Needs a hat

Protection for your little pope.

Just don't ask him for advice on how to use them

I dunno, seems to me that ripping an effigy of Ratzi in half to not only slap on a frenchie, but then continue forward to bonk away would seem somehow decadently satisfying.

I forsee "Pope a Dope" condom wrappers becoming the next rage...

maybe even imprint an image of Ratzi on the condom itself?

Perfect title.
"Does the pope wear a funny..."

Protection for your little pope.

You just gave me an other reason to be grateful that I am a dyke.

Damned funny though.

Instead of sending condoms to the Pope, maybe we should be sending them to clinics in the poorer countries of Africa.

paralleling ryan...

Needs a hat

no, the hat's INSIDE.

Introducing the Vatican's new line of infallible condoms. With new easy open packaging, no need to wait before you get to paradise. Reliable until the second coming!

Okay, I confess, that last pun was sinful.

*uses deep announcer's voice*

Are you tired of having sex carefully but feel guilty about using contraception? Well feel guilty no more!

"I Told You So" Pope brand condoms with ready-made holes to guarantee that your seed falls into the belly of your whore.

Gauranteed to help spead STDs and promote teen pregnancy. You'll only feel like you're using protection.

Be disappointed today!

*cough cough*

Too much?

Looks like a Subway commercial for monster condoms.

Now if they can make a condom that has a Pope-hat shaped tip...

Ohhh, he's been saying "no" this whole time. I need to listen up more carefully.

Maybe we can call them 'Benny Hats' instead of 'Jimmy Hats' from now on...

The pope, sadly, fails to practice safe sex...?

Um, I think everyone's a bit confused. Those aren't condoms. They're emergency communion packs. A single wafer, pre-soaked in communion wine, and fits conveniently in your wallet! Now you can have Jesus in your mouth without the hassle of going to chuch!

"Looks like a Subway commercial for monster condoms."

I dunno. I don't think there's anyone with a penis as big as the pope is holding out his hands... at least not human.

I know there's a joke here about a devout Christian who's slipped away from the "Word" like Ted Haggard and the male prostitute and beastiality or animal breeding or something, but I've been working for 13 hours straight and I can't think of it right now.

Extra points if you could sort of get my line of thought through the gibberish I just typed and double extra points if you can actually finish the joke.

I am sure I would use those condoms. With the Pope on them, it makes it seem likely they are endorsed by The Church. That means there is likely a hole on the end and meant for married couples only.

LOL now that is what I call a Pope hat!

@ #6 -- I agree. Send the condoms to africa, then send the fuck-you letters to the vatican.

And hey! Did you know "scumbag" is an old name for a used condom? Scum -- old word for cum, and while the effective latex condom is pretty new, the idea of a spunk-catcher isn't. While no one needs to re-use pig intestines anymore, the current pope's views on sex might as well be from that same time. Ratzinger, Lord Scumbag!

This is also a good time to point out to people that the development of contraceptives has been an almost entirely secular, and always opposed by organized religion.

@#15 Hank Bones
"Those aren't condoms. They're emergency communion packs."
Circular crackers?

"Is that a mitre in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

If that's not enough to give you a long-term hard-off, I don't know what is.

I'm sure how far apart his hands are is meant to be a size reference.

Do those come in Magnum size?

Circular crackers?

I was a consubstantiationist, but they were circular at every church I ever went to. They weren't nearly that thick.

Benny Hex might be useful for something anyway. Good.

"To put Jesus in your mouth" Are they flavoured then.

Janine- if you're not interested in 'Mr Pokey' howabout I breathe through my ears...

@20 www.ch10.org

You must have been lucky enough not to be brought up in church. Circular is generally how they come.

debaser wrote:

And hey! Did you know "scumbag" is an old name for a used condom?

I certainly did - I use it from time to time to describe posters who I really dislike. I'm not sure they realise just how offensive toward them I'm being by doing so.

@#28

I see the desperate trolls have finally arrived.

Hey, PSF, I thought you went bareback? All good catholics do, you know.

Now, about these Ratzi the Nazi condoms; would swastikas be appropriate for the packaging?

They market these as "Vatican ticklers". Just like a French tickler except the tip has been cut off.

A doggerel verse from my ancient youth:

In days of old
When knights were bold
And rubbers weren't invented
They wrapped their cocks
In dirty socks
And babies were prevented.

I got the mental image of Palpatine zapping my pecker with lightning.

But I could think of nothing better to spoil the romance than looking down and seeing the pope staring back at you...

In days of old, when Popes wore gold
But no one wore a condom
One's rod or staff was kept from gaffe
By blessings heaped upon dem
With nothing there but hopeful prayer
To guard against diseases
Not even Popes had any hopes
Of doing as one pleases

To keep the chap from getting clap
The Pope starts staying celibate
His health at stake, he must not break
This vow just for the helibate
The rule holds, too, for me and you;
The reasons, though, not quite:
He says "no glove when you make love"
But only out of spite.

"But I could think of nothing better to spoil the romance than looking down and seeing the pope staring back at you..."

Yeah, but if the picture of the pope is printed directly on the condom, maybe if you found a REALLY devout christian who gets off on the idea of having sex with the pope... That might be the next best thing...

*shrug* Try craig's list. You might get lucky.

What's the brand name of these: Till Kingdom Cum?

Reminds me of a Simpson's episode where Marge is reflecting on her choice of products to shill.

Marge: I learned something. When people reach for their diaphragm, they don't want to see my picture.

What better way for the Pope to become immersed in the problem?

It's not his popiness that would be a turn off. Just look at his face. I think condoms like these would be very effective at preventing pregnancy by leading to abstinence.

They're barbed on the inside for self-flagellation. Also, they are decorated to resemble the Pope's holy mitre. The packs are also inscribed: Let he who is without sin cast the first bone.

They're barbed on the inside for self-flagellation.

Wouldn't that just encourge sex of the masochists and especially the maso-christs?

Personally, with the Popies hand like that, I want ones saying "give me a "whoop whoop""... Might fit the occasion better, methinks....

"Needs a hat"? Yes, his hat looks like a giant phallus that promotes anything BUT abstinance.

And putting a hat on that particular head provides further subliminal suggestion.

the helibate

oh c'mon.

:P

Unless the illustration is "Glow in the Dark," I don't see the problem.

*ducks*

Better idea than the purity rings. Wrinkly old Pope on my contraception would def. kill the mood.

For those who might be interested, Amanda has a poll on this issue at Pandagon. And she's not very nice to the pope. Many of the comments to her post show that people would rather send the condoms to Africa, where they would actually be used.

Cuttlefish missed a golden opportunity:

The line should have read "just for the HALIBUT".

Fish, you know....

Oh man, I so want to own some of these. Possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen an image of the Pope on.

the best part of these would be taking the used prophylactic and shoving it back into the package before disposal...perhaps with a cracker on top and a nail through the both.

Wouldn't a more effective angle be putting a naked pic of the Pope on the cover? The caption could read: "Think upon my naked loins". It works on so many levels...

Hell, I may not have sex for days just for having thought of that.

Oh. My. God.

WHERE do you get those?????

I must have some.

Let me see if I can do this:

"Don't you know that there's a picture of the Pope on each condom?"

"No, I don't know that there's a picture of the Pope on each condom."

"Oh, you've never had to unroll one that far, have you?"

Another powerful weapon in the War on Sex : Derek the Abstinnence Clown

http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2009/04/abstinence-only_sex_ed_so_ea…

@Christophe Thill

He likens sex as to juggling machetes. You do not disagree with a man juggling machetes

I couldn't help wondering why he didn't just wrap those machetes in bubble wrap. I wonder how many kids were thinking that too.

Seems a little big... oh, uh... i mean.. .nevermind.

Reminds me of a joke:
What's the difference between a condom and a rattlesnake?

I don't know, I don't fuck with either one

To stay in the spirit of the season:
"He has truly arisen, haleluiah"

What's next? Vatican Viagra?

This is my first ever posting - so go easy on me folks!

Dan Ariely on TED http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_ariely_on_our_buggy_moral_code.h… discusses norms which reduce lying, cheating etc and found that having a bible or even an honour code to make a declaration on that your behaviour will be ethical did reduce unethical behaviours - even when the person declaring on the bible was an atheist.

If your objective is to reduce unprotected sex by means of either abstinence or condom use, then these condoms may well help.

Even better would be distributing condoms with El Papa saying - First abstain, always be safe, do no harm.

Obviously there is an irony in having such words coming out of this reactionary's mouth, but those who can do, those who can't ... preach; but the end result would probably be less unprotected sex.

Its basically the same thing as the gag about the adultrous spouse removing photos of their partner, or mother, or whatever, in various sitcoms - that moral tug hurts.

If you are thinking of doing something naughty I can't think of a better turn off than having El Papa suddenly appearing in your mind.

That visage is enough to put anyone off.

If you are thinking of doing something naughty I can't think of a better turn off than having El Papa suddenly appearing in your mind.

I can't think of a better turn off even when NOT doing something naughty.

These, however, are hilarious.

That visage is enough to put anyone off.

Certainly not enough to get anyone off.

And if it is, I don't want to know that person.

Now, that would ruin the mood!

How many here have heard of Battle Pope?

http://www.spike.com/show/25944

It's fun, though if you can get hold of the actual comics, they are even better.

I gotta buy some of these!

But, maybe not. I'd laugh myself right out of the mood.

They're barbed on the inside for self-flagellation.
Posted by: ethin | April 1, 2009 8:12 PM

You don't get this whole Vatican shtick, do you?

They're barbed on the outside to punish those dirty dirty whores who force the magnificent man to stick his most hole of cocks into her sin-hole.

:shivers: - that made me feel dirty.

he best part of these would be taking the used prophylactic and shoving it back into the package before disposal...perhaps with a cracker on top and a nail through the both.

That's hot!

@25

It's a six-pack of emergency communion wafers; that explains the thickness