Bensteinian Rhapsody

From MartinC:

Is this stuff real science?
Or is it just fantasy,
That belongs in a place like
Bob Jones University?
Just close your eyes,
Don’t think, just accept ID
I’m a game show host,
I don’t know biology,
But this sleazy bunch, told me so,
It could be lies, how would I know?
So long as the check clears, it doesn’t really matter to me,
To me.

Anyone? I just filmed a sham,
Put some lies into your head,
Libelled Darwin, coz’ he’s dead,
Honor, you know I once had some,
But now I’ve gone and blown it all away-
Anyone? ooooohhhhh
Was it mean to tell those lies?
You’d learn more science by watching Rocky Horror-
Anyone? Anyone? My reputations now in tatters-

Too late, my crime is done,
Dembski told me I did fine-
Behe’s squirming, (he’ll be fine),
Goodbye science lessons-you’ve got to go
Gonna leave your kids behind and hide the truth
Adolf, oooooh (a shame he wasn’t atheist)
I’ll just have to lie,
I’ll just pretend that he wasn’t Christian at all-

- guitar solo -

I’ve got a little animation of a cell,
When in haste, copy paste, yes indeed that was the plan, though-
Copyright infringement lawsuit noose is tightening on me-
Sternberg’s ethics, (they’re a shocker)
How ‘bout Crocker, (off her rocker)
And what to say of Guillermo ? Guillermo-oh-oh-oh
I’m without tenure, and nobody loves me-
He’s just a headcase, embarrassing his faculty-
Spare us the whines of this mediocrity-
Please I pray – on my soul, Will you make it so-
Guillermo! No-, we will not make it so - make it so-
Guillermo! No-, we will not make it so - make it so-
Guillermo! we will not make it so – make it so
Will not make it so- make it so
Will not make it so – make it so
That Eugenie, she’s a meanie, but there’s much worse godless foe!
Beelzebub sent Dick Dawkins and his friend, PeeeeZeeee- PeeeeZeeee, PeeeeZeeeeeeee!

So you think you’ll teach children, maybe open their minds,
Study nature, alter stem cells for cures of all kinds -
Or maybe, stop Gods plan that’s HIV,
Well if I had my way, I’d close you all down out of fear!

Science it doesn’t matter,
Lets teach theology,
Just pray when cancer strikes you,
Just pray there'll come a cure from ID

I should have stuck to game shows…….

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Absolutely brilliant. Love the PeeeeZeeeee! part.

By Eric Anderson (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

That was sweet. Was it posted in a thread on PT's forums?


Dunno. MartinC sent it to me directly.

By John Lynch (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

Its not from PT but then again its an easy song to parody, so it wouldn't surprise me if there had been an ID version posted there in the past. I've put this on my own blog but I thought John would like it so sent it across.

That was great!

That was fantastic, I kept having the song go through my head as I was reading it.

If having a standing ovation of one matters, you've got it.

This is just brilliant. Somebody with some musical talent needs to record it and upload it on YouTube.

hahaha that was great. the meter and rhyming were perfect!

WOW! That was great!!!

Thanks for a night at the opera.

Bensteinian Rhapsody FTW!

By Kergillian (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

I could hear brian may's guitar all along Absolutely brilliant!

I might take it on to putting some music and uploading it to yotube. Gotta ask my brother who is a musician btw.


Peeeee Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


I love this!

Brilliant! :-)

ROFL! I'd suggest one tiny change, though . . . those "Anyone? Anyone?"s in the final line of the first verse . . . should be "Bueller? Bueller?" :D

That absolutely rocks. Kudos, Martin! (Can I get a liner-note credit for possibly coining the adjective "Bensteinian?") :-)

I like Wendy's "Bueller?" idea too, but think it would be even better on the fade-out!

By Julie Stahlhut (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

brilliant. wonderful. now an earworm, dammit.


*starts with head bobbing air guitar solo*

By CanadianChick (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

I'm still wiping tears from my eyes, this is soooo funny.

By Paul Chivers (not verified) on 17 Apr 2008 #permalink

Excellent rendition.

Comedy value 9/10
Faithfulness to original 9/10
Hilarity value 10/10


I don't normally use terms like this, but...

that was simply epic and full of win!