Your Friday Dose of Woo: Reprogram your DNA!

DNA is an amazing molecule. How evolution could have, over eons, fashioned such an amazingly simple yet complex method of storing biological information and coding the proteins that carry out the functions of life is one of the great wonders of biology. Harnessing the power of DNA, through genetic engineering, the study of the genome, and epigenetics, has allowed scientists a deeper insight than ever before possible into diseases as diverse as cancer, cardiovascular disease, and inherited metabolic disorders, to name a few. I manipulate DNA in my laboratory, in order to make it do my bidding, the better to understand how cancer develops and how it induces the ingrowth of new blood vessels, in essence hijacking a normal physiological process in order to fuel its uncontrolled growth. There's nothing arrogant about saying this; thousands of biomedical scientists do the same thing, and many do it better and using more sophisticated techniques than I do in my laboratory. Ever since the importance of DNA as the main repository of genetic information was appreciated 50 years ago, sadly, it hasn't just been scientists who have realized its importance.

The woomeisters know it too.

Many moons ago, I wrote about one such woomeister, spiritual teacher, Soul Wisdom Psyche Doctor, distant healing specialist, co-founder of the Higher School for Conscious Evolution, and author of the Great Master (not to mention DNA practitioner) Toby Alexander, who instructed us all how you we could "activate" our DNA in order to attain health, enlightenment, and (for Toby, at least) wealth. Toby had some rather strange ideas about how DNA works, perfect for Your Friday Dose of Woo, such as the idea that it's made of twelve strands, rather than two, only that ten of them are "etheric." Obviously, that involved a lot of far out New Age woo grafted uncomfortably onto a twisted version of molecular biology and quantum physics to produce a Frankenwoo that was truly ugly to look at. It's been a while since I've come across some really good DNA woo.

Until now.

Meet Dr. Ted Edwards, who identifies himself thusly:

I've been involved in healing and healthcare through metaphysical and quantum physics for nearly 30 years now. I started in Polarity Therapy and have studied numerous healing techniques. Polarity was actually based on the science, art and philosophy of Chiropractic which I discovered (to my surprise) when I was in Chiropractic College. I'm told that I'm a pretty good healer. I'm a bit of a medical intuitive as well. I love to do research and dig around and find out the underlying truth about topics that are sometimes confusing. Nutrition being one of those. I'm an innovator and an integrator. I'm able to see how to apply new discoveries into applications that can be used in the here and now.

Believe me, Dr. Ted is being far too modest. He's a woomeister supreme, as you will see, and he likes to do things to DNA, too. Heck, besides the blog above, he has another blog entitled The Allergy Expert. The things that Dr. Ted does to DNA aren't as--shall we say?--flamboyant as the things Toby claims to do, but they're every bit as woo-ey as anything we've seen. It's just a different kind of woo. When you see Dr. Ted's description of his inspiration for his woo, you'll see exactly where he's coming from:

DNA Reprogramming is a step-by-step application that eliminates a negative and inputs a positive. A key to DNA Reprogramming is that everything you do, every step you take, is tested to make sure you're moving toward a higher state of health. Your Cerebrospinal Kinesiology indicator pulse enables me to communicate with your life-force, to ask questions and get answers from you mind-body. Essentially we can have a conversation with your DNA. It's like looking into the body and seeing exactly what is going on.

We apply principles gained from "THE SECRET.TV" and strive to think about what we do want to the exclusion of what we don't want. Our intent is to promote health not fight disease. Our perception is longer life, increased energy and vitality - what we do want. We no longer indulge in self-negating thoughts of sickness and suffering - what we don't want. Got it?

"What tHe BLEEP Do eW (K)now!?" made me appreciate what we do know. Look around you. There is much to marvel at. The industrial age, though winding down, brought us a long way rather quickly. The message from the quantum world is much the same as that of THE SECRET. The uncertainty principle provides us hope, it empowers you.

Uh-oh. The Secret? He's going to apply The Secret to DNA? You may recall that the entire premise behind The Secret is the "Law of Attraction." In essence, it says that you become or attract the things you want and think about the most. It's a really stupid concept, because The Secret also has some rather dark implications behind it as well. After all, if we attract what we want or think about the most, that implies that people who have bad things happen to them deep down actually wanted those bad things to happen to them. You know, like all those people who are diagnosed with cancer every year, who are injured or killed in car crashes, or, to use a historical example, all the millions who suffered and died in the Holocaust.

You can see why I have nothing but contempt for people who buy into idiocy like The Secret.

But how does Dr. Ted plan to apply the awesome power of The Secret to rearranging your DNA. Glad you asked! He starts to describe his explains his rationale thusly:

The Russian's, under the leadership of Dr. Pjotr Garjajev also studied the human genome. Taking a different approach, their research included linguistic experts and revealed that a particular portion of the DNA (codons) actually follows the rules of some basic syntax - it exhibits biological language skills. Further these researchers found that the codons form words and sentences just like our ordinary human language follows grammar rules.

Whether we realize it or not we actually talk to our DNA and it talks back to us. It's fascinating to think that the origins of language may actually be attributed to DNA. The language of 'genes' is much older than any human language on this planet, meaning it preceded all of them. As we garner more information on this subject we may find that the DNA grammar served as the blueprint for the development of human speech.

Pjotr Garjajev?

Oh. My. God.

He's one woo-meister supreme, too. Indeed, he's a guy who doesn't believe "junk" DNA is "junk" at all. In and of itself that wouldn't be so bad, except for what functions he ascribes to "junk DNA":

The latest research explains phenomena such as clairvoyance, intuition, spontaneous and remote acts of healing, self healing, affirmation techniques, unusual light-auras around people (namely spiritual masters), mind's influence on weather-patterns and much more. The Russian scientists also found out that our DNA can cause disturbing patterns in the vacuum, thus producing magnetized wormholes! Wormholes are the microscopic equivalents of the so-called Einstein-Rosen bridges in the vicinity of black holes (left by burned-out stars). These are tunnel connections between entirely different areas in the universe through which information can be transmitted outside of space and time. The DNA attracts these bits of information and passes them on to our consciousness.

What we are seeing here is 'Hyper-communication', where information is passed inter dimensionally. It is as though the DNA acts as a 'Stargate' between this dimension and others. In the book there are several stories of how this information is downloaded via DNA.

At least I know where Dr. Ted is coming from now--The Twilight Zone. Actually, in comparison to Dr. Garjajev, Dr. Ted seems mild. In fact, Dr. Garjajev is so woo-ful that I may have to devote a full YFDoW to his antics someday, especially since he claims that a "phantom DNA" phenomenon is behind the phenomenon known as crop circles.

Into the Folder of Woo with him!

But back to Dr. Ted, who, besides The Secret, lists his sources of inspiration as Cerebrospinal Kinesiology, DNA Reprogramming, Nutritherapy: Recipes for Health, and Propriocussion. Dr. Ted has some rather strange ideas about how DNA works, as we would expect from a woo-meister supreme. For example, did you know that your DNA talks to you? No, really. Just ask Dr. Ted:

Whether we realize it or not we actually talk to our DNA and it talks back to us. It's fascinating to think that the origins of language may actually be attributed to DNA. The language of 'genes' is much older than any human language on this planet, meaning it preceded all of them. As we garner more information on this subject we may find that the DNA grammar served as the blueprint for the development of human speech.

Being an integrator of information technologies I find there are therapeutic applications that are actually, although unknowingly, based on this theorem. The various energy psychology techniques certainly work through this medium as do the allergy elimination techniques - both of which have spawned over the past 10-15 years or so.

These technique access the high level language present in DNA. They take advantage of another discovery of Garjajev's group, namely that the text of the DNA book can be altered. This is precisely what happens during a DNA Reprogramming treatment. In essence a new software program is downloaded into the body in regards to something that the body isn't handling normally - such as an allergy to pets. After this new software is downloaded it has to be installed. This occurs over a period of time normally spanning 24-36 hours - it can be longer in very chronic cases where communication has been damaged for many years. During this period old files are deleted. As this happens the body let's us know by reacting in some manner - usually by exhibiting the symptoms that the person had been going through time and time again throughout the years. Once the installation is complete and all the old files deleted the reaction to the substance that previously caused the body so much consternation is gone.

Yep, that's right. Dr. Ted can download a new "program" to your DNA and "reprogram" it so that you aren't allergic to whatever it was you were allergic to. Given the severity of the latest hayfever season on the East Coast, you can see why Dr. Ted's promises looked good to me. There's just one problem, and it's a problem that all too many alties can't resist. Dr. Ted's not satisfied with the metaphor of "reprogramming your DNA." Oh, no. He has to take it one step further and invoke quantum theory, all the while criticizing our--surprise! surprise!--"limited" Western viewpoint:

Our Western viewpoint limited DNA to making proteins - probable because we find it so difficult to give up Newtonian physics which has been proven to be totally wrong. Embracing quantum physics enabled the Russians to find the syntax and semantics in DNA is much like our human languages.

Oh, this is good. But what's the evidence. Wonder no more:

The most astonishing experiment performed by Garjajev's group involved reprogramming of the DNA codon using modulated laser light which I've been using for the past couple of years. Myself and many others practitioners have been using laser light to reprogram the DNA for the past 10-12 years

The Russians were able to modulate laser light, which is distinct due to its coherence and add semantics (meaning) to the carrier wave. In this way they actually reprogrammed DNA in living organisms using the correct resonant frequencies. This is precisely what is being done by the various allergy elimination techniques. We find the resonant frequency that is causing the body a problem - say the resonant frequency of the herpes virus.

Yes! Now we're talking! Whenever you see someone like Dr. Ted referring to "vibrations" or "resonant frequencies," you know you're dealing with only top-shelf woo. There's only one thing missing. True, "The Secret" seems to be a case of "intent" gone wild, where the Law of Attraction supposedly guarantees that your intent manifests itself as reality. But Dr. Ted is not content with something as mundane as that--at least explanation-wise. In actuality, what Dr. Ted believes is that something as common as speech can reprogram your DNA. But speech isn't enough. Dr. Ted thinks he's telepathic:

It turns out that SPOKEN LANGUAGE can have the same reprogramming effect as coherent laser light, or radio waves or what I generally use Propriocussion (that's my word for proprioceptive percussive therapy). My patients often ask me what I'm doing during the third phase of my treatment. "Reprogramming your brain" is my standard answer. I also have learned that this is the most important part of the treatment. Turns out reprogramming the brain is exactly what I'm doing and I do it using spoken language - which I've learned doesn't actually need to be 'heard' to be totally and completely effective. I can "say" it inside (you know the self talk that goes on inside your head all the time). When I do this the cranial rhythm of the person I'm treating stops. This is how I learned that I'm heard even without the use of the voice. The Russians studied this extensively too, it's called telepathy.

Here's where Dr. Ted surpasses Dr. Garjajev in woo! He's claiming to be able to telepathically reprogram your DNA! (This begs the question of why he even bothers with speech anymore.) Now, there's some serious woo! But, pray tell, what is Dr. Ted's evidence that he can do this? Where are the randomized clinical trials? Where are the peer-reviewed publications?

I think you know the answer to that one.

Dr. Ted has what alties consider to be better than anything as pedestrian as actual clinical trial data. I'm sure you know what that is. Yes, indeed, it's testimonials:

Here it is once more and I know this 'sounds' far fetched but I assure you the results of hundreds of my own case studies and thousand of those produced by others indicate that
. . . Our own DNA can be reprogrammed by human speech . . . and if fact, human thought as perception is even more powerful than intention.

It "sounds" more than far-fetched. It sounds more like "woo-fetched." Of course, I shouldn't be surprised, given that Dr. Ted is apparently into the Emotional Freedom Technique and buys into Dr. Emoto's bizarre claims about water.

And what are the reasons for this amazing ability? Dr. Ted is more than happy to explain:

Nonlocality actually explains what I referred to earlier about using thought scripts to reprogram DNA through perception. Garjajev showed that genomic information is also stored non-locally. This means that it is not restricted to the DNA molecule itself. The DNA molecule is merely the 'server'. Just as information is stored on various servers the internet connects all of these together so that we can share information non-locally just as DNA does. This would also explain 'healing at a distance' as the following citation from Garjajev suggests.

You know what's scary? I can totally see the "intelligent design" creationist crowd latching onto this concept of "non-local" effects that the DNA molecule is allegedly able to do, thus allowing "healing at a distance." No, really. Think about it. After all, what better indication of a "designer" than a DNA molecule that is just a "server" that is part of an "Internet" that connects all life together, so that we can "share information" nonlocally?

It's coming. Just you watch.

If Dr. Ted can really "reprogram" DNA just using his voice and/or "intent," though, then let's see him really put his ability to the test. Let him stop wasting his time on allergies, many of which may or may not be true allergies. Let him do something that really shows that he can make DNA do his bidding based on The Secret, his own awesome power of intent, and his telepathic reprogramming powers. Obvious examples come to mind. Let him cure someone with Down's syndrome. After all, that's trisomy 21; all he would have to do, presumably, is to remove the extra chromosome or reprogram it so that it doesn't cause the problems that people with Down's syndrome exhibit. Reprogramming DNA in order to eliminate an entire extra chromosome is too difficult? OK, how about something easier: Dr. Ted could simply do what he suggests he can do and heal AIDS by reprogramming the DNA of HIV. Still too difficult? Then let's make it about as simple a "DNA reprogramming task" as one could possibly imagine that could cure a disease: Let Dr. Ted cure someone with sickle cell anemia. After all, the disease involves only a single gene. In fact, sickle cell disease is due to a point mutation involving a single amino acid. Surely if Dr. Ted can "reprogram" DNA, it shouldn't be unreasonable to expect him to be able to revert a single amino acid to the proper base, thus eliminating the defective hemoglobin that causes all the complications of sickle cell disease.

I eagerly await the case series showing that Dr. Ted can cure sickle cell disease.


More like this

"DNA is an amazing molecule. How evolution could have, over eons, fashioned such an amazingly simple yet complex method of storing biological information and coding the proteins that carry out the functions of life is one of the great wonders of biology."

Boy, did YOU leave yourself open for an influx of cr*ation*sts.

As for Dr. Ted...I am going to download Norton in lieu of getting a flu shot tomorrow.

Boy, did YOU leave yourself open for an influx of cr*ation*sts.

How so? DNA and the genetic code are great wonders of biology, and nowhere did I claim DNA was the result of "intelligent design."

Great post! However, Down syndrome is mostly linked to trisomy 21, not 18.

By ialwayshavedessert (not verified) on 19 Oct 2007 #permalink

nowhere did I claim DNA was the result of "intelligent design."

That won't stop them. Watch this:

"DNA is an amazing molecule. How evolution could have...fashioned such an amazingly...complex method of storing biological information and...carry out the functions of life is one of the great wonders ..."

Beware creos with elipses.

Just curious, when Dr Ted re-programs DNA is it necessary to do every cell in the body? If not, then how does the re-programmed DNA get to the non-reprogrammed cells? How do the cells know the difference between your newly re-programmed DNA and your old DNA?

If it is necessary, to re-program every cell how does Dr Ted reach stuff like the hypothalmus without surgery? That alone would win anyone a Nobel.

Great post! However, Down syndrome is mostly linked to trisomy 21, not 18.

Ack! I did mean to go back and double-check that, because I didn't remember for sure if Down's was 18 or 21. Oh, well, it's fixed now...


Don't worry. We pathologists don't expect a surgeon to know the difference between Down's syndrome and Edward's syndrome. We know you've got more than enough trouble figuring out which end of the stethoscope goes in your ears :-). You just keep cutting and consulting us.

William the Coroner

"Essentially we can have a conversation with your DNA."

I tried to have conversations with my DNA.

However, it told me to mind my own business, and while I was at it, to stop drinking so much coffee.

By Dangerous Bacon (not verified) on 19 Oct 2007 #permalink

My patients often ask me what I'm doing during the third phase of my treatment. "Reprogramming your brain" is my standard answer.

"Are you sure, doctor? It feels a lot more like a pelvic exam."

To have your brain reprogrammed, do you have to remove your tinfoil hat first?

And with all these metaphores about "downloading and installing software", "client/server" and so on, shouldn't we hear a bit about possible bugs? packet loss? malware? dead links? Trojan Horses? Yes, that would be fun...

By Christophe Thill (not verified) on 19 Oct 2007 #permalink

Hmm, isn't cancer an effective reprogramming of DNA? I'd expect such a technique, if it were genuine, to result in massive malignancies of horrific nature.

OOhhh, good, he can heal allergic diseases. If he can heal eosinophilic GI diseases believe me we'll make sure he's nominated for the Nobel Prize for medicine. Gee. Why hasn't he already healed all the kids with eosinophilic enteropathies and related conditions? Or maybe asthma? Why hasn't he made sure some randomized clinical trials demonstrate what a wonderful technique he has?

Oh that's right. It's because it's garbage and he's preying on the desperate.

"Dr." Ted wrote "When I do this the cranial rhythm of the person I'm treating stops."

He is too modest, I think my cranial rhythm stopped just reading his words.

Oh man, the guy can't even decide whether he's using lasers or speech or telepathy. He also can't decide if he's been using laser light for 2 years or 10-12 years.

Sounds to me like he's already been through his wormholes and came out the other side a bit loopy.

Why don't we bring the expectation down to plasmid level and have "Dr" Ted create a specific site-directed mutant. We could make it a race: me with my pipettor and quick-change kit versus him and his fixed stare at the eppi-tube. I would even be willing to give him a day's head start!

There's an obvious explanation for the inability to cure a single-point mutation. If we apply homeopathic principles, it's easy to see that a small dose of mutation would have such a large effect that the DNA cannot be reprogrammede.

I actually got lost completely about halfway through this one. This is powerful nonsense even by "Friday Dose of Woo" standards.

One thing that I can't help but stop and wonder though: Wasn't this basically the plot of Eddie Murphy's "Nutty Professor"?

Oh yes, we're suspicious of modern Western medicine and Big Pharma and the allopathic doctors who are all out to control us and tell us what to do, so we take charge of our health, make up our own minds, and carry ourselves off independent and free to some guy who claims that he's going to reprogram our brains and change our DNA structure. Right.

People can be amazingly inconsistent.

yet another serving of prime, grade-A woo.
If Dr Ted "reprograms" DNA, and DNA is only "a server", does his data transfer include frames ? frame rate? Does his data transfer use a standard protocol ? Does he use checksums to insure 'pure' data transfer or does he just spam instructions and hope for the best? Given that human DNA contains some 3 billion chemical base pairs, how long does it take him to identify the proper pairs to alter, and how long does it take to 'reprogram' the whole body's DNA set ?
or does he just alter a single cell's DNA and hope the "network" passes along the new "instructions" ?
Does he have a programming language? If so, is it Object-Oriented ? Oh never mind. . .

As a relatively new reader of your blog with a background in materials science, I enjoy the writing. But, where does the word "woo" come from? Is this a popular phrase in medical circles?

Whether we realize it or not we actually talk to our DNA and it talks back to us.

I saw someone under my kitchen table,
talking to an old tomcat.
They were talking about football.
The cat was talking back,
-Tom Paxton
(Wasn't That A Party?)

John: Ellipses? Real creos don't use ellipses. They just cut and paste as needed. You should see some of the miracles they've found in Gould's work!

Orac: Mercury/Wifi/Woo alert: I was thumbing through the radio dial and landed on Air America. I heard "Dr. George Carlo, world-renown scientist, epidemiologist and attorney," talking about a paper which would be forthcoming next week in some Australian "medical journal" in which he documents how the presence of "information bearing radio waves" interferes with the chelation process "necessary to the treatment of autism."

Just thought you'd like to know.

Uh... does DNA have anything resembling a grammar other than "telomere-chromosome-centromere-chromosome-telomere"?

At last, someone has asked where "woo" came from. I had never heard it till I read this blog.

The other one is "bloviations".

And we need a dictionary of electronic abbreviations. I think I know what IMHO is, but LOL still baffles me.

By John Monfries (not verified) on 21 Oct 2007 #permalink

How do the cells know the difference between your newly re-programmed DNA and your old DNA?
Because of the healthier quantum resonance vibrations of the reprogrammed cell, of course. Duh.


Amazing! I was expecting to find that the URL for this... "practitioner" resolved to a state mental health facility.

Not surprising for a graduate from one of our fine chiropractic institutes, Dr. Ted states:

"Our Western viewpoint limited DNA to making proteins..."

Uh, Ted, DNA is transcribed into RNA, it's the RNA that's translated into proteins.

Maybe Ted is actually working on RNA and just missed the extra oxygen during his telepathic scan.

As for the so-called "junk DNA", there are plenty of indications that it has functions (e.g. ribozymes, RNAi, etc.). Just see what happens when you knock out a bunch of it. Strangely enough, the results aren't a loss of communication with the rest of the Universe.

Viggen beat me to the punch - I'd like to have Dr. Ted show me his amazing DNA "reprogramming" skills in the lab. I feel that his skills - if confirmed - would be a boon to molecular genetics. He claims that he can "reprogram" DNA in a day or so, where it takes me several days to insert a new gene into a cell.

Actually, I wonder if we're doing any good at all when I read nonsense like this. If anybody is buying his line of bull***t, the gene pool is well shut of them.

Keep bringing on the woo, though - I like to know what the "other side" is doing.