This is the most perfect description of me on the interwebs.
Pharyngula is a blog run by a science professor named P.Z Myers. Not only does Mr Myers believe in the fantasy of evilution, but every year he milks thousands and thousands of dollars out of the education system to indoctrinate children into his hateful cult. Like most liberal educators at America's secular colleges, Myers lives a life of luxury at taxpayers' expense—taking long vacations with his trophy wife, driving expensive foreign cars, dressing his children in exclusive fashions—all the while promoting his vengeful and deceitful ideology.
It could have been a little more complete, though, and mentioned my cosmopolitan lifestyle, my wastrel hedonism by day, and my mansion with the secret cave underneath, in which I lurk by night.
Despite all the flattery, though, I'm still not voting for Sam Brownback.
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At least they spelled your name correctly.
Yikes! That is one of the scariest sites I've ever visited. (worse than Pharyngula) I know it's a spoof but it took a while to be convinced. Unfortunately, there are more than a few kooks out there and they would feel right at home at "Baptists for Brownback". Eww, my skin is still crawling!
When you go to that website, you have to have the gain on the snark detector turned WAYYYYYYY up. What does it say about Brownback that this website is even remotely believable?
I suppose that from some parts of Kansas Morris looks like a pretty cosmopolitan and prosperous place. Your car can make it all the way to the Twin Cities, and back, and your house has functioning plumbing.
You lucky dog.
Enough of the Friday Cephalopods - let's see some pictures of that "trophy wife"!!
He didn't mention your abhorrent crimes against nature, conducted with the participation and direction of shining, cephlapoidal trapezohedrons.
He forgot to mention your freezer full of baby burgers.
Whoever really runs this site has had me guessing for months: parody, or sincere. Is it a confirmed spoof for real? There's so much crazy out there these days that it's not easy to tell.
Gee, thanks, PZ. I had thought that I had made peace with myself over the life in Academe that I never quite made happen, but now your description of the secret perks of Professorizin' has brought it all crashing back with a thud.
Where is MY secret subterranean lair? When oh when will *I* get to wear the big Ming collar and laugh evilly as I foment the doctrine of Evilution? HUH HUH????
If I'd known it was a ticket to a trophy wife I'd have never dropped embryology.
He forgot to add wearin' his big red satanic lettered A t-shirt, for the better curruptin of young' uns.
As one of the most popular anti-Christian hate sites on the Internet, many innocent victims accidentally stumble upon it every day
Help! How did I get here? What are those ugly creatures everywhere? Help!
I can't speak for Pastor Tobin Maker (if that indeed be his real name and title), but I fear that many of those who commented are in danger of biting their tongues.
'Pastor Tobin Maker' is an anagram of 'A Banter Omits Pork'.
Coincidence? I think not.
Pastor Maker says in the comments of that site:
Did you see the scarlet "A" right there on the left hand side of that vitriolic site? That's due to us at "Baptists for Brownback". Lord knows how many Christians will sleep easier tonight, knowing their children are protected.
PZ knows more than us. It must be a satirical site, otherwise he would've denied the above statement.
Bless you ;)
Considering the authors of that description, I'd be worried if it said anything else.
At first I could not believe anyone would spend so much time writing such a parody. But, when I came across the U.S.E. (Unplanned Sexual Event) to replace the word 'rape', I finally got the joke.
In addition to being a sneering advocate of violence toward those you cannot readily inoculate with your pseudoscientific myths, you openly advocate unsanitary acts of desecration, such as pissing in chalices and shitting on communion wafer plates.
Dear Webmaster of this unHoly abomination,
Upon checking my own blog statistics this morning I found a drty link back to your site. I will not waste my own or your time other than to say that if you choose to consider my ministry a farce then so be it. As followers of the Devil you have lost the to discern over to him and he will not allow you to see past what he chooses. By the time you realize how living a life with Christ through my ministry could benefit you it will be too late, you will be in Hell.
SO go right ahead and mock my beliefs and those who share my love for the Lord. KNow that we will pray for you, though we won't waste much time as you are a lost cause.
YIC,
Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett
Also, abetting the parody are the many commenters who most defintely did not get the memo, many but not all of them pro-Brownbackers.
"This entry was posted on Friday, August 3rd, 2007 at 10:02 pm and is filed under Baptist, Family Values, Liberal Media, Sam Brownback, news alert, christian persecution, cults, atheists, Brownback, pharyngula, scarlet letter, Godless Liberals, Christian Values, sinner, Conservative Politics, Evangelical, creationism, church, Christian, liberal, Family, Christianity, News, science, Republicans, breaking news, intelligent design, Election, Sin, evolution, Praise, America, Uncategorized."
This is genius!
I feel the healing hands of the good god-fearin' people of Landover Baptist Church are at work here.
Hmmmm...trophy wife. Who knew?
Beware of spoof, satire, caracature, mock derision and sniggery of all kinds. The dullest among us are not only the least appreciative of humor, they are the least likely to appreciate it. By another perspective, they are the MOST likely to get jazzed up by it (because their own haven't the imagination to produce anywhere near such quality in a joke). A small but troublesome subset of THESE are therefore potentially the most dangerous.
There is no evidence in the "Good Book" that God has a sense of humor...or condones it in his sheep.
This advice from an elder,
'Sexual relations are not intended to be fun. Should you find yourself enjoying your spousal obligations then I suggest that you contact your minister post haste lest you turn into a whore.'
I thought it was quite a funny blog -- I assumed it was a parody site from the outset, although after reading a few comments I became unsure.
I think, now, I will still side with it being a joke - surely it cant be real...
:-)
It's for sure a parody, but very, very undercover and at least a few of the commenters (on both sides) don't seem to have got it.
There's quite a few giveaways in there if you look hard enough...
His comment sounds like a reflection of your average evangelical pastor who claims be to be a messenger/agent for god ... which such individuals may actually believe ... however, the results of the actions of such individuals are manifested as an increase in their individual influence, power, and wealth.
I think the problem may be that it is such a good spoof site that it has attracted a lot of True Believers(tm), so the line between straight and parody has been crossed and blurred.
Pharyngula is a blog run by a science professor named P.Z Myers. Not only does Mr Myers believe in the fantasy of evilution, but every year he milks thousands and thousands of dollars out of the education system to indoctrinate children into his hateful cult.
Well I will have to now say that he is wrong. In my research on this God vs. science debate, Francis Collins taught me a little lesson in Humility. Evolution is a theory like gravitational theory is a theory. It is fact. Whom better to go to than Dr Collins head of the Human Genome project. I no longer am an evolution skeptic.
I suggest if any evolutionist is interested in defining his position and blowing the anti-evolution argument out of the water, buy his book The Language of God,Ch 4-6 are some great stuff, now in paper back. I intend to include this at my Topical Octagon Blog, on my rebuttal to Michael. Dr. Collins is a Genius who gives you his whole life story from childhood to present.
It reads like a parody site, and a very good one. It reminded me of Jesus' General. Very funny. If it's not, oh my!
Help! How did I get here? What are those ugly creatures everywhere? Help!
HA!
I don't think I've ever seen "evilution" used in anything other than jest; that plus the rest of the quoted description and blog post make it rather obvious that this is a parody. Brilliant, though :)
I read that article on PZ, took it as a genuine and posted a response. Then I looked through the rest of the site, and realized I was punk'd. Really good satire.
Ooops
I thought it was real too, thanks Glenn
awesome PZ... your profile should simply link to his article...
Here is a great sample from the comments section:
Pastor Tobin Maker D.D said:
The Physicist,
No doubt you encourage your children to view pornography on your fancy computer. In past ages perverts like Charles Darwin took their offspring to zoos to watch animals fornicate.
Christians have better sense.
http://baptistsforbrown2008.wordpress.com/2007/08/03/scarlet-letter-cam…
The previous house I owned was on a hill with a second steep hill right next to it (think very wooded but otherwise eroded landscape). I was honestly thinking about building a lair--a bat-cave--into the hill beside the house, to where park my car. It would have been the coolness. Alas, we had to move.
Most biology professors are livin' large like Hefner. This is purely axiomatic.
To paraphrase Hilaire Belloc slightly,
When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
"His A was scarlet, but his blog was read."
So how come you live like an evil lord, and you aren't bringing your minions along for the ride? Why do you think we sold our souls to evil?
Didn't he forget to mention that Morris, MN is the Aspen, La Jolla, or Beverly Hills of the midwest?
Those baptistsforbrownback clowns couldn't afford to live there, although there might be some jobs for them as servants or gardeners.
I feel less of a fool now for having got caught by the post. Thanks to all of my fellow pharyngula sycophants for joining in my humiliation and thereby diminishing it.
Please! Protect me from people stating other points of view! I don't want to actually *need* to compare my system of believes
with them! God forbid I actually have to THINK once in a while to contradict something someone else says!
God bless America and all the ignorant assholes living in there!
I work down the hall from our beloved PeeZed, and that was about the most wonderfully funny things I've read in forever. I love the idea of their (very, very cool) kids in "exclusive fashions", and I'm definitely going to start keeping an eye out for the Lamborghini in the Science Building parking lot!
Good for you P.Z. but why is it that the writer hates the American dream?
Hush - don't tell them about the ecret-say ave-cay.
I think Carlie back on post 27 nailed it. Funny to me.
Dawkins drives a hybrid Toyota Prius, one of the first imported into the country - its dashboard displays are in Japanese - proudly pointing out the indicator that shows when it is running on electric power only.
What a swinger 'eh?
http://thestubborncurmudgeon.blogspot.com
Pastor Maker opened my eyes! Now I can see! A reader of Pharyngula since its inception, I had a wrong idea of Prof. Myers. I knew he was a scientist although somewhat excentric (All scientist are, I know), inducing his zebra fish to get drunk, or overdosing on Diet Cola to urinate on sacred fiction (Was it Stephen Jay Gould's "Structure of Evolutionary Theory" or Richard Dawkins's "The God Delusion"? I dont remember which, but the fact is he couldnt hold it). I never imagined that while teaching biology full time at day and mincing zebrafish at night in the lab, financing two sons in college, he managed on his salary to lead a secret life as an international bon vivant! Prof. Myers, please tell us how you do it?
It sure is satire. Look at their Cafepress store (under USE).
Expensive foreign cars. That's the funny part. The implication that because domestic isn't good enough for him, he has cars specially shipped over from the mysterious Orient and the decadent lands of Europe at great expense.
Oh man!!! This just shows the disadvantages of being one of those sniveling milquetoasts that tries to get along with religious people: Nobody ever accuses me of amusing things like dressing my kids in designer fashions at taxpayers' expense. Of course I've posted enough pictures of my kids to settle that question...
For those of you who need some skoolin' in the fundamentals of true christianity (and who doesn't?), please visit my good friend Dr. Pastor Jim's website www.truechristian.com. There you will learn many interesting things about christianity.
Robertscoleman#52: "There you will learn many interesting things about christianity."
Gee, ya think?
@ raven :)
I've lived in both Morris and La Jolla. There are acute differences between the two. Good luck finding a walleye sandwich at the Spice Rack in LJ. Good luck finding a seafood restaurant in Morris. Good luck surfing in Morris. Good luck shoveling snow in LJ. Good luck seeing gray whales and dolphins in Morris. Good luck finding a tractor in LJ.
As for Dr. Myers's car, I've seen that too. It's a '57 Edsel, cut down to low-rider (even has air shocks) with Keystones on the front and racing slicks on the back with a 426 hemi under the hood, complete with pastel blue interior including dingle-balls and fuzzy dice. :) He uses it to tow floats in the Flatlands parade and the Cyrus street dance.
Oh, and his cave is rather famous for being the place that Happy Addis recorded their landmark album.
Thanx for the post, Dr. Myers. Keep on Pharyngulin'!
Ya know, tricking and making fun of believers is not a nice thing to do. You can do what you want, but I would think it would disturb the sensibilities of an atheist, since everyone is raised differently.
But then again, natural selection allows you this fun, since you are smarter than the theist. You have your excuse, now live up to it.
[Cough]
Yeah, it's all fun and games 'til someone realizes their deity is imaginary.
If everyone is raised differently, how can you say generalities about them?
WTF?
My favorite part out of that has to be where they said you spend your money on foreign cars. I can't remember which passage in the Bible says, "Thou shalt spend thoust monies on American rustbuckets," but if they said that, it must be true!
It missed out a few details, to whit:
* Preaching atheism
* Taking "Drugs". Not any particular drug, just drugs in general.
* Consorting with Known Homosexuals
* Being in the pay of the EU
* Associating with Activist Judges
PS.
Trophy wife?! Truely, scientists are the new rock stars.
Oh, He does.
* Experiments on mutated zebra fish.
Where are my designer-brand clothes, dad?
Evangelist-types are often are big on designer suits, trophy wives, and nice cars. They will even say they are a reward from God for their service.
thirded.
remember those "Is it Live or is it Memorex?" commercials? When I see these sites I have to study for a while before I can tell "Is it religion or is it a spoof?"
As one of the most popular (you mean degenerate) anti-Christian (anti-Zeus) hate sites (aka blogs) on the Internet(s), many (alas) innocent (don't laugh) victims (prey) accidentally stumble (it might be the box wine) upon it every day, and are exposed (as atheists) to the rubbish (they can't all be gems) published there (Morris?).
>>Evangelist-types are often are big on designer suits, trophy wives, and nice cars. They will even say they are a reward from God for their service.<<
Sounds like they're big on psychological projection as well.
It's not uncommon for the less self-aware and stable to attribute to others their own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and emotions to those they feel threatened by.
Ken Ham: Lord! I praise you and adore you. I worship you every day! Yet my work is scorned. It is belittled and demeaned.
But PZ Myers... PZ Myers mocks you. He insults you and curses you. Yet he is successful, his word is eagerly awaited. He is praised and lauded above all good Christian men. Why God, why?
God: He writes a shitload better than you ever will.
What a wonderfull website. If x-tains discover the truth, it's all over....
Not uncommon? Hell, in many cases this constitutes their entire understanding of other social groups. O.o
For example, consider the attitude parodied below:
Well, since you weren't raised to pathologically fear and despise your own sexuality, they must have been left at the houses of half the young men in Morris, of course!
PZ, wear that red scarlet A proudly, you've earned it!
I got suckered in to thinking it was real and left a comment. It was only then that I "used the Goggle" for Tobin and found this- "Billy Bob Neck - Guest Pastor &
Assistant Editor for ShelleyTheRepublican." C'mon- Billy Bob (red) Neck. And the Shelley connection is pure satire. Whoever "Pastor Tobin" is, he has too much time on his hands (and a "devilish" sense of humor!)
P.S. I rilly wanna see some nekkid piksures of that there trophy wife or, maybe some more cephalopods. Sort of a toss up. Go Doc, go.
This is the first time I've been completely sure that it was a parody site. Whew... I think.
It does say something that it is so hard to be sure. I'm not sure exactly what it says, and whether it says it about the site or about me, but it surely says something!
I'm convinced that many of the commenters on the site believe it is for real.
I was pretty sure it was a parody too, but then I posted a comment congratulating the pastor on his mastery of satire and it was rendered unreadable by random *profanity deleted*'s.
Still don't know if he was affronted or trying to keep the ruse going. Either way, I'm confused.
Please tell me it's a parody site like Landover Baptist.
I want to know as well, as all my feathers are ruffled now. PZ, I defended you with my life (well, almost).
Luci
There were a few (BT, I was Amelia as well as Luci)
[quote] Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett Says:
August 5th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Amelia,
Don't you dare talk back to Connie like that. Connie Mack has more class in one of her beautifully manicured pinkies than you can even dream of having. What you need to worry about is what you are going to do when the Lord comes back and leaves you behind. Will you still be clucking about like a yard chicken or will you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? For the record, dear, Jesus can grant you access to Glory through His love and grace, but even He can't make a lady out of you.[/quote]
and then:
[quote] Brother Yancy Says:
August 5th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Luci
PLEASE
Unless you give me some idea of the pronunciation of your name and an explanation of any deviant derivations, I have a difficult time converying your ideas to Mother, to whom I read all of this aloud. (You see, there is no magnification device I have found that allows Mother to read a computer screen.) She keeps hollering, "No one in their right mind would name their child Loose Eye."
I must go, Mother is calling for me upstairs.
YIC
Brother Yancy [/quote]
They are GOOD.
Lu
Luci
I figured it must be a parody when I realized it was done by Pastor Maker. Read the name with a New England accent. He's clearly familiar with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But it seems the people who leave comments think it's real.
"Myers lives a life of luxury at taxpayers' expense--"
Like those other Evil-Doers: George Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, et. al.
It seems hey missed the obvious: Luci is nothing more or less than a diminutive of Lucifer, and should therefore be pronounced "LOO-sih".
It is true that sufficiently subtle parody is indistinguishable from reality? If so, then does parody cease to be parody in those cases? If an entry or comment perfectly mimics the fundamentalist mindset, then is it not simply an instance of the fundamentalist mindset? Or does intention matter?
I have to admit that I fell for it (and responded in a fit of outrage)...
Hey - good thought - I fed the parody! (I need to go back and see if any fundies have responded to my diatribe)
Bad thought -- like others - if this is *really* parody - then it is very, very, very scary!
Oh PZ you batstid! How DARE you have a trophy wife!!!! How DARE you teach EVILUTION!! And why in the hell don't I have a trophy wife??!!! Why in the hell do I believe in EVILUTION?!? Oh, I know PZ+"trophy wife"+Evolution=inerrancy!
BTW, who do the Brownback fundies know you have a trophy wife??
For a really, really good parody site, see: www.truechristian.com. It's better than Landover Baptist.
Thanks Rob for the truechristians tip. The site is a hoot!
BTB Loose-Eye, you can quote me anytime. Sorry that they were able to get you so worked up before you, haha, "saw the light."
Funny, I had to turn the gain on my snark-dector WAYYYYYYY down, to prevent overload-induced fissioning.
Lark News is another good one, if not the easiest navigational setup. I still get tears of laughter in my eyes reading this one. Some of their 'staff' had to grow up evangelical, because they have the whole milieu down cold.
(.)(.)
Is it just me or does the "Christians everywhere will know the enemy by the badge they wear" sound like something that could have come right out of hitler's mouth when he ordered all the jews to wear stars of david?
That's hilarious! And I love how you've linked your scarlet A to the Out Campaign. ;)
* Experiments on mutated zebra fish.