Fatherhood
palmd | June 18, 2009When I look at my daughter, what do I see? There is so much in every glance. Usually, she's moving too fast to pin down, running at me yelling, "Daddy!!!" I don't know how anyone even looks at their kids without tearing up, even a little. There is of course a narcissistic joy in having someone around who (for now) loves you unconditionally. But there's more.
When my daughter was a baby, she had the biggest eyes, like out of a Japanese cartoon. They were what everyone noticed. One day when I was pulling into the hospital I looked into the rear view mirror and I saw her eyes looking back…
palmd | June 5, 2009I woke up early this morning. Rather than run out the door to the office, I showered, started some coffee, walked upstairs, and sat down on the bed next to my daughter. She turned, grunted, and said, "Too early!" I sat for a while and watched her drift in and out of sleep.
"Daddy, it's too early!"
"Honey, do you know what day it is?"
"Early!"
"It's graduation day!"
A hint of a smile. She started nudging around some of her stuffed animals that were tucked in next to her. Within a couple of minutes, she was awake and we were rolling around, overcome by laughter at absolutely nothing.…
palmd | May 31, 2009Around midnight, my wife and I heard a loud "thump" followed by screaming. We ran to our daughter's room and found her lying on the floor, crying, clearly terrified. I picked her up and held her, feeling around her legs, hips, arms, and head to see if anything seemed out of place or painful. That's when my wife noticed the blood soaking into the shoulder of my shirt. Trying to examine a screaming child is no easy task, but it appeared as if she had cut the inside of her lip, and no more.
How can a tiny being cause your entire being to shatter with fear? Did she hit her head? Did she…
palmd | May 21, 2009It's been a while since I've posted on fatherhood. There's a couple of reasons for that. My wife brought up a disturbing point---she was uncomfortable with our daughter's picture being online. The reasons she listed made me shudder and turn white. I'm not sure whether or not I agree, but for now at least, I'm holding off on further photos until I finish thinking things through more clearly.
The next is conflict. Like most working parents I feel terribly conflicted. Last week my daughter asked, "Daddy, will you come to my birthday party?"
Cripes, she had to ask?
Last night I called her…
palmd | April 2, 2009I don't get anywhere near the time I'd like with my daughter. We have, to say the least, rather divergent schedules. For a while I was getting her up in the morning, but my schedule is demanding that I get up earlier, and she's not so happy about that. This morning I got lucky, though.
This morning after the alarm went off, I heard the "tonk tonk tonk" of little feet running to the bathroom. I put on my robe and peeked in, to find my kiddo sitting on the can smiling. She was up and ready to chat (when she's awake, she's talking).
"Daddy, why don't you cuddle me at night anymore?"
"What…
palmd | March 23, 2009There's nothing like the sound of a little kid laughing. It's not just a sound, but an experience of the entire body and mind. They lose control---often of the bladder, and without shame. Anything sets them off---a joke, a pratfall, a burp (and everyone's favorite, the butt-trumpet).
We had a great weekend together. Lot's of play time and cuddling. Her cousin came over to play. They're about a year-and-a-half apart and have sleep-overs all the time. They might as well be sisters (they sure fight like sisters).
Nights are the best, laughs or not. She loves my iPod (as do I) and we…
palmd | March 19, 2009I played hooky from the office this morning. My hours have really been weighing down on me, and with my recent back injury, I really wanted a break.
Then my wife begged me to take our daughter to school. And stop at the store. And find the shopping list in her car. I was unhappy. I made her cry.
You see, today is my father-in-law's birthday. He was born 70-odd years ago today. He died less than three months ago. It's not going to be an easy day. I apologized and worked on getting my daughter ready.
My daughter has, like most children, traits from both of her parents. From her…
palmd | March 16, 2009I woke up yesterday morning feeling almost rested, but something was missing. During the week, I don't have time to have coffee at home, but on the weekend, I love to brew a pot and slowly enjoy it while reading my Sunday feeds, writing, or putting together the PalCast. On this morning, I was to be disappointed. Our kitchen is no more, having been fatally wounded earlier by water damage, and now having been completely removed in preparation for rebuilding. As a consequence, I have nowhere to grind and brew my coffee. Not to be deterred, I brought PalKid her breakfast and took off for the…
palmd | March 12, 2009Mrs. Pal registered the kiddo for kindergarten this week. What a kick in the gut. The first time she went to a pre-school class without us, I cried, so what's going to happen when she gets on the bus?
The other day we were watching TV, and she said, "You know that Jonas brother with the straight hair? I love him! He's. So. HANDSOME!"
Ugh.
Of course, she still insists that I cuddle her at night. What do you do with this kind of love? The other day I told her, "I'm so happy we're having so much fun this weekend. What about you?"
"Me too, Daddy, cuz we never see each other during the…
palmd | March 9, 2009This morning was rough---daylight savings time messed with the whole household. PalKid was not real happy about getting up, but she did. I brought her waffles in bed (real maple syrup, as always). Mrs. Pal packed most of her lunch the night before--I heated up the soup and put the thermos in the lunch bag.
This is how I usually see my daughter when I get home:
Tonight I got lucky (although we'll pay for it in the morning). She was lying in bed with Mrs. Pal, sleepy but awake. She dismissed mommy, and gestured me into the bed. We cuddled until she was fast asleep.
palmd | March 9, 2009Most of my readers know that I'm a dad, but I don't write all that much about fatherhood. We have some great bloggers here who talk about being a mommy and the difficulties of being a mom and a scientist.
I'd like to add a voice about fatherhood. Every couple and every individual approaches parenthood differently. My writings, needless to say, are my experiences.
The way my wife and I have ended up doing things has a lot to do with our earning potential---mine as a physician is much higher than hers as a teacher, so she is the primary at-home parent. This isn't to say that my wife isn't…