I would like to thank the two women who stood guard over my livid writhing form, waiting for the ambulance. But I didn't get their names.

You're supposed to have two patellae, one for each knee.

three patellas, or one patella in three pieces?
each knee or one?

Ow. Let us know if we can help in any way.

And be careful playing video games while on narcotics.

Ouch. That's awful. I tore the edge of one patella and that was extremely painful and took years to get back to something somewhat normal (but I'll never be able to ski again - except perhaps cross-country on flat and level terrain).

ouch! I suspect the involvement of ice.

Hope you are better soon :(

what are you doing? blogging in a narcotic induced haze from your iphone in the emergency room?

talk about dedication!

hope to hear of a good outcome for you.

I dislocated my patella once was painful as hell, so I sympathize. Because people at the first hospital didn't figure that out it took two ER visits. I have to say I appreciated the sheet with the explanation of the injury, expected hearling time, and so on that I got from the second ER. Not much that they told me while I was on narcotics stayed in my head.

Speedy recovery, Greg.

Greg!! I don't know what happened but if it's enough to convince you that you should only have one patella, dear jesus man I hope you feel better very soon! Many hugs.

Enjoy the high!

I'm sorry :(

Nitric oxide is what regulates bone stiffness and growth. If you need some more, let me know.

One patella, two patella, three patella, four,
Hope you're well soon, even if a little sore.

1. Huxley wasn't in the car, I hope, and if so is he okay?

2. Amanda wasn't in the car, I hope, and if so is she okay?

3. Julia wasn't in the car, I hope, and if so is she okay?

Speedy recovery and nice drugs to you, Greg!

I envy you for the morphine, anyways-- AND: we deliver downtown on special occasions like this;-)

Greg, be well. Ron

It wasn't a car. It was black ice on a sidewalk at the main entrance way of a college.

As I lay there writhing in pain, people kept coming by asking if I had hit my head. Then some people stole some coats from a locker in the gym (this was near he college gym and threw them on me. Then some young men came by and said how bad I looked and one of them said "You're getting PAID man!!! It's your time!!!1 You're getting PAID!!!!"

I thought that was pretty funny.

So no, it was just me, and my knee, against the sidewalk. The patella and associated tendon was severed by being pinched between the sidewalk and I suppose my proximal tibia or femoral condyle. So my right quads are no longer inserted into anything much.

It turns out that morphine sucks for me. The reaction that eventually kicked in from the morphine was way worse than smashing my knee was. For the last three and a half hours I've been laying in this hospital bed unable to move without retching blood and bile, and hearing the sound of Cthulhu as my head spun in circles.

At one point I came mostly out of it and found that Amanda and Huxley had arrived and were watching this in horror. I said to the nurse who had just injected me with something "Did you hear that ... that sound ... Cthulhu ... Cthulhu ..." And she said "Oh, that's this thing wrong with the plumbing, it's a water alarm that goes off every half hour or so right over your head. They can't seem to fixe it.

Just then the sound went off again, and I realized that I had hallucinated the Cthulhu part ... my hearing had become super accute so an ant walking around would sound like Godzilla, and so on.

So, now, after I finish this jello I'm going to have to figure out how to pee in a cup from a prone position.

Thank you all for your kind comments, I LOVE MY BLOG READERS!!!!. (Except the ones I hate, of course, but today I love you too.)

bug_girl [5] I especially love you because you continue to comment on my blog even though your comments are always thrown in moderation!

I figure the term "bug_girl" means something to Moveable type. Like, when they were developing the code, they used "bug_girl" to test moderation or something. Well, maybe now that I'm bed ridden for a while I'll work on that again...

Let me also add this: Watching the olympic skating (which my fingers insist on typing as "olymic scating") when I fell down on the ice today, it made me feel like I might wind a medal!!!!!

Here are more good wishes. Speedy recovery, Greg.

"You're getting paid"? Wow. You might think that someone who believes crap like that would be more careful about the karmic consequences of taunting a fellow human in pain; but I'm glad that you encountered some folks whose first instinct was to help.

Hope you heal quickly and at least can get back to urinating in a more comfortable position (or at least less likely to be messy position).

Best.

John: I'm pretty sure he meant that I was going to sue the college or something.

(BTW, not to whinge or anything, but there is some pain and suffering going on here... and I have to pee in this cup...)

Ow, ow, ow! That must be horribly painful, Greg. I presume surgery is indicated?

Take as long as it takes, do whatever you have to do, to let that booboo heal!

From the initial description I was thinking a building fell on you, what with the ceiling tiles and sprinkler heads and all. You would get my sympathies for that. Having a building fall on you is good for half a day off. But no more. We have to think of our productivity. Can't abide slackers.

But now it seems more likely that you just borked your leg. Well buck up there sailor; that's why you were issued two. Worse comes to worse we get the saw-bones to take the mangled limb off, sear the vessels closed with a red-hot iron and wrap it all up like a Christmas package. If you're nice we might give you a scrap of leather, cost deducted from you salary, to bite down on as they do the lopping and the burning of the flesh. We could have you back blogging in a few hours. Can't have malingerers laying about soaking up valuable resources, bothering the nurses, and bleeding over everything.

It's all about priorities. You have two legs; but only one blog. So put down the narcotics, can't have scientists with clouded minds. If you must pained shrieks, grimaces, groans, grinding teeth and a bit of smeared blood on the keyboard are alright. But only within reason.

Suck it up and get back to work.

Next time ask for Fentanyl. That's what they gave me last month after my cardiac arrest. Combined with Propofol (Milk of Amnesia) I don't recall 6 days.

OK, got it. Fentanyl, Fentanyl,Fentanyl... got it.

Oh funny, the nurse just walked in and I slammed my laptop shut...

Fentanyl is lovely. Nearly instant, then tapering off fairly quickly.

Other narcotics suck. I've been taking an informal survey since I had my first run-in with Vicodin, and everyone I've talked to who's taken anything but Fentanyl hated it. I'd still rather be in pain right up until I can't handle being in pain any longer (time measured in days mostly) than take it. I don't quite understand how anyone gets addicted to it.

What was so dire that you had to rush directly into the sidewalk? D:

If patellas (patellae?) were intelligently designed, they'd have a thick coating of rubber with a nice anti-abrasion coating.

Ask yr friendly docs if they can install a user-friendly upgrade - and enjoy your mandatory laid-back time while it lasts!

(Will the above limping attempts at humor seem any less glib if I confess I have two bad knees, including one of the more deformed pad-patl- ... kneebones in the country?)

Take care!

Crap, Greg, I'm so sorry about your patella, and in general about your whole leg, and well, about the whole situation. Ouch.

I hope you and Huxley and your partner are otherwise fine, and I hope you feel better soon.

Fentanyl is lovely, especially for procedures, but has a short half life. In our trauma ICU, we use dilaudid for people who can't tolerate morphine. Almost never causes N/V (nausea/vomitting). Also, it was The King's drug of choice. Uh huh, uh huh. Feel better.

Ugh, that's awful.

Re: "bug_girl" I suspect that the use of the word "girl" in the title may be what is triggering the moderation. If the default works for words common to spam, having the the word girl in the title might not be an unreasonable word to trigger moderation. Spam advertising pornography, mail order brides, and the like could easily include it.

Holy shit that sucks...Doubly for the fucking morphine reaction.

For the record, Cthuluh is not coming to eat you and your family. Like other supernatural type beings/demigods, whatever, there is no evidence to support it's existence...No more than there is for, say, the cyclops. thr is nthng t wrry abt...

Did you ever read that tract I sent you?

Finally, no matter how much you might normally hate me, I love you too Greg!!

Hydromorphone, aka Dilaudid, can work very well for those allergic or otherwise badly reacting to morphine. clamboy, like Joe Bob Briggs, sez, "check it out."

Elvis did dilaudid? Yes, that is what they were offering me but I talked them into ...ooops, some guy just crashed on the ice who wasn't me!!!! ... right, so I talked them into giving me Tylenol.

DuWayne, working on it!

Dude, even though you're frequently a dumbass, I wish you a speedy recovery from your injury.

I think you want morphine and not fentanyl. You are going to be in pain for such a long time that having something that will wear off quickly is of no benefit.

Morphine activates nitric oxide synthase, and by that mechanism morphine has anti-apoptotic effects and the mechanism by which it mediates delayed ischemic preconditioning and reduces ischemia/reperfusion injury.

Besides, morphine is natural.

Morphine is natural? What, is there a morphine plant? Or is it an animal. I imagine an animal that lives in a tropical swamp. It has this gland...

I was thinking just a tank of NO.

Thanks CPP. I think. Lucky for you that I'm on drugs.

But, will you be able to play the violin?

(And if the doctor says yes, say, "Great, I never could before!" Vaudeville is not dead. It's only resting.)

I share your allergy to opiates. It's miserable, ain't it? "Ouch!" Puke. "Ouch!" Puke. Take the non-opiate alternative, along with something to knock you out. See if they'll prescribe lithium bromide. (They won't.) Bromides have 19th c. cool written all over them -- totally steampunk.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Sorry about your injury! I heard a rumor that you were on your way to class to administer an exam. Were you pushed?

Mammalian cells synthesize morphine.

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0008…

Inhaled NO doesn't have systemic effects (very much). You need topical.

I feel your pain. Okay, I don't really feel your pain, but I'm with you in spirit. Except that there is no spirit...

Recover soon. Or else.

Get better Greg! I don't comment much, but my mornings wouldn't be the same without reading your blog.

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO OF THE ACCIDENT BEFORE AND AFTER: http://tinyurl.com/b3cu7j

I've lost count of how many times I did the "Will I be able to play the piano" joke today (but modified for a knee injury). I don't think I did it while I was laying on the ground slowly freezing to the pavement but I did it about five times after that.

But this is all practice for the surgeon.

Well, get well soon and keep us posted!

Here's hoping you have a speedy recovery, Greg -- but enjoy the drugs while you have 'em!

Ouch, sorry! Let me know if there is anything I can do. I won't be able to do it, but you can let me know.

Seriously, get better soon.

Not just mammals, either:
http://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=morphine+leeches

(I was just reading an old New Yorker article on how a very ancient treatment using leeches for arthritic knees; that's one idea of the mechanism involved)

Lizzie, interesting theory. Yes, I have the exams here with me, in a satchel handcuffed to my good leg.

D: Right, I remember that article now. I'm going to gete me some of those mammal cells.

Just remember, it could be worse.

I'm not sure how. I'll think about that and get back to you.

From clear back at @21:
"John: I'm pretty sure he meant that I was going to sue the college or something."

You're sure he wasn't waxing philosophical about the life on this planet and/or human frailty? Each of us has our time to get paid eventually, some of us several times...

(Ok, maybe that's a bit of a stretch for a someone who, by your account, sounds like a frat boy.)

Here's to your getting well as quickly and comfortably as possible, even if the two are slightly contradictory.

But, will you be able to play the violin?

(And if the doctor says yes, say, "Great, I never could before!" Vaudeville is not dead. It's only resting.)

I share your allergy to opiates. It's miserable, ain't it? "Ouch!" Puke. "Ouch!" Puke. Take the non-opiate alternative, along with something to knock you out. See if they'll prescribe lithium bromide. (They won't.) Bromides have 19th c. cool written all over them -- totally steampunk.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

Sorry for the double-post.

Good to know your vaudevillian instincts are intact.

Seriously, though. Lithium bromide. Just be wary of brominosis. Until you're well. Get an exemption.

Of course, by "brominosis," I mean "bromism," for those of you (excluding Greg) doing web searches.

Frequent reader, fallow commenter. But this morning on my break in the school day you're fine and dandy and when I finally get home you're... this? Here's hoping for a speedy recovery. Tell your doctors that you know Jerad, it won't help, but I'm trying to spread my name.

Oww! I'm glad you're well enough to be typing updates to us. Knee injuries make for a long recovery ... took about three years and a surgery for mine to feel normal again after getting kicked in the knee at a karate tournament when I was 15.

Morphine was fun. The Smurf wallpaper at the children's hospital started moving, and I was scared to go to sleep because I thought the Smurfs were going to crawl into my mouth.

I do hope your ligaments, patella, meniscus, bursae, and tendons suffer no lasting ill-effects from your encounter with the pavement.

On the plus side, you can sell the two spare patellas on eBay, and use the proceeds to buy more drugs!

Get well soon, dude.

I broke my fourth toe once, and it hurt real bad! :( :( :(

Gute Besserung und eine schnelle Erholung!

Best Wishes for a speedy and, more importantly, complete recovery, with a sub-wish involving the speedy identification of suitable narcotics.

At first I was guessing you suffered from food poisoning, that was because I had, at first glance, misread patella as paella (having three of which would also have been rather excessive).

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from a frequent reader, but lame commenter, Greg.

Black ice is just one of the many winter 'pleasures' that convinced me long ago that my destiny lay in Phoenix, but it undoubtedly did the most convincing.

Ow!Ow!Ow!Ow!So sorry to hear this. Up here in Homer, Alaska black ice keeps our orthopedists fat and happy. I donated many buckets o'money to them a few years back.

What's remarkable to me is the fact that even under extreme pain, shock and trauma, and hallucinating/sick on bad/good drugs, you still write a mean blog

Good luck, good drugs, good physical therapy and good recovery.

Speedy recovery Greg, I just wonder what it would take for you to stop typing.

Ugh - that's a nasty accident to have happen. I hope that you're feeling much better and recovering well before long.

I wish you a speedy recovery and adequate narcotics, and I'm in awe that you continued blogging.

A quick recovery, so you don't need the morphine, and good pain relief until then too you!

Sharon

Ah yes, I had similar thoughts the first time I was running under the tiles. I thought it would make a great scene in a Prime Time TV show. But ER beat me to it!

Hey, get better and stay off the ice!

Callie, there's nowhere in the Twin Cities to stay off the ice right now. I did an impromptu downhill skiing event myself yesterday. No spills, but my form was terrible.

Sorry to hear of this but glad to see you are bucking up. Toradol worked wonders for my post-op pain and it's not a narcotic. Not sure if it is used for orthopedic injuries. Unfortunately, it is only for short term use but it sure beats the nausea from the morphine.

My sister was the victim of black ice three weeks before we were to leave to take her daughter back to see her homeland. Do you know how hard it is to get around China on crutches? Not very friendly for the handicapped seven years ago, but she managed. You'll have it so much easier than she did. Speedy and uneventful recovery to you.

It was black ice on a sidewalk at the main entrance way of a college.
... Then some young men came by and said how bad I looked and one of them said "You're getting PAID man!!! It's your time!!!1 You're getting PAID!!!!"

That may depend on whether it's a college you work for, or a different one. If it's your own college, there may be some tricky clauses hidden away in the fine print of your contract.

No, no, no. Demand the ketamine. That stuff is awesome, man. Way back when I dislocated my knee, the doctor gave me a good shot of ketamine, and instead of hurting, the pain made me see flowing paisley patterns in the ceiling tiles.

Sorry to hear about your fall. Here's wishing you a speedy recovery.

Hi Greg,
This is Monica. I am from one of Paul's classes that you are subbing for at Century. I just wanted to send you some well wishes and I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Yoiks! Knee injuries are a special kind of pain, and this injury sounds extra special. I hope you have a full and speedy recovery.

Would Percoset work for you? I call it "perkyset" because I can tell when someone's on it by how chirpy they get.

Yikes! That sounds horrible, Greg - hope the pain subsides soon!

Ow, ow, ow! A speedy recovery to you, Greg. I've notified the folks at Skeptic Friends Network of your mishap, not neglecting to include the quote proving your belief in Cthulhu.

Archbishop Tutu's DNA helps show African diversity

... They found, for example, that any two Bushmen in their study who spoke different languages were more different genetically than a European compared to an Asian. That was true even if the Bushmen lived within walking distance of each other...

Don't take ketamine! It may make you feel good, but so does autoerotic asphyxiation. I think they work via the same mechanism, inducing a near death metabolic state. (just look at what it did to PZ)

You don't want to feel good, you want to recover quickly. That means inducing a high NO state. Opiates can help that. Any kind of stimulent is bad.

If you feel tired, that is your body telling you that you don't have enough ATP to do what you want to do without shutting down essential systems. Those essential systems are your healing processes.

I hope you have a speedy recovery Greg!
Glad your mind is still as active as ever.

Ftaghn r'leyh to you and yours.

Most things are bearable with enough opiates, so being allergic to them really sucks. I hope you find a good alternative and feel better soon.
Ice is dangerous stuff, I try to stay well away from it myself, but I have many friends who have done just horrible things to their legs and ankles sliding around.
In the meantime we will religiously not pray for you....

Best wishes for lessened pain throughout the whole ordeal, Greg. So much for kicking for the Vikings next season, eh?

Damn that sounds painful. I'll beseech Cthulhu and the other Great Old Ones to speed your recovery.

So no, it was just me, and my knee, against the sidewalk. The patella and associated tendon was severed by being pinched between the sidewalk and I suppose my proximal tibia or femoral condyle. So my right quads are no longer inserted into anything much.

So many big words. D'ya mean that in layman's terms, the kneebone's not connected to the thighbone??!!

Yikes. Get better quick, Greg. (Or more realistically, don't suffer too excruciatingly much for too long... owww, I hate knee injuries.)

Hmmm... black ice, sure... but I coulda sworn I heard SC muttering something that sounded like "kneecap the bastard"... and she's crafty. You mighta thought it was the ice, I'm sure that's your sincere opinion, but objective people have to wonder... :-)

Just make sure that Morphine Allergy gets written on your medical records in large print and on an extra paper bracelet for hospital wear. And remind them whenever you go in for surgery. I have very little experience with painkillers, but get well soon and get a good physiotherapist for the recovery period. I hate black ice~ but I don't want to start using a cane just to give me another "ped." Maybe ski poles?

It is not actually a morphine 'allergy'. technically, you are just one of the unfortunate people who throw up when given morphine. Yes there IS a 'morphine plant', it is called the poppy, and is grown all over the middle east to make heroin, it's cousin. There are medications they can give you with the morphine to counter the reaction.Visteril works well. Meanwhile, they should be offering a PCA (patient controlled analgesia)machine at least for the first day after surgery.They can put fentanyl in the PCA machine. Morphine is still the gold standard for pain control. I hope you get better soon, not a fun injury. I hope you didn't knock your epiphysis too, they are going to have to do enough pinning as it is. Stay tuned for a long cast for at least 6 weeks....

Hi Greg,

Consider yourself an official member of this exclusive society: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=11…

You may now demand a shrubbery.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

ouch, sorry to hear that holmes. not what a father with a new carryable need, yikes.

good luck for a speedy and simple recovery.

and God Bless. :-)

Not surprised to see you handling this physical horror with your usual sardonic wit. Maybe now that you have a total of four knees you can run as fast as a quadruped once you've mended.

Seriously, I hope things go swimmingly for you as you heal.

KB

Sorry Greg. Best wishes & all that.

Please remember the name of whatever drug you think best. I fell off a ladder and bounced off an oak dresser. I've lots of hurt places and if I need drugs, I want the good stuff right off, no experimentation!

Cheers & heal.

Greg,
I hope recovery goes well. Ice is nasty stuff, damn the "imaginary" climate change. These warm winters are the abomination for Minnesota. I'm really not thrilled with the killer icicles on my eaves either. Anyone for a game of stick the climate denyers in a ice house and take bets on when it sinks? Oh wait, that's not very humanist of me.

HA! thanks for the shout out Greg. None of the Scienceblogs will let me comment without tossing me into spam or moderate.

I am grateful that you take the time to rescue me!

You may want to tell the overlords of Sb that they are loosing readers/commenters...I'm not the only one.

Hope you have a fast, full recovery. You are an inspiration to so many of us with your humanity, thoughtfulness and love of science.

Your patella is in three pieces? Three separate parts that make up one whole? I can't help wonder if it gave you a "Francis Collins waterfall" inspiration.

I just got my first email from someone wanting to know whether I had any updates. The last communication I had from Greg mentioned they were changing his pain meds. I also had a note from Amanda this morning that didn't contain any news, so I'm assuming they've just got Greg doped to the gills while they figure out how to put his knee back together.

I will update here if I hear anything newsy.

Ouch. :-(
I've been fortunate to avoid your fate, despite several bike accidents and a clumsy childhood. I hope I continue to be lucky.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery. I'm sure all your friends will be praying for you. :-)

Get well soon! It was nice having you as our teacher for the past few weeks!

First, thanks everyone for their kind thoughts!

Update: I had surgery yesterday afternoon, and I must say I never felt better in my life than I did when that anesthesiologist had his way with me. But the night before last ranked up there with any malaria-drenched nights I've ever experienced.

I've had a bad reaction to ALL the pain medicine (except vicodin) but the pain is worse, so I've been balancing that and it's been a bit distracting.

One of those moments where something really bad is happening to me, I look at the nurse and she's got an expression of terror on her face, and Amanda is repeating the classic line: "Something is not right here. Something is not right here. And I'm thinking ... "Is there a way to un-IV a liquid from your veins?"

But somehow I lived.

But today, I feel pretty good and I'm getting some physical therapy (which is basically "how to not fall over."

I'm taking notes and there will be a fuller blog post eventually.

I am not unfamiliar with knee injuries. Stick with the physical therapy you'll be OK. You will be in Carnegie Hall in no time.

Get better soon!

Greg, did Pat Robertson have a word of knowledge about this?All those prayers must have helped,eh?
Theist nonsense!

Carneades/ Ignostic Morgan///
skeptic griggsy- world over as Googling would show.