It's a mystery!

I have a question for the partnered gay and lesbian couples out there. I know you get the question, Which one of you is the "man", and which is the "woman" from ignoramuses who are unable to think beyond their narrow sexual biases, but I'm wondering about a subtler, messier question.

Do you ever get asked, Which one is the mysterious one with incomprehensible desires? I'm curious because the BBC aired one of those science of sex shows titled, The MYSTERY of the Female Orgasm, which seems to be the standard question. Woman is mysterious…must seek out a pick-up artist to explain the cheat code (it's up-up-left-down-down-right).

I also wonder if there are any women of any sexual orientation who think their arousal is "mysterious". They have no idea what turns them on, what they find sexy, what feels good, they just submit to the random fumblings of their partner in the hopes that they'll hit on the magic combination of moves.

So I read the BBC article, and for some reason I pictured all these male British boffins, all wild-haired and spectacled, staring at a line of pudenda and pondering which machine they should wheel in to probe this baffling mystery. "Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto!" says Magnus Pyke.

Here's a suggestion: ask a woman. Ask a lot of women. You'll find that most of them aren't at all baffled by their own sexuality. Unfortunately, you do run the risk of experiencing sad, condescending head-shaking from the woman who tries to answer your clueless question.

Maybe you could all just read this dissection of the BBC story quietly and alone, instead. That way no one else needs to know about your confusion.

I swear, I think the whole problem lies with people who don't have any interest in having a conversation with their partners.