In the annals of god-soaked sports hype…

Here's an article that deserves a prize. It's wall-to-wall praise-Jebus babble, giving the Lord of the Universe credit for getting the Colorado Rockies baseball team into the World Series—have a puke bucket handy if you actually try to read the whole thing.

"You look at some of the moves we made and didn't make," general manager Dan O'Dowd said in the only interview he has given on the subject, long before the Rockies' remarkable ascension over the past few weeks. "You look at some of the games we're winning. Those aren't just a coincidence. God has definitely had a hand in this."

And that's just one small piece of the story. The rest is trying to make a long argument that all of the improbabilities mean that the divine must have had a hand in elevating a local sports team to national recognition. It's amazing. You would think a God would have slightly different priorities.

But then, I suspect I know the truth. The piety of the team and the fans don't matter in the slightest. God is doing it to spite Andy.

More like this

He's a Rockies fan because there's nothing better than kicking off your sandals and reclining on a cloud with an ice-cold Coors Light.

Kinda brings new meaning to the 'fundamentals' of baseball.

I think that Gawd did have a hand in the Rockies,just as
he was instrumental in letting all those pious Xtians
drown in their attics when he sent hurricne Katrina.
The Lawd works in mysterious ways!!!!

Duh - obviously God is a Red Sox man. I mean, why else did He, in His Infinite Wisdom, *test* the Red Sox for 86 years before leading them out of the desert? Who the hell are the Rockies, anyway? Whatever.

Why does god hate the Phillies?

By fardels bear (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

The best description isn't "babble". It's "narcissism". Pure, unadulterated, infantile narcissism.

God could feed the starving, but fuck them. Me hitting a ball is more important.

God could cure the sick, but fuck them. Me hitting a ball is more important.

God could shelter the homeless, but fuck them. Me hitting a ball is more important.

Don't you remember that Family Guy episode where Brian reads from the bible what "John 3:16" means? "And the lord sayeth, 'Go Sox!'"

On another note, Happy 6,010th Birthday Earth! http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=57900&6010
(For those who need a good laugh this morning)

By Steve Forti (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

As a rockies fan that made me sick. What happened to crediting individual performance, coaching styles, flawless strategy execution or even good old fashioned luck? Nope. Those things don't exist because god is a sports fan who decides which teams he favors based on how much they prey, and the fact that he shifts favor so frequently tells the others that they aren't preying enough anymore. Do these people think "angles in the outfield" is a documentary?

I can't wait until the Red Sox crucify the Rockies.

By MarquisDeSade (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

That any god would give a fuck about sports is beyond me...
the only sport in the bible he seemed to approve of was war and the
killing of people who were not true followers.

I know baseball players can be extremely superstitious, but COME ON! God has a team he's pulling for? Are they out of their fucking minds? Then why isn't every hit a fucking home run?!

And why aren't sports interviewers either laughing at the absurdity or following that up with another question?

"God must really hate Arizona then. Why do you think god favors the Rockies over the Diamond backs? If the Red Sox win the world series, does that mean god loves them more? Or that you just didn't pray hard enough?"

Dwimr is showing himself to be a sneaky atheist because we all know an omnicient being would never sully his lips with the beer for those who don't like beer.

Those quotes are from more then a year ago.

http://mobile.thenation.com/docmobile.mhtml?i=20060619&s=zirin

If you read all of the article you will see that a few ball clubs have had 'faith based days'. The Rockies are just the most extreme form of this.

As for the 'faith based days', I guess some of those holy types were unhappy about some ball clubs hosting 'out at the ballpark' events for the GLBT community.

As for the cutting of Denny Neagle, that was made easier by the fact when that happened, he was injured and never regained his old form. Is he even on a MLB roster any more?

GO RED SOX! Not that I will be watching. The Cubs were swept out.

Maybe we should put off the World Series so that god can get a handle on that wild fire. I think he was too busy helping the Rockies win and didn't realize California is burning.

I'm an Indians fan so you can imagine how I feel about the Red Sox right now (and I hated them even before that). But I'm still rooting for them to kick the Rockies' butts because of all this nauseating God-crap.

(Oh, and why does God hate Cleveland so much?)

By Steve LaBonne (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

OK, now I'm screwed. I can't want an AL team to win, but now I want the NL christers to lose. Sheesh.

Flash:

War continues to haunt the middle east, wild fires rage in California and there is a continuing drought in the south east. Apparently, god was busy tinkering with the Rockies line up and a few other things slide...

Chris, to quote Tom waits, 'God's Away On Business'. Want to know how much work it takes to get a team that was well behind the pack to play so well. Besides what is the pain, misery and death in the face of big sky daddy's pleasure.

Also, one could say that big sky daddy saw the fire coming and worked at kicking out the San Diego Padres so that Qualcomm Stadium was open for the refugees.

I would look at it another way. Gawd already helped the Rockies beat the Padres(!), so why is he sending fires to punish San Diego more? Wasn't cheating for the Rockies enough to teach those heathen San Diegans a lesson?

Why does god hate the Phillies?

Same reason everyone else does.

There's a similar article over on the New York Times about the piety of the Rockies. It never ceases to amaze me how many unimportant things Christians credit to God.

Blogcritics has a good quote about the Rockies' religiosity (click on my name for the link):

If they find strength in their ability to follow a stringent set of arcane rules often subject to baffling interpretations by highly fallible local arbiters and edicts from on high by men put in power less for their ability to rule justly and more for their ability to protect the men already in power, then... uhm... actually, that sounds pretty useful right about now.

I can't help thinking that most serious Xians must think this god loves the Rockies schtick is total BS.

Why does he hate all the other teams?

And why is he worrying about baseball when there are a zillion other problems everywhere.

This strikes me as nothing more than crude superstition mixed with ignorance.

He's not only admitting to winning by cheating, he's bragging about it.

The police should get the particulars and then prosecute him for cheating on the games he admits to.

By Watt de Fawke (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

The games they won, God helped them win. So if they lost any games, God's the one that dropped the ball, that laid a brick, that screwed the pooch. Right?

I guess if we are already talking about the white-bread, evangelical Christianity of Colorado, we aren't too concerned about offending Catholics. But I thought this would probably be particularly offensive to them.

His "bloody sock" has since gone down in Red Sox lore as an object of veneration just as sacred as the medieval holy relics paraded by the Catholic Church.

Also, the author forgot to mention another evangelical stronghold of Colorado - home of the Air Force Academy!

I couldn't care less what the Rockies believe. They can feast on virgins before every game if it keeps them on this amazing streak and puts all the false-sense-of-entitlement-become-everything-they've-hated Red Sox fans in their place.

If God really wants the Rockies to win then they should just send every player up to the plate and have them stand there. No swinging allowed. If God really wants the Rockies to win the pitcher will walk enough batters per inning to plate as many runs as needed.

I was so ready to root for the Rockies too. I'm an AL fan myself (from the South side of Chicago originally) but I was going to make an exception since I'm tired of the AL East teams that always seem to make it to the series.

If god is for the Rockies, then who is backing the Sox? Uh oh, better get the sacrificial goat ready for tomorrow!

As a Red Sox fan...

fuck off.

(said with a smile)

Dammit. I've never rooted for the Red Sox in my life... but now I have no choice. Stupid Rockies, ruining my flawless anti-Sox streak. Humph.

Another Cleveland fan here. Why does god hate my hometown sports teams? We haven't won a championship in ANY sport since 1964! I'll be rooting for the Rockies. It's just not interesting to see the high payroll teams (Yankees and Red Sox) in the playoffs every year. Why not just cut to the chase and have baseball team owners compete with each other for who can be the richest and then award them a trophy? High payroll teams don't always win you say? But they're almost always in the playoffs and have a chance. Small market teams aren't so lucky.

Red Sox $143,526,214
vs.
Rockies $ 54,424,000

Yeah that seems fair. Go Rockies!

By simplicio (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

So the Rockies have an extra bus for their egos, right?

You look at some of the moves we made and didn't make

Damn it, I thought he said movies and I was all set to lay the blame for Norbit and every other wretched film at God's feet.

Shouldn't supernatural interference in a game of baseball be considered cheating?

It seems they're admitting that they cheated.

By Denis Loubet (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

I think God had money on the Rockies. If he helped them win, God should be banned from baseball for life (in this case, the life of baseball) and kept out of the Hall of Fame.

By HennepinCountyLawyer (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

Oh, c'mon with the cheating already. Everybody asks God for help. It's just that the Rocks deserve it.

And when God does it, it's not cheating. By definition. Like the US and torture.

See how it works?

Well, you know, those athletes don't work for their talent. God should get the credit. Just like when people say the phrase, "your god given talent" to artists and musicians. Don't give them any credit for, uh, learning and practicing for years and years. GOD gave it to them. They should be grateful.

By Kuhlmancanadensis (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

So ALL the Rockies players are stealing from Baby Cheeses! Why do they hate America!?

The Rockies have an advantage in the perennial competition among big-league ballclubs to get God to root for them: they play closer to Heaven (mile-high).

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

We lost to Boston because our 1-2 pitchers didn't throw a good game between them in four starts. Money is a factor, but if Carmona (in particular, since he didn't pitch against Beckett) had pitched a good game in either of his starts, the Indians would be playing the Rockies now. CC and Carmona both had good years, but their ALCS was not good.

Besides, the NFL has a comprehensive/fascist salary cap. It's done really great things for the Browns...

Small correction- we won Carmona's first start (in Cleveland, the 11-inning 5-hour marathon), so his pitching better in that one wouldn't have mattered.

Anyway, even Betancourt blew up in game 7 after being almost unhittable all year, and that clearly had to be the result of divine intervention. God hates Cleveland. ;)

By Steve LaBonne (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

Welcome to Red Sox Nation gang!

Rem-dog is your master now.

Why is it that atheists are considered to be arrogant when they claim there is no god, but theists who claim that god helped them achieve some trivial (not a real baseball fan) outcome are considered to be humble.

By savagemickey (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

Oops. Still, it would have helped if either of them could have pitched a better game, or if Cleveland could have bought a hit in the last three games. I wanted the Indians to win, but the Red Sox aren't the Yankees for me (I prefer self-hating and annoying to arrogant and overbearing - I had a Yankees/Cowboys fan for a roommate who was also a med student) so it's not a disaster for me.

I think revenue sharing with a salary cap would help baseball, but the owners can't play well enough with each other to make it work (and lots of cross-purposes - some of the samll teams try to win, while others operate as businesses to extract money from cities and fans, and measures to help one usually help the other as well), and the players aren't concerned with the future of baseball unless it makes them money.

Don't be silly: It's not God who does this stuff.

I've seen that documentary about a baseball team, perennial losers, who suddenly become champs. What's it called again? Oh, yeah! "Damn Yankees." Definitely not God.

Scenes like these assist many fence-sitters among the potentially reasonable that belief in a personal Gawd, or the supernatural in general, even when professed by far more reasonable people than fundie egotists like these baseball players, is not only patently absurd, but tasteless.

By darwinfinch (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

O'Dowd states:

You look at some of the games we're winning. Those aren't just a coincidence. God has definitely had a hand in this.

Wow! Those are the only two options? Nice dig at your own players' talent.

And don't forget Bill Polian holding the Lombardy trophy saying it was all thanks to Jebus. *retch*

What happened to crediting individual performance, coaching styles, flawless strategy execution or even good old fashioned luck?

Obviously you don't watch hockey.

Bottom of the ninth, score tied, nobody on. Two outs and the count is two and two.

The final home team batter cocks the bat high over his shoulder, keeping his elbow pointed at the line of the horizon which intersects the pitcher's eyes.

The visiting pitcher rubs the ball, squeezing it, the bill of his cap on a level with a line that intersects the catcher's eyes.

The batter implores the ultimate boojum to grant the boon of just one more hit.

The pitcher implores the ultimate boojum for just one more strike.

Damn. What does an ultimate boojum do now? Whatever is done, many will be pissed.

Shall we call in O'Reilly and Stein now?

By Crudely Wrott (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

Well I guess next year I will sacrifice that chicken.

A disgruntled Cubs fan wondering why god hates us.

I was really upset to read here that God watches baseball too. And that while we need his full time attention focused on OUR quasi-religion, rugby. After he favoured those d#mned Australians thrice in the Rugby World Cup (and even the English once!), it can be reported that his immense fatherly love is now back where it belongs - fully focused on the South African Springboks.

You would think a God would have slightly different priorities.

Like you don't know that God has a major gambling addiction and is into Satan for billions of dollars! If he doesn't put his hand in now and again to influence the outcomes of American sporting events he'd lose his throne, the gates, all the cherubim and half the seraphim.

Then we'd be seeing his huckstering ass every Sunday - collection plate in one hand, squeegee in the other. Guilt and a clean windshield? No thanks!

By Eric Paulsen (not verified) on 23 Oct 2007 #permalink

Can you tell that Denver is uncomfortably close to Colorado Springs and Dobson? (We won't go into how Dobson and the other Fundies have hijacked our nation's military schools; Jews at the USAF Academy near Dobson's stomping grounds don't fare very well.)

Krasniye Noski will beat Colorado Rockofagies, with help of Bog!

It blows my mind that someone who lives in Colorado, home of some of the most fabulous, awe-inspiring mountains in the world could think like this. So the same God who crafted the majesty of the Rockies (in only 6,000 years!) is going to lower Himself to picking a favorite sports team?

Anyway, go Red Sox.
And, yes, Coors is a sorry excuse for a beer.

I picked Red Sox in 4. But I'm hoping for a little more competitive series just for the fun of it.

I've been thinking about this thing of God and the Rockies off and on today. If God is picking the winner then he probably knows the future as well, so what's the point of following the season? Furthermore, if God is this powerful then he knows the future too and it's probably not worth getting up in the morning because he's got it all mapped out already.

Can anything be more depressing and make you feel life is more pointless than there actually being an all-powerful deity?

Update : Well, it appears god actually hates the Rockies. Since he apparently only got them to the world series so they could get spanked in four games by His true favorite team. Boston took the first game 13-1.
As an atheist Yankee fan this series is really killing me, who do I want to see lose most?

Sox fan, let us pray hope the first-game-blowout pattern doesn't persist. The previous high margin of victory was 11 runs, shared by two teams, both of whom lost their respective Series. Overconfidence may have killed the Indians in the ALCS. I know their fans thought losing three in a row (after dominating two in a row) was impossible. The fools! There is no "impossible" in baseball!

By Bill Buckner's… (not verified) on 25 Oct 2007 #permalink

Coors may be a poor excuse for beer, but it works just fine as a sink rinse.

Well it's quite obvious that Satan is much more powerful than god.

Hail Satan! Go Sox!

Hrah. Where's your messiah now, Rockies?

God hates the Rockies.

RED SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES AGAIN!

I was praying that would happen.

yeah, but did you beat the spread?

I guess God is a Red Sox fan. At least this year. He seems to switch teams quite often.