all confused. Ray Comfort really needs to address this for all of us, I'm sure he could straighten it all out.
I want to know if there will be another marvelous blow by blow summary of the upcoming Sharktopus movie. Because I feel that the summary was literary genius. I am mystified that only 2 glass of wine were consumed.
If I have to watch Sharktopus, at least half a bottle of Vodka will be lost to the world forever.
Have you noticed that the spell check doesn't think the word Sharktopus exists. Really Spell check needs to keep up with these recent discoveries.
Megashark vs. Giant Octopus was one of the bigger disappointments of my life. They had a combined total of like 3 minutes of killer animal footage and the rest was people on a submarine attempting to have a plotline. We were pretty sure their special effects budget wasn't large enough to have any more CGI shark/octopus action.
Just imagine about 10 years from now when Avatar like CG technology is in hands of your average B movie auteur.
Evolution says all things, even sharks, evolved from lesser creatures like slugs. Slugs and octopodes are of the same kind. So if evolution was real, the seas would be filled with sharktopodes. AND you can't explain PYGMIES + DWARFS!
Haven't I already seen this movie? - http://tinyurl.com/ygk88vh
I prefer Squarks.
The absence of the Sharktopus in real life proves evolution is false. Perhaps PZ should invest in a Sharktopus tie to go with his Crocoduck.
Yes, I had to doublecheck which channel had done so as well. Discovery is becoming a parody of its former self.
I can't remember, has syfy jumped the shark already or will this one be the final straw?
By all indications, they're not going to jump the shark, they're going to jump the sharktopus.
Still learning,
Robert
Tsk, tsk. Vertebrae are present. Often they even calcify.
Plus, sharks do have small amounts of bone – not that it matters...
Can't see from the illustration whether it has a funnel.
SyFy was advertising a "Name the next SyFy movie" contest. I wonder if this was the winner.
Well, one of Ken Hamm's "missing transitional forms" now seems accounted for.
I can foresee this being an absolutely hilarious live Twitter event...
Free Lunch @ 26
If not Discovery, then the National Geographic, Animal Planet, or History Channels. All 4 have been running programming that is saturated with woo.
Hmmm. It should be twice as big and it should have sharks on the ends of the tentacles instead of a shark's head.
To be honest, I thought "killer creature" movies were outdated fads that belonged in the generation of my parents' drive-in movie days.
And then Snakes on a Plane happened, which opened up a cacophony of madness.
This is the one that really breaks my heart. Growing up I was a huge admirer of the magazine, my family were long subscribers. So many great articles, including the heyday of the Voyager spacecraft development and launch, and the photography was always so spectacular.
Perhaps the magazine is still a solid publication, and it's just the show that's gone the rout of the woo. Sad nonetheless.
Still learning,
Robert
What a horrible and blasphemous movie! I never created an abomination like that.
Don't forget Mega Piranha and Meteor Apocalypse, coming to the mockbusters section of your DVD supplier soon...
From the same people who did Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: http://www.theasylum.cc/