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Christmas Cake Recipe

By grrlscientist on December 14, 2009.

tags: , ,

I just had to share this amazing Christmas Cake recipe that I am going to try this year -- just in time to celebrate my first Christmas!

 Ingredients:

  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 stick butter
  • 1 cup of water
  • 1 tsp baking  soda
  • 1 cup of  sugar
  • 1 tsp  salt
  • 1 cup of  brown sugar
  • Lemon juice
  • 4  large eggs
  • Nuts
  • 2  bottles wine
  • 2  cups of dried fruit

    • Sample the wine to  check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure  it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.  Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy  bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best  to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.  Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

    Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets  stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample  the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.

    Go to Tesco and buy cake.

Tags
cultural observation
humor
satire
christmas cake recipe
funny
cultural observation
humor
satire

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There's no way that tastes as good as it looks!

Wow - those glazed fruits are amazing - still shaped like pears/figs/etc rather than shriveled mummy-like things.

Such a pity I'm not allowed to have sugar anymore; nothing like a nice dense lump of wheat dripping with Gran Marnier and a dark rum and peppered with mummified sugary fruits - served warm with brandy and ice cream.

By MadScientist (not verified) on 14 Dec 2009 #permalink

why Tesco? Since the cat didnt jump out of the window after the cake, eat the cat. if the cat scratches your nose n eyes, butter the cat and swallow it whole.