Problems with piercings

Hadi HI, Quah HM, Maw A. A missing tongue stud: an unusual appendicular foreign body. Int Surg. 2006 Mar-Apr;91(2):87-9.

Mmm...appendicitis.

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Das G, Rawal N, Bolton LM. The case of the missing "Prince Albert". Obstet Gynecol. 2005 May;105(5 Pt 2):1273-5.

Okay, can someone attempt to explain to me the appeal of sticking a needle in my twig? Is it really that cool being able to pee out of two holes? Is the sex really that much better? People are so weird.

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Atac MS. Impacted earring clip visible on panoramic radiograph. Dentomaxillofac Radiol. 2006 Jan;35(1):36-7.

Oh, I left an earring in, and then failed to notice while my ear grew around it until it disappeared. Silly me.

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Muntz HR, Pa-C DJ, Asher BF. Embedded earrings: a complication of the ear-piercing gun. Int J Pediatr Otorhinolaryngol. 1990 Mar;19(1):73-6.

Parents who get their baby's ears pierced have questionable parenting skills.

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Barkan D, Fanne RA, Elazari-Scheiman A, Maayan S, Beeri R. Navel Piercing as a Cause for Streptococcus viridans Endocarditis: Case Report, Review of the Literature and Implications for Antibiotic Prophylaxis. Cardiology. 2006 Oct 30;108(3):159-160.

This is pretty messed. A navel piercing got infected, and the infection spread to the unfortunate individual's heart! Endocarditis is right up there in my list of medical afflictions I do not want to get. Yeah, I have a list. Go on and judge.

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Brennan M, O'Connell B, O'Sullivan M. Multiple dental fractures following tongue barbell placement: a case report. Dent Traumatol. 2006 Feb;22(1):41-3.

I remember when tongue piercings were all the rage in high school. Such rebellion.

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Neiburger E. A large hypertrophic-keloid lesion associated with tongue piercing: case report. Gen Dent. 2006 Jan-Feb;54(1):46-7.

I don't know what a large hypertrophic-keloid lesion is, but I'm confident that it sucks having one.

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Nedbalski TR, Laskin DM. Loss of a sewing needle in the tongue during attempted tongue piercing: report of a case. J Oral Maxillofac Surg. 2006 Jan;64(1):135-7. No abstract available.

First of all, it appears that some people actually attempt to pierce their own tongues. Secondly, where the hell did the needle go? Did it get lost in the individual's tongue?!

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The closest I've come to performing surgery on my self was the time I popped a really big zit behind my ear. Heck, that sucker might have even been a cyst or something. The cases I've managed to dig out and list below are, shall we say, way more friggin' impressive. Oh, and Wikipedia has a neat…

Anytime I see a piercing I think of a fishhook through the flesh. Ewwwwww!

I've seen keloid scars on regular skin, but on tongues, eeek! On the skin, they're much wider than ordinary scars, with stripes or striations going though them (I don't feel like searching for the correct term for the stripes, sorry).