As the nation pauses to reflect on the 5th anniversary of 9/11, I think it's impotant to look at how that event affected so many gay Americans. Can't imagine why that would have any effect on gay people distinct from its effect on straight people? It hadn't occured to me either, until I read this essay by Kevin Cathcart, the Executive Director of Lambda Legal. He points out some of those ways, like those who had partners who died in the crash but without the legal and financial protections of marriage:
Roughly two dozen lesbians and gay men that we know of lost a partner in the September 11th attacks, and less than a quarter of those people received the benefits automatically awarded to married spouses. Some of those "benefits" boiled down to fundamental rights and responsibilities like being able to obtain a death certificate and to make arrangements for a partner's remains. On top of the intense sorrow of tragically losing a loved one, surviving partners also suffered the indignity of having to prove the validity of their relationship over and over again -- and that was in the best of circumstances, when people had taken the time to write a will and health care proxy or, where applicable, register as domestic partners.
Even with my involvement in this issue, I had never given a thought to the fact that surely there were some gays and lesbians in the World Trade Center who left behind partners without the kind of legal and financial protections that the rest of us just take for granted. Cathcart describes a couple of people they helped jump through all the hoops set up by the various compensation funds, hoops that did not apply to married couples:
Peggy Neff became the first surviving same-sex partner to be awarded compensation from the fund. She and her partner, Sheila Hein, had been together for 18 years, when Sheila was killed in the attack on the Pentagon. Sheila had left a will expressing her wishes that Peggy should inherit her entire estate, but despite the will, Virginia's wrongful death law would have left Peggy with only a fraction of the proper compensation had it not been for the full support of Sheila's mother, who respected her deceased daughter's wishes that Peggy be treated as a surviving spouse would be. Lambda Legal represented Peggy during the federal claim process, which resulted in a $500,000 award and marked the first time the federal government had granted compensation based on a same-sex relationship.
Lambda Legal also represented Keith Bradkowski, whose partner of 11 years, Jeff Collman, was a flight attendant on American Airlines flight 11, the first plane that hit the World Trade Center. Keith and Jeff had registered as domestic partners in California, which by law designated Keith as the personal representative of Jeff's estate and at that time provided wrongful death but not inheritance protection. But Jeff had not written a will, and Keith faced stressful negotiations with Jeff's parents and his employer to receive what a married spouse would have automatically been awarded. Keith later became an advocate for the inclusion of inheritance rights in California's domestic partner laws and gave a moving testimony before Congress about his life with Jeff, his struggle to be treated fairly after Jeff died and why the proposed federal marriage amendment is profoundly wrong-headed.
And remember that since 2001, many states have passed laws that can be used to refuse any recognition of such relationships, even in cases like this. So while we're remembering and honoring those who died, let's honor all of those who died, not just the ones from the Norman Rockwell paintings. And let's stop making life harder on them by putting roadblocks in their way to prevent them from the kinds of protections the rest of us never have to think about.
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Amen, Ed. This is of special importance, since I and my partner live in Virginia - a state with the kind of laws you mention outlawing recognition of our relationship. Kinda makes you feel like you are walking around with a target on your back.
What would the terrorists do to gay people?
Let me echo SharonB with my thanks as well, Ed. It is rare to find a heterosexual who understands the impact of discriminatory laws on the GLBT community, and so publicly supports our efforts at equality. We only know of the 2 dozen or so gay and/or lesbian victims of 9/11 because they were open and honest about their lives. There were undoubtedly more who could not, or would not be as open, and in fact there were reports at the time about such people - how their friends had to rush off to "de-gay" their apartments to ensure their families did not find out (e.g., what if they were only missing, and were later rescued, but outed inadvertantly in front of their families?).
But there was another profound effect that 9/11 had on the GLBT community that was different from the straight community, and not touched on in the piece you linked to. In a weird way, 9/11 was welcoming to gays and lesbians in a way that no other national tragedy ever had been. As horrible as the day was, as frightened as we all were, as desperate as everyone was to get safe and ensure those they loved were safe as well, for the first time gays and lesbians could say "We were there."
Think about it, how many openly gay victims of the OK City bombing were there? How about GLBT victims of various (non-9/11) plane crashes? We know there had to have been such victims, just as we know there had to be gays and lesbians killed at Pearl Harbor, or in the 1906 SF earthquake or on the Titanic. Their identities, sadly, are lost to history.
On 9/11, it was different. Almost from the beginning, as a lesbian CNN producer raced around lower Manhatten gathering news on the expanding disaster, we knew and could name specific GLBT victims. We could see the effects of the disaster on the lives of those they left behind - not just the legal and pragmatic issues mentioned by Lamda Legal. When the Washington Post talks to the friends of David Charlebois (the copilot of American 77) and his surviving partner, Tom Hay, for a piece on the local victims of the tragedy, their relationship became alive, and for the first time that I can remember, "regular" readers of the paper met a "normal" gay couple, as swept up in events as any other. We could mourn with the families of Daniel Brandhorst and Ronald Gamboa, who were killed with their son, David Brandhorst-Gamboa, aboard one of the planes - one of only two complete families killed that day. And, of course, Mark Bingham, a rugby-playing Republican, became a gay hero as one of the passengers who helped take down United 93.
The GLBT victims and heroes of 9/11 were no more special than anyone else, but they were important to us as gay and lesbian people because of their ordinaryness. Just like "regular" people, gays and lesbians had their lives suddenly and viciously torn apart in the blink of an eye, but for the first time, America got a glimpse of those lives, and they were a powerful antidote to the hatred of Falwell and Robertson. It is only too bad that time and distance have allowed the voices of hatred (particularly during the '04 election) to rise again. In fact, months after decrying their anti-gay hate remarks, Bush invited the same two morons to a White House signing ceremony.
But I know that this latest backlash is just temporary, and eventually GLBT human beings will be fully accepted in our society. Until then, I wait for the day that I can bring my nephews to the Pentagon or Shanksville, where I know each victim will be individually represented in the memorials. There I will point out to the boys the different people who died that day, and can matter-of-factly point to those who are like their Uncle Bill - no better, but Thank God considered no worse, either.
"Ditto" isn't the most profound comment, but that's the chiefest of the thoughts in my head. Ed, whatever sort of "idiot" you may have been when you were younger (see thread on PZ and religion), you have matured into a sensitive and compassionate soul.
On a typical day, my partner and I move about in a seemingly friendly world which treats us well because of our pale skins and superficially obvious education and affluence. But I shudder to think of the nightmares she, or I, or we may face if ever we have to confront a blinkered beauracracy that can't wrap itself around the reality of our relationship, fifteen years in the making.
Then I shudder again, harder, for those who face the same circumstances, but without the strength of supportive families and friends, without money or jobs or (thinking of New Orleans) homes.
As importantly as anything, I would say it placed the pain and suffering of gay husbands and wives squarely on a level with that of straight ones, which is an enormous step in terms of public acceptance of gay marriage.
In fact, because 9/11 is so sacrosanct for Americans (this is not to denigrate the suffering of those affected), it places the suffering of the gay people involved beyond debate for once, and in so doing should make a lot of progress for the legitimacy of those relationships in the eyes of the general public, hopefully.
Family should be defined by love, not politics. That is the first point mentioned in the First Freedom First petition. First Freedom First is a new project of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, and The Interfaith Alliance Foundation. The petition begins by asserting that "Every American should have the right to make personal decisions -- about family life, reproductive health, end-of-life care and other matters of personal conscience." If we truly want to strengthen families in this country we must give legal recognition to all families. I believe the institution of marriage will be strengthened and that the existence of loving families will be increased by socially recognizing and supporting spousal relationships based on love, fidelity, respect, and responsibility, regardless of the sexual orientation of the two partners.
BAC
I'd never thought of that, either; at least not in the context of 9/11; a horrible episode made worse for gay/lesbian couples!
I honestly don't understand how allowing gay/lesbian marriage makes me or any other heterosexual 'less' married! What, really is the big threat here?? I guess if society doesn't fall apart (like it didn't when interracial marriage was finally striken from the books as illegal) the right wing conservative Christian-types will have to internalize yet another nasty morsel of cognitive dissonance, poor babies!
I believe any two people who are willing and have the desire to make that kind of commitment to each other should be allowed to marry and have families with the same legal and social expectations of support as everyone else.