If You Were a Republican...

We're in Boston to visit Kate's parents, and while we wait for SteelyKid to wake up and demand food, we're watching "Mike and Mike" on ESPN2 (the live simulcast of the radio show). They've been talking about how tonight's NFL kick-off (our long national nightmare is over...) was pushed up so as not to conflict with the Republican Convention.

I can't help thinking, though, that given John McCain's charisma (or lack thereof), the Republicans might be better served by having the football game run opposite McCain's speech. That way, their core audience will opt for watching the game live, and only catch highlights of the speech on Fox News, where sycophantic anchors and the video-editing talents of Colbert Nation can make it seem like the speech was a rip-roaring success...

If you were a Republican, which would you prefer? People watching McCain live, or watching football, and only hearing about the speech second-hand.

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Uncle Al is a Republican. Uncle Al is to the right of Alaric the Visigoth, Atila the Hun, and General Jack D. Ripper of Dr. Strangelove. "Were you ever a prisoner of war, Mandrake?"

The Republican convention is Le Théâtre du Grand-Guignol performed in Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors. Jabba the Hut wants a hickey. Pity that the Precedent and Commandant in Chief of the Unified States of Americans could not attend in person.

"I pledge to lessern employment until unemployment has nowhere to hide. I pledge to plague the helpcareless, help bury the old, and shorten the weak. I pledge to make poverty every worker's concern. I pledge to strengthen mortgage crises, raise interest rates for credit card debts, and inflatuate our dollar until a whole continental of Europeons cannot count high enough to make change for one of their coins. This work is already well begun."

Obviously the Republican base cannot trust the Liberal Media to report about the RNC without bias!!! They'll have to watch it live.

By Jonathan Nickles (not verified) on 04 Sep 2008 #permalink

Throw in that there's no way he can match his VP pick's speech. In fact, if I were his speechwriter, I'd have him come on stage, say, "I accept. Didn't Sarah give a great speech? G'night."

So yeah, watch the game.

By Bob Hawkins (not verified) on 04 Sep 2008 #permalink