Things you don't want to hear during a physical examination:
(Key: P = patient; D = doctor)
"Here, let me take it out and show you." (P)
"Wait a sec while I get a tissue." (D)
"We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?" (P)
"Just out of curiosity, do you shave your forehead?" (D)
"My last doc always wore gloves when he touched that." (P)
"Why does it say 'Swinging Boom Below' on your abdomen?" (D)
"My wife wants to know - can you give me something for this?" (P)
"No, actually it's ____________ (insert one of the following: 'Friday,' 'February,' '2007,' 'the planet Earth,' 'a rectal thermometer') (D)
"I don't go to tanning salons - honest!" (P)
"Do you think you can hop up on the table?" (D)
"Will you hand me my other shoe, Doc?" (P)
My personal favorite is the blank look followed by "I thought that was normal." (P)