Michael Korn, the crazed creationist from Colorado who has threatened evolutionists with physical harm, keeps sending me email. His latest is an enumeration of the sins of evolutionists as exhibited in the movie, Expelled, which seems to have him quite worked up. He ranks us by evil; I'm #2*. I'm going to have to try harder.
At least Korn is getting better at making his threats oblique. After listing our wickedness and telling us he's looking forward to a "McCarthy-type campaign" that will take care of us for good, he offers us this heartwarming benediction:
Despite my disdain for all you represent and for the damage you are inflicting on the hearts, minds, and souls of our nation's children, in obedience to my LORD I shall pray for your salvation, as I would pray for the salvation of Adolph Hitler or Joseph Stalin or the Boston Strangler. You all deserve one more chance. But mark my words, do not try God's patience for long, for He grieves deeply about the many millions of souls you are dragging along with you into deepest hell, and eventually He will intervene in a mighty and dramatic way, for the salvation of those who look to Him and to the eternal shame of His pathetic and puny human detractors.
This is fairly typical of what I'm getting these days, although Korn actually has better spelling and grammar, and is significantly more longwinded, than most, and I usually don't get compared to Hitler, Stalin, and the Boston Strangler. It's nice to know I get one more chance before something mighty and dramatic happens…now if only I knew what it was a chance to do. Shall I laugh a little harder?
*#1 is Michael Ruse; his offense is mentioning the hypothesis that life was catalyzed on the surface of crystals. Dawkins is #3, and Eugenie Scott is #4.
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PZ Myers: the Avis of evil.
Ah, what happened at the Mall of America then was no accident: you DO outrank Dawkins.
Poor Korn is probably demented. The sad part is that you say this is "fairly typical" of what you're getting from others. They can't all be mentally ill.
I'm never sure what people who scold like this think they're going to do: persuade? Convince? Shame you into inviting the Holy Spirit into your heart? Intimidate you into keeping silent?
I suspect they're actually showing off for God. "See -- I stood up for You again!"
I like how Satan is not number 1, in the fictional story of the bible isn't satan god's adversary? Korn is nuts... that reminds me snack time!
#2 you need to try harder
who was number one?
"God Smash Puny Human Detractors!!!"
Wasn't Expelled supposed to be it?
I guess it's official, he knows that movie has failed.
Ha ha.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Is this guy just ranking you're evilness from what he saw in Expelled? How come the life on the back of crystals is so upsetting for him, and it even beat out your "reduce religion to a side-dish" statement. ahaha
It's all a little Pythonesque to me. "You shall have one last chance! Confess the sin of heresy. Renounce the theory of ... two! You shall have TWO last chances...."
My question is, am I one of the millions of souls PZ is dragging down to hell? I read Dawkins' books before I came here, but I spend more time here than on Dawkins' site, so who gets the credit for my damnation?
May my LORD the Flying Spaghetti Monster drown Mr. Korn in a sea of boiling pasta. But I pray he sends me a small portion first.
I always answer such threats by taunting god. What's he waiting for? The sooner he smites me the quicker we'll get back to his will...
I fully intend to pollute all the minds I can with science. He better stop me yesterday. Something really dramatic too. I don't want to go down with something like cancer that I could get anyway. I want something epic and undeniable!
Really, Mike? Because nobody's heard a fucking peep from God the Hovering Hall Monitor for two thousand years or more.
But if you've got an inside track, maybe like from a recent phone call or something, could you ask him to call his followers? Because, left to their own devices for the last two millennia, they've all gone batshit insane.
And I've got a message to for you to tell His Holy Neglectfulness from me: next time you decide to ditch your kids for so long, could you at least leave 'em a few bucks for pizza and a warning not to open the door to strangers? I know someone who supervises court-ordered visitations for parents who show more concern for their offspring than Yahwehtever.
@ ryanb
How about a lightning bolt? Everybody knows that's proof of Zeus existence.
You expect a rational reason for his ranking system?
And yes, I'm dragging you all down to hell. The first question on St Peter's admission test for entry into heaven is "Did you ever read Pharyngula?", and if you answer yes or lie (they have ways of telling), it's off to the fiery pits for you.
There. That should scare the Christian readers away.
People like Korn are feckin' nuts. How the feck does he know what a make-believe god-thing thinks? The lack of logic staggers me. What a feckin' eegit!
Wow, millions of souls?
I didn't know we were doing that well.
P.Z.
I think I must disagree with some of my fellows, here. I think there is a good chance Mr. Korn is seriously deranged and I think you consider taking him more seriously. If you have the threatening letter you spoke of, I think you might want to take it to the authorities.
Cheers
Jerry
Is this guy still a fugitive?
I don't feel unnecessarily intimidated by the apocalyptic rantings of a semi-psychotic (I grew up in a church chock full of apocalyptic semi-psychotics!), but I do wonder why he wasn't locked up the last time he went off his meds.
You are Number ...
I can definitely image Pee Zed as Number Two.
Once again, you pwn Dawkins.
He sounds like Sgt Hartman, from Full Metal Jacket...
"In the afterlife, you could be headed for the serious strife...."
Oh, that's been done already. Korn's already on the lam from the authorities, and he's quite clearly cuckoo for jesuspuffs. I don't know how the police's seeming lack of interest in Korn fits into the Darwinist Hegemony, but it reminds me of Van Zandt:
All the evolutionists say,
We could have had 'im any day,
We only let him slip away,
Out of kindness I suppose....
The first question on St Peter's admission test for entry into heaven is "Did you ever read Pharyngula?", and if you answer yes or lie (they have ways of telling), it's off to the fiery pits for you.
Does that mean that I get to meet you and the Molly winners in person after death? I must read more...
Sigh… but I cin't spil wirth a dman. Imagine. I meant imagine. Image. Sheesh!
"puny human detractors"?
Holy crap! God is the Incredible Hulk!
Yay Squirrel Nut Zippers!
You ever get the feeling that life is just an endless comic book with these people?
"Give up your evil ways, thou fiend!"
"Your puny powers cannot defeat Skeletor!"
"By the power of Greyskull!!"
(I have the faith of a grain of mustard seed! I command this mountain to be moved!!)
I'm presuming the ranking is based on how many millions of souls the people on it are dragging down with them to hell. That's easily measured by the new LuciCo Soulastray 4000 as long as it's calibrated properly by the Godwin method.
David @ #9: Please, His Noodliness is not a vengeful god food substance.... Hmm, well, anyway, His Noodliness is not cruel and vengeful, unlike other alleged deities. Unbelievers are merely mired in a lukewarm Alfredo until they see the light smell the garlic, at which time they are united with the One True Noodle.
"Does that mean that I get to meet you and the Molly winners in person after death? I must read more..."
Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Hope Mark Twain's there too.
Jim C.
Hey, we're on the same page!
That freaking Korn Pone! Freaking demented piece of ritualized crap. Sure, he can rant all he wants about his powerful shit god coming down to smite all of us, but he will never make it happen till the end of time. "His puny and pathetic human detractors"! What a hoot! His puny god will never make an appearence except in his freaking insane and deranged cesspit brain. Let's see your freaking imaginary shit pile god, you demented half-wit! Hell, I don't know what else to say to you, you Korn pone shit!
Why is it that when religionists say god grieves or god is mad or god votes republican I'm supposed to take it very seriously, but when I say god doesn't like Mr. Korn's aftershave or that god is a Dr. Who fan I'm the one accused of putting words in god's mouth? It's especially irritating when the things I say about god (like HIS devotion to Dr. Who) are reasonable, clearly true, and fit easily with everything we know about god while the things Mr. Korn says don't even jive with his own narrative. I mean, come on, why would god wait till PZ had drug "many millions of souls... into deepest hell" before intervening? Well, I'll tell you why... god is busy rewatching the divine, multi-part finale of season three.
You know, when someone makes a response to "Expelled", maybe it should be Christopher Guest.
You'd have to be really, really obvious, though. But, you know, I can see Eugene Levy pulling off a Stein-like character quite successfully.
"A Mighty Wind", "Waiting for Guffman", "Best in Show" and "This Is Spinal Tap" were all pretty obvious, so I'm sure Guest could pull this off.
I agree that Korn is a scary dude. I honestly don't think he'd hesitate to help kingdom come. Seriously, at least assure us you have an alarm system on your house.
Wait, Ruse is #1 for mentioning a specific hypothesis? But if Korn tells you that this is why, and says which hypothesis it is, then he, too, has mentioned the hypothesis, and so is at least as evil as Ruse.
You godless heathens are too blinded by your own self-righteous arrogance to notice when you say ridiculous things, but that's a mistake Korn would never make. But since Korn must know better than to unwittingly make a mistake like that, and intentional evil is worse than accidental evil, by his own standards, he should be worse than Ruse. Michael Korn is #1! QED
I'm safe since I only referred to "a specific hypothesis". No eternal damnation and fiery pits for me . . . today!
brownian gets two laughs from me already,
with "yahwehtever" and "cuckoo for jesuspuffs".
watch out, dude--you could make it into the top 100 of evilness if you keep that up. god doesn't like laughter, as the monk says in 'in the name of the rose'.
(of course, he too is batshit crazy and a murdering psychopath. hmmmm....)
Has anyone else noticed how guys like Korn seem to get a huge ego boost from invoking the wrath of the Lord? It's almost like he thinks he is in control of the vengeance the Lord is about to exact on people Korn himself dislikes.
Delusions of grandeur seems to be a common phenomenon among hardcore believers - especially among the hateful types condemning and proclaiming God's punishment.
RE#22 by J:
Wonderful link!
Think PZ is ready for his "suit of flame?"
And Sastra in #2: Yes, they ALL are insane. One cannot believe in any religion without being crazy, PERIOD. But, like schizos on meds, there are varying degrees of craziness.
Otherwise, "rational" churchgoers would not condone what is being done.
Nor would we have the fuckwits on other posts whining that PZ is just so cruel about the moronic balloon priest, without even one shred of self-awareness of the supreme irony of accusing a professor of being mean over laughing at a pederast too stupid to live....
If Mr. Korn takes it upon himself to do "God's work" and harm comes to PZ by non-mysterious means, let me assure Mr. Korn that ten fold shall befall him. Remember, we outnumber you Mr. Korn.
Do not take the threats of nutjobs like Mr. Korn lightly.
#26: "Holy crap! God is the Incredible Hulk!"
Nah, God only thinks he's the Incredible Hulk.
Reading stuff like this makes me thank God that I am an atheist.
blf @ 19 - Yep, I can go with that. I'm not sure Glenn D. will be too happy though.
My answer to the "you're going to hell" loons is that, if it exists, I already know what part of it I'm going to, as per this survey:
A lot of my friends got the same result, so I'll have plenty of good company!
I was wondering what Mr. Korn had been up to. You've let us in on so many other emails I bet he was feeling left out and decided it was time he crapped in your inbox.
Korn is so wrong. I've seen Genie's horns.
You get a lot of emails like this? Do any contain actual threats or are they just random ranting like this one? Anyway, real threats should be taken seriously. You shouldn't hesitate to save them and pass them along to the proper authorities.
I would just like to state for the record that I was doomed to hell long before I ever encountered PZ.
"See -- I stood up for You again!"
"My life for you!"
-Trashcanman, from Stephen King's, The Stand.
I think King was quite wrong about where the nutters will be gravitating to.
Is LORD an acronym? I'm always confused by the caps.
Got an IP number on that email?
Suspect Missing in Evolution Death-Threat Case
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2007/07/colorado_threats
I used to have a Soulastray 2000, but it was always picking up feedback from my unshielded first-generation E-meter....
Poor Korn is probably demented.
Oh come ON!
probably???
that's like saying Hillary Clinton is probably a woman.
Millions of souls? You must be raking the in the add-money ;)
@Donnie B: You're my new hero for that.
I often wonder if the most virulent and violent of "God Defenders" like this one don't secretly do it to overcompensate for their own doubts.
It's telling that they conceive their supposedly all-powerful God to be so weak and pitiful that he requires puny humans to do the dirty "defending" work. Really, if a bacterium in my armpit denies I exist, I won't care if the other bacteria don't put it to death for blasphemy. Perhaps I just have more self-esteem than than they imagine God to have as well.
Of course they will say that God is telling them to do whatever, but I could commit violence in the name of Santa Claus and it would do as much to prove that there is one.
"Avis of evil" -- that one made me laugh out loud.
Does that mean that I get to meet you and the Molly winners in person after death? I must read more...
actually, there have been a couple of Pharynguloid get togethers already.
I rather think PZ should perma-link the thread where some have worked on planning local get-togethers.
I thought the police were looking for that nutjob to lock him up?
#49 Make your choice
Late-Onset Retinal Degeneration
Legend of the Red Dragon (BBS role playing game)
List Of Required Documents
Probably this one is appropriate:
Locally-Optimum Rank Detector
PZ,
how do you manage to get the hottest stuff, even in hell!
Wholly smokes, Aquaria, you need to try harder. I have a quick trip to the City of Dis lined up.
Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.
I often wonder if the most virulent and violent of "God Defenders" like this one don't secretly do it to overcompensate for their own doubts.
wonder no longer. their actions and communications directly fit with the establishment of extreme mental defense mechanisms.
They have no faith, and they know it on at least a subconscious level.
Now, of course, I would say all "faith" is false and a mental construct to begin with, but people like Korn have completely let their cognitive dissonance take over.
If god or allah wanted someone dead it always seemed to me he/she could just stop their heart from beating. Apparently though, God's preferred choice is to farm out the task to some unbalanced nutjob who is promised a free pass to heaven for smiting the wicked (and whoever happens to be nearby) in God's name.
Doesn't intelligent design require an intelligent designer??
Tinfoil is your friend. It doesn't just block mind control rays you know.
OT, but speaking of tinfoil, I live just a few houses away from someone who's put tinfoil over all their windows. I've never seen them, but once a window was open and there was a sign placed in it saying "death to spies". And most deliciously, while I am not usually a fan of graffiti, someone has spray painted a UFO on the side of the house.
I think there was an oblique reference to this earlier, but I think it calls for less subtlety:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_Two_(The_Prisoner)
I'm going to hell, Ichthyic, where I'll see you running the bad filmfest, no doubt. I haven't found the time to get back to you guys with recipes, and I haven't finished the paper I was working on, yet I found 8 hours to watch that mini-series for the first time from start to finish Sunday, after years of prompting from Mr. thalarctos.
It was so worth it--Trashcanman was inspired lunacy (and Matt Frewer was perfect casting; he delivers the batshit crazy!); Korn isn't even in the same league. But now I'm definitely going to hell if I don't meet some deadlines...
Lousy Old Rancorous Deity.
Screechy Monkey, by a staggering coincidence I just watched 'Life of Brian' and am busy watching 'The Meaning of Life' (it must be Tuesday). I was interrupted by a call and quickly read Korn's letter. It does have potential, but it could be funnier. Maybe if he read it in a lisp? If he's not up to the task, I can really see Cleese saying this line: "...to the eternal shame of His pathetic and puny human detractors."
He has a delightful way of spitting out p's, that Cleese.
He's a close relative of DEATH.
It's truly a scary, omnipotent god that needs a Michael Korn as his (or her) minion here on earth ....
Alan
#49 I believe it stands for Loud Old Raunchy Drunk.
Such mindless twats are actually dangerous. They don't really believe that god will intervene and some will step up to a home-made "divine intervention", actually hurting people.
I'd go to the police with about this if I were you.
If God "grieves deeply" about all those misguided souls being dragged to Hell, why doesn't he just stop casting them into Hell in the first place?
Or better yet, turn Hell into a weekend swap-and-shop.
@Lelouch
Nah, too cliche. If god is going to go through all the trouble of smiting me I want to be an example to everyone else. Nothing that can be explained by those icky scientists with their delusional theories.
Something from Calvin & Hobbs perhaps. Like a train, plane, car, bus, lightning, black hole, dark matter, volcano, lightning, and a nuclear bomb all hit me at the same time while a 300ft god guy sits off to the side laughing on national television.
I mean, if he's gonna smite one of us he might as well go all out. You know how TV has desensitized kids these days!
is this God or Godzilla?
"May my LORD the Flying Spaghetti Monster drown Mr. Korn in a sea of boiling pasta. But I pray he sends me a small portion first."
What? A small portion of Korn? HA HA HA! Cannibalism...
(With apologies to Stephen Colbert)
Mr. Meyers. You have offended many of the Gods and I swear to Zeus, Mithras and Poseidon that you will have your come-uppance.
Enjoy.
Or better yet, turn Hell into a weekend swap-and-shop
Noooooo! That would be a far worse Hell than anything described in the scriptures.
Hah Level 2! I can beat that:
Those furies sound like fun gals.
#65 - I liked the book better. I read it over Spring Break junior year, when I should have been writing a paper. The series wasn't bad, but I had different people in my head when I read it - Christopher Walken (pre-self-parodying days) for example as Flagg. Though Glen was pretty close - and now when I see Glen D's posts, I will probably think of him (not bad, all things considered).
Hitler, Stalin, and the Boston Strangler?
I don't believe I've seen that mixture of evil before. I mean, come on, how many people did the Strangler whack. Eight, nine. Ten, tops. Thats not quasi-evil, not even in the minor league of evil, let alone on par with the Evil-meister PZ. He's the diet coke of evil (just one calorie, not evil enough).
Nope, when you're talking 'bout evil, Mr. Korn, you need to step up to the plate and find us some good examples of bad. Otherwise, we just may think you just are trying anymore.
I'd take it as a compliment. If you really are reaching "many millions of souls," then congratulations are in order.
Dang! First I was left off Nixon's White House Enemies List, and now I'm left off this one.
Fish with fins and scales, tra-la!
"Is LORD an acronym? I'm always confused by the caps."
Likable Old Rogue, Deceased
or maybe
Laughable Old Rogue, Deceased
Hank Roberts (#50) linked:
Thanks for pointing this out!
I just had to post a link-back there.
You know, as a PSA.
PZ,
If you're not first, you're not trying hard enough. Maybe you could club a few baby seals in the name of Dog on the way home from work and maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, it could put you over the top.
Trashcanman was inspired lunacy
Trash has been a favorite analogy of mine ever since I first read the series.
Of course, I always end up recognizing the character of Trash in the xians. At this point in time, I'd wager King would agree Trash is misplaced in the story.
Did someone say 'smite'?
http://www.mwillett.org/SMITECAM.htm
Between this guy and the Blasphemy Challenge, I think we can perform a fair amount of triage for Saint Peter to reduce his workload.
It's going around these days, PZ-- and frankly, the old epithets are so worn they're barely worth noticing anymore. Why just the other day, someone referred to me as "Hitlerian"...
MKorn:
The vast majority of us are going to 'hell' on our own accord anyway. Blaming PZ for dragging our sorry asses down with him is simply your poor attempt at using fear tactics (guilt) as a form of religous arguement. I strongly object!!! This association not only undermines my right to be judged based on my 'free choices' but also undermines my personal efforts to rid this planet of the supersticious mumbo-jumbo type of stuff you preach. If I'm going to hell then I am more than capable of paying my own fare...thank you very much.
Comment #3-Excellent point
...for He grieves deeply about the many millions of souls you are dragging along with you into deepest hell...
Well save me a seat!!! :op
Isn't "hell" supposed to be capitalized?
If we're going to hell, can we stop by and see all the pedophile priests? That would totally make it worth it.
Ah, hells!
Some mahayana buddhist traditions have them too. The layout and services vary, but I understand there usually is a lobby with an accountant at one end and a checkout at the other. In between you have a number of departments and sub-departments where the specific punishments of various severity are portioned out. These are largely of the well-known internationally sanctioned kind, burnings, boilings, kneeling on iron filings, drowning in menstrual blood etc, but in one sub-department they apparently remove the sinner's brain and replace it with a live porcupine.
Just for variety, I suppose.
Then you proceed to checkout and another try at life. What happens to the porcupine, I do not know, but I could find no mention of it being removed prior to rebirth. As animals have souls too, this may complicate matters I should think, especially for repeat offenders...
Ah, well, PZ, clearly Ruse wins because he's talking about a theory of abiogenesis. A common creationist fallback is "well, your theory of evilution doens't account for the origin of life (which, fair enough, it doesn't), so God did it!". If you take that away from them, what gaps are left for their God?
Although why Ruse gets the nod rather than, say, De Duve, who knows?
Re 49:
LORD is what is used in English for the Tetrogramaton, the four-letter name, YHWH, of the abrahamic diety. The jewish pracite of replacing the name, which you weren't supposed to say, with a different word meaning lord means that we've actually lost the prounciation of the term YHWH entirely. Where you see LORD in all caps, or in small caps, it's the ULTRA IMPORTANT NAME THAT MUST NOT BE SAID given a different label in a different language.
. . . He grieves deeply about the many millions of souls you are dragging along with you into deepest hell . . .
. . . the implication being that we couldn't have come to these conclusions ourselves; our beliefs must have been handed to us by an authority figure.
These people literally can't conceive of a way of thinking that doesn't model the limited way they themselves do it. It's like watching an animal process information.
Austin Powers: Who does #2 work for?!
Dam,If all you guys are going to hell I wanna be there with you, sounds like we would have a hell of a time.
Would'nt it be funny if when we got to hell all the Xtians were there also because Mithras was the real god and they were all wrong, I'd laugh my ass off.
How well did Alexander Graham Cairns-Smith do in this ridiculous ranking?
Thethyme , #3
No, he isn't. That would be asymmetric warfare of extreme proportions. Christianity is not a dualistic "good vs. evil religion." There is no battle for souls--(what would Satan do with your soul?) In Christianity, Satan might be a Christian's adversary, but not God's. Satan, in fact, has to have God's permission to act, as in the case of Job, or in the case of Peter, in which Jesus tells Peter that Satan has asked permission to sift him like wheat
Christianity is not a dualistic "good vs. evil religion.
...another visit from the only True Xian(tm).
you never fail to make me laugh, Heddle, regardless of whether that was your intention or not.
now, if you could just post ONCE in thread, instead of wearing out what little unintentional humor you manage to generate.
They can't all be mentally ill.
Don't you bet on it.
After reading these comments I can come to only one conclusion - The 6th floor of Chez Hell is going to be one rocking place to spend eternity.
"Would'nt it be funny if when we got to hell all the Xtians were there also because Mithras was the real god and they were all wrong" ... now that really would be hell. The thing is, they would still be waiting for Jesus to turn up.
#2: "They can't all be mentally ill."
Sure they can, after a fashion. Religion is a parasitic meme, a mental virus. If it interferes with normal cognitive function enough to impair the host's reasoning ability, that seems to fit the definition of "disease" pretty well...
#60 & 78:
Sometimes when I've taken this I've gotten Level 6. It depends on how I answer a couple of questions, which vary by my mood of the day. Oddly enough, it's usually over things not related to unbelief, but about the ancillary things like blowing money on yourself or whatever.
Sastra said:
I agree. And I see a more virulent form, with a sharp and nasty visual; picture such a person standing next to the body of a doctor he's just shot for performing abortions, looking heavenward and telling god, "See, I love you this much!"
Yahweh is Voldemort? Now it all makes sense!
Homer: Did you see that, I did the deed, open up!
St Peter: Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking.
Homer: Hey, I thought you guys could see everything.
St Peter: No, you're thinking of Santa Claus.
Homer: Well I'll be damned.
St: Peter: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Nice imagery, True Bob, but you forgot to end the paragraph with "Roll for initiative."
Much like his crappy nü metal namesake, Mr. Korn seems fairly awful to listen to.
My 20th level sorcerer once took on Demigorgon, so bring it on!
I'm surprised you haven't brought up this yet:
http://blogs.citypages.com/gop/2008/04/gop_sex_scandal.php
I'm honored to know the #2 evil person but you really do need to shoot for #1. Think of the PR UM-Morris could get out of it! We're #1 (in evil)!!
I thought this was about my favorite band.
PZ, I'll follow you to Hell if the marching song is Kickin' Ass, by Fry & Laurie.
That being said...'Clap heels to thine ass brother, and hence!'
Don Quixote
Hey PZ,
This guy did not threaten evolutionists- he threatened biologists, scientists, teachers, professors. Don't buy into his language.
The folks he threatened were far better, far more disciplined, far more helpful, far more productive and far more rounded then himself. This man is a dangerous fugitive who wants to go on a trajectory to domestic terrorist. Forward his emails to the right office at the FBI
GBusch @89 This association not only undermines my right to be judged based on my 'free choices' but also undermines my personal efforts to rid this planet of the supersticious mumbo-jumbo type of stuff you preach.
Which brings me to the point. . . Don't Korn's actions deny the L.O.R.D. his own free-will? Isn't Jeebus the decider? Korn better watch out before the L.O.R.D "intervene[s] in a mighty and dramatic way" for his usurping of the God's right to decide.
The only time I'd ever heard of an admissions test with officially approved answers, that wasn't the first question. The questions were "What is your religion?", "Who is your God?", and "Who is his prophet?".
I don't know if the second two questions are supposed to be different if the answer to the first is one different from the approved answer.
(And yes, the officially approved answers were "Islam", "Allah", and "Mohamed", respectively. I suspect M. Korn would fail)
Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis
You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.
> Inventory
You are carrying: a straw, keys, a picture of Dawkins
> Give picture to furies
The picture angers the furies, they begin to attack
> Teach furies evolution
The furies are blinded by SCIENCE!!!
> Run away
... couldn't help myself, apologies to everyone lol
He's a close relative of DEATH.
The J Train ftw. But does LORD know Susan?
When confronted with stupid that burns this badly I just need to remember my hero, Frank Zappa.
Dumb all over and a little ugly on the side.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rdIh8sLg_X8
OT,
Does anybody remember the Sci-Fi short story (I believe in a compendium of women's lit) that had the theme "Language is a Virus"? (Inspired by William S. Burroughs?)It apparently inspired the Laurie Anderson song.
from #104: "a parasitic meme, a mental virus"
I've been trying to remember for several years.
THX
The first question on St Peter's admission test for entry into heaven is ...
... what is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?
This caliber of insanity is seriously dangerous. This SOB says we all "deserve one more chance"? Or else what? Please, watch your back brother. We don't require martyrs. We just want continued illumination.
Heed the words of the Brother Korn, Jew though he is (and we all know what The Good Book® has to say about them). Jesus patience is not limitless Myers and His Wrath® is terrible. Even if it takes The Lord fifty years He will get you in the end. Did God not smite Dr Sagan? Yes! Did God not smite Charles Darwin? Yes! Did not God smite Copernicus? Yes! REPENT™ and accept Jesus as your personal SAVIOR™ before you are a chew toy for Satan's love squid in the Lake of Fire. Your prize wife and in her designer clothes her fancy ninja skills can't save you, your fancy tax payer bought foreign sports car can't save you, only Jesus can!
Jesus loves you PZ Myers so don't make Him kill you!
@ ryanb
I concede, if all that happened at once, it would be something to watch. Although, I'm just trying to comprehend a black hole hitting me......let alone all the other action. It would take a miracle just for me not to get sucked in. Before it hit me, God would really have strap me down with his mercy chains, and flinging a black hole would take some serious prayer power.
But if it was really God, he wouldn't be on national television. He would be standing in person next to every living man broadcasting via his pinky-hd vision directly into our souls the all action, six years before it actually happens, and for some reason Bill O'Reilly is there narrating god's wrath play by play.
Posted by: ryanb | April 22, 2008 3:29 PM
Laughably Obsolete, Ridiculous Delusion?
@123: African or European?
"I am Number 2...."
"Who is Number 1?"
"You are Number 6..."
"I am not a number! I am a FREE MAN!"
I for one know that I am not going to hell...
I have a card!
http://goohf.com/
@ 14
Ah, Father Ted. What a great show!
Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!
Father Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.
Why would God go to the trouble of publicly smiting atheists when it's Jesus-Krispies like Korn who make him look like such an arsehole?
"Wait, why am I going to Hell?"
"For making me look like an arsehole. NEXT!"
Although, if God really were a Dr. Who fan, which Doctor would be its favorite?
Saw "Expelled" Sunday, and the aftermath demonstrates what use it is to bend over backwards, as Ruse often has, to try to help Christians reconcile their faith with science. Also noticed that Polkinghorne, whose overall theology positively DEPENDS on cosmological and biological evolution, was implied to be in the ID camp. I was prepared for dishonesty, but the lack of integrity displayed by the whole "Expelled" enterprise reached biblical proportions. Literally.
PZ does have a rather large Evilness Quotient, though I think it would be neat to know what Korn derives it from.
I'm imagining one of the spectre-scopic devices in Ghostbusters.
Just a nice creationist/expelled story: Over the weekend I was having a few drinks with a freind and discussing the surrounding controversy. I noticed that my friend seemed awkwardly quiet, so I decided to change the subject. As we were leaving she informed me that the gentleman seated at the table next to me told his companion that if he listened to me for another minute he was going to "vomit on my head". Fortunately for him, and probably moreso for myself, I didn't hear the guys comment.
However, if that guy was sitting in the restaurant reading his bible and I were to make a similar comment, not even one as ridiculous as his, I would be painted as intolerant at best and a bigot at worst.
--I guess my only question is...what the hell?
While I'd follow PPZ to "hell," whistling all the way, I don't think I need him to drag me down there. If there is were such a place, some of the things that I've done in the name of duty, honor, and country are sufficient to purchase my boarding pass all on their own. (A hard truth that the conservative hawks who send us to these places to do these things are hardly inclined to face head-on.) I might even get upgraded to first class - I did make a career out of leading, rather than following, my men into the teeth of battle.
Being a Cavalryman (and if there are any fellow Cav soldiers out there, you'll appreciate this one...), I just want to make sure I can get a cool drink along the way...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiddler's_Green
So PZ, the next time someone accuses you of leading people down the path to hell, just make sure you tell them that - as far as their views are concerned - you're one leader among many. And in any case, I'd rather LEAD men somewhere they'll willingly follow instead of PUSHING them into ideologies that are impossible to abide by without falling into "sin"...
"... Puny human detractors ..."
So Morbo from Futurama is actually God?
Bosons, you made my day. Points for style.
Sorry about the double P in the first line of that last post - that key sticks sometimes and I tend to get in a hurry when posting! Although I guess I could say it was a play on the Pied Piper leading us all downwards!
Ah the things we think of after the fact...
So far we have sometimes-obscure references to Father Ted, Monthy Python, FSM, Full Metal Jacket, Terry Pratchett, The Prisoner, Harry Potter, The Simpsons, ADVENT.EXE, Calvin & Hobbs, Dr Who, and undoubtly others. Can a connection be made with, say, Tom & Jerry? Or Kevin Bacon?
OFF TOPIC: another kook
This is from a poster at Ray Comfort's Blog (cringes):
The stupid really, really is insufferable. How can we help these people? Perhaps, we should show take them to see the new Batman movie which documents the irrefutable proof that man evolved from bats.
My mommy says you're a very bad man!
Geez. some people.
Well, speaking of Kevin Bacon, PZ can now be connected to him as follows:
PZ was in Expelled with Ben Stein
Ben Stein was in Ferris Bueller with Matthew Broderick
Matthew Broderick was in Addicted to Love with Meg Ryan
Meg Ryan was in Sleepless in Seattle with Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks was in Apollo 13 with Kevin Bacon
And yes, I'm sure there's a faster way to do it. What do you expect -- I'm only a monkey.
My mommy says you're a very bad man!
Geez. some people.
As long as there's Wifi at the Pearly Gates, you're in:
Airspeed of an unladen swallow
Lots of mammals can fly, if you have a large enough slingshot.
It's good to see that he's at a six-year old's level of research, though perhaps lower since the rest of Calvin's class seemed to understand the fine technical points better than he did.
If you can be pwned by six-year olds in a (fifteen-year-old) comic strip, perhaps you need to give up writing a blog and find something more befitting your intellectual skills (or lack thereof). I can't think of an alternate endeavor appropriate for him, though.
Me too, and if True Bob, Peter Ashby, Bouncing Bosons and the rest would like to wait up, maybe we could form a party. As a fighter/mage/thief (I'm half-Croat, half-Lithuanian, therefore I can multi), I imagine I'll be well-suited to finding my fortunes in the City of Dis. Now, who can lend me 30 gp for thief's picks?
And I'd like to state for the record that I'm thirty-two flavours and then some.
Lots of mammals can fly, if you have a large enough slingshot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCSgYTKfnzQ
scroll forward to 4:20 to meet Tiddles, the flying cat...
Should I check the Bible first and confirm that cats are mammals?
My day is saved.
Day? Week.
What? Nah. It's an obvious reference to this one, who calmly comes down the stairs at the end of the first film, pistol in hand, and tells Dr Evil:
"Nooooo.
I spent the last 30 years of my life turning this two-bit evil empire into a world-class multinational corporation. I was going to have a cover story with Forbes. But you, like an idiot, want to take over the world. And you don't even realize that there is no world anymore! It's only corporations!"
And he owns Starbucks. Coffee for everyone, at reasonable prices.
Your Christianity isn't. But the Christianity of lots and lots of American fundies is deeply Manichaean.
Screechy Monkey @143
PZ Myers was in Expelled with Ben Stein.
Ben Stein was in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles with Kevin Bacon.
Brought to you by the Oracle of Bacon.
#143 @Screechy Monkey re: [i]"Well, speaking of Kevin Bacon, PZ can now be connected to him as follows"[/i]
Ben Stein and Kevin Bacon were both in Planes, Trains & Automobiles (from 1987). So, there are only two degrees of separation.
Damn those HTML tags!!!1!one :^p
And completely moot anyways as James F beat me to it as I was posting.
Hmmmm, The Boston Strangler- you know nobody was ever charged with those murders. Sure they had that fat greser in jail for something else and he admitted the murders and they were pretty confident it was him but now I'm having some doubts.
Make any visits to Boston in the 50's, PZ? Got an alibi? A full and frank admission may elevate you to #1 evil overlord position.
So, let me get this right.
Dawkins writes "the god delusion"....Hitchings writes a book subtitled "how religion poisons everything" and you're ahead of Richard and Christopher's not even on the list?
lol
Goll Darn Donnie B.! (#1)
I had the SAME "Axis-to-Avis of Evil" joke immediately, but my chance to prove half a wit is here at #156. Congrats to hit it first.
BOT: this is not a "funny" creationist, but a potentially dangerous man.
Mr. Korn is mentally ill. He suffers from a very dangerous delusion. I'm not talking about religion as a mental illness, this guy really is sick.
Any arguments for him to produce his god's wraith will only incite him to violence. Any questions about how he can know the mind of god will be ignored as foolish since his mind is that of god's. He sees himself as an agent for god. To him god speaks directly to him. He confuses his own thoughts for words placed into his head by god. In addition, any attempt to persuade him otherwise will be viewed as an attempt to corrupt his faith (thus endanger his soul) and he will retaliate. If he gets to the point of violence then to him it will be justified and proof of god's actions because to him his actions are those of god's.
This man is a danger to himself and others and should be placed into the care of a mental health facility as soon as possible. Preferably before he kills someone.
PZ. Don't take this guy lightly and do not acknowledge his communications. Any attempt at direct refutation could be dangerous. Please forward all of his messages to you to the authorities. Since he is sending his threats across state lines this brings it into the jurisdiction of the FBI. Please talk to the authorities.
Old calypso song:
Now a bat is a mouse wid wings
ev'rybody know dat
What I want from the good lord to know
Is how we put the wings on the cat.
Its good to know Camp is so versed in Taxonomy.
I find it flat-out hilarious that you are held as the great evil. Even giving the benefit that the only evil in the world is lack of religious faith, you're not even that hard of an atheist - both you and Dawkins appear to hold to the proposition that God (in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim line) is a hypothesis that is weak and unproven (fails Occam's razor, poor explanatory power, little supporting evidence).
But the reality is that the God hypothesis is inconsistent with modern physics - not merely not proven but positively disproven as impossible.
Now that's what the pastors should be pissed about - modern physics and not biology, which still leaves them wiggle room.
I wouldn't tempt him. He's crazy. Those guys work by rules that make no sense. Trust me on this, I was married to a crazy for just a few years, but it was an eye-opening experience, to say the least.
Is Michael Korn one of those illiterate peasants that Colorado State Rep. Douglas Bruce ranted about? Or are creationists just illiterate?
I've never seen such corn!
As Twain said, "go to heaven for the weather, and hell for the company." If I take Korn's basic assumptions as true (which I don't)I'd rather burn with PZ, Darwin, Dawkins and the rest than have to listen to this nut case natter on in heaven.
Dude, I SO thought of Zork when I first read that... Well done!
brokenSoldier, here's the version of Fiddler's Green I know, and where it's from (not a plug)
http://www.fiddlersgreen.net/
@Bouncing Bosons #119: You know what? I'd totally play that game. :P When are you making it?
Gentle folk, I wish I could claim credit for that great description of Dis. It was the output from the quiz that Aquaria posted at #44 above. It's just where the quizalator sorted me to.
As for Hel, ignoring it's nonexistent nature, I'd be so bound for it, religious infidel that I am. I can recall memories of being at Sunday school (thx, Mom) and the plate-passing (The One True Reason For The Season) but I cannot recall a time when I truly believed in a god/s.
You know, whenever I read that sort of gloatingly threatening religio-rant I always find myself picturing someone - almost always male - who really isn't getting very good sex and hasn't been getting it for a long time.
Jack,
You really don't want to know what those kind of folks consider good sex. Just look at the power differentials they revel in - they're just one step away from being serial killers, as they always remind us ("If it weren't for the Lord, all humans are depraved").
Uggg...
This would be my reply to said email:
Michael Korn,
Because of my disdain for all you represent, and for the damage that you and yours are inflicting on the hearts, minds, and souls of our nation's children, and in reverence to my proper place in the natural order of things, I would make every legitimate and nonviolent attempt to confront you personally and openly in order to negate your invaritable trove of primitive superstitions and bogus science.
Personally, I would never opt to salvage Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, or the Boston Strangler from even the cruelest demise. If you wish to call that evil, that is fine; but your very own idolatrized book gives you the "God given" ammunition to come to that very same conclusion - with justification.
You probably deserve one more chance, but mark these words: "Do not try our patience for long, for we grieve deeply over the many millions of souls that those of your ilk have convinced to squander their most precious lives on Earth, as well as to squander the lives of countless others, in order to lay up "treasures" in a place that has no distinct locale. Eventually, we will also intervene in a mighty and dramatic way, for the salvation of those whose lives you have stolen with your presposterous views on the human condition. It is you and your own lot who are the pathetic and puny human detractors."
@ True Bob, # 167:
I haven't heard that one, but the Fiddler's Green I was talking about is a military poem that they teach us tankers and scouts in basic at Fort Knox's armor school. I think one of the rooms at the Leader's Club there is still named Fiddler's Green, but I haven't been back there since I left the Officer's Basic Course in 2001. It was taught to us (at the time I was first there in the late 90's) as a tradition and a symbol of pride among a dying breed in the Army. (The cavalry soldier, I mean.)
It tells Cav soldiers that when their time comes to make sure their canteen is empty, because when soldiers inevitably die on the field and start their march downwards, the Cavalry can stop and have one last cool drink at the Fiddler's Green while they watch all the other branches march on by. It's a funny, morbid little poem that helps make light of an otherwise bleak situation and provide a little bit of consolatory pride in the prospect of facing your worst fear as a warrior. (Sorry to get a little militarily romantic there, but it's a poem that I've been endeared to for quite some time.)
If you've never read it, I'd highly recommend it...the link to it on Wiki in my post (#136) is a quick way to get to it.
Is he saying Hitler, Stalin, and the Boston Strangler all deserve one more chance, or am I parsing that wrong? Mighty big of him. And as for "trying God's patience," I wouldn't worry too much about it, PZ. I mean, it took the deaths of millions upon millions of people for Him to get around to comeuppancing Hitler and Stalin, so I figure you are safe until you're in your nineties. And then, watch out, because God's Mysterious Powers may cause you to have a freak Rascal accident. And, even then, whether it was God's work or not will be up for debate because He hasn't bothered to sign His work since Sodom a Gomorrah, which explains why it made a bundle at Sotheby's.
Great to see PZ beating Dawkins on the evil list!
Completely off topic, but it might interests those worried about the actual end-of-the-world, as opposed to fantasies of it.
http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,547976,00.html
The great methane positive feedback loop appears to have started. I had always hoped that this would be off by half-a-century (as that being an personally optimistic lifespan). Hadn't seen it yet in the English language press.
Catamite christians, clamped to Cydesdales can fly, if you have a catapult.
A curtsey to Jeph for the gaffaw!
One way to look at folks like Korn is that he has been deceived and he's pissed off (at the wrong person, I might add)at PZ for awakening him from his slumber. We are totally surrounded by somnambulists!
Korn's little 1800 page world (king james...OT/NT) is flying apart: knowledge, unmolested by the church for once, is finally seeing the light of day (thanks internet)...and all that light is shining in their eyes and waking folks up...and be honest, we all hate that!
Some, like Korn, have been royally deceived...so deceived they may need help with vocabulary so here's the lexical definition of deceive:
"deceive , betray , mislead , beguile , delude , dupe , hoodwink , bamboozle , double-cross (crosses already?)
These verbs mean to lead another into error, danger, or a disadvantageous position by underhand means. Deceive involves the deliberate misrepresentation of the truth: "We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know, because they have never deceived us" (Samuel Johnson). Betray implies treachery: "When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself" (Isaac Bashevis Singer). Mislead means to lead in the wrong direction or into error of thought or action: "My manhood, long misled by wandering fires,/Followed false lights" (John Dryden). Beguile suggests deceiving by means of charm or allure: They beguiled unwary investors with tales of overnight fortunes. To delude is to mislead the mind or judgment. The government deluded the public about the dangers of low-level radiation. Dupe implies playing upon another's susceptibilities or naivet�: The shoppers were duped by false advertising. Hoodwink refers to deluding by trickery: It is difficult to hoodwink a smart lawyer. Bamboozle means to delude by the use of such tactics as hoaxing or artful persuasion: "Perhaps if I wanted to be understood or to understand I would bamboozle myself into belief, but I am a reporter" (Graham Greene). Double-cross implies the betrayal of a confidence or the willful breaking of a pledge: The thief double-crossed his accomplice" (source, http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/deceive)
And the deceiving cross-dressers continue to get up early every sunday morning to literally "pull the wool" over the eyes of the sheep. What a pity and a shame.
Is it just a coincidence that creationist and cretinous seem so similar?
[French crétin, from French dialectal, deformed and mentally retarded person found in certain Alpine valleys, from Vulgar Latin *christinus, Christian, human being, poor fellow, from Latin Chrstinus, Christian; see Christian.]
From The Free Dictionary by Farlex
Obviously not!
many million, lets aim high how about a couple of billion.
my problem with heaven, and praying for people to get into it, is that at this point in history there are a lot of dead people and presumably a lot of them are in heaven. or hell. or purgatory. where do they all fit? Does god have mad real estate or does he have to keep upgrading his cosmic soul hard drive storage or what?
Du'oh! Clydesdales...it's Hell to get old.
Said in my most 'aggressively defensive' tone.
Damn, I'm getting in on this late (hey, I teach odd hours). My main question is #34 - Which Who is His Favorite? (I'd like to ask Who Who, but that would be silly). Think carefully, 'cause there be heretics about. An even better question - which companion is the best looking/sexiest (since God, being a man, cares nothing for a woman's brains, and no, Adric doesn't count, but Cap'n Jack does :) ).
NOOOO! Heretics?
Surely Sir thou doeth blow smoke up my skirt!
Atheists and Pagans perhaps, but not heretics.
Tom Baker quick - loosen me corset!
Brownian...
"cuckoo for jesuspuffs"
"Yahwehtever"
Will you please stop that...you are making me yak up my rather frugal snack of Cheetos and Dr. Pepper.
"A Mighty Wind", "Waiting for Guffman", "Best in Show" and "This Is Spinal Tap" were all pretty obvious, so I'm sure Guest could pull this off.
Suggested working title: "Impaled, No Intelligence Involved (in the Making of This Movie)."
On reading this article: http://www.disabilitymuseum.org/lib/docs/1385.htm
it struck me how that story in reverse could be a good source for a documentary about modern day xians and how they are reverting towards Cretinism.
The Cretins were victims of circumstances, but for the modern day xians (in particular IDiots, fundies, and creationists) it is afflicted or self-inflicted.
Michael Korn, the crazed creationist from Colorado who has threatened evolutionists with physical harm, keeps sending me email.
Why hasn't anyone taken this man (Michael Korn) to court? It's against the law to threaten anyone with physical harm.
@ 176 (frog)
That is one scary article! If that methane does thaw and escape, we're looking at another major extinction. I had such hope for humanity too... But why did nobody calculate this event into their global warming scenarios? This matter is just to serious to ignore. When inaction can only be disastrous, we need a plan of action, and we need it now.
But half the population won't listen! Arghh! I just want to scream and pull my hair out. (head to desk)
What chance do we have to actually turn around the damage we've done to the climate? Opinions? Suggestions?
Maybe you got him wrong. After all, I haven't got a clue who this Adolph Hitler guy is. Maybe he wasn't the same kind of asshole that his namesake Adolf was.
What was the date on Michael Korn's email(s), PZ? Would he have had to go to one of the earlier screenings of Expelled - requiring him to declare his name in advance and show identification at the event, such that the Expelled people must then have failed to alert security and hand him over to the authorities? Or did he wait for the mainstream screenings of the film (where people presumably pay and walk in unchecked)?
PZ, hi. I got a comment from another blogger about my post on the MSNBC (A.Kaplan) review of Expelled. I checked his site and look what I found:
Creationists do make me laugh...!!
PZ Myers... he's Evil Lite™.
Evil Helper™.
I Can't Believe It's Not Evil!™
How did PZ beat Darwin?
I don't know why all these god-bothers are upset that anyone is going to Hell. It seems like a fairly pleasant place to spend the après-vis, tho' one has to go up 100 metres or so, not down, to get there.
Don't the GBs understand that, what with the scientists, the GUE players, the random musicians, punsters, et al., their poor Devil doesn't stand a chance? If the Pharyngulites are damned, we will simply take over, adjust the heating system, introduce those Furies to the FSM, and kick all those pedophile priests upstairs, where they belong - after all, shouldn't the system that "created" them take responsibility?
Could you stop dragging me into deepest hell? I have laundry to do. Thanks!
True Bob @#60
Me too!!! Dis all the way! I didn't know serpents had hair though. Did I miss something?
He's #1 on one of my lists, too. That's my "Things growing on my shower floor that I spray Lysol at" list.
Question on the use of comic sans. Yours or his?
PZ's. The original was probably written in crayon.
gramomster, I suppose snakes had hair back when they walked about on their hind legs and chatted up human womenfolk.
Is LORD an acronym? I'm always confused by the caps.
Maybe it is the name of a group of assassins, Lethal Order of Religious Deathdealers, like DIVAS in Kill Bill.
PZ! So you are now the Dick Cheney of evil.
I guess Darwin gets credit for that "deathbed conversion." (Yes, I know, it didn't happen, but since when do creos let the facts get in the way?)
Korn: But mark my words, do not try God's patience for long...
Groucho: I don't mind if I do. You must come over and try mine some time.
Duck Soup (1933)
I don't know about swallows but the swifts who arrive from Africa every June and spend the hotter months screaming in the air above my house here in Eastern Scotland go bloody fast. They do the most amazing aerobatics too eating the airial plankton. Best indication that what passes for summer here has arrived is when the swifts turn up. So far I have not had any coconuts deposited on my head from them, but then the swift is smaller than the swallow...
Mind you I have had to pop up into the attic and poke my head pointedly out of the roof window a number of times this spring like last. I have to deter the oystercatchers from nesting in the gravel on the extension's flat roof. They nest on the extension roof two doors down ;-) Main reason is they make a hell of a racket, sounds like a pile of castanets being played. What were we talking about again?
Mikey M @ 205 Good one, especially quoting my man Groucho!