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Atom smasher planned for Circle Line

By sciencepunk on April 1, 2010.

The Independent has revealed plans by CERN to build a new particle accelerator along London's 23km Circle Line. The use of supercooled magnets would make it London's first air conditined underground line.

In related news, CERN have announced that yesterday's high energy collisions, the first to reach 7 TeV, have resulted in the creation of a 'paleoparticle' from the prehistory of the Universe, stating: "The physicists have nicknamed it the "neutrinosaurus" because of its repulsive appearance and prehistoric origins"

Now that the world's first commerically-available jetpack has gone onto the market, the UK Automobile Association have taken advantage of the Bank Holiday Weekend (a traditional time for getting away) to unveil the latest technology in their arsenal for reaching stranded road users.

Virgin Media, responsible for the most extensive fibre optic network in the UK, say that they will deliver even more high speed broadband with their newest recruits - microchipped ferrets. The animals were trained to scurry down surface water pipes and other sewerage to drag lines to new homes. Now the animals will carry tiny onboard computers to diagnose damaged and broken lines, reducing maintenance costs and making long cables to remote areas more feasible.

Finally, Google announced today the latest addition to their software suite - Google Translate for Animals. The Android application was developed with assistance from language synthesis teams and animal cognitive linguistics from the Bodleian Library in Oxford.

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The 'paleoparticle' was an April fools joke. CERN may yet produce the long awaited Higgs boson particle with the record speed particle collisions of 7 TeV. That was a great April fools joke, though... It had me pondering what would make a particle ugly :)