Is This For REAL??

As some of you might suspect, employment -- especially those shit jobs to keep me alive until I find a position in academics -- receives far more attention and energy from me than it deserves. But I thought I had seen everything in the realm of employment possibilities, ranging from being a professional fluffer at a Westchester fertility clinic to a Manhattan dwarf hamster laughter therapist. So I thought it was a joke when I was told that I could be paid to work as an insurgent! All I have to do is carry a machine gun and let the American military shoot at me. Wow! I always wanted to dodge scorpions and spiders and bullets while camping in the desert southwest (no, really), and the best part is they provide air-conditioned tents and all the MREs I can eat! (Keep in mind that I have neither air-conditioning nor MREs in my apartment.) I wonder if they'll let me go bird watching between bouts of shooting?

Their disclaimers follow;

Disclaimer 1

I acknowledge that work performed under this contract may be in austere, remote conditions where I may be exposed to extreme heat, cold, all types of inclement weather, wildlife which may include but is not limited to snakes, insects, spiders and scorpions. Further I understand that I am exposing myself to risk of bodily injury in the course of performing this work.

Disclaimer 2
I acknowledge that I will be required to take and pass both a background and a drug test. The presence of any felonies or a positive drug test will disqualify me.

Disclaimer 3
I understand that I will be working as an independent contractor and will be responsible for all taxes due on any income I receive. I also understand that I will not receive any insurance, will not be eligible for any benefits and will not be eligible for unemployment insurance.

Disclaimer 4
I understand that I may be expected to work on any and all national, religious, state or local holidays, and /or weekends. Further I understand that I may be assigned to work as long as 18 hours at a time (unusual but possible).

Disclaimer 5
I understand that the company makes no guarantee of a minimum amount of work.