Hot Fun in the Summertime?

As part of the full service philosophy of this blog your narrator has volunteered for several experiments in order to report the health benefits of such things as eating dark chocolate, or watercress drizzled with extra virgin olive oil. Did I mention the salutary effects of a tumbler or two of claret as well? As they say, "It's a tough job..."

I would be remiss, though, if I didn't keep the gentle reader informed of at least a few of the countless health hazards lurking about our modern world - dangers such as ATV riding without proper training and protective gear, or storing narcotic pain pills in unlocked cabinets while hosting a party for six or seven dozen teenagers, or eating only foodstuffs that provide seamless, profound delight due to the fact that they are loaded with fat, cholesterol and sugar.

Important topics, all of them, but anyone can provide advice. My contribution today is another experiment - this time under the category of "Common Summer Mistakes." I went for a run down a dusty gravel road with the air temperature hovering around 84 degrees and ambient humidity of about 100%. I had on a hat and light clothing. Things were going well, knee-wise, and I made the final turn (racetrack talk, you know) feeling the typical effects of the sun, but nothing extreme.

That's when the deerflies attacked. They are vicious hunters, and will hover directly in front of one's face, even while running, waiting for a chance to dive into the doughy flesh. I suddenly felt like I was dragging a mattress behind me and had to make a decision:

Do I stop and rest in the shade and turn into a smorgasboard for the winged furies (the sensible choice), or make a mad dash for home (which would remove any doubt as to whether or not I truly was my father's child)?

What, are you kidding? I ain't letting those little bastards get me!

Is there no more ridiculous sight than that of an overheated middle-aged man chugging along, waving his hands frantically over his head like Stokowski conducting Le Sacre du printemps? Needless to say, I got a noticeable case of heat exhaustion for my efforts (but no bites, so there). I guess I should remind summer athletes, whether professional or booby-prize-worthy (no names, please) of the proper steps to avoid heat exhaustion and heat stroke.

Oh, I'm too tired to write them out. Just go to this site, please. And now it's time for ice cream.