Like most pieces in McSweeney's, the lette denying Indiana Jones tenure goes on a bit too long, but it has its moments:
The lone student representative on the committee wished to convey that, besides being an exceptional instructor, a compassionate mentor, and an unparalleled gentleman, Dr. Jones was extraordinarily receptive to the female student body during and after the transition to a coeducational system at the college. However, his timeliness in grading and returning assignments was a concern.
(Via The Little Professor)
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