Telegraphic kookiness

The earth is 20,00o years old and the sun is 7,000 years old? Hmmm... I'd say the beginning was miserable here. Anyway, I'm convinced.

Wait, so they only have to warn us once? Is that collectively or individually? If they warn more than once can I claim a refund of the seconds I lost and/or wear and tear on my senses?

Delusion is a self-reinforcing process isn't it?

Momma says, "Stupid is, is stupid does."

OEJ

Don't these kooks bore you to death? Their "arguments" are so uninspired. I almost can't believe that they are still dragging the rotten cadaver that is old-school, young-earth-Creationism along with them.

After all these years... It's so pathetic.

But I always love when they are engaged in argument. How 'bout responding to him and posting his response, PZ?

Um...hang on...The Lord did not change my heart therefore...that is MY fault.

"Notes for Jews"!?

This is too funny.

My wife (Geekymom) says that "male nipples do not arouse me". Therefore, evolution is proved true. QED.

Only 41? I got to about 8 and that was enough.

I see your still going well over at the Indy Star or Tribune or whatever it's called OEJ.

Oh no! PZ, what have you done? I've never been exposed to such a concentration of insupportable nonsense before. Head getting light ... blood draining ... neurons dying ... dogma seeping in ... Aaarrghhhh ..... PZ, have you heard the good news of the Lord?

Ow, my brain! I'm not asking for cogency from my kooks, but there ought to be at least a minimum of coherence.

My favorite parts were when, between bullet points, he'd just start listing "keywords". It's either science journal mimicry (where key search words are often listed) or simply that he feels that no explanation is needed for the evolution-withering attack of "squashed Polonium-210 halo".

P.S. Poor centaurs and mer-folk.

Once upon a time a wise and loving god made creatures with sophisticated brains and innate curiosity but told them not to acquire knowledge. They could not resist being inquisitive and started to acquire some knowledge. For this transgression, this wise and loving creator had a real hissy fit and condemned his perfect creations and all their offspring forever to imperfection, pain, suffering, and threats. However as a consolation the wise , all-knowing, all-loving god gave some a way out if they they were lucky enough to be born in Roman dominated lands so to speak. But even they had to die first to receive the salvation.

Frankly that resume, god's, does not impress me positively. But that's just me -- a stupid atheist who cannot see the truth and logic in all this. Oh weeelllll.... shame on me. Now let me rest my feeble brain.

All those who have sinned deserve to suffer in Hell forever. "Pride" is an example of a sin.

If I give up evolution, can I still keep my excruciatingly good looks and Eintseinean smarts? I mean, I don't know what to do with all these lingerie supermodels (most of whom it's their second job, day job is at the physics lab), but I like having them around, you know.

it was pretty damn funny and got funnier the further i went. thanks for a good chuckle this morning. the only strain i suffered was from laughing so damn hard:)

"41. All those who have sinned deserve to suffer in Hell forever. If God is real, atheism loses. If God is not real, atheism still loses since all humans will still die."

Does this make anyone else think of Leela's old karate teacher in Futurama? "You do not have the will of a warrior, because you are a girl, so I win by default. Try again? You lose! Rematch? I win again! Haha!"

I thought Jesus of Nazareth was "tombed" rather than "buried"?

Cynicalbrit: you stole my point!

Looks like, in the words of Bill Hicks in the aforeposted video, God is "fuckin' with our heads".

Quick! Somebody flip the switch that turns his brain back on!

He's leaking stupidity!

What, male nipples arouse women ? Who knew? So the old "No shoes no shirt no service" ? turns out to be wrong, after all.
And here's my favorite: "DNA of humans differ/vary by about 10-12% from each other. 50% of human DNA is identical to the DNA of a banana. Humans and apes have no common ancestor." This logic is just overwhelming, but methinks some members of our species do have their fair share of banana genes.

8. Gases scatter/dissipate quickly. Therefore, Jupiter have been created.

this has to be my favorite. What's that I feel, could it be a gas around me? The atmosphere must be held in close to the earth by magic! Gravity, what's that?

It's not as good as the creationist who almost found the sun, but it's still pretty good.

About the atheist's "Invisible Pink Unicorn:" if she did not create the Universe, then it is not important to me if she exists or not.

Hah! That's what he thinks!

I guess that God has simply not deigned to provide me with sufficient Grace to accept His Holy Word. Since my lack is a matter of His Divine Will, I suppose His Will is that I should perish in Hell with all the rest of those who put their faith in Evolutionism.

EVOLUTIONISM? nah, if anything I'm a Pastafarian! Once again some idiot has to put EVERYTHING down to religion. When will they get the clue: SCIENCE IS NOT RELIGION AND RELIGION IS NOT SCIENCE! We need to start tattooing it on their foreheads or something.

Ouch. The really painful thing is just how many of these people are just not very bright, but seem to think they are...

It is one major condemnation of fundamentalist religion, that it relies on the existance of stupid people, and praises them for maintaining their ignorance.

ConcernedJoe, you've got it right. So did Mark Twain. "God punished us and our blameless descendents for our acting as he made us - WTF!?" (Note clever use of interrobang for punctuation: there ought to be a special key combination for overlaid "!" and "?" marks.)

Moses was a sock-puppet for the priestly classes. His message: "Obey the rules. Send money (tithes & sacrifices [which supplied the priests with food]).

"If God is real, atheism loses. If God is not real, atheism still loses since all humans will still die."

The way I see it, if there is no god, no one wins. Therefore no one really loses.

About the atheist's "Invisible Pink Unicorn:" if she did not create the Universe, then it is not important to me if she exists or not.

And the same to you concerning your invisible sky-daddy...

Thanks for my one-time warning, please inform all other crazies of the Christian persuasion to leave me alone from now on.

>>1. Don't waste your time with those who don't want to trust in God. It is enough that we warn them only ONCE.

Woohoo! Does this mean I can finally get some piece and quiet on the plane without some born again "witnessing" to me from the seat next to me?

You sure this isn't a joke? The pink unicorn thing seems pretty intentionally silly. My favorite is the "fruit fly holocaust."

I think my IQ just went down a few notches... And, the Invisible Pink Unicorn DID create the universe! She told me so in my organ that pumps blood.

"If God is real, atheism loses. If God is not real, atheism still loses since all humans will still die."

Boy, is he in for a surprise when he really loses by not being eaten first. Cthulhu f'taghn! or whatever that phrase is.

Wow. The sender has managed to condense all of the main arguments against evolution, modern cosmology, humanism AND Judaism all into one list.

Too bad the arguments have no basis in fact.

...

...

Just by the by, this sort of thing is why I don't agree that atheists need to read and understand the entire Bible in order to justify or defend being atheists. There's a near-infinite amount of this crap out there, and the godders generate more of it all the time.

Just look at all this brainless shit! It would take a week to properly reply to it, point by point, and when you did, you can tell by what he writes that this dullard isn't even capable of listening.

Other thoughts: I'm asking myself: If this guy was a landlord, would he rent a house to an atheist? If he was an employer, would he give a job to an atheist? If he was on a university selection committee, would he admit an atheist to college?

I'm guessing: Nope, nope, nope.

On the other hand, if he was a cop, would he be harder on an atheist in a traffic stop than someone who went to his church? If he was a judge, would he be tougher on an atheist in court than, say, a Baptist? If he was a teacher, would he punish his atheist students with especially critical grading and oversight? If he was a parent, would he try to break up his daughter and her atheist boyfriend?

Again, guessing: Yep, yep, yep and oh, yeah.

Humans are totally corrupt.

It's so important to know, this guy says it TWICE. Yet I think this is one of the nastiest things you could possibly say to anyone - or believe about yourself and your loved ones. Talk about self-esteem issues! Once you convinced your son, daughter or neighbor of THIS - "You're disgusting, worthless, full of evil." - and then laid out an impossible gauntlet of slavish repentance and contrition for them to follow, so that they felt even MORE worthless and unlovable, a great deal of destructive behavior becomes not just possible, but extremely likely.

Suddenly I think I understand why the kids of preachers get so wild. If their own mom and dad tells them they're evil and going to hell, they have no choice but to believe it, and everything else just follows naturally. "If I'm going to hell anyway ..." or more likely "My daddy says I'm a sinner, I'd better act like it."

About the atheist's "Invisible Pink Unicorn:" if she did not create the Universe, then it is not important to me if she exists or not.

Hey, how does he know the Invisible Pink Unicorn is a female?

I could never get close enough to tell.

...

...

It's a shame he stopped at 41. Had he continued just a little further he would've found the answer to every question.

You sure this isn't a joke? The pink unicorn thing seems pretty intentionally silly.

Actually, that seems pretty standard fare for most of the kook theists I've talked to. It's a pretty standard reaction to having the absurdity of their beliefs pointed out. "True, there's as much proof for the invisible pink unicorn, but she didn't create the Universe." That kind of reasoning goes back to St. Anselm: when a critic (I don't remember who) used his ontological proof to prove the existence of the perfect island, Anselm's retort was to say that the ontological proof only works for God. It was lame back then, and it's still lame today.

Unconditional Election - Before God created the Universe, He has chosen those whom He will save.

Only God is truly righteous and good.

There is no better God than Him.

I think the contradiction here is more than obvious to everyone here. This guy lives in total cognitive dissonance.

Thank the Lord if He has saved you, and if His Spirit has given you the ability to trust in Him.

The perfect and kind Christian God NEVER used evolution to create. He only permitted suffering and death to exist after Adam and Eve have rebelled (sinned) against Him.

So the perfect and kind Christian God specifically set up suffering and death for all organisms on earth because two of his creations did something they didn't understand was wrong.

Just imagine you had to deal with somebody like that on a regular basis, face to face...

So many misconceptions and total BS roled into a tasty burrito of ignorant self-righteous non-sequiturs... hmmm, tasty. But who am I to judge, I am corrupt and evil by default, and my "accusations" won't be able dent his impregnable armour, as I am just a sinner who deserves to be broiled to a crispy golden-brown in the furnaces of that place where all of us Germans go.... engineering school.

But, seriously, this guy needs therapy.

I have discovered the problem with creationists: they lack vision.

8. Gases scatter/dissipate quickly. Therefore, Jupiter have been created.

Fuck Jupiter, what about the Sun?

Anyone interested in the thinking processes of YECs might migrate over to Jason Rosenhouses' blog to observe a whackjob named Jon S. Link given below. These clowns are certainly very good at producing arguments from the AIG website.

http://scienceblogs.com/evolutionblog/2007/05/the_times_on_the_creation…

Re #37
I really don't believe they understand that the sun is a big flaming ball of gas.

It is a light placed in the sky on the fouth day. That one always made me wonder what was setting and dawning the first 3 days.

(by flaming I mean thermo-"nucular" fusion reactions)

So God DOES exist!

Explosions do not produce order

There was an article containing this silly analogy in "The Good News", a Christian paper posted through my door recently. I want to grab the writer by the shoulders and shake him!

SA

Why would god have to "help" you not to sin. If god doesn't want you to sin, shouldn't his ultimate uber god skills simply make you incapable of it?

Apparently god has no problem making people stupid.

So, uh, if the doctrine of Unconditional Election is true, and it doesn't matter what we do, if we're among the Elect we get to go to heaven in this guy's cosmology, why in the name of anything should we pay any attention to his feeble evangelisation attempt? I mean, either we're the Elect or we're not, and nothing we can do can change that, right? What a frickin' sucker bet...

*chuckle*

Surely the only response the email merits is "No."

Notes for Jews:

Your Messiah (Saviour) has arrived over 2,000 years ago: He is the Son of God who became a man (while still being God), suffered and died on the cross, and lived again from the dead; was prophesied in Isaiah 53, and in the book of Daniel.

Millions of Jews: Really? Holy shit! Boy do I feel silly.

Behe sums it up nicely here:
http://thestubborncurmudgeon.blogspot.com

Where do these guys get their "facts?" They are pretty kookoo-bananas. I do not understand "male nipples arouse females" as proof one way or another of evolution. Is he arguing against vestigial parts? Perhaps he can explain wisdom teeth and the coccyx.

1. Don't waste your time with those who don't want to trust in God. It is enough that we warn them only ONCE.

Now we're talkin'.

"and repent for His sake"

God serves sake? Hmm, must be a pretty fine one then!
Can I have a cup?

I got as far as, "Pride" is an example of a sin, and my irony meter exploded, and I had to run to the emergency eyewash station.

God serves sake? Hmm, must be a pretty fine one then!

The sake of the LORD is served at exactly 20 degrees celsius.

I believe he HAD to stop at 41, once you get into the neighborhood of 42-43 you reach maximum stupidity. Much like the critical mass of an atomic bomb, he would have detonated in a massive explosion of stupid and taken out a few hundred square miles of countryside around him. Really, his stopping, was a public service, he would have listed it as further proof of the goodness of his God, but that would have sparked the detonation and made the point moot. I believe he is still thinking about that one, and all three of his brain cells hurt...

You know, we could ask PZ to publish the guy's email address so that we could all spam him with a copy of his own email, plus all of our responses :-)

Unconditional Election - Before God created the Universe, He has chosen those whom He will save.

` So, basically, the hell-bound heathens have been chosen and therefore can't change. So why send this email around?

saturn only has THREE rings?

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

PZ, I really wish you'd ignore the obviously insane. Being psychotic is no fun. Besides, there's no sport in shooting them down, is there? Fish in a barrel and all that.

Humans are totally corrupt, but thankfully God controls all things.

But if God controls all things, doesn't that mean he built humans to be totally corrupt or is causing them to be totally corrupt as a result of his control?

#49:

That's the thing about Fundies, though. Words mean different things. 'Pride' almost invariably means not believing in God. Not, you know, what Pride really means.

I think PZ just posts this stuff to amuse us and show us the ignorance and foolishness we're up againts.

The gas expands argument is hysterical. So god's force field keeps all the gases on a planet? what?

Ho did these people function?

This has to be my favorite...
"Unconditional Election - Before God created the Universe, He has chosen those whom He will save."

Well, this is like the lottery innit? I mean how are we supposed to know if we are the chosen saved ones? If we're not the prechosen (jury tampering) whats the fracking point?

I give up, I am gonna go have hot wild willy nilly sex and make the mrs. call gods name....

This person is obviously not sane. Such a shame

That was a total mess. The author is blind to the fact he/she would incite violence in the name of his/her benevolent (non-violent) God for the sake of altering every human to fit that uniform religious mold, even though every human was ostensibly created to spec by said God who is infallible and in perfect control.

The only message I get from this is that this person is incapable of accepting the perfect works of their infallible God since they are endeavoring so stridiently to change those works.

So the perfect and kind Christian God specifically set up suffering and death for all organisms on earth because two of his creations did something they didn't understand was wrong.

Tsk, tsk. Of course they didn't understand it was wrong before they committed the sin. But once they took that bite of the fruit from the tree of knowledge, they understood perfecty well what they had done and why they and the rest of creation needed to be punished for it. Do you now see the error in your thinking?

This reminds me of the novel 1984 where the government goes to all the trouble and expense of brainwashing the narrator into an obedient little drone: a party man who understands that he must be executed for his past transgressions and happily gives himself to the firing squad.

Monado,

ConcernedJoe, you've got it right. So did Mark Twain. "God punished us and our blameless descendents for our acting as he made us - WTF!?"

Narcissistic personality disorder? (see also: Exodus 10:1). But then the books of Moses weren't intended to be read literally. I don't know the first thing about literature, but the use of repetition as a storytelling device in both Exodus and Numbers is glaringly obvious. (Assuming you can make it more that a couple of chapters into Numbers. What a slog that was.) Deciphering the point of the stories would probably take some knowledge of early Jewish history and politics; not something I'm familiar with. And probably not something a fundamentalist would be familiar with either.

"[...]all transmitted in short sentences that aren't in any particular order."

Maybe God wrote it.

*shudder* I don't know how anyone can read this inane drivle

#2, the argument that c is not a constant near black holes, now that was quite original. (And completely wrong, you get frequency change, not speed change, sheesh.)

Now I won't have to go to the movies, 'cause this will entertain me all weekend. I think he had to stop at 41 because everyone *knows* the real meaning of the universe is 42...?

Funny, I didn't know the bible said be fruitful and spam, but the same list showed up on several hundred google groups.

Love this stuff! Who knew that gravity affected the speed of light, rather than just the path of light?

This is gourmet woo-woo.

Um, gravity wells have a time dilation associated with them. It changes more than the frequency of light, at least from the perspective of an outside observer.

Tip of hat to The Science Pundit.

There is no better God than Him.
Nah, there are plenty of better gods. Zeus comes to mind, he at least gets laid.
As for the age of the sun, of course it's only 7000 years old. How long do you darn atheists think that a ball of coal that size can last?

this person has perfected stupidity and let it go to seed. I only hope he has a total crop failure

"Even Christians can make mistakes."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No shit.

I've never seen so many compact self-defeating arguments. Individual sentences even seem to contradict themselves.

As a physics major, I wept for about 1/3 of the points. As an evolutionary biology enthusiast, I wept for another 1/3 of the points. As a sane person, I wept for them all.

I've never seen so many compactly self-defeating statements in one place before. Parts of individual sentences seem to contradict each other. I'd list a point-by-point breakdown and refutation of all the physics points and what he attempts to imply by them, but it's not like it would lend us any further help in our case.

As a physics major, I wept for 1/3 of the points. As an evolutionary biology enthusiast, I wept for another 1/3 of the points. As a sane person, I wept for them all.

Uh, since when are the ten fossilized Archaeopteryx "mistakes"? There was one group in like the 80's that said two of the specimens were forged, and no one took them seriously anyway. No knocking my favorite prehistoric animal, dude. Not cool.

I love how he specifies that centaurs are "horse-men" and mermaids are "fish-women". Like you're going to be all, whoa, what is this "mermaid" of which you speak? I have never seen a Disney movie!

Man, I've been warned about a million times. I wish it was enough for them to warn me only once.

"1. Don't waste your time with those who don't want to trust in God. It is enough that we warn them only ONCE. If they refuse to repent, it's because the Lord did not transform their "hearts." There are millions of people who have not yet heard about the Lord Jesus Christ."

So, when is the Lord going to get around to transforming my heart? What, is he too busy?

I can't imagine anything worse than a combination of omnipotence and poor time-management skills.

"31. Every time atheists and evolutionists cannot answer a valid question, they say, "It's an Unexplained Mystery." Thus, they have blind faith. Instead of trusting in God, they trust in false science."

Too true! Just the other day, I was fishing through my wallet, asking myself where I could possibly have left my bank card. Immediately, as if by knee-jerk response (I'm not a free thinker, according to number 27) I exclaimed "It's an Unexplained Mystery!"

From now on, I'm going to respond to every valid question that I can't answer with "God works in Mysterious Ways."

No one's ever weaseled away with that one before.

Caledonian

The entire point of both special and general relativity is that the speed of light (in a vacumn of course) remains constant regardless of reference frame. To an observer sitting right on the event horizon of a black hole and one far enough away that time dilation is a non-issue will both measure the same light ray as travelling at approx 3x10^8 m/s.

Gravitional fields can bend the path of light and red or blue shift it to varying degrees but not alter it's speed. To do that you need a fairly dense medium like air or glass (though there is some evidence to suggest that the interstellar medium can produce a small, but measureable effect over intergalactic distances)

ConcernedJoe #11 says, "...even they had to die first to receive the salvation."

And that's a major crux (pardon the pun) of the lunacy: if ALL of your potential proponents who possibly CAN confirm OR refute the hypothesis of "life after death" (a phrase which in itself constitutes an oxymoron) cannot report and in fact have not reported back to the living BECAUSE THEY ARE DEAD (this after an experimental run mounting into many thousands of years now), WHY do believers continue to insist that its so?

WHY? There is only one reason: because it feels good to be part of a group of people, regardless of whatever they posit as "truth", no matter how irrationally lunatic that presumption of an apparent "truth" may be.

Here is the best part: BECAUSE there are no reports that refute the idea of an afterlife, "Believers" are exceedingly quick to utilize their abundant store of imaginative presumptions and faulty logic to justify their claims. They take advantage of having absorbed a pedestrian vernacular of science without once attempting to understand its logical underpinnings, in order to froth forth with science-like verbiage under a pretense of knowledge, and thus carry on methodically wanking on the horseshit that this absence of evidence IS EVIDENCE FOR IT.

Unfortunately for them (and us!), it just ain't true.

NOTHING of what they say is TRUE. False criteria, however strongly buttressed by a dedication to "faith", can never generate a "truth". WHY? Let's be honest. Its BECAUSE FAITH HAS (AND BY THEIR OWN ADMISSION) NO ALLEGIANCE TO RATIONAL EXAMINATION. Its supposed to be a thing one somehow "feels", or otherwise "intuits".

This thing called "Faith" thus gets absolved of all challenges. Woe unto them that would mount any logical and rationally-informed challenges against God, CONCEPT or OTHERWISE.

Stupidity CAN manifest in big brains. In fact, big brains are a strict requirement.

Wait, so they only have to warn us once? Is that collectively or individually? If they warn more than once can I claim a refund of the seconds I lost and/or wear and tear on my senses?

Proposed button/t-shirt, to facilitate this whole process, save us all some irritation:

"Yes, I've been 'warned'. You can shut up now."

It was a lot like reading a bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap! Why do they all seem to mangle grammar, punctuation and syntax the same way after the rant's been a-goin' for a while?

Thanks for postin' that, PZ. It is a reminder of what happens when you don't squash these vermin when they first collar you. I use the bramble path "not proved" (or demonstrated) 'hard skeptic' exercise in a fashion most polite & leave 'em shouting. Use "tried" and "proved" interchangably just to throw 'em off gait.

Gotta feel sorry for them (the above responders)...they know not whereof they speak or parse.

Case in point for how even the halfway rational ones think:

http://www.theneweditor.com/index.php?/archives/6196-A-Mystifying-Study…

He can't understand how a child can have an "intuitive grasp" of the difference between numbers, while *not* understanding the numbers.... I tried to explain it. Not sure if he understood the explanation, so chose not to comment, or he just isn't commenting on anything from me any more. Usually I get, "What the hell are you talking about?", or, "Why are you ranting about the irrelevant fact that a few Christian nuts have nutty ideas, when the real problem is Muslim nuts who actually kill people over those same ideas." Oh wait, no, he basically denies that there is **any** similarity at all between Pat Robertson types and the Bin Ladens of the world. Sigh...

His favorite chew toy right now is BTW global warming as depicted by Gore, which is actually less sane than the chew toy of the Bush conspiracy I get from here a lot of the time. I think both sides are doing a bit more compartmentalization than they are willing to admit, so don't grasp that *both* sides are at least 20% right. Its the other 80% of the time that both sides are batshit stupid/insane about issues that is the problem.

Remind me again, for example, how pulling out of Iraq is supposed to *prevent* more lunatics from trying to blow up major international airport fuel systems in the US? Mr. New Editor can't see problems, people here see nothing but problems, and both are blind to the reality that you have to live with the facts as they exist, not the ones we **wish** where true. Fact one - Bush's people can't plan or execute a pizza order without screwing it up, never mind a war. Fact two - We don't need Iran to become twice its current size, by letting them swallow Iraq, which *is* what would happen if we left at this point. The solution needs to take *both* facts into account, not the magic thinking being used by *both* sides about this situation. And it is magic thinking being employed by both sides.

"Even Christians make mistakes."

True.

"Atheists have no excuse."

The dog ate my homework.

Kagehi, so you see these two sides, do you?

You have it right when you say we have to face the facts as they exist. So, let's take a look at some facts:

1. You can remind us again how fightin' the lunatics over THERE precludes us from having to fight 'em over HERE.

2. Iran comes in as the 18th largest country in the world at 1,648,195 sq km. Iraq is 58th, at 438,317 sq km: Iran is thus already over 3.7 times the size of Iraq. If Iran "swallowed" Iraq to its area, the increase would be about 127%.

Why would Iran ever want to burden itself with a headache that's a hell of a lot larger than that? For the extra oil? Because they love their Sunni or Kurd brethren and wish to guide them? Because acquiring a huge financial burden is somehow tactically advantageous?

Talk about magical thinking.

I like #22.
"The Lord gave humans a conscience, morals, and advanced intelligence."

Apparently not this guy, at least not that last one.

#54: One ring for each ring finger, plus the ring around the bathtub.

#88: Not everybody is irrational in the same way you are.

I'm emotionally exhausted. This entire e-mail was simultaneously funny and depressing. Still this point made me laugh out loud.

26. Evolution is science fiction (a myth). It is similar to the story of the Centaurs (horse-men) and Mermaids (fish-women). I don't believe in Centaurs and Mermaids.

Apparently The Origin of Species reminded him of The Odyssey, and he rejects mythology out of hand. He prefers a scientific book like The Bible with its talking snake, sorcerers, unicorns, enchanters, fiery serpents, demons, wizards, giants, necromancers, angels, witches, dragons, and talking ass. (And to be fair I used his recommended version of the Bible to look these up.)

33. Darwinian researchers accept that "Mitochondrial Eve" (also known as "African Eve") probably existed 6,000 years ago. All humans seem to have descended from this "Eve" and her male partner. This idea supports the Bible.

I like this one the most, since nowhere does it say the mitochondrial eve lived 6000 years ago. My Australian Aborigine friends will be disappointed to know they are not humans after all.

Oh yes I also like how only the King James Bible is the 'correct' one. Fuck you, ancient Greek bible (or the original Aramaic even).

If you refuse to trust in God, it's not my loss.

And a tired female voice calls from the other room...

"Pontus, Pontus? Are you washing your hands again?"

Yikes.

I must say, while the gibbering and ignorance was strong on this one, it didn't strike me as crazy as the last one.

If Iran "swallowed" Iraq to its area, the increase would be about 127%.

No. This is a very commonly-made mathematical error.

The increase would be to about 127%. The increase would be about 27%.

If you refuse to trust in God, it's not my loss.

And yet I'll spend hours ranting against atheists and trying to disprove any and all scientific theories that contradict my beliefs.

sheesh...

What about men who are aroused by male nipples? Huh? Huh? Any notes for them???

I think this guy might actually BE a banana!

There is no better God than Him.

Egads, its worse than we thought. There's not just ONE invisible sky-giant wanting to rule our lives, there are many of 'em up there. Playing Canasta or something.

There's not just ONE invisible sky-giant wanting to rule our lives, there are many of 'em up there.

Well, that's what you get when you ditch parsimony... Any given unsupported hypothesis can always be redefined as the interaction of two or more unsupported hypotheses.

Hey, PZ! You should plagiarize this list and use it to win the $10,000 prize for replicating the Bible's "unique" style; this list makes just as much sense backwards as forwards, to the extent that it makes any sense at all.