I have landed!

After a long confinement in a cramped metal tube, the guards stewardesses have finally released me in Melbourne. I'm going to have to figure out what I'm doing next — I think the University of Melbourne Secular Society is going to wrangle me out to a wildlife sanctuary, but I haven't connected up with them just yet. I'm just sort of savoring the sense of freedom right now, and making fiendish plans.

But the important news is that I've survived, mostly. You might want to stay upwind of me, but otherwise I'm feeling pretty good right now.

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"Stewardesses?"

Uh-oh.

By Ben in Texas (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I don't believe you have just landed. You sound too rational to have just completed a one day air flight, particularly one crossing the International Date Line (did you gain or lose a day, I can never remember).

By waynerobinson4 (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

You might want to stay upwind of me,

I've told you to keep a check on that stench of brimstone and sinner-polluted sewage that atheist devils like you are prone to exude.

It gives you away.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

By Glen Davidson (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Damn Ben in Texas, I was hoping to make the 1st comment. I'm flying to Melbourne tomorrow morning. In Perth, we complain bitterly about the extreme length of the 3-4 hour flight from Perth to Melbourne.

By waynerobinson4 (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

You might want to stay upwind of me

This isn't one of those weird Australian courtship thingies again, is it? Afraid you'll be pounced on if they catch wind of your tentacle vapors?

By aratina cage (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I have landed!

One less worry. That's something. Have fun!

PZ, as you're headed to a wildlife sanctuary, you probably don't need to worry about how fragrant you are.

Although, you may attract some of those strange Australian critters that might want to mate with you. Some of the wildlife may also become interested, come to think of it.

Glad you survived, have fun and keep us deformed!

By boygenius (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Ah, I thought I felt a disturbance in the Force...

By WowbaggerOM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

brilliant, enjoy melbourne town, its a great place.

be sure to check out the bars on brunswick st, bar after bar of free music shows and good drinks!

and for your wildlife experience, no place beats french island, the largest community of koalas in australia living in the wild. it also has no police, hardly any people (about 120) and no license plates. good times good times

oh how i miss melbourne

Sorry to hear that your airplane was cramped. Perhaps the airline should have allowed it to do some stretching exercises before it flew to Australia; after all, that equipment costs money and should be taken care of, not to mention the ethical considerations of forcing otherwise happy machinery to exert itself without any care for its feelings. But I am very happy to hear that the plans you are making are fiendish. Many people who took such a long flight would not be up to being properly fiendish; it's good to know you are.

By Electric Monk'… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

WowbaggerOM, you're a riot. XD

By aratina cage (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Hoping that the back and all various and sundry joints have made it through in a pain-free state.

Have fun in Oz.

If the last segment of the undead thread gets too long, I suggest we invade this thread, pirate style.

AAAAARRRRRRRRR!

By Janine, Mistre… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I'm reminded of a Lewis Black routine where he talked about touring in New Zealand and how he was furious that having spent 20 hours on a plane when he got to the other end people still spoke the same f'ing language!

Good to hear your feet are back on terra firma. Now the question is how many beers does it take to forget about the back spasms...

By Nerd of Redhead, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

As usual, God got his timing off - those storms that hit Melbourne a few days ago were obviously meant to signal his anger about the atheist conference, but God got the dates mixed up.

(It must be all the effort involved in changing from the Hebrew calendar to the Gregorian...)

I think the University of Melbourne Secular Society is going to wrangle me out to a wildlife sanctuary

Just remember that no matter how cute the Tasmanian Devils seem, do NOT attempt to kiss them. Facial tumours are not fun.

By Gimleted Insect (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Only a few people can get away with wearing squid scented deodorant.
Actually I can think of only 2 PZ and Sponge Bob....

By Killer Bud (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I'm just sort of savoring the sense of freedom right now, and making fiendish plans.

Further proof that PZ is Satan. REPENT HEATHENS...

...How's austraila so far PZ?

By Gyeong Hwa Pak… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome to Oz. Don't mind the wicked witch crushed under the plane, it's all part of the show.

<Resist temptation to make rude remarks about Australia>

By 'Tis Himself, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I have landed

Poor fella, spent so much time in the plane he thinks he's SJG. Watch for future posts on NOMA.

By Brownian, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

"Healesville Sanctuary"? Don't forget to pet the snakes. I think they might even have a stuffed thylacine carcass.

By MadScientist (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome to Melbourne! I'm so bummed that I can't make the luncheon tomorrow and the convention on the weekend, was really looking forward to them both :(

If you feel homesick and want some root beer I know where to get it cheap (and it's a&w, so it's the real-fake-chemical tasting stuff, none of this bundaberg sarpsarilla made-from-actual-plants crap). If you feel like a bagel you're out of luck, they aren't made here. You have to have lived here for decades and forgotten how the real ones taste to even consider referring to the local variety as 'bagels'.

Make sure to keep a look out for the atheist bus signs too :)

Welcome to my home town. Sorry I'm not there to show you around. Take a City Circle tram ride to see the inner city, and if possible, go to St Kilda beach for a stroll, after the dreadful northern winter...

And just remember that for Americans, everything is fatal here.

By john.s.wilkins (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

PZ, I second the 'Brunswick St, Fitzroy' suggestion. Go and get lunch at Mario's cafe or Joe's Garage (also a cafe).

Hell, I'm not doing much this afternoon. Email me and we can hang out.

By speedweasel (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

My flight attendant sister is going to come over from Sydney and slap you.

By John Hynes (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome to our wonderful land. Funny how prior to your arrival there were pro-religious articles in both Spectator Australia (supporting study of the bible in schools as a literary text) and the Australian (saying that because the catholic church does such a good job with schools and hospitals we ought to heed their position on abortion and homosexuality). Anyway, I look forward to lots of rational, intelligent and logical info and commentary flowing from your stay.

Wonder how long it'll take PZ to realize it's easier to read the blog if he turns the laptop upside-down...

By Randomfactor (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Strike that, I have to head into work.

Doh!

Oh well, catch you tomorrow afternoon, PZ.

By speedweasel (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

brilliant, enjoy melbourne town, its a great place.

Then they went and filled it up with Victorians and took all the shine off the place :D

Sorry couldn't let an opportunity of reinflaming the Sydney Melbourne rivalry to go by.

See you tonight PZ, if you're still standing...:-)

Welcome to Oz !

By Rorschach (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

PZ: where you mis-intending to say dominatrix?

Glad to read you are on terra firma, PZ, even if it is in Terra Incognita.

Tips:

1) Flee any and all wildlife. Including Australians. Especially Australians. Especially Australians that I share a birthday with like that Wilkins. He was on Talk Origins you know. Terrible fellow. You should see what he does to wombats.

2) Eat at least one Pie Floater.

3) Drink lots.

Enjoy! My envy, you has it.

Louis

Welcome, PZ!

Have I missed an 'Australian 2010 Tour Schedule' post? Wondering if the Wollongong University Secular Society were successful in snagging you for a session...

If not, a sojourn to Sydney then - you are swinging into to Sydney, aren't you?

Break out the Vegemite(TM) sandwiches!

so, have you been bitten by anything venomous yet? (creationists count, too, btw)

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome PZ. There's kangaroos, wombats, galahs and other wildlife out my way if you don't make it to the sanctuary. It's only about 30km from the CBD.

By Brian English (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Professors like good port should be allowed to breath for time after being decanted. Otherwise they seem a little too acidic.

First they put you in a metal tube with guards, now they are releasing you into a wildlife sanctuary. There aren't a bunch of 'damn, dirty apes' running the place, are there?

By frisbeetarian (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

A wildlife sanctuary? Bring back some pictures of a Drop Bear.

If you want to catch a cab go to the curb and shout: Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!. No wait. That's how you hail an Australian.

somebody let me know how to insert a photo into a comment, got a good one for y'all.

By sandiseattle (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

somebody let me know how to insert a photo into a comment, got a good one for y'all.

Better to link to it; PZ's not that fond pictures/video in comments.

By WowbaggerOM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Sandi, HTML, not BBS. There have been instructions to post images, but PZ generally frowns on pictures/videos in the threads (slow loading). Link the picture/video and you are fine.

By Nerd of Redhead, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

StevePr said,

Sorry couldn't let an opportunity of reinflaming the Sydney Melbourne rivalry to go by.

There is no Sydney Melbourne rivalry. Sydneysiders just think there is. ;)

By speedweasel (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Watch out for Ray Comfort!

http://www.christianpost.com/article/20100310/christians-counter-global…

In response to the scheduled visit of New Atheist Richard Dawkins, who will be speaking at the atheist convention, Comfort said, "This is a city where I (almost daily), for 12 years, poured my heart out in the local 'Speaker's Corner.' Over 3,000 times I climbed onto a soapbox and spoke to crowds in an effort to turn people's thoughts to God, and if the learned professor thinks he is going to walk right in and undo that without any opposition, he has another thought coming."

By No More Mr. Ni… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Saw someone do it the other day, pic of a sword. but my fail above should do if anyone wants to cut and paste or

http://i42.tinypic.com/s18gmc.jpg

Fried God.

That's going to need a lot of hot sauce.

By Rev. BigDumbChimp (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

From the article linked @ 50 :

New Zealand native Ray Comfort has been busy organizing the distribution of thousands of copies of On the Origin of Species on college campuses, including the University of Melbourne.

That'll be a hoot, I'm sure.

Creation Ministries International is also countering the atheist convention and has scheduled a Sunday afternoon seminar to take place the same weekend. The world's leading atheists have apparently rejected an opportunity to "demolish in public the arguments put up by scientists from one of the world's leading creation groups," according to CMI.

Well, I'm not the world's leading atheist, but if they had really wanted a debate and not just a photo-op with Dawkins or PZ, they could have had a debate, we offered a few times here.

By Rorschach (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Wow PZ you must be exhausted. I just arrived in Melb today as well, and I'm on my 32nd hour without sleep. Guna have to sleep all afternoon today to be alert for the start of the convention tomorrow.

Who's going to the Pub meetup tomorrow afternoon? I'm trying to decide whether I should go, or whether I should explore some hidden laneways....

By jams.n.tones (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome internationals to Australia! Hope the weather behaves, it's been a bit wild and woolly the last week or so.

Don't pat the wildlife, they're sneaky. Try some vegemite, and make sure you visit the beach!

Enjoy yourselves!

By Pope Bologna X… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome to Melbourne PZ!

By woodstein312 (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Hey! Welcome to town! Melbourne even has turned on a great day for you, and the first sunny weekend for a fair while.
Don't know how you're travelling, but avoid the trains if you need to be somewhere at a particular time, and keep in mind that you probably have a better idea of where you're going than the taxi drivers do.
Now I've got to get my head down and work enough to justify knocking off early tomorrow to get to the pub for Pharyngula drinks...

By Charlie Foxtrot (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Dammit, now I'm really annoyed I didn't get an earlier flight to hang out with the non-convention-going people; as it is I'm only going to meet them if they're still out after the convention stuff is done on Friday and Saturday nights.

At the time - several months ago - it just didn't occur to me that there'd be anything going on beforehand.

By WowbaggerOM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Welcome!

I'll be at the pub tomorrow arvo, my plane gets in about 1.30pm. Chloe's bar somewhere or other, was it? I'll bring Thelma the Squid of Pharynguloid Recognition if I can only figure out where it is that I'm going.

Sadly life and work have got in the way of my plans to make PZ an octopus birthday cake, but it might still be possible in Canberra the next weekend.

By Cath the Canbe… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

That reminds me - I know we agreed to recognise each other at the convention by balancing a fresh squid on our heads, but did we agree on using Nototodarus gouldi or the more subtle Sepioteuthis australis?

By Charlie Foxtrot (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Dammit, now I'm really annoyed I didn't get an earlier flight to hang out with the non-convention-going people; as it is I'm only going to meet them if they're still out after the convention stuff is done on Friday and Saturday nights.

And what about Sunday?

Cath, this morning, just for shits and giggles, I went back to the train wreck thread. As of this morning, the they were still gibbering away about your statement. Never mind that people linked directly to your statement in order to show the context and the fact that you thought people could take it the wrong way. So, yeah, they are so gibbering about the threat of violence against women.

I think I like the fundamentalists better. Though not by much.

By Janine, Mistre… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Alright, I'm leaving the office now and I intend to have a beer in one hand and the other hand on the shoulder of a friendly Pharynguloid within the next hour.

Where are we meeting?

By speedweasel (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Hey Pharyngulons: A poll to crash!

Along with a horribly biased, anti-atheist screed, the Colorado Springs Gazette has included a poll:

Is it OK for the U.S. Postal Service to put Mother Teresa on a stamp?
- Yes, this Nobel Peace Prize recipient did great things
- No, she was catholic and anti-abortion
- I don't know
- I don't care

I think this could use a little pharyngulation! Go get 'em, gang!

And now ... let the wild rumpus start.
Wish I could be there.

By Xenithrys (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

And what about Sunday?

Oh, I'm up for more on Sunday after RD - I just didn't know if anyone would be wanting to do stuff.

By WowbaggerOM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Along with a horribly biased, anti-atheist screed, the Colorado Springs Gazette has included a poll:

what a stupid poll. her being catholic has fuck all to do with anything. her being a sadistic monster, otoh...

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Jadehawk, she was able to hide her sadistic monster behind the catholic trappings.

By Janine, Mistre… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I checked out the poll yesterday. I decided there was no appropriate answer, which is she was really a sadist who relished suffering. Just saying no because she was catholic is wrong.

By Nerd of Redhead, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Argh. *rolls eyes*

I may not be the clearest writer of all time, but it takes serious determination to show that level of reading incomprehension. It's not exactly unusual for angry people to say that child rapists should be castrated/strung up/raped by a large scary man with tattoos named Bubba (or Floyd) etc etc.

And damnit, I'm Australian and I am allowed to use colourfully bad language. It's part of my culture. How dare they impugn the value of my culture and my traditions?! Such a shocking display of cultural imperialism! Fascists! Help, help I'm being repressed!

By Cath the Canbe… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

yeah, I know. I'm just saying that "she's catholic" is not a reason to protest her having a stamp; the fact that she was a cruel person is.

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

erm. #70 was a response to Janine; post ate the blockquote

By Jadehawk, OM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Cath, you can play this to your advantage over the next few days; you give faithiests tha vapours! They scurry away in fear of you, you are such a scary monster. Embellish it. If you got, baby, FLAUNT IT!

May all of you have a great time there. And may there be gaps in your memories about just what happened during the off hours.

By Janine, Mistre… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Cath, this morning, just for shits and giggles, I went back to the train wreck thread. As of this morning, the they were still gibbering away about your statement.

I'm trying to work out why Sheril - since Chris seems too busy; he's probably too busy working out how he's going to spend his Templeton trick-money - hasn't closed it already.

About the only thing I can think of is that she can continue to point to the comment-count (never mind it's the same drivel simply repeated by the same pissant parrots) and say 'look at how many people are outraged by those naughty Pharyngulistas and their potty-mouths. Will you take me seriously now?'

By WowbaggerOM (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Well, you know, Teh Intersuxn is changing. Did you see the announcement? It's going to become an Energy Blag. I just can't go over there anymore; makes my eye-rolling muscles cramp up.

By Sven DiMilo (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

stewardesses

Isn't "flight attendant" the proper term nowadays?

BTW, I hope you didn't have to go naked through the metal detectors.

By jcmartz.myopenid.com (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

BTW, I hope you didn't have to go naked through the metal detectors

Isn't it more the new xray scanners that make you appear naked ? The ones where the folks behind the screens get to perv at people's appendages? Not sure if Melbourne has one of them yet.

By Rorschach (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

And damnit, I'm Australian and I am allowed to use colourfully bad language. It's part of my culture.

Exactly. If we're not casually swearing, it's because a drop bear got our tongue.

Welcome! Looking forward to seeing you in a few days. I even bought a t-shirt especially for the occasion ... he he ... ;-)

Melbourne rocks. You'll be well looked after.

WowbaggerOM @ 73:

About the only thing I can think of is that she can continue to point to the comment-count (never mind it's the same drivel simply repeated by the same pissant parrots) and say 'look at how many people are outraged by those naughty Pharyngulistas and their potty-mouths. Will you take me seriously now?'

Reminds me of this: "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H.G. Wells

By Caine, Fleur du mal (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

"Isn't it more the new xray scanners that make you appear naked ? The ones where the folks behind the screens get to perv at people's appendages? Not sure if Melbourne has one of them yet".

Yes, Australia does have similar security systems, except they aren't as high tech. At airports, they make you stand in front of a lighted candle.

By waynerobinson4 (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

That's the spirit, bhoyo! I hope you brought a camera.

Looking forward to colo(u)rful accounts of the next week.

By ronsullivan (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Hey! You finally figured our how to fix your moniker!

By Janine, Mistre… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Chloé's Bar is fairly easy to find by various Melbourne landmarks, upstairs (1st floor) at Young and Jackson's, the pub found on the corner directly across the street from Flinders Street Station and St Paul's Cathedral (linearly) and Federation Square (diagonally); no one should have any real difficulty finding it from the set of possible alternatives.

I know I shouldn't have given them another hit on their site, but looking again over at the Intersucktion train wreck, it seems that Cath's (in)famous metaphorical imprecation against the vile Bill Donohue (which may be abbreviated as "FTSSWARK") has now risen to the status of a hyperbolic meme, which naturally the trolls over there have noticed, and are continuing to mischaracterise as a literal threat of violence.

*facepalm* / *headdesk* / etc.

Welcome to Australia, PZ! Hope you have a blast at the Atheist Convention.

Today, your countryman Dan Barker debated our Catholic Cardinal, George Pell at Macquarie University. Unsurprisingly, Barker wiped the floor with him--not that you'd be able to tell by the response of the Catholic sheep who were there, who seem to have an unnatural fondness for Pell that conquers any residual ability they might have to identify rational arguments and basic facts. (I wonder, incidentally, exactly how Stephen Hawking feels about the Australian Catholic Cardinal wandering about telling people that Hawking is a theist?)

The Atheist Convention is a delight for atheists across Australia, even if we can't make it there. So many prominent atheists on the TV and radio! Huzzah!

By monocotyledon (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Today, your countryman Dan Barker debated our Catholic Cardinal, George Pell at Macquarie University.

Oh wow, that would have been brutal.

Too bad they didn't get someone like Paul Collins, he would have been interesting - for one he's not a Vatican suckhole.

It occurs to me PZ is now on Australian time.

So, as I post this, it's only early evening for PZ (around 6:30 pm).

By John Morales (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I'm half proud of it, and half disturbed that a mild-mannered middle-aged woman who blogs about cooking (when she can be bothered) can get known for a phrase like that. Will they be wanting to burn me now? I definitely do NOT weigh the same as a duck, if that's any protection.

By Cath the Canbe… (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

@Kel, I think the Catholics in the audience were so brainwashed, they didn't notice how thoroughly Pell was skewered. But I can't imagine that any dispassionate observer wouldn't have noticed.

@John Morales, indeed he is--but early evening the day before you. He's flown into the future!

By monocotyledon (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

[Cath, I couldn't resist giving Bilbo there a taste of its own medicine.

PS I'm amused by the traffic spike that post has indubitably received. It's sure to be an extreme outlier.]

By John Morales (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

After a long confinement in a cramped metal tube, the guards stewardesses have finally released me in Melbourne.

You didn't complain when we stuffed your tentacled arse into the tube and checked you as baggage in Minnesota.

Jeez... some gratitude.

By SaintStephen (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Giday PZ, see you in Canberra the the Skeptics in the Pub .... :-)

By Paul Macgowan (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Just spent the afternoon at Healesville Sanctuary with PZed. Very cool but I think he was a bit more tired than he let on. Get some sleep!

By anna.yeung213 (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

I heard there's a Muslim speaker at this Atheist conference, is it for real?

By Al B. Quirky (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

ABQ, is your google-fu so weak that you can't track down the speakers?

By John Morales (not verified) on 10 Mar 2010 #permalink

Just spent the afternoon at Healesville Sanctuary with PZed

Cool! Healesville Sanctuary is really nice.

How many things tried to eat him?

By Charlie Foxtrot (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

My flight attendant sister is going to come over from Sydney and slap you.

See? See how they are?

so, have you been bitten by anything venomous yet?

Most likely occurred on the plane.

Isn't "flight attendant" the proper term nowadays?

Probably, but what is wrong with stewardess or steward? All the same, they should leave the pilots to attend to the flight, whilst they attend to passengers.

/silly

Posted by: Rider1 Author Profile Page | March 10, 2010 7:25 PM

Welcome to our wonderful land.

Wonderful, as in 'wonder full how the hell I can get out of here ASAP'?

Give him a few days of heat and flies, creepy-crawlies, shit beer (oops, sorry that is the sandgroper and banana-bender piss, - VB and Tooheys ain't bad), and PZ will pine for the snow-covered plains of Minnesota!

Lucky you, in Melbourne in early March. Lovely. Go see the Dandenongs!

Wildlife sanctuary? Is this a place where Australians go for sanctuary from all the poisonous and/or violent wildlife?

Well that's me for the next four days. The GAC awaits!

I enjoyed spending most of the day out with PZ and a bunch of other godless heathens. :)

Though it wasn't my idea to basically whisk him away straight off the plane without any sleep...

By enochthered (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

@Moggie

Nah, it's where we take the kids to go play with the wildlife.

Gotta get the mutual respect thing established early, you know.

By Charlie Foxtrot (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Prof. Myers -

I don't know if this will help on the return trip, but it helps me when I've flown in the same aluminum (and now, carbon) tubes for over 8 hours. Curl up into a fetal position and gently rock back and forth, mumbling unintelligibly, until the inflight crew tells you to buckle back up and return yourself to a upright and locked position.

It really helps to stretch the lower back and ameliorate acute sciatica, too.

By bbgunn071679 (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Make than 'AN upright and locked position.'

*Assuming grammar failure flagellation position, awaiting verbal spanking.*

By bbgunn071679 (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

PZ: I second the recommendation for St. Kilda beach. Brilliant (and topless).

Be absolutely sure you have a Aussie hamburger with everything. A real experience for an American. Everything includes a fried egg (loved it), beetroot (red beets to us, so-so IMO), and pineapple slice (ugh; loved eating my slices sparately from the burger).

I liked Coopers Sparkling Ale (bottle-conditioned.) And Abbotsford Invalid Stout, yum yum. And Abbot's Extra Double Stout.

One hazard, I suspect, of being in Australia, is the urge to talk like Steve Irwin: It usually hits me when I'm cleaning out the cats' litter box:
"Loook, Its Ah Freshie! Aww, Isn't she a beaut!"

By chuckgoecke (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Its = it's (hey, I did get the plural possessive "cats' " right.) - {bend's over sheepishly}

By chuckgoecke (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

@108:

Reminds me of what the National Park Ranger at Katherine Gorge NP told us. We had been swimming in the Katherine River in the Gorge, where the guidebook had assured us that there were no salt-water crocs to eat us. (We swam and watched archer fish plink bugs from the overhanging vegetation, 5-feet away.)

We got back to the NP visitor center and the woman said, when we told her we had been swimming in the river: "Oh yeah, there's crocs in there! But they're just freshies. They won't eat yah, they'll only taste yah!"

Thanks a lot!

Welcome to Melbourne, PZ. I second all of the suggestions so far, but I would also suggest a drive down the Great Ocean Road, if you have time. There are plenty of good wineries near Melbourne, too. Do try the Coopers Sparkling Ale. God drinks Coopers Sparkling Ale. Oh - and he drives a Valiant.

By TheCalmOne (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

There is irony in use of, and controversy related to, the term "stewardess." The term is not inherently bad. It is the feminized form of steward, and traditional male job of "steward" was extended to women on airplanes before WW II ... so the term "stewardess" was born. The irony is this: We are asked these days to use the term "Flight Attendant" (but see below) because the people doing this job are doing more than just brining PZ his vodka and squid martinis. They are also there to save the day if there are any one of a number of emergencies. However, the very first stewardess were RN's, and generally required to be so. Today, Flight Attendants get all sorts of training, but they are not medical professionals. The practice of having stewardesses be nurses dropped off not long after it started.

The actual preferred term these days is "Cabin Crew." It is probably a good idea to use the term for people that they have chosen, and "stewardess" is not that because of transitions in the nature of the job and it's gender-specificness. But, there is nothing inherently offensive about using the term other than that one is ignoring the wishes of the people being named, and it is not necessarily the case that all Cabin Crew care.

By Greg Laden (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

So, "Crash Attendant".

They still haven't explained to me where to get the large knife to cut away the life raft from it's mooring as shown in the landing-on-water brochure.

Janine: Hey! You finally figured our how to fix your moniker!

Still don't know exactly what I did right, but it involved sneaking in via my Flickr account, which can be enjoyed by clicking on my name.

Anna Yeung: Just spent the afternoon at Healesville Sanctuary with PZed

Damn. That's some serious stamina!

I've read that the Oakland California airport is rolling out one? a set of? those nekkid X-ray-spex scanners. I better start doing situps. Then again, as I say of peeping toms: Serves 'em right.

By ronsullivan (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

They still haven't explained to me where to get the large knife

Just grab the nearest swordfish.

By Greg Laden (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Just grab the nearest swordfish.

Capital idea! Why they don't use a swordfish in the illustration rather than a bowie knife is beyond me. Maybe just a limitation of the graphic artist.

Oh, wait! What if I can only come up with a Glaucus? I am uncertain as to the cutting power of these nudibranchs. Grabbing one, however, may be as unpleasant as grabbing a swordfish. But what's a little unpleasantness compared to stayng afloat?

This is going to keep me up at night, you know.

Admittedly, a zeppelin (100-120 mph) would take longer, but it would be much more comfortable.

By https://me.yah… (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

They really should bring back the Zeppelin.

By Greg Laden (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

aratina cage (@119):

I would SO sign up for an Aircruise. I've never been particularly interested in going on a traditional cruise, but that looks teh awesom.

By Bill Dauphin, OM (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

I can just imagine sirens going off in every decrepit creationist hideout in Australia as the wheels of PZ's plane touched down. Just conjure a mental image of lurid red emergency lighting and groups of panicked fundies running around in square circles. An atonal, recorded voice issues from wall mounted speakers...

--ALERT--

--ALERT--

--A CLASS 1 HEATHEN CONTAMINANT HAS ESCAPED INTO THE THE GENERAL POPULACE--

--CONTAINMENT TEAMS DESPATCHED--

--THIS IS NOT A DRILL--

--REPEAT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL--

--ALERT--

--ALERT--

Then there are the testimonials of course...

"Just this morning that stewardess, Chastity her name is, was devout. A believer strong in the faith. Then this weird guy gets on the plane. Said he was a professor of biology, he did. I don't like them snooty 'intelectools' with their airs and graces. Then Chastity gets talking to him. I could see him filling her head with poison about 'reason' and 'logic', and before you know it, she was banging on about something called 'the problem of evil' and the importance of 'secular, humanist morality'.

After I had looked up the long words, I worked out that she was saying that it was possible to be good without God! Good without God? Have you ever herd anything so scary...err, I mean ridiculous? I was mortally offended by the very idea that atheists not only exist but have the cheek to admit to the fact in public.

After that it only got worse. She started invoking the name of some demon called 'Cthulhu'. There is no way that a good Christiant girl could be convinced of the force of an argument by rational discourse alone. It is not as though women can think for themselves, all Christians know that! What he did to her was unnatural. He must have cursed her with the powers of this Cthulhu-demon, its the only explanation that makes sense! And people scoff when I say we should outlaw atheism and burn all their books..."

By Gregory Greenwood (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

And people scoff when I say we should outlaw atheism and burn all their books..."

Many of *our* books are a just a dissection of *their* books.

By speedweasel (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

There is a high-concept airship making the rounds on YouTube that you should check out:

Does this mean the end of the horse-drawn, steam driven Zeppelin??!
[/Goons]

(Ouch... just channeled my Dad there. He ain't even dead yet...)

By Charlie Foxtrot (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Speedweasel @ 122;

Many of *our* books are a just a dissection of *their* books.

True, but is it reasonable to expect my hypothetical fundie to recognise this distinction? Few of the pious actually ever read anything written by one of us godless heathens with anything approaching a critical, rationalist mindset. To them, it is all the work of the devil (or atheist academics, which to the fundie mindset is essentially the same thing).

To the uncritical, blinkered believer the bible is the supposedly 'inerrant' word of their sky fairy. Atheists commit the unforgivable sin of suggesting that not only may the word in question be anything but inerrant, but that there is no sky fairy whose word it could be in any case, and it is in fact the very much errant words of corrupt, greedy and generally nasty men that are being idolised by the sheeple at large. Once they see that, to them the rest may as well be silence. They have already made up their minds that the atheists are the children of satan blah, blah, blah (insert creationist cannards to taste).

Such people cannot be reached by reason or debate because, critically, they do not want to be. They find their fanatsy of the big man in the sky fighting their corner and providing a cushy post-mortem pad (with really great views of all the infidels suffering in hell), infinitely more comforting than the cold reality that, on the vast scale of the universe, they just do not matter all that much.

Indeed, the idea we humans as a species have no special pre-ordained place in the universe scares them witless, because that means that the only significance our lives have is that which we choose to place upon them. The universe is not fair except in so far as we humans have it within our power to impose some small measure of equity upon our tiny corner of it. Worst of all, there is no 'angels-gone-wild' eternal frat party waiting for them after they die. They will just die, end of story.

They lack the ability to see the wonder in the fact that they beat the ludicrously long genetic odds in order to live at all. They fail to appreciate how priviliged they are to possess a conscious mind with which to appreciate the scale and majesty of a universe shaped not by some petty concept of Bronze Age deity, but by the fundamental forces of gravity and momentum. Blind to the beauty of a world and a life free from the capricious tyrany of an imagined god, all they see is despair and the death or purpose in their existence. Even a fantasy as primitive and pernicious as religion can seem preferable to that if you do not know any better.

By Gregory Greenwood (not verified) on 11 Mar 2010 #permalink

Yeah, Zeppelins.

The Zeppelin NT types are interesting. I can't seem to find a link, but I recall some modern airships that were in use for heavy lifting and transport, most likely German-based. The NT has quite a science-y record since early this past decade.