The Schoepenhauer awards are a delectable collection of interesting descriptions of parasites, such as the roundworm.
Today we'll introduce you to the Intestinal Roundworm, a hideous parasite which infects one out of every four people in the world. That's not a misprint: one out of four. More than one and a half BILLION people. Yup, every fourth person on this planet is nothing but a travelling worm farm.
Sweeeeet, right?
But hey, do you remember that moment in a certain cult movie when Sean Connery, dressed in little more than bandoliers and a speedo, is rummaging through a library and discovers the truth about his god, the incredible gun-spewing penis-hating flying head named Zardoz? He finds the book The WIZARD of OZ, and realizes he's been tricked, and his whole life has been a lie, and he has to go kill all the Immortals and sleep with Charlotte Rampling.
The Schoepenhauer article is accompanied by this figure.
Notice any remarkable similarities? Anything that makes you go "hmmm"?
Does this help?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I've been tricked! Now I have to go home and get a pistol and some red underwear. Somebody…warn Charlotte Rampling, before it's too late.
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So if you're with three people and it's not them...
Well, I thought I was the only one who remembered that film, Zardoz. What a campy classic that was.
The gun is good! The penis is evil! The penis shoots seeds!
"He finds the book The WIZARD of OZ, and realizes he's been tricked, and his whole life has been a lie, and he has to go kill all the Immortals and sleep with Charlotte Rampling."
How many immortals do I have to kill to sleep with Charlotte Rampling?
I try to suppress these thoughts, but they leak out through the head wound of my third death.
If you're not a worm farm, you're worm food?
damn...Flying Nematode Monster just doesn't have the same ring to it.
And of course the question is raised: Who designed the nematodes?
Yeah, I was dissecting Ascaris in lab just before I was introduced to FSMism, and my first thought was, "Hey, noodles aren't that pointy!"
Reminding us of Sean Connery running around in diapers was bad enough, but you have to go ahead and blaspheme the FSM (like this guy did)?
If you are talking specifically about Ascaris infections the 1 in 4 figure is correct. If you talk about intestinal nematodes in general it's more like 1 out of 2. We (USA) can't act too superior. As late as the 50's we had a large percentage of our population carrying whipworm and pinworm.
Brutal PZ, just brutal.
I still remember my first riding lesson - not because of the excitement as much as that the horse positively tried to kill me with his breath. When I asked if it was always that bad, the answer was that he had just got a worm treatment. Turned out they were right, fortunately, so I could continue riding. Worm farms come in all sizes...
I, for one, welcome our new intestinal parasitic masters.
(sorry, had to be said)
Every time I see the FSM now, I'm going to think of round worms, dammit. Thanks for ruining my favorite non-existent deity for me. :(
I thought it was a nappy. :-/
Nematodes hideous???? Shame on you PZ!
Pinworms! That was the name of our bowling team.
I never understood why, after Sean Connery's flesh dissolved away, his skeleton was held together with bits of wire. But I guess it explains why he was so tough.