"So what do I need to do, again?"
"First, you have to pick a username. So people know who you are."
"OK. How about 'Emmy the Magnificent, Queen of Niskayuna and Surrounding Regions.' That should do the job."
"Ah, no. That's 64 characters. Nobody would ever reply to you with a username that long. How about 'emmy_orzel'?"
"You just want to get your name in there, and hog all the credit. How about 'Queen Emmy'?"
"Fine, queen_emmy it is."
"OK, so now what? When do I get bunnies?"
"What bunnies? It's a Twitter account. There are no bunnies on Twitter."
"Birds, then. This will help me catch twittery birds?"
"Not in a literal sense, no. It's just a technological toy that will let you share your thoughts. Provided they're 140 characters or less."
"Share my thoughts with who? It better not be cats. Cats don't deserve my thoughts."
"Share them with whoever is on Twitter. I guess there might be cats, but that's not the point."
"What is the point?"
"The point is to give you an outlet to express yourself. So people get to know you better before the book comes out in four months."
"OK. So, say I'm thinking 'Cats are dumb, and belong in boxes.' Then what?"
"Well, you just type it in this box here..."
"Do you want me to help?"
"Look, it's not easy typing with no opposable thumbs. See how long it takes you to Twitter something when you're pressing keys with your nose!"
"... There. Now what?"
"Well, now it goes out and people can read it."
"So when do the cats get put in boxes, again?"
"You're not really with me on this one, are you?"
Emmy will be happy to know that there ARE birds on twitter. A feral pigeon in Trafalgar Square, to be exact.
Emmy should "bark" at feral pigeon and see if a bird on the other side of the Atlantic reacts.
Hey, Emmy (and Chad), your book is in Library Journal's 8/15/09 Prepub Alert, which is books that they expect to be in demand in libraries (scroll down for nonfiction).
The feral pigeon feed is amusing.
There's a cat with a twitter feed: John Scalzi's cat Ghlaghghee.
Emmy helps bring balance to the twitter world.
There are many many many cats and dogs on twitter. And I think there are probably lots of birds, too. And even a giraffe or two.
I'm following Emmy, and so is my cat, Mollie :D