Meta-Contest: The Trouble With Physics

Through some quirk of the publishing industry, I find myself with two free copies of Lee Smolin's The Trouble With Physics, one from my Corporate Masters at Seed, and the other direct from the publisher. This seems a little excessive, even for a confirmed bibliophile like myself. (I know, I know, this is a problem a lot of people would be happy to have...)

The obvious thing to do is to give it away as the prize for some sort of bloggy contest, but I don't have any ideas for a good contest (I'm generally terrible at this sort of thing). So here's a meta-contest: A free copy of Lee Smolin's The Trouble With Physics to the person who comes up with the best idea for an appropriate contest to give away a copy of Lee Smolin's The Trouble With Physics.

Entries should be posted in comments, and should be funnier than "Invent a consistent theory of quantum gravity," which I already thought of. The contest winner will be announced on Monday, at which time the winner will need to give me a snail-mail address to send the book to.

(Alternatively, you could get a copy of The Revenge of Gaia by James Lovelock, which I also got for free, as a bonus book stuck in with The Republican War on Science, but am unlikely to read, as I have so many other books, and classes to teach, and research to do, and...)

More like this

Give it to the first person who can get Lubos Motl to admit he's wrong or apologise about anything.

By anonymous bastard (not verified) on 22 Sep 2006 #permalink

I say it goes to the first person to combine String Theory with Time Cube Theory.

Or perhaps the best explanation of String Theory in terms of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

i say it goes to the first person to beg.

can i have it pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.;-)

By bill thater (not verified) on 22 Sep 2006 #permalink

The contest should be to describe what is currently wrong with physics using The Trouble With Tribbles as an analogy. For instance, one entry could be that string theory makes nice calming cooing sounds but really has no real world application and eats up all the food, er, funding, that is available for others as it grows exponentially over time with no end in sight. Entries are to be verbal recordings with the author doing his best Captain Kirk impersonation. Bonus points for getting the intonation for "Spoooock" correct...

The best "What's the deal with physics" Jerry Seinfeld schtick. Y'know, like "What's the deal with airline peanuts?"

What's the deal with physics? You've got all these equations. And math. And why's everyone always talking about that Einstein guy? I mean, what did he ever do?

Give it to the first person who can get Lubos Motl to admit he's wrong or apologise about anything.

Maybe I should've been more specific: I'll give the book to the person who comes up with the best idea for an appropriate contest to give away a copy of Lee Smolin's The Trouble With Physics in a finite amount of time.

I suggest it be given to the first person to explain why there is something in the universe and not nothing.

The book should go to the first person who writes lyrics for a 'physics troubles' Blues song of "Since my baby left me..." variety. (though I don't have time to take myself up on the challange just yet - maybe by Monday if I'm lucky)

Smolin's book is earned by the best limerick discrediting string theory that includes the word "heteroskedasticity" without causing reader gastric eflux.

Theory sans predictivity,
Promulgates culpability.
After cracking the nut
It will be nothing but
Heteroskedasticity.

Oh man... like an angry alpaca!

The first person who can come up with a String Theory joke that is as corny as the joke:

What do Quantum Ducks say?
Quark Quark

(I still crack up everytime I hear that!)

From Brane Worlds, the Subanthropic Principle and the Undetectability Conjecture (footnote 3, p.4):

Cumrun Vafa thinks that the fact that we do not see aliens around could be the first proof of the existence of brane worlds: all advanced aliens would have emigrated to better universes (our Universe has zero measure).

I don't know what exactly Vafa means by "better" here. Better chicks? Better beer? What? The competition should therefore be to come up with the thing or things that makes the aliens want to leave us for other universes.

The book goes to whoever comes up with the scariest speculation of what new physics will be discovered by the LHC.

Give it to the intrepid whistle-blower who exposes "String Theory as a Vast Left-Wing Acacemic Conspiracy" while being hunted by mysterious thugs out of a Crighton novel.

By Roadtripper (not verified) on 25 Sep 2006 #permalink

The book goes to whoever comes up with the scariest speculation of what new physics will be discovered...

The scariest physics has already been discovered... by L. Ron Hubbard. "It's all a game made up by ourselves billions of years ago, but we have forgotten all about it. Pay me a couple hundred thou and I can make you regain your ability to 'be at cause over MEST' [able to do magic]."

By speedwell (not verified) on 25 Sep 2006 #permalink

The contest should solicit the best, most accurate model of some aspect of string theory (a Riemannian manifold, a Calabi-Yau space or even a D-brane, for example) built entirely of toothpicks, gumdrops and mini-marshmallows. Extra points to be given for using appropriately colored mini-marshmallows.