Unix/Linux System VI Release Notes

I'm putting the following below the fold because it may be offensive to some. But it's really funny.

Normally I don't like humor that makes fun of PC, because it is usually not funny. But this is Linux humor, and there are some gems. Like the "less" and "more" command joke. Ha!

I totally stole this from Linux Personagerie.

Enjoy.

---------- the fold ----------

Politically Correct UNIX: System VI Release Notes

UTILITIES

1. "man" pages are now called "person" pages.

2. Similarly, "hangman" is now the "person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime".
   
3. To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat"
   command is now merely "domestic_quadruped".
   
4. To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes"
   - reflecting the male belief that women always mean yes, even
   when they say no. To address this imbalance, System VI adds a
   "no" command, along with a "-f[orce]" option
   which will crash the entire system if the "no" is ignored.
   
5. The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it
   has been replaced by the more neutral "gender" command.
   
6. The "touch" command has been removed from the standard
   distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.
   
7. "compress" has been replaced by the lightweight
   "feather" command. Thus, old information (such as that
   from Dead White European Males) should be archived via "tar"
   and "feather".
   
8. The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy
   of the Reagan era. System VI uses the environmentally preferable
   "less" command.
   
9. The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally
   unfriendly "LaTeX".
   

SHELL COMMANDS

1. To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill"
   command has been renamed "euthanise."
   
2. The "nice" command was historically used by privileged
   users to give themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling
   them to be "nice". In System VI, the "sue"
   command is used by unprivileged users to get for themselves the
   rights enjoyed by privileged ones.
   
3. "history" has been completely rewritten, and is
   now called "herstory."
   
4. "quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum
   usage, and will be strictly enforced.
   
5. The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."

TERMINOLOGY

1. From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately
   referred to as "exploitive capitalist text".
   
2. The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative.
   Such processes will now be known as "spiritual guides."
   
3. There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb"
   and "smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable.

4. Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse
   video") was white on black. This implicitly condoned European
   colonialism, particularly with respect to people of African descent.
   UNIX System VI now uses "regressive video" to refer
   to white on black, while "progressive video" can be
   any color at all over a white background.
   
5. For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands
   of "root" and his "wheel" oligarchy. We have
   instituted a dictatorship of the users. All system administration
   functions will be handled by the People's Committee for Democratically
   Organizing the System (PC-DOS).
   
6. No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to
   be "owned" by users. All files and processes will own
   themselves, and decide how (or whether) to respond to requests
   from users.
   
7. The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17
   Window System.
   
8. And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" -
   for Procreatively Challenged.
   

---

, Mike

---

Please note that this blog accepts comments via email only. See our Mission And Policy Statement for further details.

---