Uh-oh. I'm at the Atheist Alliance International conference, and I've just discovered the Klingons for Jesus site…and it's convinced me. I've converted. Should I cancel my talk, or should I go ahead and preach in Klingon to an audience of atheists?
P.S. If you're at the conference, too, and you'd like to get together for dinner, drop me a line, I'm free.
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Is it that boring? Why are you web surfing?
Yes, "convert the atheists" with your "I was an atheist sinner, until my mind opened up to the truth" speech.
It won't mean anything to the atheists, but it'll please the Klingons for Jesus enough to launch your new "give me money for my conversion story" get-rich-quick scheme.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
The meeting hasn't actually started yet. I've checked in and am going through all the interesting stuff that accumulated in my mailbox.
Enjoy the conference! It would be fun to get together for dinner with a bunch of Pharynguloids, but unfortunately I'm on the other side of the country. :(
when pz is raptured, I get first dibs on his batlef.
Sweet Klingon Jesus yes!
Surely that's a Poe. "we believe that it is our mission to force the entire universe to worship as we do and it is our duty to force, bribe or trick them into doing so!"
It sounds just a bit overdone to me, which should be a clue.
Klingons: Sexist enough to be Christians?
Heh. I remember hearing a decade ago that the Bible had been translated into Klingon, and I can definitely see this. I always thought, though, that Klingons reading the Bible would stop at the Old Testament and convert to Judaism instead, since that book is where all the violence can be found.
Surely that's a Poe.
... erm, to borrow the line from pcarini, Sweet Klingon Jesus, yes. See also, from their theology page:
Killing: As followers of Jesus Christ, we support war, mass murder and killing in general. The soul of anyone killed either goes to heaven with Jesus which is a good thing or to hell with Satan which is also a good thing since they clearly belong there. As such killing can only produce a positive outcome by sending the righteous to heaven or the wicked to hell... From the Emperor Constatine to Adolf Hitler, Christians have killed more people than anyone else and we look forwards to improving on our averages in the 24th century all for the glory of Christ.
... so yeah, Poe. Or another AOG splinter group. Which, I guess, amounts to the same thing, really...
Here's your KLV... Klingon Language Version of the World English Bible.
http://klv.mrklingon.org/
This could be trouble indeed. They may clash with the Klingons for Christ followers. I sense a holy war in the offing.
Hihi
It should be pointed out that the Klingons slew their gods millennia ago (they were more trouble than they were worth)
(as mentioned in both TNG and DS9)
Perhaps Pilate was a Klingon suffering from rampant genetic engineering and hence looking human :>
Off topic, but have y'all seen this one?
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/25/childporn.alamo/
My favorite part is when the kiddie porn-peddling preacher compares himself to Jesus.
Reginald beat me to that link (which is in ernest, unlike PZ's), so here's the "Jesus Loves Me" song in Klingon (complete with translation notes -- did you know Klingon doesn't have a word for "love"? Instead you say "dis-hate".):
mumuSHa' Jesus,Dochvam vISov
muja'mo' joH'a' paq'a'
puqHompu' ghaj Jesus
puj puqpu' 'ej HoS Jesus
HIja' mumuSHa'
HIja' mumuSHa'
mumuSHa' Jesus
muja'ta' joH'a' paq'a'
Chancellor Gorkon: You have not experienced [the Bible] until you have read [it] in the original Klingon.
I sense a holy war in the offing.
General Chang: Cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War.
I'm going to preemptively nominate the comments that already have, and likely will, appear in this thread for top ten "geekiest ever on Pharyngula".
Presumably the Ferengi would worship Supply Side Jesus.
I'll second that nomination, Ichthyic. I've always considered myself pretty geeky, but I'm way out of my depth here.
"Jesus of Borg" has some almost Timecubic qualities to it, and of course who can forget "MR. SPOCK'S LOGICAL QUEST FOR RELIGION" (he becomes a Muslim via Pascal's wager).
I have a good friend whose father would, around christmas, make his whole family dress up as klingons and go caroling, in klingon. My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, except that he absolutely hates Star Trek.
What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!
http://www.dm.net/~karen/sca/scribes/klingon.html
Ghod, I love the Internet.
Now playing on GodTube -- "Star Trek: The Lost Episode":
Star Trek The Lost Episode
If that movie isn't considered an abomination, then nothing is.
Poor Gene, he's rolling over in his grave... or did he get shot into space, can't remember.
"I especially liked the old testamant, with all the ultra-violence and gutty-works" -- Alex, A Clockwork Orange.
And more! A user named klingon_christian on Star Trek Online. Note his avatar picture. No way to tell if that tattoo is real or a 'shop, but given the existence of the Zune Guy, I'm willing to believe.
@ woodstein312
Well, I remember my United Methodist preacher grandparents teaching us "Jesus Loves the Little Children" a-half-a-century ago and feeling creeped-out. Wasn't sure what that love entailed, and I hadn't read Swift's "Modest Proposal" yet or heard of child molestation.
And "Klingons"? Aren't they the troublesome things that hang around Uranus?
The psalms should be in high Vogon, which would guarantee Klingon berserker madness.
"Christian Star Fleet {CSF} We are a Ministry / Gaming Clan... We Play Counter Strike Source (CSS),"
God, Star Trek, shooting people, the Military-Christianity Complex, garish flashing gifs, confusing misuse of other scifi franchise's images, and a Klingon looking thoughtfully at a crucified Jesus lit by the last rays of a sunset!
Yes, praise Ghod for the Internet!
Wow. When they talked about speaking in tongues in the Bible, they really meant it.
Klingons for Christ vs. Klingons for Jesus
Where do I get tickets for that? Will it be pay-per-view? Kind of like IPU vs YHWH; winner goes against winner of FSM vs Cthulhu. Another fictional fight that would be so fun. I sense an animation in the making...
The Rapture is exactly like Star Trek's transporter:
"God is a Star Trek Fan: The Kobayashi Maru = Plan of Salvation" (MormonMatters.org):
(Non-geek translation: He's saying Jesus is like Captain Kirk. Personally, I think Jesus is more like Spock, what with the dying and being resurected thing, and also being only half human.)
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/3994/ferengulauh5.jpg
normal language?
That must be why they call their warships "Birds of Pray".
BTW has a location been decided for a rendezvous after the bookstore?
Just watched the GodTube Star Trek video. I'm going to have to watch some Mythbusters and Nova to wash out the stupid, I think.
That is so wrong! (funny, but wrong)
But why does god need a starship?
BLASPHEMY! Klingons worship only Kahless the Unforgettable! Kah'PLa!
What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!
What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!
If you are going to copy the Limbourges brothers' style then you have to use a matching script, NOT Caroligian Bookhand. There's a couple of centuries between them.
Frikin' trekkies, probably couldn't manage a decent fraktur....
Can you believe Klingons for Jesus is blocked in Turkey? Psh.
I thought the Klingons was a legend of naturalistic properties concerning their creation. The legend continues on with Klingons being responsible for life on Earth, as they left some important chemicals by accident on a comet which mixed in with the formation of this solar system creating life...lol
Why do they have to pollute my religion with this nonsense? Seriously, they should treat Star Trek with more respect.
Unbelievers! Heathens, the lot of you.
This is the only true religion!
At #44: Jedi church? The mortal foes of Pope Sidious and his pals, right?
@27 Cheerful Nihilist
I prefer this song, Jesus loves the little Zygotes
"My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, except that so he absolutely hates Star Trek." - pcarini
Fixed.
Are you kidding me? Everyone knows the only sci-fi gods worth bothering with are the Lords of Kobol.
So say we all!
Oh yeah, I bet the Lords of Phortran could kick their collective arses.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Klingon's for Jesus site is satire.
Wow, PZ this is the worst thing you have ever associated your name with. I am very upset that such an ignorant and disgraceful site even exists. I mean come on people!!!! It promotes a complete misunderstanding of the Klingon race! Seriously, Klingons are not sadistic, if they resemble anything on earth its a samurai.
Think that's bad? After I watched Palin getting blessed for protection from "witchcraft" by that $%*&@# witch-hunter, I said to myself, "I am so wishing to be in on the spells being cast by Twin Cities Wiccan groups this weekend!" The people I know, they are going to have a lot of fun with that...
How is that different from Esperanto?
To be fair, I doubt the Klingons have much good to say about Otkar.
i wonder if communal Bloodwine transubstantiates
heck, does it even *have* to?
qeylIS and Qapla', respectively.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klingon_language
Who?
@ Cafeeine 46
Oh my! Thanks for that. Too funny. Gave me goosebumps (no wait, those are scabies. Aw rats.) (At least it's not smallpox.)
My boy Bill the Klingon really doesn't like preachers.
http://deaconbarry.stripgenerator.com/page/14/
Klingons for Jesus was great, but I still prefer Confurvatives:
http://community.livejournal.com/confurvatives/
Don't they realize that Sarah Palin would shoot them from a helicopter?
JPF@33:
... but didn't Kirk cheat the Kobayashi Maru? Wouldn't that imply that ol' Jesus there also...
Epic, epic thread....
LL,
Please tell that's satire ...
Most likely not. Furries aren't a monolith, according to a couple buddies of mine that lean that way. There are also very religious furries. To wit:
http://www.geocities.com/gideon_bear/
http://www.furrsfurchrist.com/forum/
http://ottercomics.virtualhermit.net/monastery/fred.htm
...
Well, I guess it's unfair to pigeonhole people. Silly, bigoted me.
Wikipedia to the rescue!
So much for my deadpan ...
Oh. Now I get the joke. It was really not obvious, though, because you aren't a Klingon and haven't made any allusions towards being a Trekkie either, IIRC.
I'm neither, really (or else I've had serious work done on my forehead and just forgotten about it).
I do know how to wikipeek, though.
Ah well.