A Day in The Life of Joe Republican

Amen!

A nit in case you do any further editing: there hasn't been an FSLIC since the resolution of the savings and loan mess back in the eighties. Except for credit unions (covered by the NCUA), the FDIC insures bank deposits.

I think you got that last paragraph wrong.

Joe turns on the radio to find out his favorite radio show was canceled because a bunch of stupid commie liberals, who whined and used mob tactics, think everyone has the right to not be offended.

actually the radio show was cancelled because the corporate sponsors pulled out. they decided his fate, not some stupid commie liberals. The only radio programming they control is called Air America and a few local programs on low watt stations that few listen too.

Meanwhile the Dixie Chicks are still banned from Clear Channel and other country radio stations for picking on poor ol' helpless W and saying the super offensive "we're embarrassed to be from the same state as the president."

Actually, they forgot to note that the radio station comes in cleanly since commie fascist liberals created the FCC to ensure regulated, controlled useage of radio waves that aren't interefered with by "ham" or "wildcat" broadcasts.

The corporate sponsors pulled out because of the extortion tactics used by the stupid commie liberals.

If you're going to bring up the FCC in terms of the "good" they do, regulating the radio waves, then you also have to mention how they limit freedom of speech. Thanks for pointing out something else awful that the stupid commie liberals started.

Mozi,

Are you seriously bashing liberals for using extortion to remove somebody from some form of media? Organized boycotts have been used by both sides of the camp repeatedly, I'm thinking southern baptists staying away from Disneyland, I'm thinking that one lady who wrote a lettter complaining about "Married With Children," I'm thinking Jerry Fallwell and the Teletubbies. CBS made a business decision that it was better for their public image to remove Don Imus from the air. They made this decision because a large segment of their audience expressed displeasure with the program. HOW does this involve the governement and or political parties? Are you implying that because the people involved are black then it must be a liberal democratic issue? Its a groupd of people being offended by something a member of the media said and a network deciding that the offense was great enough to bu unprofitable. That's it.

Evan

You know who Joe reminds me of most? The grown man who lives in his parents' basement, who has an active fantasy life and never lets his utter dependence on the people he rebels against get in the way of his lack of gratitude for what they do for him, or get in the way of how he despises them.

Now that I think of it, Joe reminds me of the neocons.

P.S. I'm a conversative (small government, minimal involvement, respect for the Constitution and the law, and so on) -- and I'm worried I'm the only one left.

that one lady who wrote a lettter complaining about "Married With Children,"

Terry Rakolta, for what it's worth.

Roy, your day will come soon enough. Liberals and conservatives need each other, since neither philosophy is perfect for all situations (possibly any situation). Too much of either in government is bad (see communism and fascism). It's the give-and-take of disagreement that helps produce the best results.

There are still little-c conservatives out there who have really good ideas and are happy to work with others of differing views to hammer them out. They will thrive in the neo-con aftermath, and will eventually become a model for other conservatives. That is my hope, anyway.

You realize, of course, that this is destined to become a classic. I'm bookmarking it for frequent use.

Addendum: Joe's country is rich and prosperous, and Joe can do and say whatever he wants because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic.

"unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression"

So that's what caused the Great Depression!

and Joe can do and say whatever he wants

Can he now?

I'd quibble with, "Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union." Ignoring the fact that about 25% of workers are unionized, so there's 3:1 that no union is forcing Joe's boss to do anything, I'd argue that the moral zeitgeist has shifted such that few employers would argue with modern wages and standards. People are fleeing unions in droves, and it's because they accomplished their goal and largely useless now.

Addendum: Joe's country is rich and prosperous, and Joe can do and say whatever he wants because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic.

Care to name some names? Be careful, because there are only three conflicts in which the liberty of anyone in the US was actually threatened, and one of those was a purely internal affair.

(And who says we're rich and prosperous? We're not eating dirt, but have you seen how much money this country owes the rest of the world? I don't wanna be holding any US currency when those loans start getting called in, especially if our Decider-in-Chief keeps spending money like there's no tomorrow.)

> conversative

Good word. You're not the only one, that's the nature of conversation.

"Addendum: Joe's country is rich and prosperous, and Joe can do and say whatever he wants because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic."
Tom Church

FTL! (For The Lose)
George Washington was a Republican, apparently? Note to Tommy Boy: read all about the politics of the founding fathers...
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/history/us/pres/list.shtml

Learning history can be fun, n00bChurch!

I wouldn't have any problems with liberals if it were not for the fact that they are:
tree-hugging, stupid commie, girly-man, crybaby, environmentalist wacko, fancy-pants, lazy, stupid, Godless, elitist, America-hating, big-government, wine-drinking, cheese-eating babies. Thanks for reminding me why I cannot stand them.

Hi.

Well, its nice to be reminded how I got where I am.

There is no such thing as a level playing field. Unless, of course, it is one where I always win.

Rich people think they are smart because they don't have scurples. Isn't that guy stupid because he won't do what I did to get rich. Enjoy! The bible says that a camel will pass through the eye of a needle before the rich get to heaven. Evangelicals don't seem to be aware of this. They still get to vote. Democarcy is bad, but I still defer to W. Churchill.

The same story could be told the other way 'round with the benevolent oil companies providing abundant gasoline for his trip to his father's house in the country (who lost his job when the plant closed due to crippling environmental regulation) despite being under constant threat of confiscatory taxation, crushing regulation and being made the scapegoat every time the tide comes in and scares some liberal who's afraid his limosine and beach home will be washed away when the glaciers melt. Etc.

Joe gets to argue from the comfort of his keyboard thanks to some meddling dumbocrat that took the initiative in funding internet research..

You've guys have got the wool pulled over your eyes with the whole political debate.

The real question is how the f did Joe drive his car home from work when he took public transportation to work?
"subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work"
"Joe gets back in his car for the ride home"

Joe is really a unicorn, and you all missed it!

Jason, where does the unicorn fit in? This is the travel plan:

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work.
...
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive.
...
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.

Ah, I guess he rode it home from work. You are aware that unicorns were bred in government labs, especially for mass transit. The Catholics objected at the time, but now even they see the benefits.

Bob

@Al "Joe gets to argue from the comfort of his keyboard thanks to some meddling dumbocrat that took the initiative in funding internet research.."
Advanced Research Projects Agency of the U.S. military in response to USSR. Clearly you arent thinking back enough.

Also, I plead everyone to stop using biased stories like these to prove a point.

Quick other story of Jill the Liberal:
Jill woke up in her nice 3-bedroom fully-furnished apartment, which she could afford because uncaring conservatives did not want to tax all of her income.
Blah blah blah
Do we need a lesson? The economic conservatives are keeping your money in your pocket for your use. They believe that businesses will eventually on their own do all that was said above with exact laws on property. Because matters such as the environment are difficult to write legislation on, liberals are good at getting those matters done quick. Example: The benefits Joe received from his employer in a competitive market would be given to him, but employees dont have a lot of strength on their own. Etc. etc.

"Jill woke up in her nice 3-bedroom fully-furnished apartment, which she could afford because uncaring conservatives did not want to tax all of her income."

Yes, because only Conservatives oppose a 100% income tax.

...?

Are you f'ing serious?

Pop quiz: after WW2, the top bracket of income tax came down from its wartime high of around 90% to around 70%. Who was responsible for that?

Also, the internet was indeed initially created by the military, but a certain Democrat's involvement is quiet legendary at this point. It's pretty silly to deny it now, after all the trouble everyone went through to tag him with it a few years ago.

I am not, have never been, and never will be a conservative, but this boring, repetitive, content-free, self-congradulatory tripe is beneath you, Grrlscientist.

I am not, have never been, and never will be a conservative, but this boring, repetitive, content-free, self-congradulatory tripe is beneath you, Grrlscientist.
Posted by: David McCabe

I thought it was humorous.
Not sure what an American (why are citizens of the USA called Americans?) would class my politics as but it is reasonably good satire.

Lame. I can't believe you are actually a working scientist.

""unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression"

So that's what caused the Great Depression!"

Actually, precisely right.

Don't mean to be a spoil sport,but I think that some of this legislation was signed into law by Republicans.The Pure Food and Drug Act by T.Roosevelt and the Clean Air Act by R.Nixon.I can't help nit-picking.

As a former conservative who has much sympathy with your views, this is a preaching-to-the-choir story. It will have zero effect on people not already disposed to those views, because it treats liberal interpretations of events as factual. This is the big problem with politics as it is discussed in America today: pretending that ones political speculations, in this case that none of the good things mentioned in the article would exist were it not for the liberals, are factual. Conservatives have heard all these arguments before. They are conservatives because they don't buy those arguments. Repeating them in this cute and frankly tiresome manner accomplishes nothing. I couldn't even finish it for my constant eye-rolling.

I think you got that last paragraph wrong.

Joe turns on the radio to find out his favorite radio show was canceled because a bunch of stupid commie liberals, who whined and used mob tactics, think everyone has the right to not be offended.

Good. It was a rabidly hateful piece of crap. Guess Joe'll have to tune to another right-wing lie-infested, hate-mongering piece of crapfest radio show.

Poor Joe.

think everyone has the right to not be offended.

Think about it. Political correctness -- the idea that only members of a group are capable of making true statements about that group -- is a right-wing concept. It's very similar to the concept of blasphemy laws, for example.

You realize, of course, that this is destined to become a classic.

It already has become. I've seen it before several times, years ago. Why isn't any source cited?

because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic.

Conservatives? The conservatives of that time considered it a shocking idea that anyone would rebel against their King who rules by the Will of God.

confiscatory taxation, crushing regulation

You know where Shell comes from, don't you?

I wouldn't have any problems with liberals if it were not for the fact that they are:
tree-hugging, stupid commie, girly-man, crybaby, environmentalist wacko, fancy-pants, lazy, stupid, Godless, elitist, America-hating, big-government, wine-drinking, cheese-eating babies.

Now, now.

- What's bad about "tree-hugging"?
- So you'd prefer intelligent commie ones? ;-) Communism is not liberal. All the communist countries banned "bourgeois evils" like pornography and free speech.
- I've always been proud to be a confessing coward. The line between courage and dangerous stupidity is very thin.
- Interesting how American right-wingers become crybabies when anyone mentions the mere possibility of, say, gun control.
- Environmentalist, hopefully. Wacko -- evidence, please.
- Fancy-pants? So what? Are you afraid of something, boyey-man, or what?
- Lazy? Evidence, please.
- Stupid? Explain. Stupid as I am I haven't figured it out on my own.
- Why is "godless" a bad thing?
- "Elitist"? ROTFL. What are neocons then? Tax break for the richest 1 % of Americans is not elitist? What about the No Child's Behind Left Act which continues the underfunding of the public schools?
- "America-hating" is one of those cross-century misunderstandings. Guess what: the Commander-in-Thief is not America.
- There is such a thing as a too small government. For example, if it's too small to protect capitalism from itself -- to protect competition --, you'll have megamergers resulting in monopolies. Been there, done that (Gilded Age). It's really interesting how US conservatives suddenly mutate into anarchists when certain code words are uttered.

Grow up.

ARGH! Sorry! A source is cited, right in the first line. I apologize.

Addendum: Joe's country is rich and prosperous, and Joe can do and say whatever he wants because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic.

Sponsored by the very liberal Enlightenment thank you very much.

And, of course, this Republic and whatever freedom we enjoy has been won and preserved by liberals, women, gays, lesbians and Democrats as well as conservatives shedding their blood. You'd still be blabbering on about how great the King is if not for the shared sacrifice.

Me: "Jill woke up in her nice 3-bedroom fully-furnished apartment, which she could afford because uncaring conservatives did not want to tax all of her income."

You: Yes, because only Conservatives oppose a 100% income tax.

...?

Are you f'ing serious?
My response: Economic conservatives want little taxation and little social programs. Economic liberals want higher taxation and more social programs. If you agree with this, then my statement that Jill could afford a better home under economic conservatives (who would tax less of hers, though they would tax some) would be logical, unless she was receiving Transfer payments. All Economic liberals may not want 100% taxation, but their policies generally need more taxation than economic liberals.
You: "Pop quiz: after WW2, the top bracket of income tax came down from its wartime high of around 90% to around 70%. Who was responsible for that?"
My response: I do not have exact knowledge on that subject. But under FDR & co. I do remember the top bracket of income tax being increased substantially. Those tax breaks help the rich more because they pay more of the taxes.

You: "Also, the internet was indeed initially created by the military, but a certain Democrat's involvement is quiet legendary at this point. It's pretty silly to deny it now, after all the trouble everyone went through to tag him with it a few years ago."
My response: I did not deny that, please stop inferring things I did not mean to imply. Questions are preferable.

Hi,

I've posted a reply, also in story form, here:

http://www.curi.us/blog/post/1221-small-government

Addendum: Joe's country is rich and prosperous, and Joe can do and say whatever he wants because some militaristic, war-loving conservatives have fought for freedom and capitalism since the founding of the Republic.

i thought the conservatives during the revolution were known as tories. conservatives vociferously opposed entering into WW2 (some even after we were attacked). FDR, the biggest liberal of all, along with the liberal democratic congress was in charge when we won WW2 in less time than we've spent over in iraq thanks to W and his brilliant warmongering.

........when we won WW2..... Posted by: ron

Totally off topic.

Who is this we?
It was only a few years ago that Great Britain finished paying of her wartime debts to the USofA (lend lease); the USofA forgave the USSR their debt but not Britain and 20 million dead Russians along with Indians, Burmese, Malay, Australian, Chinese etc people might object to your John Wayne view of history.

Not to deny that the USofA, especially in the Pacific, was a decisive factor in WWII but it wasn't a solo victory.

You'd still be blabbering on about how great the King is if not for the shared sacrifice.

Don't know if you've noticed, but Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is a woman.

Bob

His medications are safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

Unless you're one of the many unfortunate people who've died because the FDA prevented a life-saving drug from coming to market. For this reason, the FDA, and those who work for it, deserve to be blown up with truck bombs.

Joe prepares his morning breakfast; bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

Yet the bacon was perfectly safe before the interventionists regulated the meat-packing industry and justified such action with lies and propaganda.

because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.

You mean some lazy leftist union member fought to destroy private property and murder non-union workers, and were then justifiably shot down in the streets?

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC (or the NCUA, if he's part of a credit union) because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

This is total fuckshit. It was the policies of the interventionist-imposed Federal Reserve that caused the depression, and it was the New Deal that turned it into the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage

Yet the vast majority of mortgages are not underwritten by the government.

and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

And thanks to the assumption that all students will simply get federal loans, tuition rates are heavily inflated to the point where it is difficult to pay for higher education.

His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards

All car safety devices were developed privately, and were initially included without government mandates.

to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

How much does Joe have to spend on car repairs because of the massive potholes in the tax-payer funded roads?

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

You're not speaking for me. I have never chosen to live 1,202,597 light-years from the nearest city. Even if I did, I certainly wouldn't be running to Big Brother to demand that they alleviate the constraints of living out in the middle of nowhere.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Instead of depending on some stupid union pension, I invest my own money. I'll be laughing when Socialist Insecurity eventually collapses.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.

And because people like you have regulated the shit out of the radio spectrum, I'm unable to hear radical anti-government opinions like my own. How many radio talk show hosts advocate the position that government is a scam, and that most federal legislators, bureaucrats and enforcement agents need killing? Some free speech, huh?

Whoever wrote this article ought to be killed.

"David MarjanoviÄ" wrote:

Interesting how American right-wingers become crybabies when anyone mentions the mere possibility of, say, gun control.

I don't become a "crybaby". After I've buried my "illegal" guns, I simply say that people who enact and enforce such "laws" need to be killed, along with the people who've supported them.

Congratulations, Grrlscientist! You've hit the Troll Jackpot!

Bob

Wow, this post really brought out the roaches! Who knew?

This is beautiful.

I hope you don't mind my stealing it to spread around Myspace, giving credit where it's due, of course.

"Jill woke up in her nice 3-bedroom fully-furnished apartment, which she could afford because uncaring conservatives did not want to tax all of her income."

Joan woke up in her squalid cardboard box, and no-one could offer her help because uncaring conservatives didn't want to tax Jill's income. Because, you know, it would be terrible if Jill only had two bedrooms.

A Day in the life of Danny Democrat

8 am :  Danny doesn't get up
 
10am:  Danny thinks about getting up but quickly realizes there may still be a lot of people trying to get to work at this hour. This bothers Danny and quickly goes back to sleep
 
12 noon:  Danny gets up......searches for underwear that nobody washed for him and it pisses him off
 
1:00   eats breakfast.....granola with nut clusters and soy milk.
 
1:15  takes first crap of the day consisting of granola with nut clusters and soy bits
 
2:00  turn on MSNBC only to find yet ANOTHER "life behind bars" episode
 
3:00  Danny asks his neighbor if he'll mow his lawn for him because instead of putting oil in his mower he inflated the tires and the engine froze up .

4:30Danny sticks his head out the window and yells at his neighbor for knocking over the Obama 08 sign in his yard while trying to whack the weeds around it.
 
6:00  Danny's wife gets home after working all day and Danny asks her "what's for dinner?"   She replies "Arby's I guess.....it's 5 Roast Beef for $5 night!
 
8:00  Keith Olbermann comes on.....dead silence in the house during this hour (no kids...Danny's wife is no longer fertile after 3 abortions before the age of 19)
 
10:00  Time for bed....Danny sets up the VCR to tape the late showing of Olbermann because he  missed that one rant about O'Reilly because the soy milk just didn't sit well.
 
1:00 am    Deep R.E.M sleep......Danny is dreaming about beating Sean Hannity with Al Gore's Oscar.
 
5:00 am   Danny's Wife gets up to go to work..... Danny pulls covers away and becomes angry for needlessly waking him at such a ridiculous hour.