Warning: as the title suggests, this is just one long whine. It probably shouldn’t be read by anyone. For my own sake, I’m putting it out there, anyways. Proceed with caution!
So much for posting something every day. When I promised that, it sounded feasible. Then again, when I called my remodel "almost done", I think I was mistaking it for "done." This seems to be a new habit of mine... setting my expectations too high. Or maybe it is an old habit, resurfacing.
Whatever the case, I had planned to have my life back to (what could pass for) normal by the end of last week. Instead, I still have my office and bathrooms torn to pieces, each caught in various stages of painting. I had planned to buy my fixtures and accessories gradually during the remodel, but it didn’t work out that way. Now, I’m waiting for a large bonus that’s supposed to come on the first of August. You’d think I’d be looking forward to such a grand shopping spree... but I’m not.
The fact is, this whole project is driving me crazy. Or, perhaps more correctly, the project is preventing my sanity. Before I started, I knew full well that I had problems with bipolar disorder. What I didn’t realize was that, in order to remodel, I had to abandon the regular routines which kept my moodswings in check. So, rather than just steadily getting things done, it has been more like a roller coaster. One day, I’m dashing around, completing several projects at once, while simultaneously planning the next one. Then, the next day, I’m curled up in bed ready to quit.
It has to end somewhere. I may not have a choice... my classes start again in less than a month. Also, Denver will be hosting the DNC the same week, and we’ll have a number of houseguests. I’ve promised myself they wouldn’t be staying in the middle of a construction zone, nor would I be painting when I was supposed to be studying. (I’ve got a full load of classes ahead.) So, the end is near, whether I like it or not. Some parts of the house will have to wait.
For instance, my bedroom, which was a sanctuary during the worst of the remodel, is now the only room that looks outdated. It may have to stay that way. Then there’s the attic... I didn’t even consider it when I was planning this project. Hell, I hadn’t even seen it! (We lived here for 5 years without ever opening the door.) But now, after painting the trapdoor, looking in, seeing a huge, cool space, with lots of potential, I’m dying to finish it. That will definitely have to wait.
Hopefully, whenever I get to those remaining rooms, I’ll be able to plan my time a little better. It isn’t worth it to sacrifice good habits in order to pretty up a room. (Someone remind me to come back and read that before I start!) In the meantime, I’ve got two goals... to finish what I started, and to get back into my regular routines. That includes writing... which I’ve come to miss, very much. (Just look at how long this rant has gotten! My fingers long to type again!) I won’t make any promises as to when--I’ve learned not to do that--but I will be back.
So, well, enough with the whining. I need to get back to work... the caulk in the bathroom won’t apply itself. Soon (though I don’t know when) I’ll try to post something more interesting than my construction complaints. I have plenty of science-related goodies to share, plus art and games... but I had to let this vent, first.
Finally, for anyone who has read my blog this summer, with my various rants and empty promises to return to normal, I both apologize and thank you for sticking around.
Hang in there, Karmen!
Wish I were in the area to lend a hand.
Just checking in to see how you're doing. Hope things are getting better.
Bipolar is a tricky thing to deal with. Lamictal has been my wonder drug -- levels me out to the point where I don't need anything else now, it's been a godsend for me. But yeah, I still have to watch the stress levels and not let things swing out of control.
Donna, you have clever timing. I'm just now preparing a new post (yes, it's been a while!) and was coming in to clean up some spam comments--what a delight to see one from you instead! You're right about it being tricky to deal with bipolar. The most frustrating part of all of this is that I basically had things under control before starting the remodel.... and then, when I realized I was going to be on my own for most of the work, I just stopped trying to keep it together. Then I'd blame myself, and wallow in more guilt. The silly thing is, the routines and tools I've gathered to help myself were there all along.... It hasn't been nearly as difficult to get back to "normal" as I feared. I just had to try!
Also, Adrienne and Arc, thank you both as well, even if a few weeks late. Your thoughts helped me keep going when I needed it. (Though, yes, Arc, I have no idea who you are, but yea, I wish you could have lent a hand too!)
Anyhow, thanks, everyone, for checking in... Now lets see how quickly we can bury this whiny post!
Thanks for the comment Steve. I actually wrote in a comment here a few weeks ago asking what was happening with this blog after the announcement that O'Reilly was dropping the Digital Media division. It's really refreshing to get an honest comment on what's happening. I really hope the blog picks up again.