I Wield the Plunger of God!

And I blame the demise of my rocket-propelled toilet for this. As the hackneyed phrase goes, let's start at the beginning.

In my apartment, my toilet used to have a gizmo in the tank that looked like one of those rocket backpacks from the 1930s comic books--there was no water, just this rocket pack looking thing. It was designed to use very little water because it was some sort of high-pressure system: it probably could have flushed a bowling ball (regrettably, it's now too late to try). Unfortunately, the containment vessel sprung a leak and the rocket-propelled toilet was replaced with a standard water-gravity toilet.

Two Sundays ago, I decided to purchase a new plunger just in case, since I no longer had an all-powerful toilet. As I'm walking back from the hardware store on Newbury Street, my side of the street was very empty. I suddenly realized why as a crazy, deranged person scurried over to me and started telling me that I was evil and a servant of the Devil*. As I tried to dodge out of his way, he kept blocking my path and following me, repeating over and over that I was evil and of the Devil. I really didn't want to get physical with this guy: the best case scenario is that I beat a mentally ill person (not my idea of a good time), and the worst case scenario is that he hurts me (ditto). So I did what any Mad Biologist would. I took the plunger out of the bag, held it high and proclaimed, "But I wield the Plunger of God!"

Crazy guy looked frightened and scurried away. Now, there are two reasons why Crazy Guy might have fled. He may have thought I was the Arcangel Michael wielding the fiery sword of God or some other delusional madness. On the other hand, he very well might have thought, "This guy is fucking crazy!" For some reason, I find the latter explanation much more satisfying.

Why I'm sharing this story will be apparent a couple of posts from now.

*How the hell did Crazy Guy know the truth?

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Now, there are two reasons why Crazy Guy might have fled.

Wrong on both accounts.

As you acknowledge, Crazy Guy correctly perceived that you are evil. Obviously what really scared him was seeing that the Plunger of God has fallen into The Wrong Hands!

You seem to flush out these people, don't you?...

maybe he was waiting for you to abdicate so that he may use thine throne

Why do you assume that "crazy guy" was crazy? Could it not be that you are? Banging your head against the asylum bars even as I type? I do understand that you are in denial about 911 and ufo's! Be free and fully expressed, Eric.

By eric swan (not verified) on 11 Dec 2007 #permalink

Maybe it wasn't you at all. Maybe he saw a giant turkey coming up behind you.

it is, The One Plunger,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Alston, where the Turkeys lie.
One Plunger to rule them all, One Plunger to crush them,
One Plunger to bring them all and in the darkness flush them

By my.. prrrecccc… (not verified) on 13 Dec 2007 #permalink

it is, The One Plunger,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Alston, where the Turkeys lie.
One Plunger to rule them all, One Plunger to crush them,
One Plunger to bring them all and in the darkness flush them

By prrrecccccciousssss (not verified) on 21 Dec 2007 #permalink