Michael Rennie never said, "whoa, dude"

Hollywood is officially bankrupt. Free of all new ideas. Worthless recyclers without an imagination. Why?

They're remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still, one of the best science fiction movies of all time.

And just to make it that much worse, who is the star? Keanu F. Reeves.

Fortunately, I still have my precious DVD of the original.

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Klaatu barada nikto. "The Day the Earth Stood Still" is one of the great classics of '50s science fiction, and one of my favourite old movies. It has, I gather, been remade, starring Keanu Reeves, and is coming out today. Now, I don't usually do a lot of these third party press releases, but it is…
So they're remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still? So what? I have more respect for Keanu Reeves after seeing the recent film A Scanner Darkly, and anyway he's much better an actor than Will Ferrell, who did such a good job in Stranger than Fiction to my surprise. But why angst over a remake?…
They're remaking The Day the Earth Stood Still…with Keanu Reeves! It looks very, very bad. What did they think they had to add to a SF classic? More special effects? (At least there's one bit of good news: Watchmen looks fabulous.)
It's economics time again. I hate economics. I find it hopelessly dull. But apparently my style of explaining it is really helpful to people, so they keep sending me questions; and as usual, I do my best to try to answer them. Even if I don't particularly enjoy it. So people have been asking me…

Hollywood is officially bankrupt. Free of all new ideas. Worthless recyclers without an imagination.

Welcome to cultural evolution.

Every "new" idea you've ever heard of has been done before. They are simply adapting to changing environments. Or a bunch of good old ideas are smashed together and give the illusion of innovation.

Far from giving a detailed literary history, you can typically find that most smash romantic comedies are direct ripoffs of Shakespearean plots.

That's why I like science. Empiricism and the natural world are fantastic inspiration (even though I keep seeing the same things over and over again, but that's a good thing).

Huh?

What for? Yeah, money, I know, but what would be preservable from the original that would have any meaning in this political climate?

By Michael E (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Yeah, stupid director (of the original) Robert Wise. What makes him think his work is too good to be improved upon? He's only directed one of the greatest sci-fi films of all time (The Day the Earth Stood Still), one of the greatest horror films of all time (The Haunting), and one of the greatest musical films of all time (West Side Story). I'm sure Hollywood will do as good a job with this remake as they did with The Haunting.

By the way, wasn't Keanu banned from playing science-related roles after the dreadful Chain Reaction? (He should have been.)

When they remake Citizen Kane, the world WILL end.

By Laser Potato (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Simply because I know someone else would say it otherwise, "Whoa. I know klaatu barada nikto."

(I always thought that sounded like an esoteric form of martial arts)

I don't think that Keanu Reeves is going to be the worst part of it, and I think that he's well beyond dreadful as an actor. This is probably going to be a CGI fest, done only because now that they have the technology to do cartoony special effects they always seem to feel like they have to. They don't and shouldn't. Ever. Not even with Doctor Who or in commercials. [sigh]

Keanu: "Klaatu ... baradu ... uh ... LINE?"

By FrumiousBandersnark (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Reeves doesn't bother me. He's done some good stuff (I'm thinking A Walk in the Clouds) and I think he could pull it off.

What DOES bother me is this:

The 1951 film's premise, a response to the rise of the Cold War after WWII, is being updated...[source: ]

The PREMISE? I shudder to think of what they come up with.

oh, and the rest of the quote?

...and the film will use advances in visual effects.

sorry Mena.

isnt this like the 5th generation of body snatcher on in the theaters now?

By Techskeptic (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Klaatu Barata Niktu

I named my first three kids that.

I saw this movie again about a month ago, and I thought, gee, this is really ripe for a remake.

I admit though that the thought of casting Keanu Reeves hadn't occurred to me. (It still hasn't occurred to me.) Man. What about Clive Owen?

COOL! GO NEO! :P

Look out for these fantastic one-liners:

"Whoa."

"Shit."

"What?"

"Why?"

"My name is Constantine. Asshole."

By kristen in montreal (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

keanu reeves is an idiot.

NO! It's:

Klaatu barada nikto, you damn dirty ape!!!

By Hugh Williams (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Can we get Carrie Anne Moss as Helen Benson?

By kristen in montreal (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Klaatu barada niCOUGHCOUGH

You know that TDTESS is a retelling of the Jesus story right?

By Christian Burnham (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

I asked a movie guy once why with millions of books out there, Hollywood would remake a movie. He said that since it costs a lot to make a movie,they want to cash in on a sure thing. They don't want to gamble on something new.

Uh, doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of making movies?

Most pointless remake ever - Miracle on 34th Street

closely followed by all the rest.

I remember about a decade ago I read a Harlan Ellison column where Ellison was reporting that he had been approached to script a re-make of "Forbidden Planet." Ellison turned them down. He said he'd write a sequel but he would not touch a remake, it was done right the first time and didn't need to be remade.

Ray Bradbury wrote a sequel to "The Day the Earth Stood Still" in the 1980s that featured Klaatu's son returning to Earth. Thing was back in 1980s Ronald Reagan was escalating the arms race and it was a little too political... like the original. Now it's safe?

Well I can hardly wait for the superohmygod CGI version of...cars sitting still? Hell, I get that twice a day on weekdays. /eyeroll

I'm still disgusted that Halloween has been remade.

Considering what the sequels did to its memory, at least handing over Halloween to a director that respects the original and isn't a Hollywood drone might work out.

However, handing it over to *that* director gives it 99:1 odds of getting an R rating.

No! No! No! I hate this news. I deeply hate it. "The Day The Earth Stood Still" is the greatest Sci-Fi film ever made. Damn Hollywood and all who work in the film industry.

"There are no typewriters in Hollywoood, only Xerox machines"

The confusingly similarly titled film The Day The Earth Caught Fire is also superb - arguably one of the best British films ever made. I doubt they'd bother remaking it, though. It's very much a product of its time.

By Ginger Yellow (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

"Far from giving a detailed literary history, you can typically find that most smash romantic comedies are direct ripoffs of Shakespearean plots."

And Shakespeare ripped those off from someone else, for that matter ...

By Scott Simmons (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

You know that TDTESS is a retelling of the Jesus story right?

From Wiki: "Christian eschatology colors The Day the Earth Stood Still, especially given Klaatu's death and subsequent resurrection. Klaatu adopts the Earthly name "Carpenter" (in the New Testament, Jesus Christ is sometimes called the "carpenter's [Joseph's] son."); in the boarding house he's given a room in the third floor. These allusions are attributed to North by the film's producer in a 1995 interview.

Blaustein claimed that the studio "Breen office" balked at the portrayal of Klaatu's resurrection. At their behest, a line was added when Helen asks if Gort has power over life and death, and Klaatu explicitly defers to the power reserved by "the Almighty Spirit.""

It could be argued that any religious overtones were either internalised by the film-makers, or placed there deliberately, as mentioned above. The mention of the "almighty spirit" by Klaatu is glaringly out of place in the film, or least that's how I saw it.

Also, Matheson's "I Am Legend" is being remade, and it's apparently a remake of "Omega Man" rather than the book.

And...it's got Will Smith.

Oy.

Anyone touches "Day of The Triffids" in any way, there will be war.

I could actually see a remake of Forbidden Planet, if only because the original is very dated. The pacing, sets, and effects show their age enough that a near-direct remake would make sense.

TDTESS is as good today as it was when it came out, though. The pace is smooth, the tension is still real, the shots of panicked people and streets filled with dead cars don't look hokey in the least. What a crock - and a crock with Neo, no less. Ugh. And here I thought I Am legend was going to be an insult with Will Smith.

What really scares me is that with the accelerating pace of culture, we're less than two decades out from a complete remake of A New Hope. If we're really, really lucky, it'll happen after Lucas dies.

By Mindbleach (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

You know a few years ago when they re-made "The Manchurian Candidate?" Never watched it, not even for the train wreck effect. They updated it to have something to do with terrorist moles, or something like that.

The original didn't need no special effects. It wasn't even all that well acted. But it was a good movie. I don't think I'll bother with this, even if I do think that Keanu is all right. (See Dangerous Liasons again sometime.)

I don't know, perhaps it is time for a remake of 'Night Of The Comet'?

Hey, this could work out in favor of scientific rationality. What if they rewrote the part about Klaatu's "resurrection"? When the movie babe asks anxiously, "You mean he (Gort) has the power of life and death?" Klaatu responds with, "Of course science has the power of life and death, foolish Earth woman. What do you think life is -- some kind of miracle?"

The Day the Earth Stood Still was a schocky piece of shit, just like the remake will be.

Get over it, you pathetic dorks.

By notthedroids (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

What, I wasn't the half-millionth commenter? Goddamn what a waste of time.

By notthedroids (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Well, I guess I will keep an open mind.

Great though the original is (I have a copy on DVD) it's always possible that the scriptwriter and director can find some interesting new angle that makes it into something different and valid.

Or maybe I'm just being hopelessly optimistic... I'll admit that the casting doesn't exactly make it look promising so far.

By Brain Hertz (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

It's marginally possible this movie will have some good in it, as War of the Worlds had the very cool train scene... but otherwise was a major suckfest of epic proportions.

TDTESS is a classic, and should be treated as such.

I think they should do a remake of 'The Bourne Ultimatum'.

By Christian Burnham (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

You will never obtain the Necronomicon!!!!!!

Also, I first saw TDTESS as part of the Screen on the Green series that happens every summer on the Mall in DC. So I got to watch the flying saucer fly over the Capitol as I was facing the Capitol from about 200 yards away. Awesome.

To be honest, I was excited to hear about the remake of I Am Legend. In the early 60s the novel was adapted faithfully in Italy with Vincent Price, but I have always thought that Matheson's book deserved a modern remake (As much as I like The Omega Man, it doesn't count; I want vampires, not germ warfare victims)I've read the screenplay of the new film, and if it isn't messed with, this could be an awesome movie.

But a remake of TDTESS is just wrong. It has been Done, just as Casablanca and A Clockwork ORange have been Done. They are perfect in every detail, and any remake must by necessity be inferior.

People, take it easy.

Nobody's going to make you watch this piece of crap. Yes, you may catch an ad on TV or a trailer here or there, but I'm sure your delicate constitutions can take it.

On the other hand, the original will probably get a spiffed-up re-release on DVD, and probably only cost $9.99 to boot.

So far Hollywood's retread-mania has worked out fine for me. I've got copies of the original Wicker Man, Manchurian Candidate and Transformers on my shelf, and the whole bunch barely set me back $20. And all I've seen of the 21st century edition of those movies is a couple of trailers and this awesome montage of Nick Cage acting goofy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

The "entertainment" industry is a venture-capital business. They don't like risk. That's why they will do sequels and remakes, and will shell out millions for a big name instead of finding someone who can act.

The fortunate thing though, is that with the costs of shooting, editing, and special effects being driven down by Apple computer and a few other vendors, we're rapidly approaching the point where an average person can produce a feature film with his own financial
resources.

We're getting a lot more to choose from. Sure, a lot of it will be dreck, but a few of those movies will become classics.

-jcr

By John C. Randolph (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

I could actually see a remake of Forbidden Planet, if only because the original is very dated. The pacing, sets, and effects show their age enough that a near-direct remake would make sense.

No, it's on the same level as the Day The Earth Stood Still for remake sacrilige.

Forbidden Planet is one of the few "serious" sci fi films that have ever been made, and the special effects (hand-drawn by Disney animators, no less!) are a snapshot of what could be done at that time. It was the first sci-fi film with an electronic instrument score too. NOBODY ELSE was doing anything like this, at the time, and the plot based on "The Tempest" was just gravy, for those who picked up on it.

That film was also the template for Star Trek. If anyone tries to remake it, I might have to go on a rampage and hunt them down. They'll pay... oh yes, they'll pay. You think the Creature From The Id was bad... you haven't seen ME!

By foldedpath (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Omega Man was a remake of "I Am Legend?" I am now definitely going to have to see that. I haven't yet.

Will Smith is a good actor. I think he can pull this off.

Keanu Reeves gets a bad rap, as far as I'm concerned. This latest remake will likely be pretty bad, though, despite what he does.

phat

I'm hoping this is a non-April Fool's joke. Really hoping.

Didn't Leslie Nielsen star in "Forbidden Planet?" That was also the first movie my family ever recorded on the then cutting-edge VHS recorder and got watched many times.

By Captain C (not verified) on 27 Aug 2007 #permalink

Hey, leave Keanu alone. That's better. (Take a look at "The Gift" if you think he's talentless, that's all I'm saying.)

Not having seen the original TDTESS I can't comment on a remake, suffice to say that most remakes are rubbish. A couple that stand out to me are "The Desperate Hours", originally a great Humphrey Bogart film, and "The Narrow Margin", not sure who the star was but Marie Windsor was in it. Both remade in the '90s...why??? Mickey Rourke in the Bogey role? Ugh. Has to be more offensive than Keanu, surely?

I've heard a rumor that the Discovery Institute are currently involved in making a Rashomon inspired version of the Dover Trial, called 'Expelled'.

This talk of Hollywood unoriginality reminds me of a little story I started writing back when I was a freshman in high school. It was going to be about a Tyrannosaurus rex growing up seventy million years ago, from hatchling to king of the jungle. I had the intention of releasing this story out on the market as a book and later having it adapted to a movie, with CGI and everything---after all, how many people have made movies from the T. rex's point of view?

I'm sorry to say that I ultimately canned the story. It wasn't easy coming up with enough different things to happen to my T. rex to fill a whole book---all I could think of was hunting, fighting, mating, and maybe a hurricane. Nonetheless, I'd still love it if Hollywood made a movie about dinosaurs that a) made them sympathetic protagonists and b) did NOT anthromorphize them ala Disney.

Does anyone else here have ideas for movie storylines?

Can't believe no one else got to this before me:

Keanu barata nikto.

They'll pay... oh yes, they'll pay. You think the Creature From The Id was bad... you haven't seen ME!

I thought the monster from the id was pretty good, but I always liked the Chills.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVYgwRQzCkg

Michael Rennie would have said "Whoa, dude" had it ever been in a script he'd been handed. He was a working actor, not some god come down from heaven to do this one perfect script.

If Hollywood producers suffer this creative blackout, why they can't go to books in search of inspiration? I really dream of a GOOD adaptation of Lovecraft's Into The Mountains Of Madness!

By Luis Daniel (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

Christian Burnham said:

I think they should do a remake of 'The Bourne Ultimatum.'

LOL!

By ScienceBreath (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

The Variety.com link posted by dorid (#11) contains the sentence

Studio sees it as a tentpole.

Would an American reader please translate this for me? In what sense is it a "tent pole?" Does it mean in the sense of Wayne's World, or is there some other interpretation?

By ScienceBreath (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

NNNOOOOOoooooooOOoo....!!!

Leave the greats ALONE, dammit!

By Luna_the_cat (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

New TDTESS;

Klaatu: "Well, your leaders sure have made a mess of things, and it doesn't look like any reconciliation is in the offing. Gort, you're up."

Gort: "ZAP!"

fin

The real question is are they going to copy the movie, or the book it's based on, where the robots are the ones in charge of (as in total control of) the populations of universe not the other way around?

TDTESS is, indeed a classic, but I have a soft spot for Forbidden Planet: it was the first sci-fi film I ever saw in a theater, (on original release -- yeah, I'm that old.) I got the tickets by saving coupons from boxes of Quaker Oats. Jeez, I had to eat a lot of oatmeal to see that movie, but it was well worth the effort. I'll just try to ignore any remakes that may be in the offing: no need getting all worked up about lame attempts to recapture real screen magic.

By ancientTechie (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

Anyone touches "Day of The Triffids" in any way, there will be war.

Too late, it's been remade twice (1981 and 2001).

Remakes are not in themselves a bad idea. John Carpenter's "The Thing" was far, far better than the original, as was Chuck Russell's version of "The Blob". Soderbergh's remake of "Solaris" wasn't entirely ugly, although the love story aspect was completely annoying.

Meh, there's nothing "sacred" about a given version of a story, it all comes down to who is doing the remake and for what motives.

Christian Burnham said: I think they should do a remake of 'The Bourne Ultimatum.'

They already did - 'The Bourne Identity' and 'The Bourne Supremacy' (I loved all three, but essentially they're all the same movie).

This is wrong, but then they have recently released the remake of "invasion of the body snatchers", which is my second favorite Scifi movie, so no big surprise.
I work with pod people and now I think Hollywood is full of them too.

Branedy asked:

The real question is are they going to copy the movie, or the book it's based on, where the robots are the ones in charge of (as in total control of) the populations of universe not the other way around?

It's based not on a book but a short story called "Farewell to the Master" by Harry Bates (Astounding Science Fiction, Oct. 1940).

Is there a book now?

In the short story, Klaatu is killed as soon as he emerges from the ship, so there is no Professor Barnhardt or Helen Benson (and no "Klaatu barada nikto"). Instead, a reporter deals with the robot. Also, in Bates' story, the ship appears instantaneously on the ground rather than landing. The relationship between Klaatu and Gnut is revealed in a surprise ending which differs from that of the film, where Klaatu merely states that Gort's race was created and given absolute power to enforce the peace.

It's not like Klaatu is really Gort's robot.

Given enough time, art is finite and will have to repeat, just as we can observe dress mode do. At least according to a recurring (sic!) scifi theme. [Okay, dress mode drags around a lot of conventional constraints which makes large parts of it predictive and boring - or challenging and interesting according to others. But the general principle may be sound.]

So if film makers are now forced to remake good movies (instead of the bad ones, such as the first animated shot of The Lord of The Rings), it is perhaps time to migrate to the next media with slightly different experiences. Hmm, anime and software games, maybe we are there already...

By Torbjörn Larsson, OM (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

"The Day the Acting Stood Still"

By Encolpius (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

"Klaatu barada nikto"

Based on my experience with some of my younger friends, we should all start preparing ourselves for all the "They stole that from Army of Darkness!" complaints.

#59: "Meh, there's nothing "sacred" about a given version of a story, it all comes down to who is doing the remake and for what motives."

It's not necessarily that the film is "sacred". I tend to think that certain films are so good, though, that a remake really has to make a case for what needs improving or was out-of-date in the original. If the answer is simply "cool special effects" and "celebrity talent", people are going to be really pissed off.

I was upset when they decided to remake that other Robert Wise classic, The Haunting. The remake was done by an action film director, who decided that the original wasn't scary enough because it didn't have enough CGI effects and violence. The only consolation for the train wreck that resulted is found on the DVD edition of the original Haunting, in which the original cast and crew take a few well-deserved sarcastic shots at the remake.

I really dream of a GOOD adaptation of Lovecraft's Into The Mountains Of Madness!

The key word here is GOOD. Lovecraft adaptations somehow all end up massive cheese-fests, occasionaly enjoyable in a campy sort of way (think Jeffery Combs). I'd love to see high budget adaptations of several of his works. No August Derleth "collaboration with HP's ghost" crap, though.

#67:"The key word here is GOOD. Lovecraft adaptations somehow all end up massive cheese-fests, occasionaly enjoyable in a campy sort of way (think Jeffery Combs)."

Yeah, I can imagine some director saying, "'Cone-like alien things?' That sounds lame. Let's make the Elder Things a bunch of lizard-men."

#67: By the way, have you (and other Lovecraft-lovers) seen the Lovecraft Historical Society's The Call of Cthulhu ? Well worth a look. They opted to make a silent film version, as one would expect in Lovecraft's time.

What's the big deal with a remake? It's not the originality of the story that's so important, it's the telling of the story that will make it good or bad. Not that I have high hopes for this release...

Keanu Barada Neo

What if the character Reeves plays is supposed to be stiff? If that is the case it could be like Arnold in 'The Terminator'. The character is just not quite human.

Got my DVD and the soundtrack CD. There's nothing quite like crankin' up the theremin while you're driving through the desert.

gg:

Now you've gone and done it. I ordered the DVD, the CD of At the Mountains of Madness and the font collection.

Sheesh!

Lovecraft adaptations somehow all end up massive cheese-fests, occasionaly enjoyable in a campy sort of way (think Jeffery Combs).

Isn't the main problem with Lovecraft adaptations the fact that the producers can never seem to decide which one they're doing, or what they like about the story other than the name?

I really need to see the HPLHS version of "The Call of Cthulu" though - the trailer is fantastic!

#73: "Now you've gone and done it. I ordered the DVD, the CD of At the Mountains of Madness and the font collection."

It's all worth it if, after a couple of viewings and listenings, you're even a little less sane than you started!

:)

"What if the character Reeves plays is supposed to be stiff?"

It almost worked for him in A Scanner Darkly - his air of stoned bewilderment was very appropriate for much of the film, but he couldn't bring the necessary range and subtlety to the final act, alas.
If it weren't for that, it would probably be the most true-to-the-original-but-distinctively-cinematic Dick adaptation going.

By Ginger Yellow (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

I've long argued that Hollywood should spend more time remaking *bad* films than good ones. We usually don't need new versions of good films (with a few exceptions where improved special effects might actually help). On the other hand, there are huge numbers of films that had good elements but where trashed by hamfisted directors, wooden actors, or lack of budget, that could stand to be remade.

For example, Ladyhawke. Interesting fairy tale premise, wonderful potential for a classic movie. Unfortunately, the movie we got had Matthew Broderick, Michelle Pfeiffer and Rutger Hauer all acting like they are in completely different movies (and I use the term "acting" loosely for at least one of them), a soundtrack so utterly inappropriate it beggars the imagination, and at least 30 minutes more footage than the plot could support. It's a perfect candidate for being remade into something better!

Some films are such a product of their times (The Manchurian Candidate & The Day the Earth Stood Still, for example) that remaking them seems an utter waste of time. You can't make those films today, the mood of the culture is just too different. You're going to have to re-build them for the modern mood and if you do that, you aren't remaking them, just re-using a title for name recognition.

By Michael Suttkus, II (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

Delurking. In college (in L.A.) I attended a screening of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL at the Writer's Guild. Julian Blaustein was there to answer questions. A woman in the audience asked if he had deliberately sought to use the elements of the Christ story. He answered that, until she mentioned it, he never noticed. Since the basic elements of the Christ mythology are not unique and appear in numerous cultures for thousands of years, it would be impossible NOT to have internalized many of these elements. There is nothing new under the sun (in the way of plots)and science fiction loves to adapt i.e. FORBIDDEN PLANET is THE TEMPEST for example.

...

...

In THIS version of The Day the Earth Stood Still, after Klaatu (Keanu Reeves) is wounded ("Whoa, dude, it was just, like, a gift for your president!") and taken to Walter Reed hospital during his initial greeting to Earth in Washington, DC, he will escape and meet Helen (played by Madonna), neighbor in the rooming house where he stays. Helen will turn out to be involved with Ted Stevens, a member of Karl Rove's office. Her son Billy will reveal Klaatu's secret to his mother, Helen will tell Ted, and Klaatu will be arrested by Homeland Security as an illegal alien and potential terrorist.

After being renditioned to Turkey, Klaatu will be tortured for weeks to reveal his connection to Al Qaida, but then his giant robot Gort will walk across the ocean floor to come rescue him. There will be some comical scenes with Gort and his disintegrator ray involving a couple of giant squid and a deep-diving sperm whale, after which Gort surfaces and melts Turkey with his eye beams.

Meanwhile, back in the states, Ann Coulter (played by Bebe Neuwirth, the actress who portrayed Lilith on Cheers and Frasier), will declare that Klaatu is a liberal operative and probably a pro-abortion homosexual, Pat Robertson (Pauly Shore in a breakaway dramatic role) will declare him the anti-Christ, and explain that his appearance, which was marked by a surge in the teaching of godless evolution in our nation's schools, signals the impending Rapture.

Klaatu attempts to enlist Billy to guide him through Washington, D.C., to find the hotel room of a visiting Stephen Hawking (played by David Hasselhoff in a wheelchair, speaking in a gruff, strangled voice), but Hawking's neighbors at the hotel see him talking to Billy, decide he is a pedophile, and call the police. Klaatu is required to register as a sex offender and wear an ankle bracelet while awaiting trial. ("Whoa, bogus.") Gort arrives and melts the ankle bracelet off, after which Klaatu, with Helen's help, wrangles an appearance on the Bill O'Reilly show. As Klaatu attempts to explain his peaceful mission to the world, O'Reilly repeatedly interrupts him with accusations of pedophilia and a liberal agenda, finally cutting off his mike.

Klaatu leaves the studio and makes his way to the Lincoln Memorial, where President Bush (in a cameo by an out-of-work George W. Bush) is holding a press conference on the successes in Iraq, but he is mistaken for a protestor by the Secret Service, and forced into a "Free Speech Zone" 12 blocks away.

Meanwhile, Hawking has returned home and found the equations Klaatu scrawled on his blackboard. He works feverishly to complete them, emerging a short time later to report that the equations will at last reconcile science and faith.

Klaatu is killed by an explosion ("Whoa, gnarly.") set by Christian extremists as he walks past an abortion clinic. Summoned by Helen, Gort melts the block of cheap, slightly radioactive Chinese steel in which he has been encased and goes to the morgue to rescue Klaatu. The two return to his ship, Klaatu is restored to life (Whoa, cool.") and appears at the National Mall just as David Hasselhoff/Hawking addresses a gathering made up half of the world's scientists and half of Blackwater Security operatives disguised as scientists.

Klaatu tells them Earth has a limited amount of time to decide to give up weapons of mass destruction and join the galactic league of civilized planets.

Klaatu mounts the ramp to his ship, gives Helen (Madonna) a final passionate kiss and invites her to return to his home planet with him. She gazes longingly into his eyes, but then glances back to her son Billy, standing with a group of lightly-tattooed skateboarding buddies from school, and chokes out that she can't go with him. Klaatu departs sadly, realizing he has fallen in love with this Earth woman, but that their love can never be ("Whoa, TOTALLY bogus.")

Rush Limbaugh (played by himself) responds to Klaatu's message of disarmament with "I tell you, when illegal aliens can tell Americans we have to just lay down and let the terrorists and the librools walk all over us, well, it's the end of our nation as we know it. Things are upside down, folks, they're upside down."

Questioned about Klaatu's assertions about galactic peace later at a press conference, President Bush responds briefly "Well, we all have our own opinions. That's what makes America great."

...

...

Anyone touches "Day of The Triffids" in any way, there will be war.

Too late, it's been remade twice (1981 and 2001).

The '81 serial and the '01 World Service one (which was a radio serial) I was aware of. I should have clarified that I was talking of a remake of the '81 serial (the '01 radio serial doesn't really count as a remake), sorry.

And Hank, I don't know about your version. To play Ann Coulter you'd need someone who can play a cold and reptilian woma- oh.

They've remade The Time Machine several times. There was a made-for-TV version that was ... bad.

Opposing remakes in general is pretty silly, I think. Often they're done for all the wrong reasons, but that doesn't invalidate them entirely. Anyone complaining about the new version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers hopefully also complained about the brilliant 1978 version solely because it was a remake. And of course, the original 1956 one should never have been made because it was just a creatively bankrupt remake of the 1954 novel.

It's not about wanting to replace the original (after all, the original The Day the Earth Stood Still won't cease to exist), it's about the story still being relevant.

I'm not by any means saying that this particular remake will be good (I doubt it will be), but there's no need to condemn all remakes for all time.

(Delurking for this because while science is only a spectator sport for me, film is something I feel like I can get involved in.)

Can't be any worse than casting Reeves as Siddhartha in "Little Buddha".

By K. Engels (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

Hank- I couldn't stand any of the versions of The Time Machine, but there was a 1979 release caleed "Time After Time" starring Malcolm Macdowell, Mary Steenburgen and David Warner that took campy sci-fi/horror to a whole new level. Well, a whole new level of campy, anyway. Malcolm Macdowell plays H.G. Wells, who has actually built the machine he wrote about earlier. David Warner plays his friend, a respected "physician" in 1890's London(hint hint) and Mary Steenburgen plays a bit of crumpet in a library in 1979 San Francisico. Great stuff!

Re: comments #34 & 35

Somebody with the handle "notthedroids" uses the phrase "pathetic dorks" to refer to other people? You should win a prize, but that much irony won't fit on a plaque!

I still don't know why Variety.com says

Studio sees it as a tentpole.

See #11 and #54. Anyone?

By ScienceBreath (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

I haven't checked the context of the Variety article, but when I've heard the expression, it basically means a standout. The idea is that you're looking at a graph (presumably of some statistic that measures movie success), and one spot in particular is higher than it's neighbors, as if it's the pole holding up the Big Top.

Brian explained "tentpole" to me as

it basically means a standout.

Thanks, Brian. What a prurient mind I have that all I could think of was Schwing! Tentpole! from Wayne's World! LOL.

By ScienceBreath (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

I always liked Michael Rennie. Quiet, dignified, very intelligent. You can't play someone smarter than yourself. The first actor they got for the captain in Babylon 5 reminded me of Rennie.

Neil Gaiman refused to do a remake of "I Walked With A Zombie", saying the original was a perfect movie. I can't say perfect, but it was damn fine. Jacques Tourneur's movies are all really nice.

By Tonsure Wimple (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Are they going to remake Casablanca next - with JLo?

Why does Hollywood insist on remaking good movies? If you try to remake something like Psycho, odds are the remake will be worse than the original. But if you try to remake a bad movie, it's much easier for the remake to be better.

Take a look at The Maltese Falcon: no one remembers the original; everyone remembers the remake.

arensb: Maybe the goal isn't necessarily to make a comparatively "better" movie, but a movie that is good on its own merits? It's not like one version has to "win."

1. It was INEVITABLE.

2. Nothing wrong (in principle) with making remakes, although the results usually turn out stinking rotten. (To the producers it doesn't matter as long as they make the bucks).

3. Wise's original classic is still in existence and available for our viewing pleasure. Believe it or not, the remake doesn't alter the original one iota.

By Arnosium Upinarum (not verified) on 30 Aug 2007 #permalink

1. It was INEVITABLE.

2. Nothing wrong (in principle) with making remakes, although the results usually turn out stinking rotten. (To the producers it doesn't matter as long as they make the bucks).

3. Wise's original classic is still in existence and available for our viewing pleasure. Believe it or not, the remake doesn't alter the original one iota.

By Arnosium Upinarum (not verified) on 30 Aug 2007 #permalink

It's all worth it if, after a couple of viewings and listenings, you're even a little less sane than you started!
:)
Posted by: gg

That is not possible.

And hey hello, these guys are quick! I placed the order Tuesday and got it today (Thurs). Damn, those shoggoths move fast.

gg:

You were right. Call of Cthulhu as produced by the HPLHS was just great, a hell of a lot of fun. I reviewed it here, but the short version is: If you like silent movies, and especially if you like Lovecraft, this film is definitely worth seeing.

I'm looking forward to listening to their "radio drama" adaptation of At the Mountains of Madness -- by far my favorite Lovecraft story ever.

Thanks for the recommendation!

Given enough time, art is finite and will have to repeat, just as we can observe dress mode do. At least according to a recurring (sic!) scifi theme. [Okay, dress mode drags around a lot of conventional constraints which makes large parts of it predictive and boring - or challenging and interesting according to others. But the general principle may be sound.]

So if film makers are now forced to remake good movies (instead of the bad ones, such as the first animated shot of The Lord of The Rings), it is perhaps time to migrate to the next media with slightly different experiences. Hmm, anime and software games, maybe we are there already...

By Torbjörn Larsson, OM (not verified) on 28 Aug 2007 #permalink