Two checklists for feminists

For anyone interested in REAL egagement of the topic, instead of just complaining how men face sexism too (did you see that ampersand cartoon, with the dude with the backpack complaining about his "burden" to the people heaving under MOUNTAINS of shit? That.):

On Privilege: what it is and what it ain't

Money quotes:

Privilege is: About how society accommodates you. It's about advantages you have that you think are normal. It's about you being normal, and others being the deviation from normal. It's about fate dealing from the bottom of the deck on your behalf.
Almost everyone who is reading this had some form of privilege. If you are a member of three marginalized groups, in ill health, and poor, you're still able to access and use the internet, both demonstrating and conferring privilege.

Some privileges are easy to demonstrate: Can you go into a random restaurant and order food? That's not something that those with food allergies, diabetics, celiacs, or a range of other conditions can count on. It's not something people whose religious convictions include following Kosher, Halal or other faith-based dietary restrictions (there are Christians, Buddhists and others to whom this applies) can count on in western society either.

Some privileges are harder to demonstrate: If you get a job, to what extent was that based on the way you look, your gender, your accent, your connections? How can you tell?

What you can do about your privilege: This one is harder, but the first and fundamental thing we can do is to be aware we have it. Please don't try to come up with reasons why you are an exception: why your white privilege "didn't help you" in X situation. First, you're embarrassing me, and second, you're missing the point.

When I was in high school, we played a game we called Asshole, or to be polite, Donkey, which was a basic discard card game. The twist was that after each round, when the next round's cards were dealt, the loser had to give their two highest cards to the winner, who could give any two cards to the loser. Obviously, this set-up disadvantaged the loser, and benefited the winner. But even with that advantage, the loser could still win the next round, and the winner could still lose. That doesn't mean there was a level playing field.

Be aware of the things you can do because you're privileged. Be aware of their impact. Be aware of the things other people can't do because they lack that privilege. Own your privilege.

Another good resource about starting to understand (and in some cases even NOTICE privilege):When Worlds Collide: Fandom and Male Privilege

[T]rue gender equality is actually perceived as inequality. A group that is made up of 50% women is perceived as being mostly women. A situation that is perfectly equal between men and women is perceived as being biased in favor of women.

And if you donât believe me, youâve never been a married woman who kept her family name. I have had students hold that up as proof of my âsexism.â My own brother told me that he could never marry a woman who kept her name because âeveryone would know who ruled that relationship.â Perfect equality â my husband keeps his name and I keep mine â is held as a statement of superiority on my part.

...

After a while, we began organizing âchick nights,â gatherings of just the four of us and maybe some other women we knew from outside the group. For reasons that were often kind of bizarre, some of the men in the group took exception to this. They never organized nights at which we were excluded. When we pointed out that by the law of averages, a good half of the various social outings ended up being guy-only, they replied that it was not the same thing.

âLook,â I finally said to one of them, âwhen we get together Saturday night, weâre going to paint our nails and put goop on our faces and play with each othersâ hair and watch movies with really hot guys and talk about how hot the guys are and probably talk about sex and periods and all that fun stuff. Do you really have any interest in that?â

âNo,â he replied, âbut we could do other stuff instead.â

At which point I walked away, because otherwise things would have ended either with a rant on how it was not only more socially accepted but socially expected for women to be interested in stereotypically guy things than for guys to get into stereotypically female things (which I didnât want to do, because really, we all did love gaming and horror movies and science fiction all that fun stuff), or else with me banging my head on the table.

We live in a culture of male privilege.

ANOTHER primer: Check my WHAT?

I really suggest you read that one THOROUGHLY, I can't quote only a snippet here.

Lastly, for those of you crying "FEMALE PRIVILEGE" and "FEMINSTS ARE SEXIST!":

1.) Feminists are Sexist!:

Read the whole thing. It deals in broad with issues that face males, that HARM men, and that are CAUSED by the very system feminists are fighting against. However, the point is this:

What this is really about is men accusing feminists of sexism and hypocrisy unless they can prove that they spend exactly half of their time, energy, and resources on campaigning on behalf of men. What this is really about is that if feminism only improves the lives of women, it has no value or importance. What this is really about is that feminism only has value if it works on behalf of men and improves the lives of men. What this is really about is anti-feminist men being threatened by women working for women. What theyâre really saying is that to talk about women, to focus on women, to point out that something affects women badly; all of this is of no importance or value. Itâs classic, really - because men are not always the focus of attention of feminism, these anti-feminists canât stand it.

Gay rights activists arenât expected to spend half their time campaigning for heterosexuals. Anti-racism activists arenât expected to spend ages campaigning on behalf of white people. Yet its a different story with feminism, isnât it? The most infuriating thing about this is that - as regular readers will know - I do think that feminism is important for men as well as women and I encourage both men and women to critique mainstream masculinity as well as femininity. But that doesnât mean that I think that every single instance of feminist activism has to be prefaced with a disclaimer about how this also benefits men. Frankly, Iâm getting a little bored of it. I believe it strongly, but thereâs only so many times I am forced to repeat it before it gets a little wearing and I start to wonder why I have to keep doing it in the first place.

Well, to cut a long story short:

1. I believe that feminism benefits men, and patriarchy hurts men tooâ¦
2. â¦but - and this is the KEY point - even if this werenât the case, feminism would still be valuable because it improves the lives of women, and this on itâs own has value, because - duh! - womenâs lives have value. Gees, donât you get it yet?
3. Part of being a feminist is accepting that people should not assume they can speak on behalf of other people. For example, a white feminist should not assume she can speak on behalf of black feministsâ experiences, a heterosexual woman shouldnât assume she can speak on behalf of lesbians, and so on. With this in mind, why should I, as a woman, be expected to think, speak, and act, on behalf of men? Wouldnât that be rather arrogant of me? Yet this is exactly what these men are demanding female feminists do. Well frankly, if itâs that important to these men, then they should take action themselves instead of wasting their time attacking those of us who are bothering to take action on gender issues.
4. At the end of the day, there are feminists who concentrate on menâs issues, some who do work on both genders, and some who concentrate solely on improving the world for women. All are useful aspects of feminism. All have validity, and none of them should have to apologise for their focus.

(Feminsts who work on men's issues can be found here - numerous resources, numerous articles, all about the menz, how Patriarchy Hurts Men Too, and what this organization is DOING about it. Just FYI.)

2. On Female Privilege

"Not only is it subjectively favorable in its characterization of women, but it promises that menâs power will be used to womenâs advantage, if only they can secure a high-status male protector."

Without any context it could easily be seen as talking about âfemale privilegeâ, but in fact itâs an explanation of why benevolent sexism is so easily accepted by women. Now, if this were the only factor at work, then saying that âfemale privilegeâ is better called benevolent sexism would be splitting hairs. But the reason that benevolent sexism works and âfemale privilegeâ does not is because it better identifies the system behind the beliefs.

To understand why the term âfemale privilegeâ obscures the root of the problem, itâs first necessary to distinguish the difference between the concepts that make it up and those that make up male privilege. For the most part, women do gain some benefits from the chivalric beliefs that are often chalked up to âfemale privilegeâ, just like men gain some benefits from the system of male privilege. However, the difference is that the status quo for men is one which grants them status and power in both the public and private spheres, whereas the status quo for women is one which limits their power to the much smaller, and more specific, domestic sphere.

Put another way:

Eagly and Mladinic (1993) pointed out that the favorable, communal traits ascribed to women (e.g., nurturing, helpful, and warm) suit them for domestic roles, whereas men are presumed to possess the traits associated with competence at high-status roles (e.g., independent, ambitious, and competitive). Furthermore, womenâs stereotypically communal attributes are also the traits of deference that, when enacted in daily interaction, place a person in a subordinate, less powerful position (Ridgeway, 1992). Thus, the favorable traits attributed to women may reinforce womenâs lower status.
[Glick and Fiske (February 2001).]

Seriously. If you're still trying to argue, at least get you an edumacation. Also, I'm working on rebutting that "Female Privilege list", I just wanted to throw this in first.