Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter becomes the Planet Hunter: A Tribute Piece

I have to say that I was seriously upset by hearing that Steve Irwin was killed recently, and by a Stingray barb no less. It's kind of strange actually, because I was just about to submit a humour piece to Seed where I did a little play on words with the name "Crocodile Hunter."

I know that he'll be sorely missed in my household, having made some serious kiddie street cred by appearing in a Wiggle's video. Besides which, I think he was one of the funniest things ever on TV, and I mean that in only the best of ways. (BBC obituary here)

Cor Crikey! And g'day mate! Right now we're walking up to Hawaii's Gemini Observatory on the summit of Mauna Kea. It's got a beaut of a telescope inside, and we're hoping to find a new planet today.

(Whispering) Here we are at the front door. But we should first give it a bit of space. Patience is important when dealing with telescopes. And we've got to be careful with that door. It's locked! Looks like the observatory doesn't open for another 20 minutes.

(20 minutes later) Alright mate! Let's go! (running) Quickly mate! We're already inside, but we've got to move fast! If you look around, you might see that there are other humans around here that will also want to use the telescope, but if you get there first, you're in there mate. You can use one hand for the controls, and the other to fend the others off.

(Reaching the console) We're the first here! And it looks like we'll get to have it to ourselves too. Ripper! Looks pretty complicated, but I've been around telescopes all my life and this is definitely an "on" button. But before I press it, let's first camouflage ourselves behind this adjustable office chair, just in case! I'm going to turn it on now.

(Apparatus makes a noise). Watch out mate! We've got to stay extra alert now. Remember - never do this without the supervision of an expert like myself around.
It's on. And don't forget to be on the look-out for other humans. We can scare them off by making ourselves look as big as possible - spread your arms wide and look like you're real pissed. That's right, like that. Beauty mate! Alright, now let's go find us some planets...

(7 hours) Did you see that?

(12 days) Did you see that?

(4 week) Did you see that?

(6 weeks) Did you see that?

(7 weeks) Crikey! Did you see that?

(3 months and 1 week) Did you see that?

(4 months) Did you see that?

(5 months and 3 weeks) Did you see that?

(6 months later and looking weary) Well mates, that's all we have time for in this show. It's a shame we didn't find a new planet but that's sometime how it is in these observatories. See you next time!